Ask Me Help Desk - Advice from women needed.

Onlineguy,

Well my first impression upon reading your post, I would think you over reacted. I say this because Ive dealt with an emotional ex recently, and the way you just explained things reminds me so much of how he would blow things out of proportion.

There were very valid times that I just could not respond to him, such as when I was at work and busy or when I was trying to get something done.

For granted you were asking a simple question and it would have been nice to get a response and not feel ignored, but it sounds as if you expect to be ignored therefore the minute she doesn't say something in return right away, you assume the worst.

I could very well be wrong, and just stuck with the memories of my own recent, and unsuccessful, attempt at being friends with my ex. Things were fine until he finally found the leverage to turn things against me. I figured out that was the only reason he was even still talking to me. He couldn't stand that he was the one at fault... which we broke up for the same reason you and your ex did... he was too needy, too insecure, and untrusting.

With all that said, I think its best for you to just continue walking away. It seems as though its just tearing you up trying to be friends with her. I don't think its fair to you or her at this point.

She will probably be a little hurt that this is how you are going to end things, but she may have expected this to be your behavior anyhow. I know I definitely expected my ex to behave like he did... I tried to avoid it, but in the end I just let go and let him be, I let him turn things against me cause then he was able to move on. It sucks he hates me now... but I feel OK with that sine I don't feel like I have to play nice or try to always reason with him...

Ok well I hope this made some sort sense. Just try and let things go... You will be better off.

Naa I think she is just pissed off with him as in her opinion he seems to want just one thing.
The communication here is not good at all .

Quote:

Originally Posted by s2tp

Onlineguy,

There were very valid times that I just could not respond to him, such as when I was at work and busy or when I was trying to get something done.

For granted you were asking a simple question and it would have been nice to get a response and not feel ignored, but it sounds as if you expect to be ignored therefore the minute she doesnt say something in return right away, you assume the worst.

He couldnt stand that he was the one at fault.... which we broke up for the same reason you and your ex did... he was too needy, too insecure, and untrusting.

She will probably be a little hurt that this is how you are going to end things,
Ok well I hope this made some sort sense. Just try and let things go... You will be better off.

Thanks for your replies guys.

When someone cares enough about you to ask if your feeling better, because you were ill there is no excuse to ignore that, that's just rude ! It was a text and a left message on msn.

As for being at fault, I have admitted I F*** up and was in the wrong, all I have tried to do is make amends for this, but she is not prepared to give me the chance to do this !

Yes at the end of the relationship I did the needy, desperate, obsessive ex, who texts way too much, but I have appologised and explained that I am over that.

The problem that I have now is that she knows I am sorry, if I contact her she ignores me. So I did the no contact bit, she contacts me and I am walking on egg shells watching every little thing I say and trying to keep things light between us. No pressure no heavy emotional S***. But I say one little thing wrong and she goes into ignore mode ! How do you deal with someone like that ?

I cannot do it, its ripping me up, I cannot be in a position where I have to second guess every word I say or write. She appears to only consider her emotions and not the fact that I have any ! If when I F*** up I was not bothered, didn't care or made light of it I could understand her reaction. But if someone has made a mistake and is genuine about it and wants to correct it, how are they to deal with someone who is not prepared to give them the chance, someone who will look for reasons not to communicate with them ?

Sorry to rant guys but this situ, should never of been! I just can't continue like this, it hurts too much ! She changes her thoughts more times than I change my socks !

So do I continue to be treat rudly, walking on glass, watching every little thing I say and worring that she may perceive it in the wrong way or do I stop trying and walk away ?

Roll - Evan when I said the joking comment it is not enough for her to react the way she is doing, She knows I have feelings for her, not just interested in sex.

She is just not giving me a break, everything is 100% about her, which I can understand her feeling that way due to being hurt, but you cannot work in a relationship that way, you have to cut the other person some slack ! At least talk to the person and hear them out, not just close of at the first thing that you do not like the sound of, without evan mentioning that to the person !

<<But I say one little thing wrong and she goes into ignore mode ! How do you deal with someone like that ?
<<

Well did you apologize to her? It just seems to me that she is still pissed off about the ex comment and now that comment about 'helping her sleep'' when she told you she was sick didn't exactly help!

But its true, if you have to watch everything you say to her maybe you are just complete opposites , and she is an over emotional,susceptible type of girl... so maybe she is just not the right one for you..

Stop trying and walk away...
You don't deserve to be feeling this way. If you have apologized and kicked back and she is still reacting that way then it sounds like she just thinks your going to jump back to the old ways, and she is not willing to give you a chance to prove you have changed. Therefore she has moved on and you should go your own way too.

