Hi. My name is amanda and I am 16 years old. I have a boyfriend that is 18 and already people have a problem with that because of our ages. Well I want a baby really bad and I'm thinking of getting pregnant on purpose. My dad said he would kill me if I got pregnant but I know he would just be pissed. My mom is understanding and we are close. She is there for me no matter what. I am mexican and our family believes that when you get pregnant you have to keep it. No abortion or adoption. So that makes me happy. I don't believe in abortion anyway.

Well I need some help. Should I get pregnant or is it just not the best thing to do? I hate my father and my parents are going to get divorced. My dad would be better about the situation later on.

I really want a baby. I love kids. Please give me some advice.
Thank you.

The worst thing you can do in your life right now is have a baby, you are not old enough to support and take care of a baby, You need to grow up and learn to take care of yourself first. Having a baby does not get you out of a single problem you have now, it only adds more to it.

Wait two or three years at least

Its hard to wait. Iunderstand I'm young but this is something of my own. Its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

It is not the best thing to do.
If you are in Bakersfield California the age of consent is 18 (last time I heard)
And he could be arrested for statutory rape of a minor
And have a record the rest of his life
And be put on Megan's law where he would not be allowed to even contact his child.
Wait two more years.

I know many girls who felt just like you and then the novelty wears off and they leave the baby up to grandparents to raise

Ask yourself if you're financially ready for a baby? Are you emotionally ready for a baby? At 16 getting pregnant isn't the best thing to do. You have a lot of years before you have to grow up and take that kind of responsibility.

Why not have a baby when you're really ready and that way it'll be a happy time for your parents instead of them getting mad.

If you really want a baby, take up babysitting. That way you can experience the kids and at the end of the day you can still go hang out with your friends.

You will find few people who would suggest getting pregnant on purpose at 16 is a wise decision. So much can, and will, happen in the next several years. Yes, I know there are exceptions, but the odds are that you and your boyfriend won't stay together long term. It is just a simple fact that as young people grow and mature, they don't always grow in the same direction.

Obviously having your famiy's support would make things much easier for you if you did have a baby. Do you plan to finish school? Do you know how you would do that? What if you and your boyfriend weren't together after baby was born... could you support yourself? Do you know what it would cost for baby items each weeks, child care, doctor visits, etc. Could you really give your baby the best life you would like to at this point?

Consider this very carefully... are you thinking more of your baby's well being, or are you thinking more of what you want? Having a child means making sacrifices and putting your child's needs ahead of your wants.

If you know you would be better able to be the kind of mother you would like to be, and provide the kind of life you would like to be able to for your baby if you waited, finished school, had some money put away, a good job, etc. might be better to wait awhile longer and see how you feel about it in a couple of years or so at least.

I am not financially ready, no. emotionally, yes. Babysitting is a good idea. I just still want to do it for me. I am so confused and I have so much on my mind. I'm really stressed out right now. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll check into babysitting but I'm still thinking about having a baby of my own.

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Originally Posted by lover gurl

its hard to wait. iunderstand im young but this is something of my own. its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

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Get a puppy. If you can take care of and afford THAT for 2 years, then you and your boyfriend can THINK about a baby--and at that point, he wouldn't go to jail because you "wanted something of your own".

Honey... a baby isn't a "something", it's a "someone", and your posts really indicate to me that you aren't ready for someONE who screams back at you and throws her toys when you're already having a bad day, and your boyfriend is no help because he's out with the guys, and your father won't have anything to do with you, and your mom just looks at you like she's disappointed in who you are.

Grow up yourself, first. Only YOU can make you happy--no one else can, not even a baby. ESPECIALLY not a baby.

I have a puppy right now. He just turned 1 year old. My boyfriend doesn't have a lot of buds to go out with. His best friend just got married and doing his own thing. My boyfriend is totally there. He has a good job. Makes good money. Has a car and house. I think we could do it.

Babysit first. I started babysitting at 12 and I'm 24 now and I know I'm not ready for kids.
What happens when you're 18 or 21 and want to go out with your friends on a Friday night and can't find a sitter for your baby and your parents won't do it because they're disappointed that you got pregnant so young. You may think you're emotionally ready, but I'd take some time out and babysit as many kids as you can. Infants, toddlers, preteens, all the age groups.
If you're in America watch the show on Wednesday nights on NBC called Baby Borrowers. There is a wake up call for you.
Are you emotionally ready to have sleepless nights with a colicy baby? What happens if you're child has severe medical problems and you don't have insurance to cover it? Babies are expensive, and time consuming and you have to give your whole self to them. You can't give them away when you're tired of them.

I do plan on finishing school. My mom loves babies. She is an ob tech at the hospital. So she delivers them. She wants another but she can't have one. She would love to babysit for me during the day. She works nights anyway. So that could work. I do think of the child. I woulndt be completely stable but I think I would survive.

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Originally Posted by lover gurl

its hard to wait. iunderstand im young but this is something of my own. its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

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The parts that I highlighted are the parts that scare me. It would make you happy. You want something of your own. This is all about you, not a baby, this hypothetical child already has two jobs and it's not even here. It has to make you happy, and it's something that will belong to you.

Love kids, work with kids, babysit, these are all good things to prepare for motherhood, but not at the age of 16. What's the harm in waiting? Why are you in such a hurry to be a mom and be tied down for the rest of your life?

Finish school, get a good job, find a great guy (it might even be the guy your with, it can happen), get married and then have a child when you are financially and physically ready to support it, and when it's no longer coming to this earth for you and your happiness.

