There is NOTHING wrong or strange with waiting! There is actually more "right" with it! What is all the hurry about? Don't let your friends and peers pressure any of you into anything! It doesn't mean you will never find that man that you will fall madly in love with, at all! Stop looking so hard! That is usually when you meet the right person. Not when you are online dating, going to clubs, etc. I'm not saying don't make yourself open and take your opportunities when you can, and get out there and do things where there are guys with similar interests! If you are interested in cars, join a car club, if you are daring and think you might to go skydiving, mountain climbing, skiing,. things that are thought of as "guy" related things, join up!

Don't settle for Mr. Saturday Night! You'll only feel worse for doing it, and he likely won't stick around for long. Don't listen to the guy who tells you how hot you are, and then is looking at your boobs instead of your face! Don't listen to the guy that you meet one night, and promises you that he will never disrespect you, but will take your virginity and a few days or weeks later, is sleeping with your bff's friend, and then the next week, with your bff's friends friend!! Stick to your guns girls! You won't regret it!

(Btw, Sungirl? Your grammar was perfect!) :)

Since some comments have been made about my last post, I'll take a few moments to respond.

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Why is it "STRANGE" in your words, for a woman to still be a virgin at 27? There is nothing "strange" about that! It's called respecting your body, until you know you've found the right person. Don't call people strange for wanting to do that!

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To be perfectly clear, what I wrote was:

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In my experience, people (both men and women) who have not had sex by the age of 22 usually become stranger and stranger as time passes.

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I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them for their decision to wait for sex because if someone wants to wait, I'm more than happy to support that. What I am judging are their actions, which become stranger and stranger over time.

I have several friends who are over the age of 22 who are virgins. They are nice people who are intelligent and successful but their lack of relationship experience reflects heavily in how they view the world. They say and do a lot of things in social situations that are really bizarre. I've asked them at what point they will decide to start dating and they've all given me answers that involve either establishing their careers or waiting for "the one." To that, I tell them I understand and sit by and watch while they get stranger and stranger as the years go by.

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you call people strange for still being a virgin at 27?. OK ill call you strang for talking out you A@@ how's that big fella you like that? You lose it at the age of 11 or what? Geez

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Again, as I stated above, I am not making a judgement on a person's decision to be a virgin but rather on their actions. They are not strange because they've decided to remain a virgin but many virgins are strange because they are virgins.

What I do think is strange was that I was told that use of the "disagree" was for factually wrong information but I managed to get two in one post. Interesting how that works.

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Originally Posted by EN Ken

I can understand a girl being 22 and a virgin because maybe she was too caught up in school and such to have a boyfriend, but at 27 that's really pushing it. In my experience, people (both men and women) who have not had sex by the age of 22 usually become stranger and stranger as time passes.

I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them

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Sounds like judging to me matey boy


Now your back tracking?

Look be a man and just take it yeah.

Usually becomes stranger and stranger?

We did not miss read anything.. if so take more time to write your posts.

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Originally Posted by EN Ken

Since some comments have been made about my last post, I'll take a few moments to respond.



To be perfectly clear, what I wrote was:



I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them for their decision to wait for sex because if someone wants to wait, I'm more than happy to support that. What I am judging are their actions, which become stranger and stranger over time.

I have several friends who are over the age of 22 who are virgins. They are nice people who are intelligent and successful but their lack of relationship experience reflects heavily in how they view the world. They say and do a lot of things in social situations that are really bizarre. I've asked them at what point they will decide to start dating and they've all given me answers that involve either establishing their careers or waiting for "the one." To that, I tell them I understand and sit by and watch while they get stranger and stranger as the years go by.



Again, as I stated above, I am not making a judgement on a person's decision to be a virgin but rather on their actions. They are not strange because they've decided to remain a virgin but many virgins are strange because they are virgins.

What I do think is strange was that I was told that use of the "disagree" was for factually wrong information but I managed to get two in one post. Interesting how that works.

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Have you actually read the rules and regs? It does explain the "reasons" for reddies to be used. I felt that the advice was detrimental to the OP, and that is why I disagreed. You really didn't say much more in this post than you did in the other! You just continued with your point about people being virgins, getting stranger and stranger! That is a big blanket statement you are making there. If that has been your personal experience, maybe it has something to do with the girls you know or date! In my experience, I see many more "strange"... as you put it... non virgins! They are all just people, that have made choices! If that is their choice, not having sex doesn't make you strange. Would they stop being strange if they went out and got a little? Or should they tell their first, careful of me, I've been getting stranger and stranger, but once we have sex, I will be back to normal. Is it a magical transformation?