Just take this as a learning tool. Know that you are a better person coming out of all this...

Hello,

Yes I have the same problem and caring too much hurts you, gives her the wrong idea about what love is and hurts your relationship. Show her you care in moderate levels, show her you care when she needs support. Do not hang and shower her with compliments, enquires, calls. That hurs the relationship. Its like spoiling a child. I showed my girlfriend a cared too much and when a big fight came along she called me a loser. So care see whether she reciprocates but don't be needy to show her. If she doesn't love you you can give the world it will not matter. Women are heartless when they feel nothing for you. Women deal better with break ups and are not afraid to break up with men. Men have hard time breaking bad news to women. Women are just better eqipped for relationships because of the fact they are simply women.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jojoa1

Hello,

caring too much hurts you, gives her the wrong idea about what love is and hurts your relationship. Show her you care in moderate levels, show her you care when she needs support. Do not hang and shower her with compliments, enquires, calls. That hurs the relationship. Its like spoiling a child. I showed my girlfriend a cared too much and when a big fight came along she called me a loser. So care see whether she reciprocates but don't be needy to show her. If she doesn't love you you can give the world it will not matter. Women are heartless when they feel nothing for you. Women deal better with break ups and are not afraid to break up with men. Men have hard time breaking bad news to women. Women are just better eqipped for relationships because of the fact they are simply women.

I can't believe How spot on you are. When they have feelings for you they are the most loving of creatures, but when those feelings go they are heartless and will take the shirt from your back.

It's that old saying, can't live with them, but can't live without them ! And women wonder why a lot of guys treat them like s***, Its only because we have been on the receiving end of their coldness and hurtfullness, that we think never again.

I really feel for you, it hurts doesn't it. That's why sometimes you need to a bit angry with them, why should ask how they are? They are for sure not botheresd about us. I too am very sensitive and can totally see where you are coming from.

Don't be too hard on yourself you were being yourself, and being caring. Just don't be too caring about people that don't deserve it : )

Please see my previous threads. Got ex talking again, but lost her, Got annoyed and blocked her details on msn.

She text and asks if on msn. I unblock. Half an hour later she is online, so I messenger her and she says I am not staying, corrects my grammar over something and then says bi??

?

Move on, stop playing games,

Maybe she is pmsing ;-)

What did you message her exactly?

I think she's playing hard to get... wonder why she just cannot tell you what she wants instead of all this childishness.

Get firm with her now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rol

maybe she is pmsing ;-)

what did you message her exactly?

i think shes playing hard to get ...wonder why she just cannot tell you what she wants instead of all this childishness.

Get firm with her now.

I simple asked her if she was any good with sorting out pc's as I have loads of viruses infecting my computer and having a bar be que.. lol

She said she was not staying, correct a mistake I made in this sentence and said bye ! Signed out of msn.

What is that about ? She knows how I feel !

Oh just leave her to it for now and don't message her anything else.

I believe she is using the old "treat them mean , keep them keen" which unfortunately is working very well with you...

How on earth do I prevent this girl from playing games !

I just can't believe that she is happy with the way the relationship has gone ! How could I have been so wrong, or so misled.

This whols situation is messed up ! Surly you try to solve problems, not create more.

Sorry to rant, very very confused by all of this!!

<<How on earth do I prevent this girl from playing games ! >>

Quite simply, Do not engage in games with her.

Tell her you do not like game playing and want a real relationship and that when she is ready to do that to contact you and if not then goodbye.

I would leave her be, she obviously likes messing you about. Ex's behave in a strange way. I think they like the control part. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. (Wish I could take my own advice these days!)

This sucks, but I have no choice but to walk away ! She is continuesly backing me into this corner, She is either avoiding discussing issues, ignoring me or playing games !

Yet it was her who pushed for the relationship ! Her who pushed to get close together ! Everything thing about this whole mess could have been avioded. All she had to do was be straight with me form the start.

If it was a casual thing then I would not of looked at it as a relationship and would not of gotten attached ! I got attached and it appears she did not !

Can't even get her to talk about things... I am in complete limbo - with the only choice is to walk away, unless that is what she is wanting by this ! But why enter and push for a close relationship ! I wonder if she thinks I am not the person she thought I was.

Sorry there thinking aload, just very confused...

By all means think aloud. It really helps me, I would honestly have had a break down if I didn't have this site sometimes!

The 'ex' is a very strange species!