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-   -   I'm pregnant at the age of 15 and need advice on what to do! Help (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=542673)

  • Jan 10, 2011, 03:46 PM
    Freakedoutt
    I'm pregnant at the age of 15 and need advice on what to do! Help
    I am only 15 years old and pregnant. I don't have anyone to help me out. I need some advice for what to do and I need someone to talk to. I'm freaking out majorly!

    I no that having sex is wrong I didn't no what to do it kind of just happened. I'm not slut or anything so please do not judge me or say **** and crap about me.

    I'm 10 weeks pregnant already. I'm scared to do anything I just need some advice please help me!
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:18 PM
    joypulv
    Find a phonebook or go online for the nearest Planned Parenthood. They can advise about ALL your options and are everywhere, and if not near enough to you, they will know what type of place is - a clinic, etc. At your age, you should tell your mother. Please answer below if you won't do that.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:19 PM
    Eva23
    Well where are your parents? Can't they help you out? Now if you didn't want to get pregnant, then you shouldn't have had sex. You are way to young to even be thinking about it. You had your whole life ahead of you and now, your life is going to be stressful and hard.
    To answer your question, just sit your parents down and have a long talk with them like a mature adult. In the meanwhile, your not very long in your pregnancy and you could still get a job to save money. Good luck with everything and have a strong happy and healthy baby.

  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:29 PM
    Alty

    Have you seen a doctor? Have you decided if you're keeping the baby? Have you started prenatal vitamins? Have you told your parents? Have you told the father?

    Right now the main thing is getting on prenatal vitamins (you can purchase them over the counter) and tell your parents.

    Yes, they'll be shocked, they'll be angry, they may scream, cry, or a number of things. In the end, they're your parents, and hopefully they'll step up and help you through this.

    You do have options, but some of the options are time sensitive. If you choose abortion, you will need your parents consent (in most places) because of your age. Also, you're 10 weeks along. Most places won't do an abortion after the first trimester is over, so this is something you should think about if abortion is something you're considering.

    There's also adoption. Planned Parenthood can help you with these decisions. They have counselors you can talk to to help you choose what you want to do.

    Of course option 3 is having and keeping the baby. Think long and hard about this. You're 15. You likely cannot support yourself, much less you and a child. There are programs available to help teen moms, but it won't be easy, no matter how much help you get.

    So, tell mom and dad, get on the vitamins, talk about what you want to do about this. We can help lead you in the right direction, or help once you've made a decision, but right now the next step is up to you.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:41 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    Hey. I don't really have any connection with anyone. I'm not allowed to see my dad and hardly ever see my mum. I have no contact with the baby's father. This was a big mistake and I've got no idea about abortions or apdotion and I can't raise a baby.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:43 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on joypulv's post
    Who else do I tell if I hardly ever see my mum and she don't care about me.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:45 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Eva23's post
    Hey.. I hardly ever see my parnets so they can't really help. I didn't no that it was happening until I relised during it. And there are hardly any jobs that I can have they are mainly all 16 and over. And thank you :)
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:50 PM
    Alty

    Who is taking care of you? You're not old enough to be on your own.

    Who is your legal guardian? That's who you have to talk to.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 04:54 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Ok, who do you live with a aunt ? A uncle, do you live in foster care, if you don't live with mom and dad you live with someone ?

    Talk to the guardian who is over you, if your parents are not the ones who raise you.
    You have told us who is not there, so who is.

    Go to the nearest county clinic with the person who is your guardian, There are plenty of great care places, planned parenthood is not one of them, that is the last place I would send a young pregnant tenn.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 05:01 PM
    Alty

    Chuck, I don't know much about Planned Parenthood. We don't have them in Canada. I've always recommended them on this site because others have spoken highly of them.

