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Hi
I am 16 and how found how 2weeks ago I was pregnant with my boyfriend baby
He does not know as well
I have been wanting to tell my mum and dad since I found out but I know that they will go mad at me as they do not think that I have had sex with my boyfriend
Does anyone know of any good ways of telling them ?
Thank you
Amy
Yes, you sit them down and tell them you need to talk to them. I'd start with "I know you're going to be disappointed but ..."
I trust the age of consent is 16 in your area. Your parents are probably going to at least mention filing charges against your boyfriend, particularly if the sexual relationship started when you were underage.
How did you find out you are pregnant? Home test? A Physician?
I did I home test when everyone was out and my boyfriend is 19 but we started having sex when I was 15 and him 18 but I was OK with it
And I know they will go mad when I tell them do you think if I when to the doc and asked for a abortion then they never have to find out ?
Thank you
Amy
It depends on where you live as to whether you will need your parent's permission for an abortion.
I live in the uk but if they find out they will go mad and so will my boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
You have two choices - everyone gets mad at you or you have a child. That's the bottom line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
You don't understand the Age of Consent laws - you CANNOT consent to having sex if you are under 16 because you are considered to be a child. I know, everyone tells AMHD how mature they are. That doesn't matter. IF you have sex and you are under 16 it was rape in the eyes of the Courts.
You CANNOT be "okay" with it because legally you were too young to be "OK" with it.
I have read you CAN have an abortion at 16 without parental consent. Another site says you CANNOT. I don't know which is right. At any rate, a Physician can tell you.
Did your birth control fail?
Don't get me wrong I'd love to be a mum to this baby but it more what everyone will say about it and what my boyfriend says and does as I do not want him to go as of this
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
I have some idea what you just said - good that you would "love" to be a mom.
So - you are going to have an abortion because of what "everyone will say about it" and what your boyfriend will say? Can you, should you, have this baby? I don't know. That's your decision - obviously.
Here's my concern - you are having sex with someone who committed legal rape but you are having an abortion so he doesn't walk away from you? He won't stand with you?
You need some serious counselling -
If I tell him have he walks away from me then I will not have him anymore and he means the world to me
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Quite bluntly - then you are a fool. A young, pregnant fool - but a fool nevertheless.
So tell your parents, consult with a Physician. I assume you are paying for the abortion? Or is he?
And you didn't answer me - birth control failed?
And this is why he's a legal rapist. You get pregnant and your concern is that he will walk away. I'm guessing that's the same reason you were having sex with him, in order to "keep him."
You've been given good information and advice by several people. Follow it.
As Judy so rightfully said...
#1. Tell your parents...
#2. Tell HIS parents... they share legal liability for this situation.
So... he's the father... he's going to be paying to raise the child unit its legal age, and you can make him do it if he walks away or not... if you get an abortion... he should be paying for it.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Plus what's wrong with him... a 15 year old is a child compared to an 18 year old... its only three years but it's a HUGE gap when it comes to maturity and intellectual development... what? He wasn't able to get a girlfriend his own age? He chases after a 15 year old because first its easier to impress a 15 year old and convince her to put out, than a far wiser woman his own age... using that higher maturity level... and why its considered statutory rape in most of the civilized world.
I wasn't putting you down by calling you a child at that age... but developementally you are... along with everyone else your age... you will understand this in a few years... everyone goes through that stage.
Being an adult is much more than being physically capable of having a child. That happens many years before the maturity of an adult is achieved. And it applies just as equally to males as it does females.
And I will add that amy132 sounds like every abused woman at some time of another - if she doesn't comply, he walks, so she complies right up until she smartens up.
And if this is starting at 16 I see a long and unhappy, controlled life in front of her.
And as far as this... He bought the ticket for the ride, he can't get a refund now that he took it... and I doubt he is so stupid he thought pregnancy couldn't happen.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
He did not make me have sex with him it was me that was OK for him to have sex with me
And I no I was silly to say yes when he asked if I wanted to with him
And no we did not use any birth control as he did not want to do so
I know he loves me but I do not think he will if he knows about this as he will be mad
I'm guessing no birth control (Amy isn't answering) and coercion (she's afraid of losing him now; if she said no she might "lose" him) and in the eyes of the law he's a rapist.
I doubt anyone will go mad - I suspect they'll be mad.
If Amy doesn't have an abortion she is going to raise this child alone because the "bf" is probably moving on as we speak. And if she does have the abortion she'll go right back to unprotected sex for the all reasons men have used since the beginning of time - "Do you shower with your clothes on? Well, that's why I'm not using a condom."
Or don't men use that line any more?
He did not make me have sex with him it was me that was OK for him to have sex with me
And I no I was silly to say yes when he asked if I wanted to with him
And no we did not use any birth control as he did not want to do so
I know he loves me but I do not think he will if he knows about this as he will be mad
You do understand the concept of coercion? Sure you said yes... but not until after AFTER he convinced you. He made you say yes by whatever means he used to get you to drop your pants.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Statutory rape doesn't mean forcible rape... it means an adult talks someone too young to make an informed consent into having sex. Doesn't matter that they said yes.
Forcible rape would be if you said no or stop and he didn't.
The fact he used no protection... makes this even worse because he intentionally made you pregnant... this wasn't an accident or a mistake.
He is either a retard or a pedophile.
You better tell your parents... AND his parents as well as him... I bet they will all be so proud of him for doing this.
If you was 18 I would say you share the blame in this equally... but you aren't so that makes MOST of this his fault.
