I think looks may matter at the beginning but it only goes so far. Anna Nicole Smith was incredibly good looking, and she had money. But there is no way I'd ever spent two hours with her because she had nothing to offer. My guess would be she knew it too which is why she slept around so much. No guy was ever really going to be interested in her.

Britney Spears, even bald, is a pretty girl but she's got nothing else. She's emotionally, intelligectially, and spiritually dead. I could never image spending anytime with someone that far gone.

For the ladies, and this is just off the top of my head but I assume Tom Cruise is good looking. He's also completely nuts and once he fired his publist who kept his lunitc behavior covered up for years the public really saw he had no substance.

On the flip side, I think I can safely say Howard Stern isn't a good looking man. Yet he has beautiful women willing to do anything for him.

All that being said, I think looks to play a part in life and in attraction, no question. I just don't think they mean anything over the long haul. I think looks might help in the initial stages but at some point you have to have something to back it up. You've got to have some kind of foundation of being.

I think it's ridiculous to assume that a person would solely base a relationship on appearance - whether someone else's or their own. A person can be attracted to someone's personality, whether the person is attractive or "ugly." it happens, it's not unheard of. I've fallen for people who I thought were amazing, though physically less appealing than I would've liked.


Shallow people are everywhere, but not everyone is like that.

Oh gosh that was a long post! Didn't read it all but got the jist of it... and most of it I disagreed with.

<<A very good looking girl will fain disgust at a medium looking guys aroach, but not at a good looking guys aproach. But a medium looking girl will not fain disgust at a medium guys aproach. A bad looking girl will be open to a medium guys aproach.>>

All that is absolutely RIDICULOUS!! OK maybe for the younger generation <25 this could be all true, although no as I know a gorgeous 21 year old girl with an ugly 35 year old guy. All his friends wonder how he does it... as they consider themselves all better looking but it is his personality, totally confident and hilarious! Seriously that is what girls want especially in the 20s. In the 30s girls want something more stable.

Ive dated great looking guys like models, normal looking guys, ugly guys and it all depends on the personality that atttracted me.

Personally I like a normal ,manly looking guy with humour and quite confident who can have an interesting and intelligent converation.
I have a gorgeous looking male friend, girls are all attracted to him just because of his looks, I swear you walk in the street with this guy are girls are coming on to him lol. But he suffers also as those kind of girls he attracts usually go from one guy to another.

And as for Tom Cruise, beurrrkkkkkkkkkkk, sorry if you are reading Tom;-)

Ha ha! Yeah Tom Cruise - yuck! He is short and big headed LOL! And chuff you are not the way you describe yourself at all, you don't give yourself enough credit : )

I haven't dated that many guys, but I have dated a guy I did not find physically attractive at all. When I first met him I would never have went out with him. He talked me round though... he seemed to have a way with women. I now wish I had went with my first instincts, he was a two timing rat, who was only after sex and money from people.

I have not been able to read all the post either, but get the jist of it.

See Chuff how the laws of attraction works!! WAP Contacted you lol:)
wap go and read the lawas of attraction thread and you will understand :)

Looks matter but they are not as important as some people make them out to be I won't lie girls with looks will make me turn my head but if she has a really bad personality no matter how good she lookes I won't bother you need more than lookes they are just the beginning you need to be more than a face or a body you need personality to go with them.

I have to agree with Phoenix. Looks will get you noticed, or make you notice, but they won't keep you interesting or interested for long if there's no substance behind them.

Something important that was left out of OLG's original post was the fact that everyone has their own ideas and ideals for what they consider 'attractive'. Tom Cruise definitely does NOT do anything for me, neither does Brad Pitt or most of the other 'Flavor of the Week' Hunks. While they're attractive, they wouldn't get a second look from me if I passed them on a street or saw them at a restaurant or bar.

Also left out is the fact that there are some people who, while not attractive in the purely physical sense of the word, exude a certain something that makes them extremely attractive to others. My best friend is one of these people. She is not a drop dead gorgeous woman, but she attracts both men and women like bees to honey. Much of it has to do with the way she carries herself and her personality. I find it quite fascinating to watch. She neither thinks of herself as attractive nor unattractive.

I've met men who were so attractive that it almost hurt my eyes to look at them, but they had the personality and intellect of a garden snail, I've also met men who were not as physically attractive but after spending time getting to know their personality and their intellect--they actually became more attractive to me.

