Ask Me Help Desk - What are your insecurities when you are around other people?

What are your insecurities when you are around other people?

I have to say that I have a few, however mostly I feel that I am out of shape and I need to lose a few pounds, it makes me feel uncomfortable. In the past this was very important to me, worked out, watched what I ate for the most part. Lately I haven't had time to work out and I have been 'binging' some. So, maybe it is stress, laziness, not enough time... whatever, but that is one of mine... I am in front of people a lot; speaking, selling, dealing with customers... and I just feel like this is distracting...

What are yours, doesn't have to be about weight... :D

It always takes me a long time to feel comfortable around people. For one, I am a 'people watcher' and prefer not to interact until I have a good read on people. It stems from wondering if what you have to say has any value until you know personalities. It's also a social issue, but then it is often that after I am comfortable and social I find out what a snotty *itch that people thought I was when they met me.

Knowing that I am even more reserved and I am always concerned that my standoffishness is viewed as snotty behavior.

I understand that Justy but that like losing weight is something that can be worked on, but I don't see it.

Having to be in front of people constantly I sometimes jump in and find that is not always a great idea either. After you say something and then find out your opinion is in direct conflict with the person that you are talking to... I have learned to back track...

Another is making a snap judgement and finding later that it was wrong. Makes me want to work on that too... I watch their faces and body language more now. Obviously, can't be done here though... :rolleyes:

I have been working on this issue for a long time. Actually poker has helped a lot with this issue for me, because it's a constant array of new people to interact with. Of course now the poker table is my turf, that doesn't hurt the situation either. Once I am warm though, watch out, I am easily hot! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I have been working on this issue for a long time. Actually poker has helped alot with this issue for me, because it's a constant array of new people to interact with. Of course now the poker table is my turf, that doesn't hurt the situation either. Once I am warm though, watch out, I am easily hot! :D

Got cha... I'll be careful... :D Night.

You've been in shape before, so you can get back in. You just need a routine of some sort to help you out. The toughest part is the first push to start up the routine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

You've been in shape before, so you can get back in. You just need a routine of some sort to help you out. The toughest part is the first push to start up the routine.

You're right, I know, and I am still insecure about it. :)

Stringer, I know that it can not be just you and I with insecurities... do you think people are still just hiding them...

Fess up people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Stringer, I know that it can not be just you and I with insecurities... do you think people are still just hiding them...

Fess up people.

Denial maybe he hee? ;)

Hey justy! No I have insecurities to. Tons of them.

First I constantly think people are talking bad things about me or hate me. I don't know why. I feel like when I walk in a room they are like "oh ya thats so and so and she did this and that" More then likely not true, but I hate social situations because of this. Or anything in public.

I live in a trailer, which we bought brand new and its nicer then most of my friends houses. But I am so embarrassed to tell people where I live for fear they will think I am trailer trash. I am not, we make good money and have good jobs. We just bought it on a whim and now wish we would have bought a house. But we were young and didn't care at the time. This one really bugs me. I hate the term trailer trash and it offends me so much.

I am embarrassed being to flat chested. Just because men gawk at women who are falling out of there shirts and then here I am buying more padding and underwire just so I can look like an A. Oh right, size doenst matter thought. Well I haven't seen any gawking at mine. So that's an insecurity.

Oh really I can go on and on.

Also, like you, I normally sit back and people watch before I see where I fit in. In turn that makes me look why I guess.

I can sympathize with your list.

I am a C cup, but I didn't develop until I was almost a junior in high school. Teenagers are cruel... my nickname in high school was 'Big Mama Melons' because my friends thought that was funny.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

I have to say that I have a few, however mostly I feel that I am out of shape and I need to lose a few pounds, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

You and me both. I've been walking every day, even if it's only 15 min, but it's hard to eat better because my husband is so dang picky and I hate to come up with 2 different things to make if he doesn't want what I want.

People can be cruel, I think that it has something to do with their very own insecurities... in their minds; attack so that they are not attacked... craziness... Also, some that are narcissistic feel that it makes them look good if they put someone else down. And with this type of person... it can ONLY be about them. (NO, I am not talking about anyone in particular... )

So, how are we to deal with these things?

violence. LOL

Stringer you can do it! Just get yourself back in a routine and work out and change your eating habits. It's a lifestyle change for sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

violence. LOL

Ha haaaaa... is that the 'gentler' type of violence? :rolleyes:

I so agree that people attack so they aren't attacked. I have learned those are the most weak really.

