Chrissy I think its wrong to string you fiancée along making him believe that you may or may not be carrying his child. You said that you guys have been trying obviously he wants to make you his wife and mother of his child. You owe it to him to be honest and not say ohh if the child is not biracial then its not his. To me tis is a very selfish and irresponsible act. Stop playing with peoples minds and emotions, its not fair.

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

chrissy i think its wrong to string you fiancee along making him believe that you may or may not be carrying his child. You said that you guys have been trying obviously he wants to make you his wife and mother of his child. You owe it to him to be honest and not say ohh if the child is not biracial then its not his. To me tis is a very selfish and irresponsible act. Stop playing with peoples minds and emotions, its not fair.

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I do want to be honest with him just don't want to hurt him. He means the world to me and love him too much to hurt him. I am not trying to play with his emotions at all, I would never do that to him. He is the type of guy that even if it wasn't his he would still stick around and raise the baby as his own. But I know if would still hurt him greatly and I do not want that at all. Right now he doesn't even know I am pregnant and l am seriously thinking about ending the relationship and the pregnancy even though I love him dearly and want to be with him for the rest of my life and just never tell him about the pregnancy, because I think This would hurt him less than knowing that I am carrying a child that is not his. This may be selfish, but I just can't bring myself to break his heart to tell him that I am pregnant with the child we have been trying for, but it's not his.

If you do not want to hurt him you will tell him what happened. The truth. No matter what the out come. It is hard but that is what you need to do. Whether it is his baby or not.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

If you do not want to hurt him you will tell him what happened. The truth. No matter what the out come. It is hard but that is what you need to do. Whether it is his baby or not.

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You make it sound so easy...

The longer you wait the harder it will become. The more you cover it up or the longer you wait the bigger the lie becomes.

As well, this has been said in other posts with other peoples experiences.. You got drunk so drunk you do not remember anything. Some people will say that you got taken advantaged of, raped. Yes, you put yourself in a situation where you were drinking, but anybody could have taken advantage of that situation. Do you know where you were at when you woke up? Who's place was it? Does any of your friends know where you went they just left you there? You have to ask yourself do you feel violated? If you do, tell your fiancé. At the same time I know you feel you do not want to make excuses about the situation but you also need to tell him how you feel about the situation. IF you feel it was somebody taking advantage of you then you need to report it as a rape, whether you were drunk or not.

This guy drove you to your car? Where did he drive you from? There must be a way of finding out about this person?

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

This guy drove you to your car?? Where did he drive you from?? There must be a way of finding out about this person??

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Okay, l am going to try to clear up what happened that night... I met up with a couple friends in a city that I am not from at a bar that I can't remember the name of (that part I know lean figure out). My friends decided to turn in early but I decided to stay since I had driven an hour to get there. One of my friends who lives down the street from the bar said wren I was ready to come home I could just walls to her place. While there with my friends I had started talking to this girl there so when my friends left she and started hanging out together and meeting a bunch of new people. I don't remember much else of the night. I know the girls first name but nothing else about her. My friend never met any of the people there so they wouldn't be any help.

The next morning I woke up still very hazy and he told me he needed to take me back to my car because he had work. When I looked at the clock in the car in was 7:17 and when we got back to my car it was 7:41. Before I got out of the car he told me, "you were a great f**k"I was on the verge of passing out at this point so l slept in my car for about an hour and a half, then headed home. Since I am not from that area don't remember any streets we took or anything like that.

Hope that clears it up a bit.

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Originally Posted by chrissy1021

Okay, l am going to try to clear up what happened that night... I met up with a couple friends in a city that I am not from at a bar that I can't remember the name of (that part I know lean figure out). My friends decided to turn in early but I decided to stay since I had driven an hour to get there. One of my friends who lives down the street from the bar said wren I was ready to come home I could just walls to her place. While there with my friends I had started talking to this girl there so when my friends left she and started hanging out together and meeting a bunch of new people. I don't remember much else of the night. I know the girls first name but nothing else about her. My friend never met any of the people there so they wouldn't be any help.