If all someone is after is something of beauty, yet empty and devoid of any other redeeming qualities, they will never be satisfied. Sort of like sitting down to a sumptous banquet where the food is looks mouth wateringly delicious--only to find that it's all plastic prop food... the eyes may be satisfied, but the hunger still exists.

I still say that beauty comes from within and some might say that this is rubbish but it really is not. Highly attractive people on a physical level can be quite ugly inside but some can also be beautiful inside and also some physically unattractive people can also be ugly inside or attractive inside. I don't believe you can necessarily put a connection between someone's attractiveness physically or emotionally/mentally/spiritually. There are sometimes connections, sometimes not. You must use your instinct to determine this..

This is a funny entry. I can tell you did a lot of research about this issue. I think looks do matter but personality comes after. I think I'm a beautiful gal and I dated hot guys before... I'm not conceited type though so I hate cocky guys. I rather date a man with a lot of heart... even if they're a medium looking man. I'd never go lower than that though. There's really no luck for the ugly people though unless their heart is so big that that's all you can see, or if they have MONEY... haha. But lets just say I'm sure the ugly ones get love too... "from eachother" and from some horny bastards out there... ahaha...

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Originally Posted by wap

Ha ha! yeah Tom Cruise - yuck! he is short and big headed LOL!

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Yeah he’s a tool. I’ve never liked him since I sat through 2 and half hours of “Eyes wide shut” and realized that he is NOT a good actor. NEVER watch that movie! How that thing got okayed is beyond me as it was beyond boring. He’s one of those people I never understood why he was considered an A list movie star. I don’t disagree that he can draw at the box office but he, in my opinion, can not act at all.

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Originally Posted by wap

and chuff you are not the way you describe yourself at all, you don't give yourself enough credit : )

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Reeeeeeeeeeally? Whatever do you mean? Chuff’s warm charm, sense of elegance and self, contributions to international good will, and advanced sense of humor are appealing to the great citizens of Scotland? I do believe my good day has taken a turn for the great!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wap

I haven't dated that many guys, but I have dated a guy I did not find physically attractive at all. When I first met him I would never have went out with him. He talked me round though... he seemed to have a way with women. I now wish I had went with my first instincts, he was a two timing rat, who was only after sex and money from people.

I have not been able to read all the post either, but get the jist of it.

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What are your instincts about me saying? You know just curious. I’m not after sex or money. Just smiles.

>>>>"rol agrees: i agree, chuff you are hillariously funny, and intelligent and can have great converations , that is what girls want!!,

Thank you.


>>i can't remember how u looked on that other thread"

I look like Brad Pitt's better looking younger brother.

Actually I wonder if he has a younger brother. Talk about shoes I wouldn't want to be in. Can you imagine what would happen every time he told his lady interests that his brother was Brad Pitt? The interest factor in him is completely gone, but I'm sure they'd stick around to meet Brad.

Hi there.

I need a second opionion. I went out with friends for lunch to a place I quite often go to. I like the waitress there and we always speak, with plenty of eye contact and fun banter.

So as I was leaving I asked her if she would like to go for a drink, she hesitated a little but said yes, so I asked for her number. She gave me this.

I then l8r that day sent her a text saying this is my number so that when I call she will know who it is (Being thoughtfull).

The next day I called her, no reply, phone went to answer machine. (This could have been for a number of reasons). So I sent a text saying that I called to see if she was free on Tuesday. But I received no reply.

So Where Now: If she did not find me attractive, why say yes to a drink and yes to giving me her number ? Only to ignore me when I try to contact her. I find this very rude and this shows a lack of value for me.

Now my dilema: I will be back in the same bar for lunch at the weekend, How should I respond to her. She knows I like her, but has demonstrated she does not like me.

I still like her, but If I pursue her then it will achieve nothing and its me condoning her ignorance.

Or do I simply ackoledge her but act like I am not bothered. In which case I lose out.

What I want to achieve is for her to want me, but without me being a lap dog or accepting such behaviour !

Any suggestions.

Well you called her and nothing, you messaged her and nothing!
Why bother again..

Now when you back to this bar, don't show her that you were disappointed and wondering why this and why that?

I wouldn't say anything to her!
If she interested she will, trust me.

Your too easy, she's playing you man...

