Onlineguy,

Well my first impression upon reading your post, I would think you over reacted. I say this because Ive dealt with an emotional ex recently, and the way you just explained things reminds me so much of how he would blow things out of proportion.

There were very valid times that I just could not respond to him, such as when I was at work and busy or when I was trying to get something done.

For granted you were asking a simple question and it would have been nice to get a response and not feel ignored, but it sounds as if you expect to be ignored therefore the minute she doesn't say something in return right away, you assume the worst.

I could very well be wrong, and just stuck with the memories of my own recent, and unsuccessful, attempt at being friends with my ex. Things were fine until he finally found the leverage to turn things against me. I figured out that was the only reason he was even still talking to me. He couldn't stand that he was the one at fault... which we broke up for the same reason you and your ex did... he was too needy, too insecure, and untrusting.

With all that said, I think its best for you to just continue walking away. It seems as though its just tearing you up trying to be friends with her. I don't think its fair to you or her at this point.

She will probably be a little hurt that this is how you are going to end things, but she may have expected this to be your behavior anyhow. I know I definitely expected my ex to behave like he did... I tried to avoid it, but in the end I just let go and let him be, I let him turn things against me cause then he was able to move on. It sucks he hates me now... but I feel OK with that sine I don't feel like I have to play nice or try to always reason with him...

Ok well I hope this made some sort sense. Just try and let things go... You will be better off.

Naa I think she is just pissed off with him as in her opinion he seems to want just one thing.
The communication here is not good at all .

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Originally Posted by s2tp

Onlineguy,


There were very valid times that I just could not respond to him, such as when I was at work and busy or when I was trying to get something done.

For granted you were asking a simple question and it would have been nice to get a response and not feel ignored, but it sounds as if you expect to be ignored therefore the minute she doesnt say something in return right away, you assume the worst.

He couldnt stand that he was the one at fault.... which we broke up for the same reason you and your ex did... he was too needy, too insecure, and untrusting.

She will probably be a little hurt that this is how you are going to end things,
Ok well I hope this made some sort sense. Just try and let things go... You will be better off.

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Thanks for your replies guys.

When someone cares enough about you to ask if your feeling better, because you were ill there is no excuse to ignore that, that's just rude ! It was a text and a left message on msn.

As for being at fault, I have admitted I F*** up and was in the wrong, all I have tried to do is make amends for this, but she is not prepared to give me the chance to do this !

Yes at the end of the relationship I did the needy, desperate, obsessive ex, who texts way too much, but I have appologised and explained that I am over that.

The problem that I have now is that she knows I am sorry, if I contact her she ignores me. So I did the no contact bit, she contacts me and I am walking on egg shells watching every little thing I say and trying to keep things light between us. No pressure no heavy emotional S***. But I say one little thing wrong and she goes into ignore mode ! How do you deal with someone like that ?

I cannot do it, its ripping me up, I cannot be in a position where I have to second guess every word I say or write. She appears to only consider her emotions and not the fact that I have any ! If when I F*** up I was not bothered, didn't care or made light of it I could understand her reaction. But if someone has made a mistake and is genuine about it and wants to correct it, how are they to deal with someone who is not prepared to give them the chance, someone who will look for reasons not to communicate with them ?


Sorry to rant guys but this situ, should never of been! I just can't continue like this, it hurts too much ! She changes her thoughts more times than I change my socks !

So do I continue to be treat rudly, walking on glass, watching every little thing I say and worring that she may perceive it in the wrong way or do I stop trying and walk away ?

Roll - Evan when I said the joking comment it is not enough for her to react the way she is doing, She knows I have feelings for her, not just interested in sex.

She is just not giving me a break, everything is 100% about her, which I can understand her feeling that way due to being hurt, but you cannot work in a relationship that way, you have to cut the other person some slack ! At least talk to the person and hear them out, not just close of at the first thing that you do not like the sound of, without evan mentioning that to the person !

<<But I say one little thing wrong and she goes into ignore mode ! How do you deal with someone like that ?
<<

Well did you apologize to her? It just seems to me that she is still pissed off about the ex comment and now that comment about 'helping her sleep'' when she told you she was sick didn't exactly help!

