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Hi what is the best way to apologise to an ex and get her talking to you, if she is ignoring you.
I was horrible and want to make up for it! But she is not speaking, ignores my mail and texts. I have sent a mail saying I was wrong and apologised but it does not make a difference.
Surly if someone is admitting there wrong that should count for something?
Women, your hard to understand ? Please help.
Sorry to be blunt but... you have already apologized by mail. Now... leave her alone. She obviously isn't ready to talk to you.
My ex did this and it ANNOYED the heck out of me. The more he tried to contact me... the more annoyed with him I got! Seriously!
My advice... leave her alone. She will talk to you when she is ready to.
Give her time to find it in herself to forgive you. You have apologized and made it clear
That you are sorry. Give her a little space without having your incoming messages floating in her head.
I would maybe recommend, one more note to her. Just so your going silent, all of a sudden, is not misinterpreted by her. Send her one more BRIEF note, letting her know that you still are sorry and you want to give her the space she needs to understand. To just go quiet all of a sudden may not give the right impression and may fuel her being upset even more.
But after that, you have to stick to it and give her space. Hard to do, but it is important.
Sorry you are in the dog house.
Hey.. you answered my post so I'm answering yours... What kind of girl is she.. is she a compassionate person.. understanding heart?? What did you do that she is now your ex?? Did you guys mutually break up.. Were you the one to break it off?? If she is not responding, she is probably either annoyed... or she is trying to figure things out.. I do think that she is thinking about you and probably thinking about the situation... If you want to be romantic about it... and also what I would like if this were me... Just go to see her... show up at her door... flowers and the works... write down what u want to say first on a piece of paper and need be, bring it with you... wear your heart on her sleeve... tell her what it is about her that makes you want her back... but you have to trust in yourself and tell her that you are going to give 100% to the relationship to fix things and have her forgive you... There is a possibility that she will not care, but if you do it sincerely and the right way, I think you will work things out... YOu are the man... you must step up to the plate... Emails are dumb.. they are just typing words.. even though most of us could get thoughts out better this way... they are still just informal.. you need to see her face to face... In my situation, I wrote the emails while he didn't call for days... but I did it so I would be in his head and he would think of me... and I'm sure in your case.. she is... Now, I just have to wait for him... remember... me... the one with the bipolar boyfriend... :)
Onlineguy,
I am not sure what you did to hurt her or how you went about apologizing, but it is very apparent that you have let it be known you are sorry.. she knows.
If you continue to push at her you are going to annoy her and she will never come around.
You really need to give her space to let her think things through. Whatever happened between you is obviously enough to break things off and have her ignoring you- so she needs time to adapt to these changes and figure out how she will deal with them.
If you keep apologizing and asking for a response she is going to get fed up and just walk away completely... if she has not already. The most mature thing you can do is let her be. Don't put any more pressure on her, and hopefully she will come around and talk to you again.
I know girls can be confusing, but always remember it goes both ways. Its human nature to not always understand another person... we are all different and we all handle situations differently. That is just something you must get used to and respect... the more you can respect other peoples responses the better you will understand them.
Best of luck!
SINGLE4 answered your question perfectly. Leave her alone.
Maybe contact her ONCE in SIX months.
What don't you get about annoying? Believe me from my many experiences you can never CONVIENCE an ex to like you again... once you MOVE on thye may come back - but only then.
Give her some time to forgive you.. Time may mean months as Wildcat suggests.
The damage is done, more damage will be created if you try to push her to forgive you.
Time is a good healer in most cases.
I've tried everything in the book to get certain EXs back - only thing that worked was time.
Dang, every answer here is perfect, well except for one!!
You also need to understand that they are ex's for a reason.
Yes, we are women, we are hard to understand, well, men are hard for women to understand too. LOL
Anyway, apparently you did something to hurt her and she is ready for No Contact.
If I were her, I would feel like I was being stalked. If I want out of a relationship I do not want contact from the other person so that I have time to heal. You are not giving her time to heal by emailing and whatever.
You need to understand that she may never want to get back together, but that is her choice and nothing you can do will change her mind. I never got back with any of my ex's and the reason being was that there was too much past to begin a new future. She may feel the same.
