I'm 16 and REALLY want a baby, I have since I was 14, I know there's a lot of things like; It takes a lot of money, I'll have no time to myself, it'll ruing my life and stuff like that but I have NO life anyway, I have a part time job and there's a girl down the road who had a baby last year so she could give me some stuff.
HOWEVER I haven't a second party, so I'm still without child and will do so until I'm financially ready. (my own place and job and stuff)
But I don't think this feeling will go away so I was wondering at what age would be best to have a child? I thought it would be better to hear what experienced people had to say.
My mam had me when she was 21 she got married at 20 and she had my brother when she was 24, she's had no more children and doesn't want anymore, and my Grandma gave birth to her when she was 21, so I figured 21 was a good age?

You are ready to have a child when you are emotionally and financially ready... my list of requirements are as follows:

You are Married.
One of you has a permanent full time job.
You have your own house.
You have 2 cars. (One for the worker, one in case of emergency)
Both you and your husband agree that having a child would fulfill your life.
You have enough savings for emergencies.
You have already started a schooling fund for your child.
You have been to parenting classes before you have even conceived.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there. Having a child is a big decision, it's not about whether YOU want a child it's about how well you can take CARE of the child.

Most common mistake with teens is that they think having a baby will be 'cute'.
Yeah I'm sure they are cute for a while but once you have no sleep, no social life, no money, no friends, no partner to help you. Things go downhill fast.

I know that, I don't want one because I'll think its "cute" I want one because I want to love it and look after it.
I don't think Marriage is a big factor, true its better for a child to be brought up in a stable home but you get couples who never marry but stay together till they die, and then there are married couples who split up or have affairs.

True, that is just how I personally feel about it :)
Marriage is a pretty big thing for me, if you cannot be committed to be married you shouldn't be committed to have a child.

I would love to get married, so I think I might meet that requirement =]
But for a child you need a lot of money, and to get that money you have to work long and hard so there's less time for the child, which is what I would hate to happen.

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

I dont want one because I'll think its "cute" I want one because I want to love it and look after it.

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This speaks volumes. I would strongly suggest that you get counseling for your low self esteem issues. You don't really want a child, you want someone who you know cares about you. You want someone who will depend on you and give you things that are probably lacking in your current life. A counselor can help you sort out these feelings and help you deal with them.

As for having a baby, I agree that you should not have one until you are financially, emotionally and physically ready. I think that when you find a companion who you can share your life with, whether has husband and wife or whatever, your need for a child will not seem as strong.

Like I could see a counselor! Anyway I'm brimming with confidence =]

I suppose I do want someone that needs me, but Its more of me giving my love than receiving it.

And I did say I won't have one now, I'm not completely idiotic.

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

Like I could see a councellor! Anyway I'm brimming with confidence =]

I suppose I do want someone that needs me, but Its more of me giving my love than recieving it.

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Why can't you see a counselor? Talk to your parents, guidance couselor at school, clergy, etc. Someone should be able to get you help.

And no you are not "brimming with confidence". Statements like; "but I have NO life anyway", give you away. You want someone to give your love to so as to bind that person to you. So that they will depend on you which raises yourself esteem. This is basic Psych 101 stuff.

I know you aren't going to have a baby any time soon Princess but I always suggest to younger people wanting children to get a puppy...
You have to do all the basic stuff with a puppy as you would with a child...
Clean it, feed it, buy it toys, give it love and attention, train it...

A lot of younger people will soon get bored with a puppy when it stops being cute and poops all over the floor, it's a wake-up call on a smaller level.

I have a puppy =] His name is Gilbert and he's awesome.

Well, I said I have No life by meaning I'm at home every night because all my friends live at least 14 miles away, and I have a part time job that steals my weekends, so I have nothing to do but work or stay home.
Also, you can't really decide whether I have low self esteem by me wanting a baby.
I have a lot of confidence in myself, I think I'm pretty, I love to make people laugh and I'll talk to anyone, If I had low self esteem I wouldn't be able to go through the process of making a baby never mind have one.
And my mam will just brush it off like always and my dad will yell at me for making stuff up, the one at school is awaly occipied with Chavs. What's a Clergy?

