I'm 13 and I just found out I'm 3 months pregnant a few weeks ago. I was wondering what's the best way to tell my mom and my boyfriend. And if possible I was also wondering if you could give me some advice

Hey mom...you know how I think I'm all grown up? Guess what? I'm not as grown up as I thought I was! And....You're gonna be a grandmommy!!!!

But seriously...you better come up with something soon because it's going to get to the point where she can figure it out on her own. You are going to need help with your pregnancy and you can't do it on your own. The baby will need pre-natal care and things that you can't provide. You will need to talk to your mother soon...the sooner the better. There is much in your life that is going to change now.

Show her your post and then you have your mom call his parents over. You and your boyfriend have a lot to talk about, don't you?

You just tell her. The boyfriend and his parents need to know as well. You are awfully young, how old is the boy?

No easy way, but to tell her. Mom can we talk... I'm pregrnant.

Better to do it sooner... she'll be upset, but they longer you wait to tell her, the more upset she is going to be. So now is the time. As was mentioned... she IS going to find out... and trust me... she will... she will be upset you thought you could hide it from her... AND be upset you are pregnant. Sooner is much better to do it than later.

Since you need medical care ( very soon) since at 13, delivering a baby, can be serious, and even dangerous. Also, some choices as for as abortion or adoption need to be made.

*** and why did you know know sooner, when you did not have any monthly cycle?

But you tell boyfriend, now, just call and tell him.

Then walk in and either tell mom, or give her a note.
There is no easy or good way, at this age.

First, you need to tell her immediately if you haven't already since posting this. If you can't bring yourself to tell her on your own, go to your school counselor and ask them to help you talk to your mom, or both your parents if your dad is in the picture.

Be prepared for your mother to (rightfully) be very upset with you. This is a time for you to have a lot of humility (meaning, be humble) and not defensive and not making ANY excuses. The response from you is, "I am very sorry I disappointed you." The WRONG responses would be anything defending the decisions that led you to become pregnant at the age of 13.

I am concerned about this boyfriend - how old is he?

I also agree that at your age, you tell mom FIRST. Then, together, you and mom tell the boyfriend and his parents. If the parents are insulting or whatever, just ignore their remarks - don't let anyone put you on the defensive. If they blame you, whatever. This is very shocking and upsetting news when your kids are so young, and let people be human. Later you can work through the upset with everyone.

You need to be under the care of a very good doctor for high risk pregnancy because, at 13, you are at considerably higher risk than a more mature woman. This doesn't mean you need to be scared that something will be wrong with your baby, but you have to be sure to get very good medical care to make sure both of you stay safe.

I would recommend that you get counseling immediately as well to help you through this experience and to help you make decisions about things like whether you want to continue attending school or if you want to homeschool for a while, and to decide whether your parents will raise the child, or you will seek an abortion (you're running out of time for that option) or whether you will place your baby for adoption. Know that raising the baby yourself isn't even a remote option at this point. The best you can hope for in that regard is if your parents agree to raise the baby and you can be involved, but you are far too young to take full responsibility. If your boyfriend has some grand plan - forget it. They always do until reality hits and the baby gets in the way of his fun.

You have some decisions to make and the person who loves you the most and will unconditionally and forever is your mom. You might cry, you might go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test and just show her... she will be your best ally and you need her right now. Adoption, abortion, keep the baby... lots of choices that need to be discussed very, very soon. The more you worry and stress about telling her the worse you are making it for yourself. You just have to let her know that you have been sexually active and that you are pretty sure (or that you are sure if you have had a "real" pregnancy test) that you are 3 months along. The sooner the better, then you can move forward. Dwelling on the fear won't help. She will be able to help you tell your boyfriend and/or his parents.

Don't "just show her your post" talk to her, like she's your mom who has loved you since before you were born and still does and always will.

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the person who loves you the most and will unconditionally and forever is your mom. ... she will be your best ally and you need her right now.

