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So...
Here's a quick summary of what's wrong with me:
- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.
So I ask you AMHD, what should I work on first and how?
Keep in mind, my goal is to better myself and make myself happier.
Try reading some self-help books:
The Guide to Self-Help Books – Recommended Self-Help Books - Self-Help Book Reviews
Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide
Have you considered seeing a counselor?
Tried, didn't help.
Went there for a pretty long time even.
You are:
- an excellent writer.
- a good speller (except for "obcessive")
- careful with punctuation
- a logical thinker
- analytical
- a problem-solver
- probably good at writing outlines and term papers
- probably loved by teachers
- an interesting-sounding person
- smart
Hmmm.
Has it ever occurred to you that you can approach this another way?
There is nothing wrong with you. Accept yourself the way you are. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves.
By all means work to better yourself, but remember you are you - and no-one else is.
We are all perfectly imperfect. It's the human condition.
I've heard the same, apart from those those you described as probable. So, thanks, I feel a little happier now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Gemini54:
'Eh, while most of them I can accept, the last 3 to 4 items on that list I feel like I could get through and have been trying to do so.
Still I'll think about your opinion :) .
Okay. Good. What's next?Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Actually went out today with a single friend, trying to be more outgoing...Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
It just doesn't come naturally to me and doesn't help that most people never invite me.
But 'eh, going to try to make myself available to the people I know and see how it goes from there.
Just be a good listener, an active listener, and people will think you are the best conversationalist in the whole wide world. Google "active listener" (without quote marks) if you need a definition.Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Actually, I like you a lot already. You answered my question and made a small but important effort to improve something in your life. I'm impressed!
***ADDED***I just read your earlier posts. You would be a wonderful addition to this site and could even become an expert. You have good sense and a nice way of dealing with questioners.
Also to anyone following this thread. Accepted an invitation from my girlfriend to a concert on Saturday and asked her to come to another on Wednesday.
Tried inviting one of my college buddies to one but he didn't want to attend.
(Basically, there'll be one concert a day around here for a week)
Not going to those concerts anymore, broke up with my girlfriend.
Please refer to:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ry-466380.html
If you're interested.
Be sure to let me (us) know how they went and how you felt about the two situations.Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
What kind of concerts? Orchestra or pop band or what?
Rock and Folk basically, but I'm not attending anymore Wondergirl, refer to the first post on the 2nd Page :)
Ask someone else.Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Don't give up because one person didn't want to go. Don't stop living your life because people suck.
Why not find a hobby you're good at? Hobbies are always a good self-esteem builder.
Actually went to that Rock concert yesterday. An old friend heard I had become single and instantly invited me to join (he didn't like my ex very much).
Still, I saw her there as well and the pain just surged from nowhere. I had a good time after I lost track of her however.
I'll probably join him again for 1 or 2 more concerts, hopefully not running into my ex.
Good for you, JK! I'm proud of you.
You sound like a perfectly normal teenager (one who is more articulate and self-aware than many) who is gradually maturing into a young adult. You just sound like you are trying a bit too hard to complete the process, putting pressure on yourself.
Of course the break-up is painful and I really do sympathise with you, it feels horrible no matter how old you are. Only time will heal that. Try and be a bit more patient with yourself.
Take it one day at a time. You are doing fine.
Attending a second concert today with my cousin and same friend I went with last time.
Plan to have a blast.
I also set aside a secondary goal, if possible, I want to try and make a light conversation with a complete stranger (even if he or she knows my cousin or friend).
I think this'll help my shyness, even if they don't respond well to my attempt.
Thoughts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
You have described yourself as obsessive, self-esteem issues, lazy, arrogant, anti-social, cynical, and socially awkward.
You also say you were in counselling for a long time. Were any of those issues addressed with any concrete plans to work on changing any of them? You say it didn't work, but maybe you are more comfortable the way you are rather than taking on the very difficult task of changing anything about yourself.
Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?
Some things you don't need instructions for. Think of giving of yourself for no reward other than knowing that you've made a difference in someone else's life- such as a few hours a week at a homeless shelter, or helping out at a food bank. Put your own self-described 'faults' aside, and try to balance it out with the real world where people truly suffer and struggle every day to get by. The rewards are enormous.