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

Also, you can't really decide whether or not I have low self esteem by me wanting a baby.

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No I can't decide, but I can take an educated guess. A counselor may find I'm wrong, I would hope so.

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

If I had low self esteem I wouldnt be able to go through the process of making a baby never mind have one.

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Not at all. There is no correlation there. In fact, having low self-esteem would make you more likely to have sex with some guy to prove you are liked.

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

And my mam will just brush it off like always and my dad will yell at me for making stuff up, the one at school is awaly occipied with Chavs. Whats a Clergy?

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I feel sorry for you (and this reinforces the low self esteem diagnosis) if your parents are so cavalier about your feelings.

You make an appointment with the school counselor. It's their job to help you. Clergy is a priest or reverend or rabbi where you go to worship (if you do).

Is it possible to be confident and have low self esteem at the same time?
You know I could just be finding a new way to seek attention, I've been told that before too.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I would like my mam to take an interest in me every once in a while, but I'm willing to give that up if it keeps my dad away.
I'd NEVER sleep with someone just to fool myself into thinking I'm being loved, I analyse things and think of what could happen before they do, If someone came up to me and told me they loved me out of the blue I would never believe them, and if they asked for sex right after it's obvious they don't.

And making an appointment with the one at school is literally impossible, people just go in whenever, so it's most likely I won't be able to talk or listen to anything because of all the chavs wanting a free lesson so they'll make something up to loiter in the counseling room place >=[

Having a baby is TOUGH. I have a 17 month old and am due in July as well. I am 26, married own a house, I am a nurse but left my job to be a stay at home mom, which I swear is harder than being a nurse some days. I love being a mom but think that if I would have done it younger I would not have been able to handle the responsibility of them. Your life is no longer about you at all, I think that 21 is still to young to have a child. Live it up. I know when I was 21 I was still trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted from my life. You said you already have a puppy, that's good, now just imagine your puppy waking up every two hours at night, or having the stomach flu for 3 days straight, or being ready in a nice dress for a night out and your puppy vomiting all over you. Having kids is fun, but along with all good things comes a lot of work and responsibiliy. Work on getting through school/college, find yourself a nice boy, get a job, get married, buy a house, and then if you still have the feelings that you do... try for a child. I am sure that you would want the baby to have the best life you can give it, so get your life together first.

Princess, you are no where near ready to have a baby.

As others have pointed out there are financial responsibilities, and as Scott pointed out, you just want someone to love who will love you back unconditionally.

Now, as a nurse in labor & delivery, I am going to point out the medical reasons you are not physically ready to have a baby.

1) You run a very high risk of gestational diabetes, which can lead to permanent diabetes in your older years;
2) You run a very high risk of pre-eclapmpsia (high blood pressure caused by pregnancy) that could lead to eclampsia (seizures) that would require immediate delivery of the baby no matter how far along you are.
3) You run a very high risk of preterm labor, which means that the earlier you have the baby the longer it will stay in the hospital and the more permanent damage that the baby will suffer.

Princess, whether you believe it or not, whether you SEE it or not, your body is still growing. It doesn't have the energy necessary to grow a healthy baby. Your hormones are still adjusting. You are still in puberty.

If you have eclampsia and the baby has to be delivered immediately, it will be by ceserean section. This means they will have to cut your belly open to get the baby out. You will then have every baby this way and a vaginal delivery will be very dangerous if not impossible.

If you have a preemie, it will remain in the hospital for weeks if not months. This hospital bill could run into the millions of dollars. I just shipped a preemie out last night by helicopter. This helicopter trip was to the tune of $60,000, and that does not include the medical treatment in the neonatal intensive care unit.

Preemies run the risk of permanent brain damage, cerebral palsy, and a whole host of other very serious and permanent complications. Thus, costing you more money.

Babies grow out of their clothes every couple of months, if not sooner. This costs money, and you can't count on hand-me-downs. Formula is expensive. Sure you may say you will breast feed, but you can't be sure of that until you try. I have yet to see a teen mother breast feed successfully for more than 48 hours before she gives it up for the bottle and formula.