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In a normal world that would be true, but you can't be sure. You have no idea what the relationship this poor girl has with her mom or dad. That, when girls this young get pregnant, it is often a result of a dysfunctional home life. Girls turn to boys for the love and affection they miss from their parents. Another indication is the fact that a 13 yr old girl was left unsupervised to the point where she could get pregnant. While we would all like to have parents who do love us unconditionally and support us through anything, the reality is that it isn't always the case. Which makes your response here not very helpful.

To Musiclover; Despite what I said above, you still have to talk to your parents. If you are afraid of how they will react then enlist the aid of a school counselor or clergy. But it MUST be done. And soon. At 13, your body is not fully developed to endure a pregnancy. So a pregnancy represents health risks to you that make it imperative that you be under a doctor's care at least a month ago.

You don't say how you found out. That might help us advise how to approach your mother if you haven't already (and you should have). Please let us know how things are going with you. There are people who care about you.

Sorry I had to get a new account so the username is a litte different. I took first response pregnancy test I took at the beginning of the month and end of the month to make sure. For the people that asked the dad of the baby 14 going to turn 15 in two weeks

So, have you told your mom yet?

No. I'm to afraid to tell her. I don't exactly have a loving or understanding relationship with my mom

I understand that. It's hard and I'm sorry you are in this position. However, your body isn't done growing and doesn't know how to grow a baby AND a teenager. There are many risks associated with being pregnant at your age. Some can be temporary, yet some can be permanent.

If you are in school, you NEED to talk to a counselor, they can help you approach this with your mother.

Have you decided whether to keep the baby? If so, think about the situation you are in now. At your age you can't afford to have a baby. Will your mother raise it? In most areas it is too late to have an abortion. You now have to think about keeping the child or putting it up for adoption.

I know you must be very scared, but the longer you wait, the harder things will be on ALL of you.

I want to keep the baby, but its highly likely that if I keep the my mom will make me move out

DO you think she's NOT going to notice? The longer you wait, the more upset she will be because you have not been honest with her from the beginning.

You are in a stituation now that ignoring it is the worst possible thing you can do.

You have to tell her now, its only going to get harder, and its only going to get worse the longer you wait. Adults and particularly parents hate being lied to.

Not telling her is the same thing as lying to her. The best thing to do is tell her today, as was said by others, the sooner you do it, the easier its going to be for everyone. And the longer you wait, the worse it will be... and THEN it will be completely your fault because it was a choice YOU made. And that will be the hardest to live with.

If you have heard of chosing the lesser of two evils. THis is it. Now is the lesser of the evils, the worst will be when she finds out on her own...and she will, its impossible to hide forever....and if you wait until then....if you want her to throw you out....wait, you might get your wish.

Just do it now, it won't be any easier than it is today, night now. Every hour and every day that passes the lie gets worse.

Sorry, but thats reality....adults deal with it every day. You played adult games,now you have to live with adult consequences...and your choices, good or bad will effect your unborn child. Failing to tell your mother so you can get the needed prenatal care can adversely affect your unborn baby. So you see, you aren't just hurting yourself...but you are hurting your baby too.

Sorry, but there is no other way.....there is no "easy" way out of this. Its up to you how much trouble you plan on causing by not doing the more mature thing and telling her now. Kiss your teen years goodbye....you have to start acting like an adult now because you won't have a choice but be one as well as a parent too.

I'm getting ready to tell my mom right now. To smoothy; I don't want to get kicked out. And the only reason I slept my boyfriend was because... he pressured me. He say nothing bad would happen that I was to young to be pregnant. And being an idiot I believed him

I understand what you are afraid of. She will be MORE likely to do that later when she finds out on her own, than she will be now if you tell her sooner.

In reality however... if she does throw you out... while you are under 18. I'd go to the nearest police station and let them know. You never mention father... so I assume he doesn't live with you. One of them would have to take you in until you turn 18. Then all bets are off once you are.

As far as the numbnutz that got you pregnant. Please go after him for child support. Do it through the court, don't do it informally where nothing can be enforced. You will need every dime of it to raise the child. You will run up considerable medical expenses BEFORE the child is born as well. Its clear his own stupidity played a big part in this so he should not be left off the hook for the next 18+ years of child raising costs (most states its 18, its 21 in a few others). It not all on you, he shares a big part in this too. Yes they can and will make him pay. At least once he turns 18, and if he still owes money that debt never goes away until he pays you what he was ordered to pay you in full....no matter how old your child might be when he does.