But its true, if you have to watch everything you say to her maybe you are just complete opposites , and she is an over emotional,susceptible type of girl... so maybe she is just not the right one for you..

Stop trying and walk away...
You don't deserve to be feeling this way. If you have apologized and kicked back and she is still reacting that way then it sounds like she just thinks your going to jump back to the old ways, and she is not willing to give you a chance to prove you have changed. Therefore she has moved on and you should go your own way too.

Just take this as a learning tool. Know that you are a better person coming out of all this...

Hello,

Yes I have the same problem and caring too much hurts you, gives her the wrong idea about what love is and hurts your relationship. Show her you care in moderate levels, show her you care when she needs support. Do not hang and shower her with compliments, enquires, calls. That hurs the relationship. Its like spoiling a child. I showed my girlfriend a cared too much and when a big fight came along she called me a loser. So care see whether she reciprocates but don't be needy to show her. If she doesn't love you you can give the world it will not matter. Women are heartless when they feel nothing for you. Women deal better with break ups and are not afraid to break up with men. Men have hard time breaking bad news to women. Women are just better eqipped for relationships because of the fact they are simply women.

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Originally Posted by jojoa1

Hello,

caring too much hurts you, gives her the wrong idea about what love is and hurts your relationship. Show her you care in moderate levels, show her you care when she needs support. Do not hang and shower her with compliments, enquires, calls. That hurs the relationship. Its like spoiling a child. I showed my girlfriend a cared too much and when a big fight came along she called me a loser. So care see whether she reciprocates but don't be needy to show her. If she doesn't love you you can give the world it will not matter. Women are heartless when they feel nothing for you. Women deal better with break ups and are not afraid to break up with men. Men have hard time breaking bad news to women. Women are just better eqipped for relationships because of the fact they are simply women.

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I can't believe How spot on you are. When they have feelings for you they are the most loving of creatures, but when those feelings go they are heartless and will take the shirt from your back.

It's that old saying, can't live with them, but can't live without them ! And women wonder why a lot of guys treat them like s***, Its only because we have been on the receiving end of their coldness and hurtfullness, that we think never again.

I really feel for you, it hurts doesn't it. That's why sometimes you need to a bit angry with them, why should ask how they are? They are for sure not botheresd about us. I too am very sensitive and can totally see where you are coming from.

Don't be too hard on yourself you were being yourself, and being caring. Just don't be too caring about people that don't deserve it : )

Please see my previous threads. Got ex talking again, but lost her, Got annoyed and blocked her details on msn.

She text and asks if on msn. I unblock. Half an hour later she is online, so I messenger her and she says I am not staying, corrects my grammar over something and then says bi??

?

Move on, stop playing games,

Maybe she is pmsing ;-)

What did you message her exactly?

I think she's playing hard to get... wonder why she just cannot tell you what she wants instead of all this childishness.

Get firm with her now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rol

maybe she is pmsing ;-)

what did you message her exactly?

i think shes playing hard to get ...wonder why she just cannot tell you what she wants instead of all this childishness.

Get firm with her now.

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I simple asked her if she was any good with sorting out pc's as I have loads of viruses infecting my computer and having a bar be que.. lol

She said she was not staying, correct a mistake I made in this sentence and said bye ! Signed out of msn.

What is that about ? She knows how I feel !

Oh just leave her to it for now and don't message her anything else.

I believe she is using the old "treat them mean , keep them keen" which unfortunately is working very well with you...

How on earth do I prevent this girl from playing games !

I just can't believe that she is happy with the way the relationship has gone ! How could I have been so wrong, or so misled.

This whols situation is messed up ! Surly you try to solve problems, not create more.

Sorry to rant, very very confused by all of this!!

<<How on earth do I prevent this girl from playing games ! >>

Quite simply, Do not engage in games with her.

Tell her you do not like game playing and want a real relationship and that when she is ready to do that to contact you and if not then goodbye.

I would leave her be, she obviously likes messing you about. Ex's behave in a strange way. I think they like the control part. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. (Wish I could take my own advice these days!)

This sucks, but I have no choice but to walk away ! She is continuesly backing me into this corner, She is either avoiding discussing issues, ignoring me or playing games !