Don't forget the pediatrician. Babies need vaccinations, they are expensive too. The list goes on and on.

I know what many will say... they have seen teen mom's give birth to very healthy babies. Yes, they do. But this doesn't always happen and there is no way to insure that you will be one of these mothers.

Please, don't have a baby to fill a void (your mother and father). It seems as though you have a rough relationship with them. Having a baby will not make this relationship better, nor will it make you feel any better when you have to stay up for 3 days with NO sleep because you have a sick baby and no way to get to the hospital or doctor and no money to pay for over-the-counter medications.

Please get your education first, then think about when a baby will be right for you.

Ok OK, you're all reading FAR too much into what I'm saying.
I have already said I WILL NOT HAVE A BABY ANYTIME SOON!
I am NOT a complete moron as to suddenly decided "Hey! feel like having a baby!" Of course I want one, I hear a lot of girls my age want one, but that 'want' doesn't push the logic, reality and reason out of my head, having a baby now would probably be the worst thing to do, but I wanted to know at what age people thought best and why, not a whole analization of my mental well being. I don't need convincing, because I'm smarter than that.
You're giving me no credit at all and are treating me like someone who doesn't know anything, you know a "stereotypical teen", it's pissing me off because I've missed the whole "teen life" thing. So I don't need people to go on at me for reasons I already thought about.

Hello Princess

I can appreciate what you are saying. You say you know not to have a baby now, but you WANT one really badly?

The right age to get pregnant? Depends! I'm pregnant now with our first child. I'm 30, my husband is 36. For us, it was right because we both got through college, been married a few years, and have a home. Oh, and I'm scared to death! Excited too though. ;) For us, it was great having so many years of "freedom" to travel, etc. without a baby to care for. On the other hand, my friend is my age and just had her 4th child. The first was born when she was 19... so even though she's married, they struggled since the beginning being such young parents. Age isn't as important as your lifestyle. Babies need a certain lifestyle to thrive, regardless how old mom and dad are.

I think one important thing to remember is its one thing to want to be a mother someday--its another to be obsessed with it at your age. If you don't feel obsessive (it is the focus of most of your thoughts) then you're probably okay... lots of girls your age think about it a lot.

Maybe taking on some new activities will help you keep your mind off it. You could even volunteer at a women's shelter, day care center, or animal shelter! You sound like you have a lot of love you want to give, so I bet those places could use someone like you!

:)

Thank you for understanding; I'm not obsessed, It's a thought that just drifts into my mind once in a while.
I have no spare time for anything, it's GCSE exams for the next month and a half. (another reason why I know not to have one now)
But I would like to have one before the age of 25, I'd hate to be an 'old' grandmother, haha, I suppose that links to my fear of aging xD

Well, being an "old" grandmother is better than being a "young" grandmother! ;)
My aunt was only 35 when she became a grandmother for the first time!

Don't worry hun... only time will tell where life can take you. The best is yet to come :)

My grandma was only 45 when I was born (I think)
But I'd like to be young enough to live long enough to see great-grand children =]

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

My grandma was only 45 when I was born (I think)
But I'd like to be young enough to live long enough to see great-grand children =]

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Oh, boy! Don't think about great-grandchildren now! Lol... that's nothing you can plan. What if you have 6 kids, 4 grandkids and none of them want children. You see my point... its just nothing to worry about.

Or you could be like my great great aunt and live to be 104. You just never know ;)

Ok, living to 104 is my new target ;) 96 was my frist.

Well if I don't have any grandchildren at least I'll see someone else's, hehe

I just have to say that its incredibly hard to be a mother. Especially a single mother. My sister has a 9 month old and doing it alone. Luckily she has my family to help her but would definitely do things differently if she had the choice. I got pregnant when I was 20. It was not planned but I knew I was going to marry him far before I got pregnant. Its FAR from being easy and there is NO way you will ever know just how hard it is until you are actually a mother. You can try to imagine all day long but will never know until it happens. PLUS!! It takes a HUGE toll on your body! Stretch marks, saggy skin, hormone problems etc. Your 16! You have plenty of time to have a baby. Have fun, I would love to be 16 again!! Enjoy it while you can because once you're a mother, you're a mother forever!