    Not to change the subject, but what's wrong with PP? Any particular reason you're not in favor of them? It would be good to know so I don't recommend them in the future.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 05:32 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    I live at my mums. My mum is but she's working at night and comes bk at the day and I'm out during the day.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 05:34 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    I live with a whole bunch of people at my mums but its compacated about who I'm getting lookedafter by
    Wats planned parenthood? Is it like family planning?
  • Jan 10, 2011, 05:36 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    What is planned parenthood. We don't have them in new zealand. I think we got family planning but I don't no what they do.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 05:50 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Ok, this is sort of important, stay home and talk to mom,
    Mom does not work 24 hours a day, call her, go see her,

    You pretended to be an adult by having sex, so now it is time to grow up and start taking responsibility for your actions. You need to start saying what you can't do and do some things,

    1. talk to your MOM, now, today, pick up a phone and call her

    2. I will assume you are in school at our age, talk to a couseler at school.
    Pregnancy Help Inc. Canterbury, Community Services in Shirley, Christchurch City - finda.co.nz

    Pregnancy Help | Confidential Support for Women and their Families

    Pregnancy Help Inc - Information for New Zealand Parents - Kiwi Families
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:01 PM
    Alty

    I agree with Chuck, it's time to talk to mom about this.

    You can't keep making excuses. This isn't going to go away. You're pregnant, there's a life growing inside of you. If you're going to carry this baby to term than you need to do the responsible thing and make sure it gets the best possible start you can give it. For that you need medical care, you need prenatal vitamins, you need to be seen regularly by your doctor.

    If you decide on abortion, which is an option, than it will have to be soon. You start your second trimester in 2 weeks. I don't know of any abortion clinics that will do an abortion after it's gone to the second trimester. Maybe in New Zealand they do, but not where I am. So you need to tell your mom today, as soon as she comes home. Or call her, tell her that you need to talk to her, that it's important. You need to discuss all your options with her. You need to decide if you're carrying this baby to term, or if you're aborting it.

    You can't just sit around doing nothing. This is a done deal. You can't wish this away. You're pregnant, and like it or not you do have to be mature enough to handle this.

    This is what we adults mean when we tell you teens to wait for sex. This is why. There are consequences you just aren't ready for. Well, you're going to have to be ready, because you don't have a choice anymore.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:01 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    Thanks. But like we never talk like it just turns into argueing. And atm we are on holidays and the new school year starts in about 2 or 3 weeks and I would prefer to keep the school out of it. And thanks for the links :)
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:03 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    How do I tell my mum?
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:08 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Best method you and the boy go together and tell her.

    Wost method, send her a text message on the phone,

    But at this point even the worst method is better than not at all. She is going to find out, she is going to know when you start showing or when you start carrying a baby around.

    Again, stop making excuses, just do it and get it over with
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:10 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    I don't know the guy. And bloody hellim not making excuses you don't get the position I am in.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:22 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Actually more than you know, things are bad, won't get better, so the boy is not going to be there for you. Not the first time that happened either.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:23 PM
    Alty

    We do understand the position you're in. I think you don't fully understand it.

    Sweetie, you're 10 weeks pregnant. In 30 weeks you'll have a baby. Not a doll, not a puppy, not something you can just put in your backpack and forget about. A baby! A human being.

    Do you really think your mom won't find out? She will. It's inevitable. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be.

    I realize you're freaked out about this. If I was 15 and pregnant I would be freaked out too. The thing is, you can't do this on your own. You need an adult. The only adult in your life is your mom. So you have to tell her. Today. There's not set way to do this. There's no good way. You just have to sit her down and tell her. Be prepared that she'll probably be just as freaked out as you are. She may be mad. She may cry. But, once she calms down, hopefully her mothering instincts will kick in and she'll help you through this.

    Have you given any though to what you want to do? You said you can't raise a baby. I've never met a 15 year old that could. But, the fact is you're having a baby. The baby is coming. So what are your plans?

    You really can't put this off any longer. Talk to mom. Go from there. Keep us posted. Okay?
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:24 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    I'm confused ?
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:32 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    Bro hang on... I'm calling k?
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:35 PM
    Alty

    Quote:

    bro hang on... I'm calling k?
    Um, bro?

    You're calling your mom? Good.

    I have to go for a while. I'll be back in a few hours, so please keep posting. We're here to help in any way we can.

    Just so you know, I'm not a bro. I'm female, and I have 2 kids of my own, one only 3 years younger than you. Also, once upon a time, a long time ago, I was 15, and I was no angel. So yes, I do understand. :)
  • Jan 10, 2011, 06:40 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    Hahahaha yea and I'm kiwi we call anyone bro its just like saying oi lol I don't no if I'm an angel lol but OK.
    Later bo :)
  • Jan 10, 2011, 09:50 PM
    joypulv
    Sometimes people jump on very young women here out of concern, that's all, they really care.
    It was nice of Fr Chuck to look for some NZ counseling help for you.
    If you want to talk about why there are so many people in your home, and if someone in your home is the father and you are confused about whether you wanted to have sex to happen, please tell us.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 10:15 PM
    Alty

    I had to spread the rep Joy.