LOL. Yeah that just sounded good at the time. I always joke that violence is the answer, although it solves nothing.

Another insecurity... kind of... I totally melt when I have to take a shot... (needle that is)...

I realize that it doesn't hurt (much) but I wish that I handled this better... At least I haven't fainted like I saw so many do in the Air Force... Hmmmm? Maybe this is a phobia? Not sure...

Yeah, my phobia is some kind of megalophopia which effects me with planes and roller coasters and sadly even walking the streets of Chicago.

Phobias are a whole different story because I am always ashamed that I can't get it under control and I always feel that everyone is staring at the 'idiot in a panic attack'.

I hate shots also! I get so scared though, for me its just fear.

I don't think there is a person in the world that is 100% confident and secure.

So let's take a vote here... are phobias an insecurity?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

So let's take a vote here...are phobias an insecurity?

No I think phobias are entirely different. I am deathly terrified of spiders. Fears are a different level I think then insecurities.

I think that phobias are different, but for anyone reacting or ashamed of how they react to their phobia, then it becomes an insecurity.

I think you nailed it Justy.

Well, I see that we have no newcomers to confess their insecurities. Should I assume that all is peachy keen in the universe? :)

I fixed any insecure problems I might have---just stick to myself and feel like a shut in!

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I fixed any insecure problems I might have---just stick to myself and feel like a shut in!

Aha... but you have the key in your pocket...

Hi Stringer et al!

I just now found this thread! I'm quite comfortable now at speaking and/or performing in front of people. Didn't used to be that way, though. Have had panic attacks for a number of decades. Through just trying and getting in front of people to do things, I've learned how to control the attacks. But, the "fight or flight" reaction is still there...

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi Stringer et al!

I just now found this thread! I'm quite comfortable now at speaking and/or performing in front of people. Didn't used to be that way, though. Have had panic attacks for a number of decades. Through just trying and getting in front of people to do things, I've learned how to control the attacks. But, the "fight or flight" reaction is still there...

Thanks!

Clough, you are one of the most dependable friends that I have. I have had the privilege of getting to know you and I know that anything that you set your mind to is already accomplished.

I just found this thread too!

I have insecurities.

I do not feel comfortable when people express 'concern' for me, because I begin to feel that I deserve it, and I lose my focus.

I am very insecure in enclosed spaces, not quite a panic, but close. I am insecure with automatic window's in my truck, and insecure when I try to explain something that I know very well, but lack confidence to get it through without putting both feet in my mouth, and I get that way, that so I don't seem like a know it all.

I am totally creeped out and insecure about making left hand turns, and will go out of my way by miles to avoid them.

I'm insecure as a parent, always wondering 'what if' and if I did the right thing.

I'm far too trusting, and take people at their word, only to learn otherwise sometimes, and then I'm too insecure the other way to face people the same again.

I'm insecure about my ability to follow a map, and get lost and panic, even in a parking lot.

I am insecure about how others perceive me, I mean me, not my hair, teeth, boobs, etc.

How's that for a start lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I just found this thread too!!

I have insecurities.

I do not feel comfortable when people express 'concern' for me, because I begin to feel that I deserve it, and I lose my focus.

I am very insecure in enclosed spaces, not quite a panic, but close. I am insecure with automatic window's in my truck, and insecure when I try to explain something that I know very well, but lack confidence to get it through without putting both feet in my mouth, and I get that way, that so I don't seem like a know it all.

I am totally creeped out and insecure about making left hand turns, and will go out of my way by miles to avoid them.

I'm insecure as a parent, always wondering 'what if' and if I did the right thing.

I'm far too trusting, and take people at their word, only to learn otherwise sometimes, and then I'm too insecure the other way to face people the same again.

I'm insecure about my ability to follow a map, and get lost and panic, even in a parking lot.

I am insecure about how others perceive me, I mean me, not my hair, teeth, boobs, etc.

How's that for a start lol

HI Jake,

Well, a good start. Have you tried to do anything about the insecurities? If so, can you tell us?

Stringer

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

Well, I see that we have no newcomers to confess their insecurities. Should I assume that all is peachy keen in the universe? :)

All is good in my world - can't think of any insecurities I have. Being in libraries for years and years has taught me that people, no matter their race, creed, or religion, all bleed red and want to be accepted for who they are. I converse with the schizophrenic ones like we're having a normal conversation, work with the library browsers as they search out some mystery or esoteric fact, and oooh and aaah with the normal, everyday patron who wants to share some facet of his life with me while he's checking out the newest Cussler or Evanovich.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

All is good in my world - can't think of any insecurities I have. Being in libraries for years and years has taught me that people, no matter their race, creed, or religion, all bleed red and want to be accepted for who they are. I converse with the schizophrenic ones like we're having a normal conversation, work with the library browsers as they search out some mystery or esoteric fact, and oooh and aaah with the normal, everyday patron who wants to share some facet of his life with me while he's checking out the newest Cussler or Evanovich.