You should babysit and then you will get a chance to be around babies without actually having one! ;)

I can't enjoy being 16 =/
I can only see my friends at school and on days my parents are feeling generous enough to drive me to the train station, I'm in the middle of exams, I'm single (sucks) and constantly lonely even though I have so many friends. I can't wait until I'm older and at least have a family to keep me company.

I used to babysit, but she got too old to be baby sat =( I loved it. And there are better options of who to choose to babysit in my village, I'm like the 5th option, everyone else is older and more "responsible" than me (people immediately assume I'm irresponsible because I have ditzy moments and am particularly strange when I'm happy.)

I just have to say at 16 you have NO CARES in the world! No bills, no worry about your job or how your going to put food on the table. NOTHING. Lol Seriously its great being 16. I am a stay at home mommy to a 2 year old and I take care of all the bills and the house and my son and its SOOO much work. What I wouldn't give to be 16 again!

You should talk to your mom or dad or someone your close with and tell him how you are feeling. If your were my daughter I would love to know.

Haha, I suppose you're right; but I always have a fear of everyone at work suddenly turning on me and hating me D= it's not going to happen but it's still scary.

I don't relate to my mam very well and I try to avoid my dad at all costs. They love me but they aren't really the "parent" type, most teenagers would love to have them because they stay out of my business but sometimes it feels like they don't care. But I know they do =] When they're drunk dad tells me he loves me and say's he'd kill for me and mam always goes on about how similar we are. Hehe

Well do you have a aunt or family friend you can talk to? I am SURE your parents love you. Some just have a harder time telling there kids. I still think you should try and talk to them. They would want to hear how your feeling. I AM SURE of it! Better now, then after! ;)

Yeah its great being a mother but it will be ONLY greater when you have your life together. You want to make your life as easy as possible when you have your children because you want to provide them with the best life you can. Do you honesly feel you would want to bring a baby into the life you have now? Or would you rather be able to provide a loving home and the proper lifestyle to your baby.

Trust me hun you want to wait!

Just imagine NEVER SLEEPING! Lol seriously my son still wakes in the night!

Haa, I don't want one now... maybe I can convince my mam to get another kitten... or a lizard...
I tell my grandma all this stuff, she listens and isn't biased about anything so she shows me what's right =]
She isn't happy how dad keeps telling me to get a life even though I have lived in the same village for 16 and all my friends live over 14 miles away and I can't drive yet.

Do you have plans for after your exams? Ever consider working as a nursery nurse or something similar? Are there opportunities to work, or at least volunteer, in a church crèche or local nursery?

Well there you go talk to your grandma!

OH I GOT IT! Get a puppy! Omg they are probably as close as having a baby! Lol We have a 6 month old puppy and he is like having another kid! Lol

Anyway good luck hun, I am hoping you make the right decision about this... oh and by the way I never even kissed a boy until I was your age! Lol Never even thought about sex until I was 19! And I am from SD so its not as thought I was in a small city. I was a good girl! ;)

Aha no, looking after a lot of children at once makes me panick, I found that out at my work experience in a primary school (I loved it)
I don't really want to 'work' with children.
I don't even have a career in mind yet, all I have is my job as a part time waitress for a hotel my mam is the manager of.

OH that's a good job! I became a waitress at 16 also and made bank! Make sure you go to College though, you don't want to be a waitress forever! Lol but it's a great way to pay for your schooling!

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Originally Posted by Princess-IMYM

Aha no, looking after a lot of children at once makes me panick, I found that out at my work experience in a primary school (I loved it)
I don't really want to 'work' with children.
I don't even have a career in mind yet, all I have is my job as a part time waitress for a hotel my mam is the manager of.

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I'm a good girl too! (kinda; first kiss at age six, bleck I was forced into it!)

I have a puppy, his name is Gilbert, He is very much like a baby, only very hyper and a lot quieter.

Im staying on for 6th form and then going to uni (hopefully) however I don't know what to study because I don't know what to choose as a career.