You can never go back and change the past, what is done is done. Although there may be forgiveness, it will remain in her memory.
I definitely think that you should give her time... I don't mean go knocking on her door tomorrow... but when it comes to that point or if it does, you should do it... I just say that because you might regret how you feel later... not the best advice I guess since someone said all the answers but "mine" apparently were perfect... but everyone is different and when it comes to love, sometimes you just have to take a chance... kind of like what you told me... at least maybe then you will have some kind of closure. I say you give her plenty of time and then make your last move.
Yep, yeah, right. She could be with another man and that man could open the door, then it would open up a whole new can of worms.
Just give her space, leave her alone, she will come to you if she wants to. You already made an apology and made your feelings known. Now it is time to make a life of your own, as she has already done.
She will come to you if and when she wants to.
The only thing you can hope for by no contact is shemay miss you and think you were sincere.
But you didn't give us details of the break why?
Yes..
What was it that you realise you were wrong for.
What did you say/do?
There are different degrees of what is considered wrong and this will dicatate what degree of forgiveness that is required.
More info..
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
They are not so hard to understand, if you take the time to listen, and communicate properly. Without real communication, and listening, everyone is hard to understand, male or female.
Learn this and you will be better equipped to deal with situations like this.
I have followed the advise given about not keeping in touch, (This no contact) but to be honest I can't see how this lets the person know you want them back. Or want to win back there love. It appears to give the opposite impression. That you don't give a **** about them.
I can see about not driving them further away, by backing off and giving them space, but surly no contact just leaves them not thinking about you and meeting someone else. What's the point in that !
That's not an expression of love, wanting to be with someone!! It's the opposite - your saying to her I don't want to be with you - I am moving on, looking for another.
That's not the impression I want to portray??
DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT WINNING BACK AN EX OR IS THIS JUST NOT POSSIBLE ?
HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY DONE THIS AND HOW?
(Sorry if this sounds harsh, but all the stories on here are repeating the same thing, none of them give an answer).
No Contact is not about getting someone back in your life, it's about cutting them out and getting on with your life and your healing. You're completely right, and that's the way it's supposed to be. If someone dumps you then you should move on because they obviously don't care about you anymore. That's what No Contact is about.
Winning back an Ex is possible, but if they dumped you there must be a reason, and unless that thing has genuinely changed, I see not much of a reason to go back. Find someone who will love you for who you are.
There's a lot of good answers and truth in the answers you received in your other post, please read them and take note.
Maybe others will have advice to share about winning someone back.
As Capunchin already said... NC needs to be about making yourself better for now. You have to genuinely work on yourself and everything around you will fall into place. After being dumped the last thing your ex wants to see is you running back to them as the same poor pathetic person you were before... b/c they are smart enough to know you two will inevitably fall back into the same rut.
First you have to prove to work on yourself and become more confident and positive and just disapper for a while. If your ex really cares for you, she will reach out soon enough to see how have you been. If you can SHOW (not TELL) someone that you are fine without them, that often makes you more attractive to that person. People always want what they can't have. Make yourself unavailable and use this time to become the best YOU that you can be.
Believe me I know it's hard staying away, but it's the best thing you can right now for yourself and your relationship. Always make sure you BE the new you... don't tell someone you have changed, you have to show it. Let them figure it out on their own... it's the only way.
The ex who dumps you wants you out of their life for a reason, so you give that to them. Contacting the ex will only prolong your pain and prevent you from moving on. This is why No Contact is spread around as valuable advice on this website. No contact is not a way to win back the ex. It is true that an ex is more likely to miss you if you stay out of contact, that is true.Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
The relationship though was broken for a reason. Unless major changes have been made by both parties in the relationship, any hope of successful reconciliation is sadly not possible. Both would just fall back into the same patterns again and this would result in another break-up.
Perhaps they need to meet someone else to make comparisons and become aware of what it is they really want. Maybe they will realise that their new partner is what they want.Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
What you must do though is begin the process of moving on and forget the idea of winning the ex back through staying out of contact. It will prevent you from finding that special person who can appreciate you for who you are and not what they want you to be at this point in their life.
I hope this advice helps you. I will keep an eye on your thread and see if I can add anything more to it.