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

Your boyfriend is 14 and he thought you weren't to young yo get pregnant. Your mom needs to talk to his mom. At 13 your mom cannot just kick you out. Speak with a counselor at your school.

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How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

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We know all this because we are knowledgeable, experienced people who have dealt with these types of situations before. In this specific instance j_9 is an OB Nurse, so knows a lot about teenage pregnancies. Others of us have experience with legal issues and family issues.

Your mom does not have a legal choice here. Your parents are responsible for you until you reach 18. If they throw you out, they are still legally responsible for you and the law will force them to financially support you (though not necessarily their grandchild).

As for the boyfriend, he raped you. It doesn't matter whether you agreed to it or not. You are underage and legally cannot consent to sex. Depending on where you live he could be charged as a sex offender.

What I would do, is go to school tomorrow and talk to a school counselor. They can go over your options and provide info on where you can stay in the interim and other info. Frankly, I think it's a mistake to want to keep the child, you don't seem to have the resources to care for it. And you ned people to explain the facts to you.

I'm really sorry, you got put into this position and we will try to help as much as we can, but you need to speak to your local Family Services agency as soon as possible. And you need to be under a physician's care immediately.

My mom said I either get an abortion and stay or keep the baby a move out. and getting an abortion is out of the question. To scottgem: i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone. i know what that feels like.

If you finally told your mom(?), that's really great. Now you need to talk to a physician. Both you and your mom and soon. VERY soon. You have to work through this one step at a time.

Why do I need to see a physician

Your mother is... not exactly what I would hope for you as a mother (the kindest thing I can say about her at the moment). Of course she is upset so she may be kinder when she calms down. You, at 13, are still very much a reflection of her parenting and her in general. Just the fact that you were so naive about pregnancy - did she think school was going to think of everything to warn you about?
SHE needs to get to work helping you work all this out, not deliver ultimatums to you.
I do understand that 3 months is pretty far along and that abortion gets harder to think about the bigger the fetus is. But you dismiss adoption as being something lacking in love, when it's just the opposite. Parents have to go through tons of screening to see if they are a good fit, not just able to support a child, which costs more than you can possibly imagine at 13. Then there's the emotional drain on YOU trying to change diapers and stay up with a crying baby while your friends are out having fun. A baby shouldn't be just someone who will love you when you didn't get much love in your own life - a baby is a needy, needy, demanding helpless little pest half the time, not an adoring unconditional loving little puppy looking up at you.



PLEASE consider adoption. There are different kinds.

You need to see a doctor to get all sorts of prenatal care and to see how healthy you are. Vitamins, etc. The baby gets all the nutrients from what you eat first and you get what's left, and you need to learn all that so that you aren't toothless and brittle boned and wrinkled and sagging by the time you're 40. And you want a healthy baby too of course.

You need prenatal care, The baby's health and growth need to be monitored, your health needs to be monitored. And what about when it's time to deliver. Did you think you can do this by yourself?

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How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

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As the opthers posts have said... quite well, we are all older adults in my case I'm 53, you learn many, many things as you get older, in fact life is a never ending learning experience.

#1. He's 14, he doesn't know much of anything to begin with, and he either is utterly clueless (a strong possibility) or he knew very little to begin with and lied through his teeth to get what he wanted (an absolute certainty) which was in your pants.

They always say oh, yeah... I'll help, or no need to go to court..trust me, I'll do what I can, Sometimes they do, for a little while., until they get tired of handing over a huge chunck of their paycheck... (the ones actually old enough to get a real job). And they will be handing over roughly about half of their paycheck for the next 18 - 21 years, might even be on the hook for college expenses in some states. Verbal agreements can't be enforced..thats why you have the court do it. He'll pay, if he wants to or not.

