Ask Me Help Desk - Obsessed to get pregnant

Quote:

Originally Posted by citygirl00

Recently one of my friends have fallen pregnant, I am delighted for her but also a little jealous.

Same here. I have 3 friends that just had a baby. 1 in may, 1 in June and one just a few weeks ago. And possibly 2 others are pregnant. Also, my brother just had a baby. She's 1 month and a half. I see all these people have babies lately and because of my period problems I feel like I can't have kids. I probably could someday but not the way I am right now. Plus I want to wait a few years. I just find it hard to cope with how I'm feeling. I've even started making baby blankets lately. I gave some to my niece but I kept a few for myself you know. Even at christmas I bought a baby outfit for my niece and I wanted to keep it for my future baby but I thought that would be a little too crazy and did in fact give it to my niece like I planned in the first place.

OK seroiusly, you NEED to stop lashing out at everyone who doesn't sit here and "poor baby" you and give you an instant pill to cure it. Everyone who has posted, has tried to help you. This isn't just a medical advice site, it is an ADVICE site all around. If you don't want the advice, don't take it. End of story. But Don't lash out at the people who care enough to reply and help you, like J9. You don't know how she feels, you don't know her expereinces. It is so easy to sit back and judge, when you haven't been there yourself. Well, most of the people have already been where you are. You AREN'T the only ones who feel like this. I wanted a baby since I was 10 years old. I wanted it so badly, there were times I felt I would do anything to have one. BUT I didn't. I knew I wasn't ready (I know I know, you keep telling us you know you aren't too. I'm not talking about that) Instead, I took a step back, and looked at my feelings, and why I felt the need for a baby so strongly.there were things that happened to me in my past that cause me deep pain, and a deep feeling of unworthiness. I felt, that should I have a baby, I would be able to give the child the things that I didn't feel myself. Make that child feel like the most wonderful blessed person in the world, with the highest respect for themselves. And in return, I would have the love that I so longed for. I thought about that and I realized that a child wouldn't give me what I needed. What I needed was only something I could give myself. To give that child such a duty when first ocming into life, would be cruel. It didn't stop my hunger for a child, it didn't stop me from crying every night for want of one. But you know what? It gave me purpose. It helped me fight to make myself a better person, I was a very responsible kid for my age. I used my time taking care of children in every way that I could. Baby sitting, school, offering my time. I sucked it up, and did what I could with life. I didn't sit there and feel sorry for myself anymore. I made the best of what time I had, until I could have a kid. And finally I met a wonderful man, we fell in love, and I knew that it was finally my turn. And let me tell you, just because you have a child, doesn't mean you ever get rid of that feeling of wanting more. That never goes away. When you are done having kids, your kids have kids, and you settle for being a grandparent. You just CHANGE your perspective. And take enjoyment in different ways. Perhaps you are spending too much time around kids, and its just fueling your hunger. I don't know. All I know, is you need to suck it up, and MAKE it better. NO ONE can make it better for you, ESPECIALLY if you are determined to not allow it. (as you have already proved on this site) This is something you need to look at for yourself. You need to sit down and figure out WHAT it is that makes you so hungry for that baby. Then you need to find ways to make it work, until you can have one. There is no use sitting around and moping about not having a kid of your own, and trying to make other hurt ebcause they already have kids, and couldn't possibly know what you are talking about. That is such a selfish attitude. If it's a pity club you want, go start one. Otherwise, make your life good, and stop moping. Think about the other good things in life, like a man. When you finally find a guy that you want to be with forever, he is just going to feel like a piece of meat needed to have what you really want. And if you can't ever have kids? There is adoption. You know how many kids are out there that crave parents? That wonder if they will ever have the opportunity to have a REAL family? But don't even consider it, if you will just make those kids feel less loved, because they aren't you :Real: kids. I am sure you will have plenty of bitter things to say back to me about this, so I'll sign off so you have time to write back.

Wow Buggage, I think you said what needed to be heard!!

How dare they lash out at me when I gave advice that was asked for. I gave the advice that works for me and others I know. Oh yeah, I know:

Quote:

Originally Posted by citygirl00

J_9 : I am sorry about your situation, it must be hard

She isn't sorry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by citygirl00

J_9 : But your lucky though you have got a child, 4 in fact, many of my family can't have children

Did she even wonder whether getting pregnant was hard for me? No she just assumed that it was easy.

They come here to get advice and then think that they can just judge people because the advice they were givenwas not the advice they want to hear.

I am sorry that citygirl did not like the advice I gave, but who is she to know me, or my pain!?

Apparently she is young. With age comes wisdom. The wisdom to answer in an objective manner. She will learn that if she is here long enough.

