Hi there,

I've got this little issue that is about to become massive and I need help.
First of all, let me just mention that I am 24 years old (female obviously) and I have been in very serious relationship with my boyfriend-fiancee who is 29 years old and he keeps mentioning that soon he will want to consider having bigger family. But from experience I have had so far, I believe I can not get pregnant. I have had a relationship before and I have never used any precautions, no condoms, no pills no nothing that would actually stop me from getting pregnant - and I never did. In current relationship we are not taking any precautions either and after a year I am still not pregnant. I know that a baby means everything to him and I am afraid that if I won't be able to give it to him, this relationship will have no future. Any clever thoughts to help out in this situation?

Do you have monthly periods ?

The only way to be sure, is to go to the doctor for a complete exam.

But it is often just a matter of luck ( good or bad) and timing. Do you track your ovulation periods, *** not online tracking which is a joke, but using body temp and knowing when the best time is.

After that it can take a couple doing it on the exact right days sometimes a year or more to get pregnant.

Others will get pregnnat on first sex

Yes, I do have monthly periods, but they are not always regular. Sometimes they are a week late. I am tracking ovulation and we have actually tried having sex several times during ovulation, but nothing happened.
I know I should go to see a doctor, but doctors here aren't very reliable. Also they would probably blame my age as no matter what is wrong with me they always say that I am too young. Not sure what to do to be honest. However, when I was younger I used to have severe pain dawn where my ovaries are. Also I am aware that my ant (mothers sister) could not have babies because of some issues. Also just after my mom had me, she got tubal cancer. Could that be some kind of signs?? I

Nope, other family members problems does not mean it is yours. And those issues would not be yours.

A few times, also how are your tracking ovulation ? And it is a few days before, not on the day of ovulation, since it takes the sperm a few days to reach the egg

Periods that are not regular is the hardest thing, since you need to try and get an idea when ovulation is going to be next month and the next month, to plan the sex in advance

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Originally Posted by iewipiewi

Yes, I do have monthly periods, but they are not always regular. Sometimes they are a week late. I am tracking ovulation and we have actually tried having sex several times during ovulation, but nothing happened.
I know I should go to see a doctor, but doctors here aren't very reliable. Also they would probably blame my age as no matter what is wrong with me they always say that I am too young. Not sure what to do to be honest. However, when I was younger I used to have severe pain dawn where my ovaries are. Also I am aware that my ant (mothers sister) could not have babies because of some issues. Also just after my mom had me, she got tubal cancer. Could that be some kind of signs??? I

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You need to see a doctor. Your age has nothing to do with it. I started seeing a fertility doctor at age 21.

I question your choice to regularly have unprotected sex - that's another story but that's pretty irresponsible for your health, whether you get pregnant.

As for your fertility, this guy you're with - is he marrying you? I'd not give any man a child if he were not my husband. It's a moral choice but also legal and financial - let him step up before you go through a pregnancy.

This is a medical issue ultimately and you will need to go to a doctor to find out the cause. It will involve a number of medical tests. They can give you suggestions for increasing your odds of pregnancy, such as teaching you how to figure out when you are ovulating as Fr. Chuck suggested.

There are many things that can be done for infertility related problems but you will need medical assistance, ideally from a gynecologist who specializes in fertility issues.

Well. As much as I am informed by a doctor, ovulation starts about 5 to 7 days after the period. Which makes me think now that is a wrong information due to your answer.
However, I think it is irrelevant as we are having sex every day except period days.

I think I should book an appointment to see a doctor, because if I can't get pregnant I must change many things in my life.

dontknownuthin: thanks for your answer. Yes, the guy is actually marrying me, however, I know how much he want's to be a father and if I can't make him one I will not marry him.
Them tests you are mentioning, are they painful? Expensive? What can actually be done if there is a problem and I can't get pregnant. Any surgeries would be an option?

Having sex every day is not conducive to pregnancy. It takes a man about 36 hours for his spermatozoa level to regain adequate proportions. So, you are having sex too often.

Also, I have to wonder why women think it is always them who are infertile when men are infertile 50% of the time.

After trying for a year BOTH of you need to be tested for fertility.

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Originally Posted by iewipiewi

dontknownuthin: thanks for your answer. Yes, the guy is actually marrying me, however, I know how much he want's to be a father and if I can't make him one I will not marry him.
Them tests you are mentioning, are they painful? Expensive? What can actually be done if there is a problem and I can't get pregnant. Any surgeries would be an option?

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Some tests are expensive and others aren't. You won't know if there is a problem and what the possible solutions are until you see the fertility specialist.

Fertility testing can be very expensive.

To flip the coin... what if you are fine and HE cannot give YOU a baby?