The next morning I woke up still very hazy and he told me he needed to take me back to my car because he had work. when I looked at the clock in the car in was 7:17 and when we got back to my car it was 7:41. Before I got out of the car he told me, "you were a great f**k"I was on the verge of passing out at this point so l slept in my car for about an hour and a half, then headed home. Since I am not from that area don't remember any streets we took or anything like that.

Hope that clears it up a bit.

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Chrissy

However this thing happened the fact is that it has happened. Let us move on from here. You are pregnant and you need to think about yourself and the health or your baby now. Moving froward are you taking any vitamins, if your not you should start. Also you need to tell your fiancée, he deserves that much, pregnancy is not something that you can hide for very long. Once he sees your growing stomach he is going to be so attached to this child. Once the baby arrives if its not his he'll be crushed, the act of not telling him soon is to wicked. Its going to hurt him more in the long run if you are not honest with him now.

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Originally Posted by lighterrr

Chrissy

However this thing happened the fact is that it has happened. Let us move on from here. You are pregnant and you need to think about yourself and the health or your baby now. Moving froward are you taking any vitamins, if your not you should start. Also you need to tell your fiancee, he deserves that much, pregnancy is not something that you can hide for very long. Once he sees your growing stomach he is going to be so attached to this child. Once the baby arrives if its not his he'll be crushed, the act of not telling him soon is to wicked. Its gonna hurt him more in the long run if you are not honest with him now.

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I was just trying to clear up the entire situation for Jesushelper. Right now I am thinking about terminating the pregnancy so I am not taking any vitamins. I just figure what he doesn't know can't hurt him and if I just don't tell him, he can not get attached. I am thinking the best decision might just be to make a clean break from him and the pregnancy so that everyone gets hurt as little as possible. Except of course, the baby and I. I have always been completely pro-life but in my mind I know that if it isn't my fiance's child that I will not be able to love it the same way and I wouldn't know if I would want to try adoption until the baby is born and that is just too long to wait. I know that it will kill me to do this and how incredibly hard it would be to do this but I just feel like it might be the best thing to do.

I personal feel your being a coward. Your acting like a coward. Your turning into a liar. Something like this you should not be hiding.

Take care, Good luck. I am not here to judge you, but I think your making the biggest mistake in your life.

You will have to face this decision and decisions for the rest of your life.

Good luck to you. You need to make your own decisions obviously anything anybody said here to help you out, is not working.

You create your own life.

Joe

Your acting guilty, you obviously feel you cheated, maybe you really knew what you were doing or you would not want to hide it like this.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

I personal feel your being a coward.

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I completely agree that I am being a coward. This is my third time being pregnant in the past year and a half. I miscarried the first two times so we have still been trying. If I end up not miscarrying this time and actually give birth and the baby turns out not to be my fiance's then it would be heartbreaking for both of us. Plus I am honestly scared about losing another baby through miscarriage again.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Your acting guilty, you obviously feel you cheated, maybe you really knew what you were doing or you would not want to hide it like this.

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And yes I completely feel like I cheated... Having sex with someone who isn't my fiancé is cheating regardless of any circumstances. Sex with someone else = cheating. I know that I cheated despite if I don't remember doing it and I feel horribly guilty I can not even look my fiancé in the eyes. And I am honestly trying to listen to all of the advice I am given and am taking it all into consideration, but as you said earlier I am a coward. I am scared to death to tell him. I just don't know what it would do to him. He has sacrificed a lot for me and we have been through so much I just don't want to hurt him more than I have to.

What if the baby is your fiance's? Given the situation, I would tell your fiancé what happened. The truth apparently is that you went to a club with friends, they had to go home early but one would come get you to hang out at her house when you were ready to leave. You met another girl there and started talking with other people as well. The next thing you know you are waking up in some strange place with some guy. Sounds very, very much like you were set up and taken advantage of. Can it be proved? No, but it is highly unlikely that you would remember nothing from chatting with people in a club and waking up at some guy's place.