It my fault as he asked me if I wanted to when his parents were away and I said yes as he had been on about for some time and I did not want him to go as I love him and he loves me
I know what I did was silly but I do not want him to get done for it as it not his fault
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Did you read what I posted? You are a child in the eyes of the Law. You could have begged him for sex - that would make him no less responsible. He committed legal rape. YOU CANNOT CONSENT AT YOUR AGE. You are too young to agree or not agree so this is not your fault.
For that matter I don't think it matters much whose fault it was because you continue to defend him - and obviously are afraid he will walk out.
Well, if it was his decision not to use birth control and you agreed what did you think was going to eventually happen?
How do you know he loves you? So he loves you so much that when he finds out you're pregnant he's going to be mad? Mad at you, I would guess? Amy, this conversation is going nowhere and the minutes are ticking by.
Tell your parents, tell his parents, tell him, tell the Police - which your parents very well may do.
No, it wasn't your fault. Yes, it is his fault. He gave you a snow job and he was old enough (and you weren't) to know better.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
And if you think your parents would be mad now... wait until you see how mad they will get over you trying to hide it from them... you won't be able to do that for every long... being pregnant gets REALLY obvious by the 5th or 6 month... and impossible to hide by the 8th or 9th.
And even an abortion is far from a 15 minutes in the Dr. and its all gone thing... you won't be hiding that either.
I think I am going to have a abortion without telling anyone as I don't want to get him mad at me or anything
I want to be a mum to the baby but I don't want to loss him as he means so much to me
Thank you for your help everyone
Let me see, having underage sex and making a mistake, followed by killing a baby, that will make it all better >
It is time to be mature, you pretended to be grown up and have sex, so time to be grown up and talk to your parents, who will help make educated choices, using proper medical insurance if needed.
Oh there is so much wrong in this I don't even know where to begin...Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
16 and already a slave to an abusive pedophile... who won't stick around very long at all...
I give you 1% odds he will still be there a year for now... no matter WHAT you do...
Hope you can live with the knowledge you killed a baby over a loser like him... he could care less... you are going to have to live with that the rest of your life. And you will. Particularly if you do this on your own.. without the support of your family.
Ever have to kill a pet before? Its hard, real hard, but that would be easy compared to killing your baby.
You won't be able to keep that a secret... its impossible... then your parents will be even more angry that this pedophile raped their daughter... and is was rape... then that you lied to them about it... then you got an abortion and lied about that to them...
Just telling them now will cause far less anger and problems than compounding the lies will. And the truth DOES always have a way of coming out.
If you have any respect for your family you will tell them now... if this loser had any respect for you he would have used protection... its clear he doesn't. Accidents happen... but doing this without protection was no accident.
All they will do is get mad and everything so when I have a abortion it be better if they do not know
I no that killing the baby is not a great thing to do and I want this baby as I'd love to be a good mum to it but I will loss my boyfriend if I tell him and I do not want to do that
And knowing what I have done will hurt me every day but I hope he will stay with me and he only hit me once and that was my fault
You do realize you will lose your boyfriend anyway, don't you. He isn't the kind of guy to stay with one girl. Soon he will find a younger, cuter girl than you are, and she will be a virgin.
Your fault? He really has you snowed under, doesn't he. Nothing is ever his fault?Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
No he does not
It was my fault as I'd been annoying him and he had a hard day with everything so I pushed him to it
Oh I missed that... statutory rape with a minor... assult and battery... of a minor...
This guy gets to be a bigger piece of human scum with almost every post.
When does getting beaten stop being OK? With black eyes, broken nose... broken bones... ruptured spleen, loss of a kidney, concussion, fractured skull?
Does it stop with being admitted into intesive care? Or when you die? You clearly aren't aware it always starts small and gets worse each time?
If you was my daughter... I'd beat the hell out of the SOB for doing that. See how much HE likes getting the snot beat out of him. Takes a real man to hit a girl... much less a woman... yeah... real keeper that one is.
He OK really he just gets mad sometimes as I make him mad when he had a hard day that's all
Most of the time he is great toward me
Here we go again - my same concern:
"I think I'm pregnant."
"I think I'm pregnant and I was underage."
"I think I'm pregnant and I'm going to have an abortion but no one will know." (Apparently the abortion will be free and there will be no after care.)
"He only hit me once."
Are you shocked yet?
I have my concerns about this thread and Amy.
Then sorry to be so blunt... that makes you stupid. YOU get abused... and you go back for more of it. You don't even have the excuse of having noplace to go... because you live at home and not with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Seriously... if this was YOUR little sister... would you tell her, its OK... he only beats you a little bit when you deserve it? I don't think you would.
Unfortunately, I have two nieces-in-law who could have written this very same thing, but they ended up having their babies. Now, there are four babies each with a different father. And the nieces get physically and emotionally beaten on a regular basis because they did something the guy didn't like. And it goes back to how the girls were bought up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
And nothing you, Smoothy, I, her parents, an Attorney, a Judge, a Social Worker says is going to change this.
This is a person excusing the boyfriend's behavior because if she stands up she loses him. Maybe it's about self image, self confidence, self worth - or being 16.
I've been there.
Nothing anyone says is going to change this until SHE sees him for what he is - and changes things.
He only hit me 1 time and that was my fault not his
Sorry. It was HIS fault. He had/has no self control.Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Really... you exercise Telekinetic powers now and MADE him hit you with his own hands against his will with your awesome brain power like on X-Men?Quote:
Originally Posted by amy 132
Unless you could... this is HIS fault not yours.
If he had the brain power of a turnip he would have walked away from you first. BEFORE he beat you.
No I was the one that made him mad that it all
He said sorry the next day and that he never hurt me agrain
I am seeing him in about a hour so I am going to tell him about the baby and see what he thinks about it all
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