Yet it was her who pushed for the relationship ! Her who pushed to get close together ! Everything thing about this whole mess could have been avioded. All she had to do was be straight with me form the start.

If it was a casual thing then I would not of looked at it as a relationship and would not of gotten attached ! I got attached and it appears she did not !

Can't even get her to talk about things... I am in complete limbo - with the only choice is to walk away, unless that is what she is wanting by this ! But why enter and push for a close relationship ! I wonder if she thinks I am not the person she thought I was.

Sorry there thinking aload, just very confused...

By all means think aloud. It really helps me, I would honestly have had a break down if I didn't have this site sometimes!

The 'ex' is a very strange species!

Ha ha WAP , EXACTLY this site is fab!
I would be having a breakdown by now also as I would have been having a lovely strange friends situation with my ex by now if it was not for here!! (to which I am very thankful to all!! )

I could see where you were coming from though. It would be good to be on at least OK terms with my ex because of work etc. If I ever have to call him for a job or something. Instead though, I don't know where I stand if we were to meet etc. Whether he would speak to me or what.

If she plays games just tell her to stop playing games. If she continues, ignore her.

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Originally Posted by JDOP

If she plays games just tell her to stop playing games. If she continues, ignore her.

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Your right, that is all I can do. There is one thing with trying to make amends, trying to get feeling back and / or being friendly but it is a totally different thing to be made a fool of. That is not acceptable ? I would lose all respect as well as all self respect !

I now must wait till she contact me, because if I contact her I will give her the wrong impression of the man that I am.

Its Funny, I did the needy obsesive ex, which pushed her farther away. I have tried to be the guy I was who she met, but playing games is actually pushing me away !

Funny things feelings, I guess the only true way is complete openness about what each person wants. How to achieve that with clearly a very imature person is beyond me !

Oh to be a Vulcan!. lol.

<<How to achieve that with clearly a very imature person is beyond me !
>>

Yeah , go and find a mature one, this one sounds very childish.

I agree with all of your other responses onlineguy and I have followed your threads closely. Based on what you have wrote, I think she is very immature and also somewhat insecure. This is proven by the fact that she feels the need to play emotional games with you. She in some way projects her own insecurities onto you by playing mind games and tries to control you by treating you in this way when she knows for a fact that this could only hurt you more. I'm not a psychologist but it does not take a genius to work out that she is manipulating you (or ate least trying to) and you must prevent her from doing that.

I would ignore her now and begin your healing. I appreciate you might be a little behind after all this and I know this will be hard for you. You could find so much better, especially in terms of maturity.

NO CONTACT! IGNORE HER PERIOD!!!Takes two to play games dude.

Real simple walk away don't look back!

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Based on what you have wrote, I think she is very immature and also somewhat insecure. This is proven by the fact that she feels the need to play emotional games with you. She in some way projects her own insecurities onto you by playing mind games and trys to control you by treating you in this way when she knows for a fact that this could only hurt you more. I'm not a psychologist but it does not take a genius to work out that she is manipulating you (or ate least trying to) and you must prevent her from doing that..

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You are totally spot on, I am on the computer now, logged into msn. She logs in and then goes onto busy, so I know she is there but I cannot contact her.? If she did not want me to know she is there, she just did not need to log in... Mind Games.

I signed out ! ( I am totally gobsmacked by this behaviour),:eek:

Your running yourself crazy dude let it go.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your running yourself crazy dude let it go.

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Your right, enough is enough! She has crossed the line, that is just acting in a way that will hurt me, not in a way that will resolve our situation and bring us closer together.

There is nowhere left for me to go here but away!

So much for trying to get her back... lol. Lest this be a lesson to you all ! Lol:mad:

No contact, completely now. Don't have an option, or I will be a fool over her. "Cathy's Clown"!!

You say you can't get her to talk about anything...

Neither of you are talking. You are TYPING. How the hell can you have a relationship and talk about serious issues on MSN.

Lose the MSN in future and talk on the phone or in person.

You are both playing stupid games with one another and it is very immature. As Tal said, it takes two to play games. Your as willing a particiapant as she is so as much at fault.

Time to ignore her completely!