I hope they are willing to gain that wisdom and maturity.. if not, its going to be a long, rough life.

Ok, first off. I just wanted to know how I can deal with wanting a child so badly when I know I don't want to have one for another few years. I didn't ask for someone to tell me I wansn't ready to be a parent or to know how hard or easy it was for you and I definitely didn't ask for your pitty. I just wanted to know how to deal with it.

I gave my suggestions. It was not necessarily you who we were talking about.

It was citygirl who was so quick to judge and lash out at people. Not you.

I gave my suggestions, because this is how I deal with it. You see, even though I am 42 and have had 4 children, I still feel the same way you do. I have never grown out of it.

So, understand it was citygirl who was being hateful, not you.

Ok. Just clearing that up that's all.

I do thank you for your advice and any other person's advice for that matter.

Mocha, there are other ways of clearing things up than using an accusing attitude, which you did.

See, this is why people take offense. It is the way things are worded. Since we cannot make eye contact, and we can't read body language, we have to be careful in the way we word things.

ACTUALLY you DID ask how hard or easy it was, as you were asking if anyone else had ever felt the same way that you were feeling. People have given you their opinions, people have told you how we have felt the SAME way, and HOW WE DEALT with it. Instead of taking what advice was given, whether you wanted it or not, this whole thing has been turned into a huge discussion, and argument.as far as I am concerned, none of the answers are appreciated anyway. This is the last time I am posting on this particular posting, as it has gotten far too out of preportion, and far too personal to many people.

I did read the advice and have taken it into consideration but what works for you might not work for me. That is why I'm open to everyone's suggestion. Who said I have to agree with everything everyone sais. I am just saying my opinion. If you think I don't appreciate it then you shouldn't have come here because you got it all wrong.

I'm in a really weird spot as far as having kids goes, so I'm not going waste a bijillion spaces with my background on this.

You want something that works, if only for a little while? Go hang out at Walmart on a Saturday afternoon. Go to a McDonald's with a play area. Go to Chuck E. Cheese when you KNOW there's going to be a birthday party. Go to a park with a whole bunch of kids in it when you have a headache or have cramps. Babysit when you DON'T feel like babysitting, or when you have plans already and someone else needs a sitter (I mean, cancel your plans to hang around with kids). Go to the grocery store on a Saturday morning. Deliberately sit at a table in a restaurant where there are kids at the next table. Volunteer at a youth center during flu season.

I promise you, spending time around other people's "brats" will cure you, if only for a little while. And don't believe that YOUR kids would act any better... kids are kids. They ALL behave badly in public at the least convenient time for the parents at least once.

That's worked for me for over 13 years.

Thanks. It's a good idea. It should work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Wow Buggage, I think you said what needed to be heard!!!

How dare they lash out at me when I gave advice that was asked for. I gave the advice that works for me and others I know. Oh yeah, I know:

She isn't sorry.

Did she even wonder whether getting pregnant was hard for me? No she just assumed that it was easy.

They come here to get advice and then think that they can just judge people because the advice they were givenwas not the advice they want to hear.

I am sorry that citygirl did not like the advice I gave, but who is she to know me, or my pain!!!!!????

Apparently she is young. With age comes wisdom. The wisdom to answer in an objective manner. She will learn that if she is here long enough.

I apologized if I hurt you and apologizing again, I never assumed it was easy for you to conceive, I was simple say how lucky you are to now have 4 children. I have never been hateful towards you, I was simply upset like I sure you are. So please accept my apology. I'm sorry. But there is no need for you to go round attacking me that’s just hurtful and you’re not even sorry.
Signing off
citygirl00

mocha81, I happened upon this by accident seeing as I was doing a Google search with the same question as yours. I am 17 and pregnancy and adoption have been my obsessions for the last 4 years. Let me tell you my story first, maybe it will help.

Like I said I'm 17, but I'm also in my 2nd year of University studies. I have been rushing through my entire life trying to get to a point where I will be stable enough to have kids. I knew, at 13, that if I wanted to have kids young I'd need a great job with great health insurance, a house, and the ability to be able to support my kids in every way. I rushed through high school and set myself up on a road where I am going to be 19 with a bachelor's of nursing and making enough money, with good enough benefits, to purchase a home and be financially well off. But you know what?

I have no friends. I have no social life. Period. I used to, but I gave it up when I decided I was going to rush through my life in order to be able to start a family. I don't even have kids yet, and I have already given up some of the most precious years of my life. I haven't dated anybody seriously, I've never even had my first kiss - and I'm a sophomore at a University! Only now am I starting to realize how sad my situation is.

The advice I'm about to give is the same advice I know I should be taking...

