Ask Me Help Desk - So my girlfriend just dumped me. But she still says I love you?

So my girlfriend just dumped me. But she still says I love you?

So me and my girl were dating for two years now and we through good and bad times. I was her first boyfriend and first love and she was my first girlfriend and first love. So a few months ago she got into christianity and her "friends" tell her what to do and tell her being single is the best and etc.

Well a week before she dumped me she went to disneyland and lied to me when she got back she dumped me. But she still wants me to stay in contact with her. She says she confused and she doesn't know. And she says she misses me and that she loves me still.

I'm confused because I've never had this happen to me nor did I see it before. I don't know what to do. I love her and want to be with her but I don't know when she wants to be in a relationshsip because she told me that she has a lot of stress and that she's too numb and has no more feelings.

I'm confused! What should I do or think because every time I tell her that we shouldn't talk then she says no.

A lot of people do this - break up but won't let go. She really is confused, probably, partly as a result of her friends and religion, and partly just the changes you go through when young (you sound very young the way you use text talk). You need to put your foot down, and tell her that the pain is too great to 'just be friends' and that if she cares, she will respect your need to have no contact. She can write you a letter if she changes her mind about the relationship and wants you back.

Im 18 and I tried but she kept saying no and that I'm being controlling if I did that

She's the one being controlling. She should allow you time away from her to get over it. If she doesn't want you to feel better, then she's selfish and doesn't care about your feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam66

She's the one being controlling. She should allow you time away from her to get over it. If she doesn't want you to feel better, then she's selfish and doesn't care about your feelings.

I mean I love her. Part of me wants alone time and part of me wants her so bad. We've been together through thick and thin and now her friends have tooken over. And I don't know what to do. I want me and her to work out. I know her more than anyone out there and she's the only person I let in my life so much that she knows me better than I know myself. So I don't want to lose her. I just need advise or something because I don't know what to do...

Have you asked her whether there is a chance she will change her mind about the breakup? I think if she says no, you have your answer and you should cut contact down. When you finish with someone you need to get used to not speaking to them all the time. It'll be hard for you to hear about all the things she's getting up to and if she's met anyone new. It's selfish of her to hold on when she's ultimately made that choice. You have to put your foot down.

It sounds though that you won't be satisfied until you know there is absolutely no chance of getting back together, which is why you have to ask her. Tell her what you think of her friends and how much you love her, make a big gesture. If that doesn't work, move on.

Tell her TO LEAVE YOU ALONE until she figures out what she wants!
She's the one who is controlling and selfish.
Remember the mountain climber whose arm got trapped under a huge boulder? He cut off his arm with a pocket knife. The pain was unimaginable. But if he hadn't cut it off, he would have died of thirst or gangrene or both, a long slow pain. Which pain do you prefer?

It's funny, a friend of mine dumped his girlfriend and said he felt like he'd cut his arm off to get out from under a rock.

I also find it amusing that being each other's first love was mentioned. For me, my first love was a massive idiot. And every guy I've gone out with since then (which was over a decade ago) has pretty much said the same about their first loves. We've also all said it wasn't really love because we were all too young and selfish to love properly. That's not to insult the original poster but just to say that first love holds no significance in the long run.

So Mastergiovanni, have you considered that you might like to find a new girlfriend maybe in a couple of months, one that doesn't lie to you, isn't selfish or highly influenced by friends? Wouldn't that be awesome?

Confused=''I want to do my thing but I'll keep you as a back up plan''-as long as you let me.

Don't let her.

Go no contact-read the stickies-and start rebuilding your life.

Break ups are tough but they are part of life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Confused=''I want to do my thing but I'll keep you as a back up plan''-as long as you let me.

Don't let her.

But how about if she really does love me?.......

Go no contact-read the stickies-and start rebuilding your life.

Break ups are tough but they are part of life.

But what about if she loves me still?.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam66

It's funny, a friend of mine dumped his girlfriend and said he felt like he'd cut his arm off to get out from under a rock.

I also find it amusing that being each other's first love was mentioned. For me, my first love was a massive idiot. And every guy I've gone out with since then (which was over a decade ago) has pretty much said the same about their first loves. We've also all said it wasn't really love because we were all too young and selfish to love properly. That's not to insult the original poster but just to say that first love holds no significance in the long run.