Hi guys, I am moving on from a bad relationship breakup. I have been talking to some girls and asked them out. But I get a reply like not this week or ask me out in a couple of weeks.

This feels like I am being played and that there is someone else in the wings who they really want !

What's your take on this. I don't want to be made a fool of.

I mean when a guy askes a girl out he is esentialy putting himself on the line and showing her she is of value to him, this gives her a lot of power over him and no one likes rejection.

Is there a way to do this without being in that possible lower value position?

Or is it best to be friendly and see if she initiates first??

Try asking again in a couple of weeks.

It's possible they're just not interested, and don't want to give you a flat rejection... some people make non-committal answers to spare feelings, or just because they don't like saying no. It's not a matter of being played.

Any time you ask anyone for anything, you put them in a position of power. Doesn't matter whether it's a date or a job or the time, they always have something you want. There's no way to avoid that without just deciding not to ask for anything ever again... not a good choice.

If you want to date a girl, ask. Otherwise, you end up not knowing whether she would have gone out with you... it's possible that she just doesn't ask guys out, no matter what. The worst thing that happens is you get a no... and that's not a big deal, really, unless you've got some emotion invested in the idea of dating this girl before it happens. And if you have that, then you need to start asking girls out more quick or getting emotionally involved slower.

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

Hi guys, I am moving on from a bad relationship breakup. I have been talking to some girls and asked them out. But I get a reply like not this week or ask me out in a couple of weeks.

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I think those thre lines for me say it all that might be wrong. First, how long ago was the break up? If it was recently maybe your still getting over it and the girls sense this. When it comes to emotions girls can sense a guys feelings, sometimes better than he can. Woman are emotional and as a result can pick up on someone who is hurting.

Perhaps they are interested in you but not in your current emotional state. They don't want to be the rebound. That's my take.

If I were you I wouldn't bring it up again with the girls and let her approach you. When she does if she says something like, "Do you still want to get together?" Answer her JOKINGLY with "oh you think your ready for me?" That shows you've got a sense of humor and turns it around that you were the one ready and she had to get her nerve up. Like she had to prepare.

But all that being said, are you ready to date yet? If it's still too soon then wait, because you don't want to get caught in a cycle spinning downwards.

As I remember you and your girl had just broken up A month or two ago, and maybe you aren't ready as you think to get back in the hunt. But I will tell you an old player secret. Some guys always get the girl and why? Because the keep asking until they get one to say yes. They are successful because of one thing, they have no fear of rejection. They may get 100 no's before they find that yes. Have some confidence in yourself and and learn to be happy and love yourself.

Too many similar questions. Multiple threads merged.

I read somewhere that unlike guys who are very visual and go for looks, then personality. Women on the other hand are more atracted to a guys personality than his looks ?

So a question for the femails out there, is this true ?

Also we all like to be found atractive by the opposite sex, it makes us feel good. But we want to be desired / attactive to someone who is of value to us.

In the case of guys a good looking girl with a good friendly nice personality.

But in the case of women, what traits are considered to be of value to a girl, so that she will want the guy to find her attractive and see him as a boyfriend prospect. As opposed to just a nice guy ? What makes him more of value to her than anyone else ?

Ok I think this just depends on the person and there values, I certainly do not find looks the first thing on my list it helps yes but its not the b all and end all if you know what I mean.

I am not denying that looks help but I've found very few men that are really pleasing to look at with amazing personalities this also relates to females, that's not to say they aren't out there mind you I don't think I've ever had a guy that spends more time in the bathroom than me that would just be kind of worrying.

Personality is important and a lot further up my list that's for sure heck why would you want to spend time with someone if you can't have a decent conversation its not like you can spend the hours of a date just looking at each other giggle.

But we are all different and we all have qaulitys that others don't but that's just life if we were all same would'nt it be as dull as hell.

For me I would say some kind of humour is important. Maybe its number 1.
Some confidence also, and someone who does not try to rush things who takes it easy, but is not afraid to pursue. This is important , some guys can talk and be nice but you know they are afraid to ask for a date.thats a bit of a turnoff.
Someone who can have a good converation with you about life and experiences.
Intelligence for me is also important.
And someone sweet and nice but not too nice ;-) its all a kind of balance really.
That's all ;-))