In this instance, yes it would be unfortunate if the baby was not your fiance's, but there is no way to know that for sure. You don't even know if the guy you were with was telling you the truth about having had sex with you since you were both drunk. Given that it was one time... sure it can happen, but odds are actually in your favor that the few times you were with your fiancé would stand a better chance.

Give your fiancé the chance to at least make a decision for himself... he may very well understand how this could have happened. You don't want to hurt him, but leaving him will hurt him for sure. Telling him what happened won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do. When the baby is born, you can find out at that time if your fiancé is the father or not, but don't take the chance of having a child you were trying for away from yourselves if you really don't want to.

Thank you so much for your post Doula. As you can probably tell I have been sitting at my computer all day trying to decide what to do and although others have said close to the same thing but yours finally hit the spot. I know I don't want to terminate the pregnancy I just thought it might be the best option. I think now that I do need to come clean because right now it is completely tearing me up inside. Anytime I am not with my fiancé I am sitting at home alone just crying as I have been doing all day today.

I apologize to anyone who I pretty much argued with about coming clean to my fiancé. You all were right, I know this is what I need to do. Now it's just trying to work up the courage to actually do it.

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Originally Posted by chrissy1021

And yes I completely feel like I cheated... Having sex with someone who isn't my fiance is cheating regardless of any circumstances. Sex with someone else = cheating. I know that I cheated despite if I don't remember doing it and I feel horribly guilty I can not even look my fiance in the eyes. And I am honestly trying to listen to all of the advice I am given and am taking it all into consideration, but as you said earlier I am a coward. I am scared to death to tell him. I just don't know what it would do to him. He has sacrificed a lot for me and we have been through so much I just don't want to hurt him more than I have to.

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You're between a rock and a hard place and I understand that you're scared, confused, upset and probably not thinking clearly.

If you didn't consent to sex then it's rape. Seeing as you can't remember consenting, dear, it's rape. This guy took advantage of a very drunk woman, no excuse for that behaviour at all.

Could you love a child that isn't your fiancés? I think you could, but the choice is yours.

If this child belongs to the one night stand/rapist then I can understand not wanting to continue with the pregnancy. As for being afraid of miscarrying, I understand that too, suffered one miscarriage myself which is why I decided not to try for a third child, I couldn't go through that again. But, there's always a risk of miscarriage, that's part of being pregnant. You claim to want a child, so you will have to go through a pregnancy in order to obtain that goal.

You say you're pro life. Well, if you terminate this pregnancy can you carry on with your life and not feel guilt? If you decide to do this then please, go to counselling, not only for the abortion but for the rape.

You do need to tell your fiancé. Things like this have a way of coming out in the open. Better that he hears it from you then someone else.

No, it's not easy, it won't be easy, but that's also a part of life and relationships.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, I hope you find your way.

Good luck.

Another thing I thought of too. What if this guy was just saying that. Maybe you did not have sex with him at all? How do you really know? This guys word? I do not know. If you guys did have sex, you do not remember. He did take advantage of you. Yes, It is Rape as alty said, I said that before.

I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriages that is very hard to deal with. I know because my wife and I have been through the same thing.

I pray to God that the baby you do have is your fiancés. I hope everything works out for you. I really do.

Joe

Thank you Alty and Jesushelper. I hadn't even thought about the fact that we might not have really had sex until now. I really appreciate all of the advice.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Your acting guilty, you obviously feel you cheated, maybe you really knew what you were doing or you would not want to hide it like this.

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What she is guilty of is being irresponsible by drinking and partying to the point of oblivion.
With strangers, no less. There are many lessons to learn here and being in control of your faculties is number one. Chrissy, whatever you decide to do, PLEASE learn from this. Why don't you just tell your fiancé just what you told us. The truth. I think that has to be the first step, other decisions will follow this. I wish you strength, courage, and wisdom.