Krs is right, act like it didn't bother you at all, if she is playing hard to get she'll be all over you, if she just wasn't interested then move on my man

Drop it, and consider how many guys hit on her at work. She let you down easy, so take the hint. No need to act like an animal.

Walk in the bar, smile at her. But DO NOT bring up the unanswered phone and text messages. The ball is now in her court. If she decides not to play, move on.

Relax :)

You didn’t show her that you liked her – You showed “interest”. Nothing wrong with that. Now you said there was friendly banter, and eye contact, so she may very well have been interested too. Could be she may have a boyfriend already and realized later that she should not have given her number and felt bad about it. That’s a possibility.

Go in to the bar, smile and carry yourself as you normally would. You have nothing to feel bad about.

As far as getting her to “want you”, well, you never can really make anyone feel or do anything. Just be yourself and if she approaches you with a conversation, listen to what she is saying, go slow, relax and be the same guy she originally gave her number to. Not much has changed since that time, so just keep on being you.

If she turns the other way - then just let it be. Could be a number of reasons - none of which you should concern yourself with as more than likely has nothing to do with you.

Either way - go out and enjoy yourself :)

Hi guys, I like this girl who I work with, she is always friendly when I speak, but never seems to go out of her way to speak to me. No indicators of interest. But because she is always very friendly I find myself second guessing if she is interested or not.

Is she just being friendly or is she interested ? Blinded by emotions here.

Do you think its best to continue to make the effort to speak to her and watch to see if she shows signs of interest or accept that there is no interest and leave her alone ?

U know sometimes, women take their own time to open up and some guard their emotions just in case they get hurt later... if you like someone, never give up before u actually get to know the intentions or feelings... and once you are clear... take it further with patience... but remember.. if one is friendly.. doesn't necessarily mean she/he has equal amount of interest in you as you have in them... so don't go overboard with it...

Be as friendly as she is with no expectations of any more than that. You are already blinded by emotions so knowing that, don't let them get you carried away.

i'm just trying to stay sane, myself. i think there's a happy meduim. do NOT contact the dumper, if you are the dumpee. even if that means until the day you die. get thru it one moment at a time. it sucks. IF they contact you, WAIT for 2 contacts before answering. do it sweetly, politely, but with no edge toward telling them you want to get back together. keep it friendly. keep your head together. above all, stay CALM. keep your voice on an even keel. NO MATTER WHAT. just never again for the rest of your life -- even after you're back together again -- NEVER CONACT THEM FIRST.

DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT WINNING BACK AN EX OR IS THIS JUST NOT POSSIBLE ? ----yes it is.

My partner and I were going through some problems,none of them seemed to be fault of our own,my family was causing a lot of stress for us,I decided to move 250 miles away back home.it was horrible,on the one hand we were so far apart we would never bump into each other, I guess that's a good thing if you are splitting up.on the other hand it was a big change for me, I was living with a member of my family temp,I had no internet,no job etc.
On top of that none of my family like my partner so I got no shoulder to cry on after splitting up with the one I had been with for 4 years.
At the time I had an instant messenger on my phone,we started talking on that,and both admitted we didn't want this,we wanted to be together,but didn't know how...

HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY DONE THIS AND HOW? --
We gave each other a bit of time and space to think about everything, the pro`s and the cons of getting back together/splitting up,even though we both knew that we wanted to be together we still had the space to clear our heads and be on our own for a while... like the saying "go away, give me a chance to miss you".it took 3 months for us to sort everything out. So yes it is possible...

I have been reading on the forums a lot lately about being on a break, and wanting time alone to figure things out... I know its hard,and awful when you don't know where you are,but just give things time, if its meant to be, it will be.

Online guy, you and I are in the same boat and I would like to encourage you to go on with your life. Truly NOT what you want to hear, but IT DOES HELP!! IT DOES WORK!! I just don't want you to be playing sitting duck waiting for her to finally ever decide she wants you. Continue to live your fulfilling life. Other girls may appreciate you!

They always want to know sooner or later how you are, especially if you two have history,and you want to be absolutely FINE if and when she does call not sarcastic or blamey. And remember when she calls, not to assume too much, she could just want to know how you are period. Dot.

I breathe in pain right now. I love this man, but if I truly love him, I would want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. Time away does us all some good.

I'd like to keep in touch!

Ninahhh!

