OK new issue.

Ever since I found out about the pregnancy, it's all that's been on my mind, and my mind has been racing at an alarming rate, so much that I haven't felt like I can focus on this or have normal conversations with anyone that doesn't involve talking about this whole situation. I'm sure she is going through some crazy stuff right now as well, but she has been very distant since all of this, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen because things were going so well (also really fast), but very good with us before she found out she was pregnant. Things have felt strange and uncomfortable latley. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice from anyone?

Well, if you've cast doubt on the fact that you're the father, and have TOLD her you don't feel comfortable raising another man's child--I bet she IS pulling away from you.

Like it or not, at this point in time, accepting her child is the same as accepting her.

I agree with Synnen. If you are freaking out so much she has to know it - even if you haven't said anything to her. It's time for you to accept the reality, learn to deal with it and offer your emotional support to her.

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Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

I agree with Synnen. If you are freaking out so much she has to know it - even if you haven't said anything to her. It's time for you to accept the reality, learn to deal with it and offer your emotional support to her.

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I have definatley offered all the support I can. I have not told her I don't feel comfortable raising someone else's kid, I haven't expressed any doubt that it may not be mine.

I'm just trying to explain how things have been going since we found out. Nothing really to do with paternity.

Hun, she is feeling like she has trapped you in a relationship that neither of you may be ready for... She is giving you a way out now... It's up to you if you want to be there or not. Honestly if you love her as you say you do then you will stand by her and go to the dr appointments and do these things like the family your choices have made for you. You may feel your not ready for a baby but some higher power thinks that you are and me being a firm believer in the "Everything happens for a reason" philosophy maybe this is just what you need right when you need it. Time to accept this most wonderful of challenges and move onto the next one... what color are you going to paint the nursery... She's pregnant, at least she was honest and told you right away, now move past the shock and plan the future as best you can.

Hii I think asking the doctor for a conception date is a good idea.you should go to the doctor with her.it is possible she got pregnant from you if she's 5 weeks and you guys have been messing around for about 5 weeks.PLEASE Don't LET HER HAVE AN ABORTION It's a LIFE YOU'RE KILLING! Good luck to both of you... :)

First off, abortion wasn't even mentioned.

Secondly, if she'd had sex with someone else a few weeks of that date, there would STILL be no way of knowing without a DNA test.

A conception date is a GUESS, based on the size of the fetus and the last menstrual cycle.

OK, please, I'm stressing out here. I just want to know why I've been getting such weird vibes from her latley. I understand she's pregnant and I am in rough mental shape since all of this, but I've accepted that this is happening and I want to be with her no matter what anyway, so now things are weird the last week and I don't know what to do.

Usually I stay at her place, she usually always wants me to, and tonight she expressed no desire for me to stay when I said I was going to go home and go to bed.

And then 2 nights ago, I was 5 blocks from her place after dinner and I asked if I could stop by and say hi. She said that she had to work in the morning really early, (as she was just waking up from a nap) so I said OK have a good night. But it's just so strange, we had spent everyday together before, and 2 weeks after finding out she's pregnant I rarely see her and when I do, I get weird vibes from her

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Originally Posted by headache

ok new issue.

ever since I found out about the pregnancy, it's all thats been on my mind, and my mind has been racing at an alarming rate, so much that I havent felt like I can focus on this or have normal conversations with anyone that doesnt involve talking about this whole situation. I'm sure she is going through some crazy stuff right now as well, but she has been very distant since all of this, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen because things were going so well (also really fast), but very good with us before she found out she was pregnant. Things have felt strange and uncomfortable latley. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice from anyone?

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Have you asked her what's going on in her head?

I would express to her that you're wanting to be with her NO MATTER WHAT, and that you feel like she's pushing you away, when you just want to be there for her.

You need to talk to her--we can't read her mind any better than you can. However--pregnancy REALLY messes with your hormones, and therefore with your thought process. Make sure she understands that YOU can't read her mind, and that you want to be helpful, and there for her, but you don't want to be so clingy that you push her away, either, and that you need her help communicating to make things work.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

First off, abortion wasn't even mentioned.

Secondly, if she'd had sex with someone else a few weeks of that date, there would STILL be no way of knowing without a DNA test.

A conception date is a GUESS, based on the size of the fetus and the last menstrual cycle.

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Abortion WAS mention if you read the 1st page of answers :rolleyes:

Okay... let me rephrase:

Abortion is NOT the issue here. How a guy deals with an unplanned pregnancy and his girlfriend withdrawing from him IS this issue. Don't drag abortion into it, or this just becomes yet ANOTHER debate about abortion.

If you want to talk about abortion, go start a thread in the Members Discussion section about it. The OP here has left the decision (IIRC) up to his girlfriend--and rightfully so.

How about being constructive to what he actually NEEDS and not lecturing him on a decision he isn't actually going to be the one making?

"I don't want to give you a reddie but even with protection it isn't 100% effective."

I agree 100% During our dating rituals, my wife used this odd word, "No." And that was back in the mid sixties. She always asked me if I saw my wedding ring on her finger. So I finally outsmarted her. I married her and the next time she asked me that question, I told her, Yes, I see my ring on your finger! Thank you very much!

I think you need to chill out, you obviously are getting yourself so worked up over the entire situation that you can't focus on anything. I think these 'weird vibes' you're getting from her are actually you trying to make yourself believe that she is pushing you away, and maybe she is I'm not there so I don't know. I do think that you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about everything ask her to be honest and you be honest with her. Then suggest you do a DNA test when the time is right. If she is game for that then go for it, if not then maybe she wasn't completely honest with you. Sometimes we read into situations way more than we should, take the scenic route be there for her but don't suffocate her.. try to compensate your previous actions and accusations with more comforting words. Put yourself out there and see how she reacts!~

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Originally Posted by CrazyLady29

I think you need to chill out, you obviously are getting yourself so worked up over the entire situation that you can't focus on anything. I think these 'weird vibes' you're getting from her are actually you trying to make yourself believe that she is pushing you away, and maybe she is I'm not there so I don't know. I do think that you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about everything ask her to be honest and you be honest with her. Then suggest you do a DNA test when the time is right. If she is game for that then go for it, if not then maybe she wasn't completely honest with you. Sometimes we read into situations way more than we should, take the scenic route be there for her but don't suffocate her.. try to compensate your previous actions and accusations with more comforting words. Put yourself out there and see how she reacts!~

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Hi CrazyLady29... welcome to AMHD! Posts from years back are still available if you do a search or look back far enough on a topic... just to be aware as you are reading through them and decide to post a response. This one was from back in 2008... :)

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