Ask Me Help Desk - Mixed feelings?

Mixed feelings?

Is it normal to feel like you don't want your baby? Sometimes I feel like we don't have a bond with him.. I feel like I should give him up for adoption. I feel as if I shouldn't love him because of the way he was conceived. I know everyone's thinking well you should have kept your legs closed and this is right. Sex comes with consequences. I I ruined my life and threw all my opportunities out the window. I feel so ungrateful because I have the abilitly to give birth and I didn't even have to work at it or even fully appreciate it. I wish I could brag about my pregnancy but I cant. And I know there are women who would love to have a baby but can't conceive. I hate myself for feeling this way I want my baby to feel welcome into this world but then I feel stupid because I wasn't married and because of my age and because of the fact that I'm still in school. I'm cryying as I write this because I know I can't tell this to anyone with out them thinking I'm crazy, evil, or stupid for being embarrassed by this pregnancy.

Hi Pink, don't be discouraged by the way you feel, sounds like you are suffering from a condition called postpartum depression and you are not alone in the feelings you are experiencing. There is help to make you feel normal again. Below is a website that explains this condition and I hope you will follow up with your doctor regarding this.

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/postpartumdepression

If you can't access my url, please put the search words in to access this information within the website.

Ms tick

Hey, I was a young single mom too. It's not un common that girls in your age group feel this way after having a baby. But you need to talk to your doctor about this. Adoption still isn't out of the question. You can't be grudge your babay because of the mistakes you made. So you have to step up to the plate and take responsibilities. That can mean taking care of this baby by yourself and with the support of your family, or by giving him to someone who will care properly for him. I am not saying you are a bad person, but you are in a bad situation. And before you make any drastic decisions talk to your doctor.
I don't know where you are but check out this website.

Mom: Managing Our Mood, Part of The Family Help Program - Full Text View - ClinicalTrials.gov

Im not alone in this my boyfriend and I got married last weekend. Pregnant bride.. painfully embarrassing I never imagined getting married like that. My now husband wants this baby. Idk what to do

LIsten hun, there is NOTHING embaressing about giving life!
How old are you? I know you have your husband, but you need to talk to professionals who will help you understand these feelings. It could really be that you have post partum depression, or you just may truly not be ready for a baby. Either way, it's your baby who is going to end up suffering if you don't make the right choice. Please contact a doctor or a counseler, someone who can help you figure out what you are going through. You keep referring to your son as "this baby", I am not trying to be rude, but please think of this child who did not ask to be born. I saw your other posts. You sound completley torn. From your posts it sounds like to me you have already made your decision. Please speak with a professional.

Im 18 years old. I live and go to 2 hrs away from home. I have my roommates but I feel lonely. I live in a dorm. Im being so selfish in only thinking how I feel your right I know this baby didn't ask to be born. Im a terrible person. Im embarrassed by this pregnancy. I just wish I could have done things the right way. I realize now its not about me. I justcant believe I was the stupid girl who got pregnant who every one looks down upon, I knew better my mom talked to me growing up. But I made a mistake. It hurts.

Hey that's all right, everyone makes mistakes. Now you just have to do right. You are not a terrible person. In my eyes you are admirable. I mean come on it's not like you are 15 and still in high school. IT sounds like you are still trying to better yourself. And that's a good thing for a baby! I bet no one is looking down on you. And who cares if they are. The only people that matter right now are you, your baby and your new hubby. You are NOT a terrible person. And it's not too late to make things right. You need to speak to your doctor. They can give you all the options you are looking for. Look deep down and you will know what is right. But first you need to figure out if this is a horomone imbalance, or your true feelings. If it's an imbalance, things will only get worse until something terrible happens. YOu need to speak with our doctor. I wasn't much older then you when I got pregnant. I was embaressed too. But, especially in front of my father. YOur not the only one who feels like this. I am off work for the day, but I am on my way home and I will be back on line if you still want to chat. Why don't you bounce some ideas off on me. Like how you feel now, if you decided on adoption, how you would feel then, what exactly you are embaressed about, anything you want to discuss. But I can't stress enuogh Pink, you need to talk to your doctor. Make an appointment right now!

Thank you very much. I'm in the middle of somehomework but I will write back and let you know how I feel. Thanks again for listening and giving me your time.

Consider that lovely new baby an extension of yourself, Pink. Now you have someone who will always look up to you and love you unconditionally, as you will love that baby too.

Tick

Yup, and it's absolutely the best feeling ever!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Yup, and it's absolutly the best feeling ever!!

Yup, **laughing** isn't it though ! My son is 27 and is still the best thing that ever happened to me. What you give, you receive back l0 fold.

Weepy tick

I hope the OP comes back. She really is in a tough place. It must be so scary for her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

I hope the OP comes back. She really is in a tough place. It must be so scary for her.

She may be scared at first about the postpartum depression, but that is exactly what it is. She will sleep on it and realize we are here for her, AB.

Sure tick

I hope so Tick!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pink_poodle

Im not alone in this my boyfriend and i got married last weekend. Pregnant bride.. painfully embarrassing i never imagined getting married like that. My now husband wants this baby. Idk what to do

I'm confused. How can it be postpartum depression if she hasn't had the baby yet?

Well I am pretty sure she said she had a baby boy.

If you read the original post it says that she is embaressed about how he was conceived, and how she doesn't have a bond with him yet.

Quote:

I wish I could brag about my pregnancy but I cant

Quote:

Im not alone in this my boyfriend and I got married last weekend. Pregnant bride

Those quotes tell me that she is still pregnant.

Oh, well I guess we read it wrong. Sorry. Kind of confusing the way I read it.