So Mastergiovanni, have you considered that you might like to find a new girlfriend maybe in a couple of months, one that doesn't lie to you, isn't selfish or highly influenced by friends? Wouldn't that be awesome?

How do I ask or form a question where she decides? I want to marry her. She's the one?.

You can love someone and still not want to be with them.

Edit - sorry this was in reply to your earlier post. I've just noticed you responded to mine. Let me catch up!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam66

You can love someone and still not want to be with them.

But how do I know if she feels that? Because she is going through a lot. She's finishing school, dealing with alcoholic mother, an assistant manager job and trying to make eveyone happy

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

But how do i know if she feels that? Because she is going through alot. shes finishing school, dealing with alcholic mother, an assistant manager job and trying to make eveyone happy

Oh dear. You're being so understanding even though she has left you and lied to you. I don't know the girl so I can't judge her. Is it possible you are just making excuses for her because you don't want to accept it's over? Like I said before, it sounds like you need that closure, you need to know if there's a chance. If she says no, you know what to do - cut her off and move on. It just sounds like what's best for you right now is to concentrate on yourself and not worry about what's going on with her. Do you really honestly want to be with someone who has dumped you? If you get back with her your head will be filled with doubt. Is she really having that hard of a time? She's made all these new friends, found religion and been to Disneyland. Sounds like she's having a good time...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam66

Oh dear. You're being so understanding even though she has left you and lied to you. I don't know the girl so I can't judge her. Is it possible you are just making excuses for her because you don't want to accept it's over? Like I said before, it sounds like you need that closure, you need to know if there's a chance. If she says no, you know what to do - cut her off and move on. It just sounds like what's best for you right now is to concentrate on yourself and not worry about what's going on with her. Do you really honestly want to be with someone who has dumped you? If you get back with her your head will be filled with doubt. Is she really having that hard of a time? She's made all these new friends, found religion and been to Disneyland. Sounds like she's having a good time...

She went to disneyland to just get a vacation from her home life. I do make excuse as well as I don't. She's going through a lot. I used to be a big drug addict and she was there for me.I loved her since day 32. Im understanding because that's how my grandpa always taught me that if you love a woman then you have to love her flaws.

That's nice to hear. Have a talk with her, tell her how you feel. Ask her to take you back. If she says no, then cut contact right down and get over it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam66

That's nice to hear. Have a talk with her, tell her how you feel. Ask her to take you back. If she says no, then cut contact right down and get over it.

I told her if she could make up her mind. Up the end of the month. I don't know if I did that right. Of course she's the woman I want to marry.

We work right next to each other. So she gave me money to get her a coffee and she wrote a note what she wanted and at the bottom of the note she wrote a nickname she used to call me (boobooshoes) and she said she loved me. When I asked her about the note then she said she was kidding and I was wondering what does that mean?

My relationship now.

I have a past post about my ex/girlfriend/whatever I'm suppose to call her

Well recently she has been closer to me, like time to time when were walking in the mall she rests her head on my shoulder. She got mad that I didn't say I love you even though she broke up with me. She play hits me a lot and she always give me money to get me and her a coffee when she's at work. I'm still confused about everything and I asked for closure but she said I don't know. And she gets really quiet when girls talk to me or etc.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ou-702829.html

This is my last post but its continued. Can anyone tell me what I should do and if any girls answer can you tell me what is she thinking because I'm super dense with girls.
If you guys read the link then get back to this post then it might be easier to understand

Sorry guy, but she has put you in the friend zone, and since you want her back and have stayed in contact with her you see every bit of friendly affection as a chance for romance again.

Her LOVE has changed from romantic commitment to friend with NO comitment as she weans herself from the romance and is free to explore.

Your mistake, and the mistake we all make until we learn is when we get dumped we bow out gracefully and do our own thing so false hope doesn't make us linger in misery until ACCEPTANCE that its over gives us closure. Exes seldom give us that closure, and she is keeping you around until something better comes along, and you are left with another heart break from the same person.

Got that Boobooshoes? Its about dignity, and self respect, not being the loyal puppy dog who jumps at the chance to get her coffee, even if she is buying!

She AIN'T the one, NOR does she want to be. Yeah its hard if you are next to her every day, so learn to say NO yourself, because she sure can say it to YOU!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry guy, but she has put you in the friend zone, and since you want her back and have stayed in contact with her you see every bit of friendly affection as a chance for romance again.