    Joy is right. If there's anything on your mind, anything you feel you need to talk about, you can tell us.

    This site is amazing. Not only are you anonymous here, but I can tell you that this site is full of the best people I've ever known. I would let my children come here and feel safe in knowing that they would get the best advice, they'd get help, compassion, and most importantly they'd be safe.

    We have people that are actual counselors on this site. We have a wonderful nurse that just so happens to work in labor and delivery. We have a Doula. We have women that have been through teen pregnancy and have been where you are now.

    If you need to talk than you're in the right place. You may not always get the advice you want to hear, but it's all from the heart, and it is all meant to help you through all of this.

    I hope you come back.

    If you do post and someone doesn't automatically answer, check back. Unfortunately we can't be on here 24/7 and there are different time zones etc. etc. But we will get back to you as soon as we can. :)
  • Jan 10, 2011, 10:20 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    I am sorry, sometimes I am a little hard to understand, The main thing we want you to know is that we really do understand, the best we can anyway from what we are told here. And the other is that we do really care, none of us are paid, we all give of our personal time, to be on here to help people.
  • Jan 10, 2011, 11:46 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on joypulv's post
    Yea I needta but I don't know what to say
  • Jan 10, 2011, 11:48 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    Hahaha I went away lol. But my mum said that's its all up to me and that shell only give me money if I'm despreate
  • Jan 11, 2011, 05:56 AM
    joypulv
    So.. please do come back after your sleep and tell us what the weird situation in your home is... if someone there is the father and he is older and talked you into sex... even if he's a teenager, your house should not be full of an assortment of people with no one keeping an eye on you.
    I don't want to put stories in your head, just find out what it is you 'idk what to say.'
    I am even more concerned about you after hearing your mother's reaction - saying it's all up to you? She said that?
    If I were your neighbor, I'd invite you to live with me in a heartbeat.
  • Jan 11, 2011, 07:10 AM
    J_9

    Oh, honey, I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

    First, can I ask you a favor? Would you mind scrolling down your page a little bit to the Answer box? It gives you a lot mor room to type your questions and responses.

    I am the nurse that Altenweg was talking about. I deliver babies every day, so if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me.

    Now, I need to know who all you are living with. How many adults and how many children.

    I am very concerned about your mother's reaction. But I need to know how you told her. Did you tell her over the phone or face-to-face?
  • Jan 11, 2011, 02:03 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Umm yeah I don't really sleep lol and its like a massive house and **** and like yeah the guy at home rooted me. Yea she did but I don't know what to do.
  • Jan 11, 2011, 02:11 PM
    Freakedoutt
    @J_9

    Ummmm what are you going to do?
    And um there's 10 19 yr olds and there's me and my little sis and my mum and aunty.
    Umm it was face to face at home. We don't have int at home so like I'm not even at home atm
  • Jan 14, 2011, 07:05 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on J_9's post

    Ummmm what are you going to do?
    And um there's 10 19 yr olds and there's me and my little sis and my mum and aunty.
    Umm it was face to face at home. We don't have int at home so like I'm not even at home atm
  • Jan 14, 2011, 07:23 PM
    Alty

    What are we going to do? We can listen. We can give you advice. Everything else is up to you.

    What did you think we could do when you came here?
  • Jan 14, 2011, 07:46 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Ok, I get the feeling you are hiding something, exactly what type of home do you live in, is it a shelter, a youth center,
    And if there is no interent there, where are you getting on the internet.

    You keep telling us what can't be done, or why things will not work, but will not give us enough info.
    I will get some heat for this, but I am about ready to close this thread unless you are willing to open up and tell us what is readlly going on.
  • Jan 14, 2011, 08:43 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Altenweg's post
    What ?
    Your thingy confused me
  • Jan 14, 2011, 08:44 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    How do u close the thread?
    And nah its just a home like a normal home with lots of people.
    What would you like more info about?
  • Jan 14, 2011, 08:51 PM
    Freakedoutt
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    Please don't close the thread

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