You still didn't tell us the reason for the breakup!
How come?
?? I don't get it !
I agree with what you are saying about space and healing and all. But when I have finished a girl and there is no feelings there, I don't give a damm if she is in a good place or a bad place, or if she contactS me or not. So why should my ex give a damm about me !
So presuming that there is no feeling or little feeling there from her, and mine is how do you get her back to having feelings ? WIN BACK HER LOVE !
HOW DOES NO CONTACT ACHIEVE THIS ? (it just gives her the impression, well he obviously did not care that much, so why should I - I will just find someone else).
We fell out over an agruement over ex's. And I was horrible. Regret it now like.
Like I said, No Contact does not even try to accomplish this. It's a strategy to save yourself heartache and improve your wellbeing, to help you be a better person and move on with your life. It doesn't help you get someone back.
It may occasionally be a side effect through you becoming a better person. But winning someone back is not the objective of no contact.
Of course she will just find someone else... this is why she dumped you.
So wait for 2 months and then you can call her for a coffee.
Did you apologize to her before you began the 'no contact'?
Yes but In a lame arrogant man way!. lol.
She probably expects me to go with the first lass who comes along, but isn't that what she will be doing. Or why end it ?
If no one else in her sites then she would have sorted out the problems in the relationship !
I don't understand your point.Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
Yes she will be doing that, because she dumped you to get on with her life without you.
There's no point sorting out the problems in the relationship if you realise this person isn't the person you want to be with anymore.
I believe that the mature way to deal with this kind of situation would have been to try and resolve through communication. Yes, a real apology would have been good but it does take two to work on problems in a relationship. It is a cowards way out of a relationship to just end it an run without trying to work out a sensible resolution to the problem. That is only to say if the relationship is actually valuable to both parties. If one feels that the relationship has less meaning to them, then ending it would be the best option for both concerned. If this is the case and there has been no discussion of separation with possible reconciliation, then it is better as Val suggests above to consider the relationship over for good.Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
No contact is then about healing and improving yourself for the next relationship with someone who will appreciate you for who you are.
Yes I agree with Geoff also and think you should have apologized properly before going into no contact... maybe you should try once more and then go back to no contact.
I kind of feel that before going to no contact its good to have expressed all you need to say so that you have no regrets...
With respect. None of this answers my question
I have done the no contact, healed and given her space.
What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others.
How do I do this ?
I suppose the first thing would be to show her how sorry you really are. If she knows you are sincerely sorry, then this will be a positive move to winning her back. How much space have you given her? 1 month, 2 months?Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
How much contact have you made? Have you e-mailed her? Texted her? Called? In this time. If this is true, then this does not count as space as she would have felt under pressure from your need for constant updates as to what is happening.
Why were you both arguing over ex's in the first place? What relevance does your history and her history have to do with the present?
You need to ask yourself if there is more to this break-up than just simply an argument. You must look at this first otherwise taking any action to winning her back is not going to work.
I'm sorry if this seems a bit blunt but it is my best opinion based on what you have wrote so far.
<<I have done the no contact, healed and given her space. >>
6 days is not enough!!
<<Why were you both arguing over ex's in the first place? What relevance does your history and her history have to do with the present?
>>
Exactly, tell us all the details!!
You may be asking the impossible. You can't make her want you. You can't make her come back. You can't stop her from dating someone else. She will come back only if it is something that she has thought about and something that she wanted to do anyway. She will had to have missed you and somehow realized that you are valuable in her life and doesn't want to let you go. She needs to want to reconcile too... something that she will have to feel on her own. Again, you can't make her feel that either.
If no contact has done nothing for you, your only other choices are to contact her with something very casual or even perhaps another apology, wait and hope she contacts you on her own and be open to talking with her, or to forget her. Didn't you mention in another one of your threads that she won't return your calls or emails? If she still won't reply if you try to contact her again, there is unfortunately not much else you can do to get her back without looking like a stalker in her eyes. You will just push her further and further away. You may need to give her some time to get over her anger before you try to contact her again.