Wife and I love Clive, I have all his books in hardback in my library/loft upstairs WG.

Thank God WG, :) I need someone as an example, you fit the job :). Someone needs to counter balance. Think of those that have been able to tell you their 'items' and left feeling a little better that someone listened to them. The thing is, most people are not good listeners at all. That 'art' has diminished a long time ago, probably one of the reasons that Tweeter is so successful... :p

I got a TomTom GPS for Christmas last year, and that has helped a lot with that insecurity.

With people, particularly when I'm having personal problems, I keep my business to myself. When all is said and done, then I talk about it.

The day to day insecurities I've learned to live with; the left hand turn thing, and enclosed spaces. It is usually only a minor inconvenience to alter my turns, and I take stairs instead of elevators.

I think all of us have these little odd things that we do, or don't do, and insecurities that get in the way of living, I'd be pushing that envelope to a phobia stage.

Some things ease as well. I had also a terrible thing about spiders in my 20's, and now, they don't bother me a bit.

It is a terribly frustrating thing to feel panic coming on. It's like a force. Maybe for insecurities the best way to handle them is avoid them, or come up with something alternative that you can live with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I got a TomTom GPS for Christmas last year, and that has helped a lot with that insecurity.

With people, particularly when I"m having personal problems, I keep my business to myself. When all is said and done, then I talk about it.

The day to day insecurities I've learned to live with; the left hand turn thing, and enclosed spaces. It is usually only a minor inconvenience to alter my turns, and I take stairs instead of elevators.

I think all of us have these little odd things that we do, or don't do, and insecurities that get in the way of living, I'd be pushing that envelope to a phobia stage.

Some things ease as well. I had also a terrible thing about spiders in my 20's, and now, they don't bother me a bit.

It is a terribly frustrating thing to feel panic coming on. It's like a force. Maybe for insecurities the best way to handle them is avoid them, or come up with something alternative that you can live with.

Possibly Jake, but I believe that someone smarter than me would probably say that you should face them to try and get rid of them...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

Thank God WG, :) I need someone as an example, you fit the job :). Someone needs to counter balance. Think of those that have been able to tell you their 'items' and left feeling a little better that someone listened to them.

Forgot to mention that I no longer work at reference and at the front desk, but now am in charge of the volunteers (I started the program in 1993) of which several are handicapped and many have been retirees, the court-ordered community service program that includes teens to older adults, the homebound patrons who receive our books and services every three weeks, am the facilitator of the library's successful writers' group, and am the go-to person for the staff (am the longest-time employee in the adult department). When I am actually working, I am the senior cataloger and may have to telephone our system headquarters, other libraries, our materials distributor (Baker & Taylor), and our AV materials suppliers such as Random House Audio, Recorded Books, Brilliance, the Teaching Company, etc. I have a master's in counseling psychology; most of my clients and, of course, the people I deal with through the library have told me they want to be my BFF. Yes, people like to be listened to and, even more so, be validated in some way. I don't dare have insecurities! My sister and I were out shopping one day when I was at home in NYS, and she jokingly said, "You'll talk to anybody, won't you!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Forgot to mention that I no longer work at reference and at the front desk, but now am in charge of the volunteers (I started the program in 1993) of which several are handicapped and many have been retirees, the court-ordered community service program that includes teens to older adults, the homebound patrons who receive our books and services every three weeks, am the facilitator of the library's successful writers' group, and am the go-to person for the staff (am the longest-time employee in the adult department). When I am actually working, I am the senior cataloger and may have to telephone our system headquarters, other libraries, our materials distributor (Baker & Taylor), and our AV materials suppliers such as Random House Audio, Recorded Books, Brilliance, the Teaching Company, etc. I have a master's in counseling psychology; most of my clients and, of course, the people I deal with through the library have told me they want to be my BFF. Yes, people like to be listened to and, even more so, be validated in some way. I don't dare have insecurities! My sister and I were out shopping one day when I was at home in NYS, and she jokingly said, "You'll talk to anybody, won't you!"

WG, I am the same way, it irritates my wife at times...