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, it requires selflessness, not selfishness, at the age of 16, this is not something you are ready to do.

Good luck.

Why would you want to bring a child into instability? Put yourself in a child's situation, would you want to be raised in a chaotic unstable environment? Or would you rather have a parent that was ready for the RESPONSIBILITY of being a parent.

Have you ever held a job or any sort of responsibility? If your boyfriend freaked out and left because you got pregnant could you support the baby at all?

I understand about the financial part but what about w.i.c. and other associations that teens can get into for help?

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Originally Posted by Rockstar714

Why would you want to bring a child into instability? Put yourself in a child's situation, would you want to be raised in a chaotic unstable environment? Or would you rather have a parent that was ready for the RESPONSIBILITY of being a parent.

Have you ever held a job or any sort of responsibility? If your boyfriend freaked out and left because you got pregnant could you support the baby at all?

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Yes she can, because she's not going to raise it, her mom is. Sorry, sarcasm, actually no, not sarcasm, anger.

OP, the fact that you think that mommy is going to raise your baby, you're going to finish school and everything is going to be peachy keen, shows your immaturity. You are not ready for a child, that's the bottom line. You say you'll make do, you'll survive, well, you can do better than that if you wait until you are older and ready to bring a child in to the world.

I know, your 16, everything is wonderful and beautiful and there's no problems that can't be fixed because everything will work out for you. It'll be magic, the bad stuff that happens to other people will not happen to you, because you're you. Honey, I remember that, and boy was I wrong, I guarantee you will be too.

Most of us here are older and wiser, because we've been through our teens and lived to tell about it. Some of us made mistakes, others learned from our mistakes and didn't repeat. Take our advice, because we know, not think, that this a bad idea. Really, dig deep, yes we are old, in your eyes, but maybe, just maybe, we know what we're talking about, nes pas?

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Originally Posted by lover gurl

i understand about the financial part but what about w.i.c. and other associations that teens can get into for help?

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Wow, wow, wow. Really? Okay, all the optimism that I had for teens today just got flushed down the toilet.

So, you want to have a baby, then go on w.i.c, so I get to pay for your baby. Hmmmm, let me think, nope!

If you cannot afford to have a child and take care of it without assistance from anyone, then don't have a child!

Those programs are for kids that made a mistake and accidentally got pregnant, I don't want to pay for their mistake either, but at least that I can justify, a bit.

You want to get pregnant on purpose, because you want, want, want, what you shouldn't have at this age. Can't afford it, don't do it. Now I'm mad!

You need to grow up before you bring a child into this world. I am not going to pay for the things you want!

Good luck.

That gives you your basics, but what if your child needs clothes? Babies grow up fast and need a lot of things. Do you want to stay on welfare forever, or would you rather be proud of your accomplishments and support the baby yourself?

And I agree with Alty, I don't want to pay for your baby either. WIC and those programs are for teens that got pregnant accidentally, and I can see paying for them. But my hard earned tax dollars SHOULD NOT be going to a teenager who wanted a baby. I want a lot of things, like a Maserati, my car paid for and my student loans paid for, but guess what? They're not, and the tax payers aren't giving me that. I have been working since was 16 to pay for EVERYTHING I own myself. I don't get 1% of what I WANT.

How about this:

Get your high school diploma. You can NOT get a job (or, in some states, go to college) without one.

Get a job that makes you be out of the home for 8 hours a day. Not a fun job--just whatever pays the most and has the best insurance. At 16, I doubt you could make more than $7.50 an hour for 40 hours a week--IF you were allowed to work that long. My husband and I don't have kids, and we make $75k between the two of us---and STILL have problems making ends meet sometimes.

Babysit. Babysit a LOT. Have every one of your meals someplace where you will be interrupted constantly and never get to eat your food warm, drink your coffee hot, have time to do your hair or makeup (if you can even AFFORD makeup! ).

You say you have a puppy--that's GREAT! Now... do YOU pay for your puppy, or do your mommy and daddy? Did YOU put up the money to have it spayed/neutered? What about shots? Puppy food? Could you afford, right this instant, to have your puppy go in for emergency surgery that costs upward of $6000? WITHOUT your parents to help?

I want to become a parent more than anything. The difference between you and I, though, is that I can AFFORD a baby. How could I possibly recommend that you do something that would have you on public assistance (housing, food stamps, WIC, etc) to raise YOUR baby, when your tax dollars aren't going to get ME a baby? Why should I, with my tax dollars, support you and your child when I don't have a child myself because the taxpayers won't pay for IVF? As far as your boyfriend being great and sticking by you and making great money--great money is what? $25k a year? And he won't be making that kind of money when he goes to jail for statutory rape, sweetheart.

Waiting a couple years won't hurt anyone at all. Get YOUR act together first before gambling with a baby's life.

Synn, still have to spread the rep, what the heck? I agree 110%, couldn't say it better than that, too mad. Bravo, great post, that will probably fall on deaf ears. But we gave it a shot, that's all we can do. Hppefully some of what we said will sink in. We can hope right? :)

You are thinking of you and what you want, what will make you happy.

Don't go into something this important with the idea that you will be able to rely on anyone else... not your parents, not a boyfriend, not government assistance. When you can truly take care of ALL of your child's needs... now and in the future, then you will be in a better place to consider having a baby.

Focus on what you can do to get yourself to that point. Make it a goal... you are going to be the best mother a child could want, you will be able to provide all the things they you would like them to have, you will do all that you can to insure they have the best quality of life.

You want to be the best role model you can for your child, and that starts with how and why you bring them into the world.