Her LOVE has changed from romantic commitment to friend with NO comitment as she weans herself from the romance and is free to explore.

Your mistake, and the mistake we all make until we learn is when we get dumped we bow out gracefully and do our own thing so false hope doesn't make us linger in misery until ACCEPTANCE that its over gives us closure. Exes seldom give us that closure, and she is keeping you around until something better comes along, and you are left with another heart break from the same person.

Got that Boobooshoes? Its about dignity, and self respect, not being the loyal puppy dog who jumps at the chance to get her coffee, even if she is buying!

She AIN'T the one, NOR does she want to be. Yeah its hard if you are next to her every day, so learn to say NO yourself, because she sure can say it to YOU!!!!

But we were each others first EVERYTHING. It was like true love. So just give up because I'm going to see her in 20 minutes...

Go ahead keep thinking FIRST love means only love. Don't let go just keep doing as she tells you to do and stay confused.

Don't blame her because you go along with her progam and ignores yours totally.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Go ahead keep thinking FIRST love means only love. Don't let go just keep doing as she tells you to do and stay confused.

Don't blame her because you go along with her progam and ignores yours totally.

I try cutting off contact but she runs back and says she has no one.

That's not your fault is it? Nor is it your problem either? You no longer have a girl friend, do you?

At some point you have to man up and stand for your own dignity, and self respect, even if you lose a... FRIEND. You have already lost the FIRST love!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats not your fault is it? Nor is it your problem either? You no longer have a girl friend, do you?

At some point you have to man up and stand for your own dignity, and self respect, even if you lose a .....................FRIEND. You have already lost the FIRST love!

Idk if I do or not because she hates when I talk about girls or when I call her my ex. She gets quiet and in a pissy mood. She aaid she's not using me. She cares and still loves me. I feel like leaving everything behind and just starting a new life and name and etc.

So she keeps you from moving on until she can?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

So she keeps you from moving on until she can?

Is that seriously it?. because that means women are ed up.

Women and men can be F'ed up... and selfish, and scared, and confused.

It will be easier to ignor her to get over her and if you don't show interested she's more likely to want you back then if she does come back its on her terms.

She doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else until she's moved on. That's the gist of it.

She's keeping you on a leash, a standby, just in case someone better doesn't come along, then at least she won't be alone.

That's a very selfish thing to do, and not fair to you.

Go no contact. Tell her that you need to move on, and accept that she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. She can't expect you to be her friend and continue to send you these mixed messages.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

She doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else until she's moved on. That's the gist of it.

She's keeping you on a leash, a standby, just in case someone better doesn't come along, then at least she won't be alone.

That's a very selfish thing to do, and not fair to you.

Go no contact. Tell her that you need to move on, and accept that she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. She can't expect you to be her friend and continue to send you these mixed messages.

Two days ago she gave me a long hug and then kissed me and said she thinks she might be ready

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

Two days ago she gave me a long hug and then kissed me and said she thinks she might be ready

Ya, and when I was young, and controlling, I did the same thing to all the guys I wanted to keep in the wings, just in case I didn't find someone better.

She might be ready? What does that mean? It means, I'm not ready, I might be, I realize that you're getting frustrated and I don't want to lose my crutch, so I'll give you a reason to keep hoping, but it's really not going to happen.

Look, you can keep putting your life on hold and hoping, that's your choice. I'm just telling you that you're being a sucker. But really, if that's what you want, go for it. Be her sucker.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Ya, and when I was young, and controlling, I did the same thing to all the guys I wanted to keep in the wings, just in case I didn't find someone better.

She might be ready? What does that mean? It means, I'm not ready, I might be, I realize that you're getting frustrated and I don't want to lose my crutch, so I'll give you a reason to keep hoping, but it's really not going to happen.

Look, you can keep putting your life on hold and hoping, that's your choice. I'm just telling you that you're being a sucker. But really, if that's what you want, go for it. Be her sucker.

She just called me and said she wants to date again but we need to be trust worthy (were jealous)

Bro, why did she break up with you in the first place? Has that reason been addressed? I see no reason why this would be any different from the first time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dnaghitorabi

Bro, why did she break up with you in the first place? Has that reason been addressed? I see no reason why this would be any different from the first time.

She said all we did is fight then havw sex then fight again, it said it was unhealthy but now she stilled wanted to be qith me she just wanted me to calm down

Christianity is the problem...