You really, are better off putting it up for adoption. People that adopt babies generally are unable to have one of their own... and they would raise it as one of their own, in many cases they would never even know they were adopted. Its NOT the same as fostercare. The child WILL be loved by the adoptive parents.

If you don't at least finish high school, something you will unlikely be able to do raising a child at 13. You will be committing yourself to a life of poverty.

Also tell us what state you live in (if the US) so we can look up the law regarding your boyfriend.

Albemarle, North Carolina

To joypulv; my mom is not a kind person. She beat for every little thing. That was before I was pregnant

I sort of figured that from the way she reacted to this.
She may be talking to people right now, and getting all sorts of advice.
North Carolina does have a 'close in age exception' (Romeo and Juliet law) that protects your boyfriend from serious charges of statutory rape. It doesn't matter how willing you were to have sex, because no state in the US allows for a 13 year old to have the maturity to consent to sex. The 'age of consent' in NC is 16.
If he were 17 (4 years to the day older than you) while you were 13, he'd be in jail as soon as your mother called the police.
You do need to know the law about that, and you do need to know that your mother can't kick you out.
NOW how are we going to get her to take you to a doctor? Can you talk to the school nurse tomorrow? (Why aren't you in school right now, or are you?)

I got sick and left early

Please go talk to the school nurse tomorrow? It's her job to be helpful. She can connect you with a social worker and a clinic, and even talk to your mother. I'm sure she's done it more than a few times before.

Pregnancy hormones and stress and who knows what else? I'm so sorry.
Oh - and an idiot for a boyfriend. GRRR!
He needs to know but don't tell him alone.
You need help with that too. This is serious.

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i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone.

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So instead you want the child to suffer because you can't provide for him/her? In my opinion, giving a child up for adoption is one of the greatest expressions of love and self sacrifice one can make. We have a member here who gave a child up for adoption. I'm going to ask her to comment on this thread.

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Why do I need to see a physician

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This is just an example of why you can't care for a child. You are clueless. Even a mature woman needs to be under a physician's care once they get pregnant. The child and you need to be monitored throughout your pregnancy. Especially at your age, because your body is not fully developed and pregnancy can be a danger to you.

Again, I really need to emphasize that you need to speak to someone of authority. Someone who can run interference between you and your mother and explain to her she can't kick you out. That she is still responsible for you. You need someone who can explain to you what options you have and that adoption can be a viable option. You may even be able to arrange an open adoption where you can still be a part of your child's life.

Please do get help not just for your sake but for the child's.

You need to see a doctor/physician to make sure you and baby are healthy. If you are past 12 weeks pregnant you cannot have an abortion. No matter what your mother says, it is against the law unless medically necessary.

At 13 years old you risk gestational diabetes, which may or not be permanent. If it is, there is the distinct possibility of giving yourself shots in the stomach several times a day. You also risk having preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure due to pregnancy. This could cause you to have seizures. Also, with your young age, there is a chance this baby could have Down's Syndrome.

Your body is not done growing and it doesn't have the resources to grown a baby. All of your body's energy will be to help you grow, not the baby.

Oh, the father will not be with you forever. As a matter of fact, if he stays with you during the pregnancy you will be lucky.

I'm sorry what down syndrome. And why did say if he stays during the pregnancy I'm lucky

Downs Syndrome = mental retardation.
Teenage boys usually split when they find out a girl is pregnant.
With DNA testing these days to determine the father of a baby, men can be held financially responsible for at least 18 years. (I happen to remember that it's impossible to think that far ahead at your age.)
We are trying to let you know how SERIOUS this is: your health, the baby's health, your future, the baby's future, the father's future.
Your mother isn't stepping in to help you, at least not today, when she's still in shock and angry.
Somehow you have to figure out a way to get along with her for the rest of the pregnancy.
PLEASE tell her that you want to find out about adoption!!
PLEASE!
She may actually try to help you.
If she won't, please tell us she won't.
And do talk to the school nurse tomorrow. Not the next day, tomorrow.

She's not going to help me she made that pretty clear

No problem, go to the school nurse as was suggested. That's kind of sad, but no excuse to do nothing. You MUST have help with this.

I will