I can say that when I was in middle school I wanted to have a baby and the reason is because I wanted to be responsible and show my parents that I am very responsible. Now I'm graduated from high school and my boyfrien has a kid and sometimes our dates he has to bring his kid along, which told me I made a good decision with not going through it cause I'm free, I don't have to worry about feeding a kid or having to work harder cause I have a baby at home or at school waiting... jus wait honey and take your time buy a dog and cherish it, I have one and I love her to death. She's my baby and this is from someone that wanted a baby that I know now that I wasn't ready for. Good luck to you

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Originally Posted by princess-imym

i'm 16 and really want a baby, i have since i was 14, i know theres a lot of things like; it takes a lot of money, i'll have no time to myself, it'll ruing my life and stuff like that but i have no life anyway, i have a part time job and theres a girl down the road who had a baby last year so she could give me some stuff.
However i haven't a second party, so i'm still without child and will do so until i'm financially ready. (my own place and job and stuff)
but i don't think this feeling will go away so i was wondering at what age would be best to have a child? I thought it would be better to hear what experienced people had to say.
My mam had me when she was 21 she got married at 20 and she had my brother when she was 24, she's had no more children and doesnt want anymore, and my grandma gave birth to her when she was 21, so i figured 21 was a good age?

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Wait at least till you are 24, you might want to party at 21.

I don't like parties much.
Alcohol isn't all that nice either.
I'd rather stay home or go shopping than go to a club; I'm rather repulsed by the Idea of going to a club where everyone is too drunk to stand and stoned out of their mind.

You previously said something about how you never get to see your friends and you are pretty much forced into staying at home. You have a job that takes up all your time on the weekend.

Imagine how much of your time a baby would take up. Then you really could never see your friends. And imagine if you had a baby and still couldn't get to that train station when it was sick.

I understand that you don't want to have one now. And I don't think you really want one anyway. I think you want to have something in your life that makes you feel important. You said your mother doesn't pay a lot of attention to you. Maybe, subconsciously it's like "I'm going to be such a better mom...I'll show her." Without even knowing it you could be thinking that.

You can't see your friends because you have no way to get to their homes or wherever they are. You feel cooped up and along you said. A baby is going to make you feel even more cooped up because you won't be able to go ANYWHERE for quite a while. And if you can, you'll have a baby with you and can't have too much fun with your friends. Not to mention that you're so cooped up all the time with a screaming, pooping, crying baby that you'll probably go insane and be asking yourself "what was i thinking?"

You work on the weekends so you feel like you have adult responsibility. Imagine how much responsibility it would be with a baby added.

I know you said you don't want to have one now. I'm not trying to convince you not to or anything. I'm just saying that I think you need to look into the reasons behind WHY you think about this. Maybe once you figure out what's making you feel so... I guess empty... you'll understand why you were having these feelings and can get on the road to amending yourself and finding ways to have normal teenage thoughts.

But yeah, I'm 23 and aching to have a baby. I know I am not ready. I am happily married. That's about the only criteria I meet. We don't have any money or savings. We live paycheck to paycheck. We rent our house from my dad and we have 2 roommates to make the rent. We only have one car so I have to take carpool to work. We're in debt and trying to pay our way out. My husband is still a big kid and wants us to wait. I resepct that and understand it's not in the cards right now. No matter your age, you need to be prepared in these other ways before you even start to think about it. With the mentality, the physical duration and the financial stabilization it's going to be a disaster. I'm still not ready at 23 and my husband at 24.

I hope my advice helped you to understand things.

I don't see my job as 'adult responsibility' I see it as a way of getting good money.
I want a baby to fill up the time I have that's so far being filled with "not having a life", I'd rather help someone have a life than not have a life of my own. (if that makes sense) I'd love to teach it things, coo over it and change its nappies and be worried when it gets ill. (I'm abnormally strange like that, you should have seen me when I first stared my P, I was over the moon about everything, even the pain)
I know a pet or a kitten fills these but you can't teach those how to walk or talk, they can't call you "mammy" or tell you about their fist day of school, you can't help them with social problems or give them advice or help with homework. :(
Can't I just want to be a mam without it meaning anything seriously deeper than that?