Would you say its true that where as men are attracted to looks first, then how the girl makes him feel, women are atracted to how the man makes her feel then his looks.

Looks are always the first interest, they show how fertile a person is and that's all that our animal instinct wants to know, both man and woman. :)

I always say looks gets you in the door and your personality gets you an invite to stay.

I think that both sexes go on looks first, if you know nothing about someone other then what they look like then yes, you go hey that person is cute. I think for both sexes if you then began to talk to that attractive person and it turned out that they were dense, uninteresting, etc that some of that attractive fades off them.

Agreed!

I saw a documentary on TV, TLC or Discovery or History channel, and that show spoke to how mankind has, without direct communication, collaborated over the millennium in the process of elimination: looks get you noticed first based on a few things. I don't remember all of them. Women wearing lipstick was one. They stated that use makes the women appear more fertile and so more appealing to the man.

Did anyone else see that? I think it was called, "The History of Human Sexuallity"

Look gets audition, Personality gets the part!
If someone is not looking as attractive as he is, I will try to find things beautiful inside of him.
I see things beautifully and I make things beautiful.
It's all in our mind...

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

Agreed!

I saw a documentary on TV, TLC or Discovery or History channel, and that show spoke to how mankind has, without direct communication, collaborated over the millenium in the process of elimination: looks get you noticed first based on a few things. I don't remember all of them. Women wearing lipstick was one. They stated that use makes the women appear more fertile and so more appealing to the man.

Did anyone else see that? I think it was called, "The History of Human Sexuallity"

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Yes I saw that, I believe it was on Discovery channel. It talked about how when a woman appears youthful she is more attractive to a mate (flushed cheeks, red lips, large eyes). And that when a man has rugged features and a muscular frame he is seen as a better provider (remnants of cave man days)

Have heard the term PUA - Pick up Artist. Guys who specialise in seducing women.

Does this sort of thing really work ? Do you women fall for this? Or do you see right through it, play along or get annoyed ?

Interesting question :] I know a few players however its only the sl*ts or those who are insecure and only like 'bad boys' who go for them.

I would imagine the younger ones go for players to.

There is a new show on Vh1 (I don't know if its international or not its just a TV channel) that has some master pick up artist teach some affable losers how to score with the ladies. It shows the pick up artists at work and I have to say I've heard a lot of those lines before and I've walked away. It's a lot of corny stuff that I think appeals to girls with low confidence and low self esteem.

Are you a male pick up artist, do you find success with genuine women or just women who are easy to get in to bed for anyone. Or is that all you are looking for ?

If a guy shows and interest in talking to you, asking about you and he seems like a nice guy. Is there a point where he can ask you out to soon and you will say no or is it better for him to wait and let you initiate some form of interest ?

I think that its important for a guy to read her cues. Is she being genuinely interested in the guy or just being polite? In what circumstances do they know one another? Does the girl not have a boyfriend or dating someone else?

Hello.

If your around the Lady and or her friends so that you can ask about her then you can set something up so you all can do something together. Going out in a group is easy and will give you both the chance to spend some time together without it being a DATE. If things look good at the gathering then ask her to coffee after.

Just remember she might say no the first few times because she could be playing hard to get so don't push her but also don't walk away and never try again.

Dennis777

I think there can be a point where it is to soon, but why not take the chance. If you are itnerested and you like talking to her and you think that she feels the same go for it. If anything just ahng out don't even consider it a date. if you are still completely comfprtable and everything goes great then let her know in a very casual way, you don't want to scare her off =) She could be thinking the same thing right now and you would never know because your afraind it may be too soon... So do something about it =) Alot of girls like a litte bit a a challenge, and a guy to treat her good so do all that and you should have it in the bag!!

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Originally Posted by Dennis777

Hello.


Just remember she might say no the first few times because she could be playing hard to get so don't push her but also don't walk away and never try agin.

Dennis777

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Is this not a contadiction, she might say no the first few time but never try again ? Confused by that, can you clarify?

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

Is this not a contadiction, she might say no the first few time but never try again ? Confused by that, can you clarify?

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You misread it hun...
She said not to walk away and never try again... meaning Do not walk away and do not give up!

Yes, women can play hard to get and some of them are really not knowing you very well.
U might think that they've already known you, but it takes different people different length of period to get ready for the next stage.:)

Good luck.