God has has gifted a women with the ability to give birth!it is sometihing you should be proud of
From what I understand from your posts is that you got married with your BF and that your family is with you well that's what is IMP you should not be bothered about what people say or think because the only people matter are the close ones who are there supporting you
Enjoy this period in life as there colud not be any feeling as good as this one in life just think of your baby growing up within you and be happy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

oh, well I guess we read it wrong. Sorry. Kind of confusing the way I read it.

Guess I read it wrong too. But fact remains, we have a very upset young lady here. Her feelings of doubt though are not uncommon. She needs to know she is not alone while in the midst of family.

Tick

YEs I agree Tick!

Unfortunately this is very common during pregnancy. It usually happens nearer the end. We become afraid that we won't be good parents, that we can't afford the baby, that we won't love the child we made.

It's hormonal for the most part, but the fears are very real, especially for the first baby. Most times these fears dissipate when we see our child for the first time.

The OP really needs to talk to her OB about these fears, as many times they do carry over to the post partum period when it does become post partum depression. If the doctor knows about this now, he/she can be better prepared if depression does occur.

I was waitressing, and I don't know if this was really happening, but I swore every customer I had, looked on my ring finger to see if I was married. And it seemed like everyone wanted to know how my "husband" felt about the pregnancy, especially little old women. For the most part I would say oh he's excited, but I really did feel that they could see through my little lie. I felt like everyone was judging me.
Some people I would tell "oh he's not around" and I was sure I was seeing pity and a little bit of self righteousness in their eyes as they quietly judged me.

I'm sure it didn't help matters that I looked like I was 16 (I was 23).
When my daughter was born, and I got to hold her and she looked at me, all the self doubt, and self pity just melted away. It was replaced with un conditional love for this beautiful little girl I was holding in my arms. I knew it was me and her, forever. She is 2 now, every day I look at her and watch her grow, I am SO proud to be her mom single or not.

I don't like to play the single mom card, I mean I put myself in this place. No one else to blame.

Pink it looks like you have a wonderful husband who wants to stand by your side. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, don't be afraid to discuss your fears with your family and friends. Things will work out for you. And only you can make the decision that is right for you!

And please,please, please, talk to your doctor about how you are feeling! It's completley natural to be feeling the way you are! There are LOTS of other girls who felt tis way.

I will talk to my doctor thank you guys for all your support. By just writing the post I feel better. I guess I just needed to let something's out. I feel better that you all aren't upset with me for feeling this way.

We aren't upset with you dear. What you are experiencing is actually very common. You can't help the way you feel right now, your hormones are running your life at the moment.

Yes, speak to your doctor, let him/her know how you are feeling, there is help out there for you.

My mom just called and said she thinks I planned this pregnancy and that I want this pregnancy which is completely untrue. She said if I didn't want a baby that I would have tired to prevent it. Im so embarrassed my body is ruined for the rest of my life. Im about 30 pounds heavier all my friends are getting ready for spring break. NO one is going to take me seriously or have respect for me. I think I'm just going to get a divorce and give the baby to my husband. Im unhappy and upset that people think I planned him.

Okay, your body is not ruined for life. I've had 4 children and I still look great!

Tell your mother that if she cannot support you, you don't need her in your life.

Is your husband supportive of you? That's all that matters. Forget your immature friends.

If you divorce and give the baby up, you will NEVER regret it.

You need to get to the doctor tomorrow and talk to him/her about your thoughts. You can't get in there soon enough.

Now listen to me little lady! You will be a great mother! Your friends and family are not supportive of you, but you have support in your husband, and here.

You are 30 pounds heavier because you are pregnant. That's good, that's okay. Tell them all to go jump off a bridge, you don't need them.

Exactly, want to see a pic of me pregnant? I went from 120 lbs to... well HUGE! Pregnant women a cute! Your mom is probably just a bit upset right now, give it some time and she'll calm down enough and will listen. And if she doesn't then like J_9 said, if she can't be supportive then you don't need her in your life!

The last thing you need in your life right now is negativity. Get rid of all of the negative people and embrace the positive people.

She is supportive. Its just my family keeps rubbing it in how I ruined my life. And I know it I don't need anyone telling me I've been carrying around the shame for 7 months now and its not the baby's fault.

How have you ruined your life? I did not go to college, had 4 children then went back to school at the age of 38 to receive my degree. I am a registered nurse, and not to blow my horn, but one of the best in my unit.

You didn't ruin your life darlin', you just took a little detour.

Did you mean you ARE a registerd nurse?

Pink I didn't go to university, I am a single mom, but I work for an accounting firm doing office admin, making pretty good money too. I bought my own house, my own car, and I even have my own camp. Your life is not ruined, you just have a NEW life beginning!

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

If you divorce and give the baby up, you will NEVER regret it.

J you got excited getting your point across and I agree with everything you posted, but I think you meant to say here something like 'if you divorce and give the baby up, you will FOREVER regret it'. Correct me if I'm wrong. I read it a few times to make sure.

Tick

Because I'm 18 and pregnant. I live in a dorm where I'm constantly reminded of what I gave up. My freedom, college life, road trips. I can't just go out now after this semester I can't cant live in the dorms. Nothings going to be the same I can't ever get married in a church. I know how people look down on teen moms I can't tell my boyfriend how I feel because I feel like ill crush him. Hes the reason I kept the baby. I should have kept my legs closed I can't stop crying I'm so unhappy

I thought the same thing, but I was like, ahh she fix it lol...

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

J you got excited getting your point across and I agree with everything you posted, but I think you meant to say here something like 'if you divorce and give the baby up, you will FOREVER regret it'. Correct me if I'm wrong. I read it a few times to make sure.

tick

You are not wrong. I did misspeak.

I thought you said you were married?

I am married

It was at a house not a church. My point is I had expectations for myself. Im disapointed in me. I wish there was some way of reversing my situation and doing things all over again