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Originally Posted by J_9

Having sex every day is not conducive to pregnancy. It takes a man about 36 hours for his spermatozoa level to regain adequate proportions. So, you are having sex too often.

Also, I have to wonder why women think it is always them who are infertile when men are infertile 50% of the time.

After trying for a year BOTH of you need to be tested for fertility.

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I don't know, I guess it is easiest to blame on myself. I was not aware of this information you just gave me which I am very grateful for and I believe that the best thing to do would be to go and get tested both of us.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Fertility testing can be very expensive.

To flip the coin... what if you are fine and HE cannot give YOU a baby?

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Ok, you got me on that one... I don't know... I want to have a baby one day and if he can not give it to me then it would be a really complicated..

You need to track you ovulation using the basal body temperature for at least 6 months. Not some phone app or online tracker. While these can be pretty close, they are not as reliable as the BBT.

Your man needs to wear boxers, not briefs, and steer clear of hot baths, hot showers and hot tubs. You Aldo need to cut back on the sex. Every day is too much and can cause fertility problems with him, not you.

He never wears briefs - boxers only as he says briefs are not comfortable. Also he is kind of aware to keep his testicle away from heat. (Only because he is aware of his body so well I assumed it is my fault I a still not pregnant). And cutting dawn sex is not a problem at all. Eventually I could get some peace.
How do I track the BBT though?

You take your temperature EVERY morning before you get out of bed, and you track it every single day.

Your BBT spikes when you ovulate.

You want to have sex BEFORE that happens.

So you need to track it for MONTHS so that you can figure out YOUR cycle, and how long after your period you should be having sex.

You should also BOTH see doctors to make sure that neither of you have a problem separately. If you are ovulating (and BBT spikes will track that), you've passed the easiest test for female fertility: You're producing eggs. HIS test is super easy. He ejaculates into a medical specimen cup and they test his sperm count, how the little buggers swim and how well they can hold a direction--all under a microscope. YOUR tests will get more complicated and more expensive if it's determined that it is you.

HOWEVER--the average couple trying for pregnancy takes about a year to get pregnant. AVERAGE. That means that some people do it in one month and some take longer than 2 years. And that's with couples who are actively trying--tracking ovulation, having sex before ovulation, etc.

So if there actually is a problem with one of us, are there treatments available to actually make things right and get pregnant?

Yes. The treatments are better with women though.

Would really like to know why and what are the treatments but I think you gave me so much information today and I am so grateful. I will discuss all this with my other half and we will definitely go to see a reliable doctor regarding this matter. By the time I am 26 I really would like to be at least pregnant, so I am guessing there isn't much time as average is 1 year.

For women there are procedures like invitro fertilization, hormonal treatments etc. For men, if there spermatozoa is squirrely, there isn't much that can be done.

There are so many different factors that it would be difficult to go into here--it would be a very good conversation to have with your OB/GYN.

For instance, I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis. Either one is a fertility inhibitor alone, but together it makes it VERY difficult to get pregnant. PCOS can be determined during an ultrasound. Endometriosis is usually only found during surgery, though you can be diagnosed just with symptoms.

And honey--I'm 38. I had my son after TEN YEARS of trying. I would have liked to have had a child by the time I was 26 as well, but it doesn't always work that way. If you have tried consistently to have a child and have not conceived, it is time to see a doctor for more specialized advice for YOU, with a full checkup and discussion of your medical background.

By the way, it took a lot of tests, surgery, hormonal treatment, monthly doctor appointments, scheduled sex, and a lot of heartache before I was pregnant. My depression nearly cost me my marriage, and I did lose a lot of friends along the way because of my bitterness and emotional roller coaster.

I suggest that you ALSO talk with a counselor after you have discussed all of your options with your OB/GYN, especially if you DO have any fertility issues that need to be addressed.

I'm so glad Synnen was here to help you. She has walked the walk and can talk the talk! I was on my kindle and I hate typing on that keyboard so I keep my answers simple.

I do want to stress though that not all infertility is due to the woman. Just so you don't get depressed over all of this. Men can have problems as well. It is just as important for him to get tested as well as you.

J_9 is right---it's VERY important that he get tested as well. The odds are that it could be HIS problem as easily as it could be YOUR problem. And frankly, there's also a chance that it's just the two of you together--for whatever reason, some people are not fertile together though their bodies are separately.

There ARE treatments, though, for most conditions. And if there isn't for your particular situation--"your" being BOTH of you---then you should both get counseling about it together and decide whether you love each other enough to either not have kids, or have kids in other ways than giving birth to them--like fostering, adopting, or volunteering with agencies such as Big Brother/Big Sister. It's heart-wrenching to deal with alternatives, but you don't have to give birth to be a parent, and you really do need to remember that if you do have fertility issues.

So your first step is that BOTH of you go see a doctor and get preliminary tests done.