Husband prefers porn/masturbation because it's "easier."
I have struggled with the situation for years & I want to consider all possibilities before I end an 8-year marriage. I should have probably left him a long time ago, but I'm not a "quitter" & I want to make sure I've done everything in my power first before I make a final decision.
My husband & I dated only for a few months before we got married and moved in together. During the move, I discovered his Playboy magazine collection (a large bag of it), but dismissed it as a single guy's visual aids. In the first 3-4 months of living together our sex life declined from once a day to 3-4 times/week to once a week. After about 6-8 months, it became almost once a month & it remained that way for years.
I tried to talk to him calmly & kindly about the issue & he is cold and seems unable to fully express his feelings. After I finish telling him what bothers me he just ignores me by starting to play a video/phone game or leaves because of a work issue.
Last year, after I got pregnant he stopped having sex with me for 6-7 months. It was awful. A few years ago I started initiating intimacy & he usually had sex with me, but I stopped doing it a couple of years after because I feel humiliated to be the one "begging" for it all the time.
I discovered all the porn sites he visits on the internet and asked him to stop because I didn't feel comfortable about it & I would like to be the object of his desire & make passionate love to him.
About me: I'm 5'7", red head, D-cup (natural) & I'm good looking by all standards. I have no physical defects & am considered attractive by many men. I'm not a nag, I'm calm, supportive, encouraging, and self-sacrificing. I indulge all his pleasures; I believe in being open to anything that is not violent or painful.
A couple of weeks ago he went to a bachelor's party with his friends, was gone for 15 hours, spent $1,200, went to a strip club, got a lap dance (maybe more, who knows) & came back home drunk at 4:30AM saying he stayed that late because he was having too much fun...
The other day I asked him if he still watched porn & masturbated & why he would replace our sex life with that. He said he masturbated rather than having sex with me because it was easier. His response puzzled me because I even skip foreplay, never ask him for anything special & always make sure he's taken care of...
I suspect he is addicted to porn & masturbating and I'm looking for some insight from a man's perspective.
I apologize for the detailed story, but I wanted to share as many pertinent details as possible.
I'm inclined to think he's an empty jerk and be done with him... as many others have said, I definitely deserve better. But... what if it's just an illness & I'm failing to understand and help him. I appreciate all the help you can give.