You're 18 and you don't have any responsibilities other than for your own well being. Have fun while you still can!! Don't let your obsession with being pregnant stop you from leading a normal teenaged life. I hope your not in the position I am, lost in an adult world and totally miserable. I've let my obsession go way too far and have sacrified being a teenager, but I'm going to try and put a stop to it, and try and have some fun. Your youth ends the day you get pregnant, and you can never get it back. Would you really want to give it up? For me, I know I don't... I want to be able to date and party and have fun before it's too late.

I know you just wanted help with dealing with it all but I thought my story might help. We're free to worry about only ourselves - we should enjoy it. I do want to say, however, that I have nothing but respect for young mothers and that you should never make a decision based on what society says is right or wrong. Just think about how free you are right now, free to take care of yourself and do whatever you want, and how quickly that would be gone if you were to get pregnant... I hope that helps.

I know it's hard. It's hard for me too. But you're not alone with this... and I'm so glad to know I'm not either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by citygirl00

I apologized if I hurt you and apologizing again, I never assumed it was easy for you to conceive, I was simple say how lucky you are to now have 4 children. I have never been hateful towards you, I was simply upset like I sure you are. So please accept my apology. I'm sorry. But there is no need for you to go round attacking me that’s just hurtful and you’re not even sorry.
Signing off
citygirl00

Citygirl,

How do you know I am not sorry? Do you know that I am not sorry in the same way that you knew

Quote:

Originally Posted by citygirl00

you can't have any idea what it's like to be this broody

?

What makes you think you can read my mind?

So it is time to stop the attacking and thread hijacking and get back to the original post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellabee

I have no friends. I have no social life. Period. I used to, but I gave it up when I decided I was going to rush through my life in order to be able to start a family. I don't even have kids yet, and I have already given up some of the most precious years of my life. I haven't dated anybody seriously, I've never even had my first kiss - and I'm a sophomore at a University! Only now am I starting to realize how sad my situation is.

I seem to find myself in the same situation but in the past few weeks after posting this question everyone made me stop and think more and although the obsession of wanting to get pregnant will never go away until I have one and like J_9 said, that she has 4 kids and still wants more. I'd probably be like that too. I will be in college in the fall and hopefully that will keep my mind off getting pregnant and just enjoying life, which I haven't been lately.

Thanks for the feedback.

Well this may or may not help but wanting to be pregnant can lead to sudoieces. I nother words "imagined pregnancy". It is also known to be a psylogical problem. The disorder makes you go through all of the symptoms of being pregnant.

I have a nearly 10 month old. Until I have him, I too was "obsessed" with being pregnant, babies, etc. I really wanted one. Once I was married for a while, I got pregnant and had my precious baby. Wait. Just wait. I tell you what might help in the meantime, work at a daycare center! Babies 24/7!

Pregnancy only lasts about 9 months. Having a child lasts you the rest of your life

I can understand where you are coming from, it gets on your nerves sometimes that you are feeling this way, and sometimes it just excites you even more, in either case the feeling is there and the chances are is that it will always be there even after you have your first child that feeling will come back and you'll end up wanting more kids unless you are just absolutely exhuasted by the first child :)

As for solving the problem, you can always go out and adopt a pet instead and take care of it, get it from a rescue shelter, maybe take on the worst case of abuse and nuture it back to health as you save for the day that you decide to take on a child. You also don't necessarily have to have a partner for a child, they have sperm donors places, you'd just have to look around. Or even an adoption place? It would be a little tricky since you would be the sole and the only provider-- I'm not experienced in that area so I wouldn't say much in it, like everything just do lots of research before making the plans. Many people on here have the tendency to claim that one other is too young to have kids, but they are only doing it out of concern and there's nothing wrong with that, but quite honestly you and only you can be truthful to yourself to know when you can take on a baby. It isn't always about the money, the support of the child--- its emotional and mental and physcial thing as well and I guess if you live by the fact that no matter what-- things will always be all right again, you should be just fine.

If not a pet, do something that keeps you busy. Sometimes when one has too much time on their hands, they'll overthink on a subject and eventually resort to obbession. Just a thought there. That feeling probably won't go away, but you can reduce it at least.

I hope it helps a little!

T'care,
Kelly

To the original poster: I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel the same way, and it's horrible to have to pretend, even to yourself, that you're pregnant to make you feel happy. I'm married, and we are trying, but I honestly thought I was the only one who went through this feeling of wanting a baby so badly you pretend to yourself you are, and you can't wait for the day you can announce to the world you're pregnant. I also know that, for me, no matter what advice I get, if it's not what I want to hear, I won't take it. If you're like that, then all you can do is wait and hope that the right man and the right time comes sooner rather than later. I wish you all the happiness in the world. X