I'm not downplaying your feelings or your assessment of yourself, but at 18, it is time to step outside that destructive bubble in my opinion, and start making changes in your life, that involve other people and activities.
Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.
It is not easy to just trust the advice of a stranger, but I can tell you with some experience myself in life, that if you don't go after happiness, it will not find you.
My opinion is you need a little more balance in your life.
I'd say it depends on what you define by balance.
Also, the counselor that I visited barely did anything to me apart from helping me tolerate my family better and just accepting that they'll never change.
Swim tri-weekly and attend Physics in College.Quote:
Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?
Anyone who can actually be in a part time college and not fail their college classes is a hero in my book. So that's a route I just won't take at all.Quote:
Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.
I still don't understand what you meant by going after happiness.
When I talk about balance, I mean balancing your needs and wants.
If you want, for instance, to be more social, then you have to be more socially active. If you want to feel that you are contributing to this world, and giving something of yourself, then you have to take advantage of opportunities such as volunteering.
If you are continuously stuck in a cycle of self depreciation, where do you expect to go.
I know nothing of your family history, but if you are still living at home and being supported by your parents, I presume that the counselling helped somewhat?
Physics part time I also presume, is part of an educational plan? Are you taking more than one class, or on your way to a diploma/degree of some sort? What do you want to do with your education.
All I'm saying is, that 'loop' without changes, isn't going to lead you on a path where you will find or experience happiness. The experience you gain, just by living, and learning how to cope with ups and downs, will prepare you for success. From what you have said so far, you don't seem to be particularly motivated. The way you listed a description of yourself in your original post, is self-limiting, and probably only part of the picture.
Do you have goals and dreams?
Who doesn't?
I am taking a Bachelor's degree in Physics, that's what I meant.
As for wanting and trying to be more social, I've actually done just that.
Wanting to be less shy? Actually maintained a long conversation with two girls I haven't had met before. So that was a step forward in my perspective as well as a confidence boost (two pretty attractive girls, even though I had no intention of dating them).
As for my hopes and dreams?
-Bachelor's and Master's degree in Physics.
-Might try to do a PhD in Physics.
-Want a family
-Most important, want to be happy.
These are my hopes and dreams? Common? Perhaps.
You're lookin' good, JK!Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Anyway, for those following. Got an invitation from my sister to attend a college event in another city, think I'm going to take her up on it even if I'm completely tired at the moment.
Yay JK!! I envy you. Sounds like fun!Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
I did go to that college event even if I regret it now.
While I did have some fun with my sister and her female friends, I did hate her male friends as well as the concert and the whole atmosphere.
Still, I'm going to accept all social invitations anyway. My birthday is coming up though, which means I'll hit my major depression time of the year. :(
(to clarify, my grandfather died on my birthday and I kissed my ex for the first time on my birthday as well, so it kind of is a sad day for me.)
When is your birthday, JK? (Time for some new memories.)
May 7th
Out of the blue this did come up.
Should I delete all contacts from my ex, as well as reminders from her so as to heal better?
I would. Doesn't that seem to be the rational and reasonable thing to do?Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
I agree with Wondergirl, time to let go of the past, and hello to the future.
I'm just not that comfortable with destroying every single memory of a relationship that wasn't all bad. This obviously includes pictures, presents, text messages and all that.
Keep the good memories, but learn from the bad things. It's always best to try to learn from all bad relationships, whether it's with family or a romantic relationship. Every person you have contact has good and bad in them, it's up to you what you dwell on (whether it's the good or bad parts.)
So it's my birthday today (not excited about it).
And I bring news of my life to those following in my attempts to better myself and my life!
Went to a friend's party, met a cute chick, had an one night stand, hated it, she apparently loved it.
She won't stop pestering me. I have no interest in her. What do I do about this?
I'm contemplating suicide. That is all.
Now what happened?? Please tell me (us).Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Meh, family is going chaotic, I'm not over my ex, not doing that good in college.
That's about it really.
Can I help somehow? Do some of your homework? Invite your family over for a backyard barbecue? Introduce you to a couple of cute girls?Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
No point meeting cute girls while I'm not over my ex in my opinion 'eh.
I'm just contemplating, I'm not going to go through with it (I hope anyhow).
Thanks for the support Wondergirl.
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