There are no guaranteed ways to get an ex back. Everyone here is trying to give you ideas, but if we had the answers, none of us would be going through the heartaches that we are in right now either. We all wish we had the magic formula to get an ex back. There simply are no guarantees or one answer that works in any given case of a breakup.
<<What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others. >>
What others?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rol
Maybe you should try this option and then go back to no contact. It is always good to leave things on a nicer note than a sour, bitter one. It's no guarantee that this will win her back as you suggest.
I am not even sure if you can WIN her back, she needs to want to come back. You can make improvements to yourself though to make this more of a possibility but you should really be thinking more along the lines of 'she is gone forever' because one day you may be forced to accept this.
I know it is hard mate, I completely relate to why you are asking this question but remember that there is also a chance that she may move on for good herself and that eventually you might need to.
Start by talking to her. See where she stands with working things out with you. If she is not into it then there is no reason to continue trying.
Sorry about that, I worded it wrongly.
We argued over her cheating on an ex who is a canny lad, with a lad who is not so canny !
(without going into detail. I disaproved and made her feel bad about this).
I know I was wrong and have said that, its past and all. But I took my feeling of dislike for another out on her. She knows all of this.
Any way. Its not that I want to win her back like a prize or a trophy.
I care about her, love her and want to make her happy. I want to treat her well and make her feel special, important and loved. (Romantic sloppy sod)...
But if the girl is ignoreing me, how the hell do I do this without as someone said appearing a pest.
As I see it, each of you had your chance at much of this in the first go-around. And then something went wrong. Now if you don't specifically take care of whatever it is that went wrong, you won't get back to loving each other again. And it takes the both of you being willing to honestly and responsibly go after what went wrong. It's that simple. That you came to where you ended it says to me not everyone was willing here to go after what went wrong. So there is your answer. There is no way to win someone back while bypassing what went wrong-- if THAT were possible, holy cow, then all kinds of people would be doing it and posting here exactly how they did!Quote:
Originally Posted by onlineguy
Frankly, if its worth breaking up over, its worth staying broken up over. The chance to fix what went wrong has come and gone. Anyone else telling you differently is holding out false hope to you that I consider not grounded in reality. So far I have only seen one person here willing to use NC as an opportunity to change and then go back and try to win her by demonstrating the change and the jury is still out on how well that works because he hasn't returned to her yet. I think I know the odds on that working already and said so on his thread. To use NC as some kind of very casually arranged separation without any terms meant to better the realationship without an actual agreement from both parties is as fantasyland as it comes, in my book. Or the work of game players. Take your pick. I mean, come on... how are you to even know what went wrong if you aren't TALKING ABOUT IT?? I am sorry to confirm what you suspected all along -- there is no secret magic fix. I'm sorry for your loss. That is my answer and I stand by it.
Did ye actually break up or ye just had a fight and she is ignoring you now?
He called her his "ex" from the beginning. If that isn't a break up then I don't know what words mean anymore. LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by rol
Cheers I appreciate the replies.
Yes there was problems and I know them, she knows them and I am prepared to do what ever is necasary to sort them out.
But when I first liked her I showed an interest in her in a nice friendly way then when I liked her and thought she felt the same I asked her out.
What I am trying to do is get back to that stage. So that for want of a better word I can woo her again. (lame word, but sounds better than seduce).
No contact has helped me heal. I am not chasing after her or depsperate for her.
But my query is, if I am observing full no contact, how do I get to the stage of getting her to see the real me and like me again ?
Ill copy this advice someone (I think skell or wildcat wrote)
If it has been 2-3 months you could give them a quick call just to say hi. Make it a fun and light conversation.. LISTEN to her though.
Ask how they have been, what they are up to?
Make her LAUGH.. You are the FUN guy she had a great relationship with.
Your not ringing her to ask about getting back together, what went wrong, no begging, no pleading, no pressure etc etc...
You are calling simply to say hi and see how everything has been.
OVERALL it should be a light, fun and easy going chat...
After about 10 minutes or so you should end the call. Your in control.
Everything in your life is great. Things are going good. You have friends everywhere, your life is on track. Basically you Don't NEED HER for your life to be good.
I wouldn't even ask to meet her yet...
1 simple call so she can hear your voice. The fun guy she used to love... It might make her miss you.
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