If this has been your experience, well... sorry about your luck!

Comments on this post
TrueFaith agrees: I love you star :) you have shuch a nice way of putting everything

Awwww... thanks TF! You're a sweetie!

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

sounds like judging to me matey boy


Now your back tracking?

Look be a man and just take it yeah.

Usually becomes stranger and stranger?

we did not miss read anything.. if so take more time to write your posts.

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You do seem to like quoting me out of context.

I did not say that "I do not judge them" I said that "I do not judge them on their decision." How about instead of misquoting and misinterpreting me, you read what I write? As someone with a technical background, I'm extremely careful about how I write things which, at this point, is much more than I can say about how you read them.

And to be clear, I have no problem with taking it like a man but if you are going to trash me, then trash me for who I am and not who you think I am. I will say this as clearly as I possibly can:

I have no problem with people wanting to stay celibate. I have several friends who have chosen to do so (FRIENDS. Not girls that I've dated, but friends I see on a regular basis both male AND female). What I do have a problem with is the fact that many of them are becoming stranger as the years go by because the fact that they've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend does strange things to their psyches.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Would they stop being strange if they went out and got a little? Or should they tell their first, careful of me, I've been getting stranger and stranger, but once we have sex, I will be back to normal. Is it a magical transformation?

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Yes, interestingly enough. I've personally seen it and held witness to it on MANY occasions. The transformation is nothing short of shocking for some of these people but are much less drastic (although still noticeable) for others.

One final thing before I stop posting here, since I can see this has ceased to actually be aimed at helping anyone. I do not presume to know what your views on sex are but do not attempt to superimpose those views on someone else. If you are truly on this board because you want to help people, then provide advice and let the posters make their own decisions.

I can say simply and honestly that everything I post comes from experience and study. I say what I think needs to be said in order for the posters to make the choices that they think are best for their lives. If you think it's "normal" for someone to be a virgin at 27, fine but don't advocate celibacy (and subsequently create more 27 year old virgins) without stating what the consequences are. Everyone knows what the consequences to having sex are since they're taught in public health programs in schools but how many of you truly know what the consequences of not having sex are? Well, I have personally witnessed it and I can tell you that those who are adult-aged (that's 22 and over) get more bizarre as they age. If you ever meet a 30+ year old virgin you will understand. Until then, do not tell people that it's the norm for people to be 27 year old virgins especially when the large majority of the population lose their virginities by the end of university/college and some much earlier than that.

Ken! You are welcome to your own opinion for arguments sake, and we are welcome to ours. You are no doubt here to advertise your website, so good luck to you. Incidentally, that is against the rules of AMHD, had you read them.

I am sticking to my initial response, and I am not superimposing my beliefs on anyone! They are also free to make their own decisions based on the responses here. I also don't have to go into my sexual beliefs with you, but it might actually surprise you. So you are correct in not assuming!

You have stated your opinion, so yes, move onto other topics. We all understand your position, and this is not helping the OP at all with her question, when you keep quoting us. Move on please!

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Originally Posted by EN Ken

You do seem to like quoting me out of context.

I did not say that "I do not judge them" I said that "I do not judge them on their decision." How about instead of misquoting and misinterpreting me, you read what I write? As someone with a technical background, I'm extremely careful about how I write things which, at this point, is much more than I can say about how you read them.

And to be clear, I have no problem with taking it like a man but if you are going to trash me, then trash me for who I am and not who you think I am. I will say this as clearly as I possibly can:

I have no problem with people wanting to stay celibate. I have several friends who have chosen to do so (FRIENDS. Not girls that I've dated, but friends I see on a regular basis both male AND female). What I do have a problem with is the fact that many of them are becoming stranger as the years go by because the fact that they've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend does strange things to their psyches.



Yes, interestingly enough. I've personally seen it and held witness to it on MANY occasions. The transformation is nothing short of shocking for some of these people but are much less drastic (although still noticeable) for others.

One final thing before I stop posting here, since I can see this has ceased to actually be aimed at helping anyone. I do not presume to know what your views on sex are but do not attempt to superimpose those views on someone else. If you are truly on this board because you want to help people, then provide advice and let the posters make their own decisions.

I can say simply and honestly that everything I post comes from experience and study. I say what I think needs to be said in order for the posters to make the choices that they think are best for their lives. If you think it's "normal" for someone to be a virgin at 27, fine but don't advocate celibacy (and subsequently create more 27 year old virgins) without stating what the consequences are. Everyone knows what the consequences to having sex are since they're taught in public health programs in schools but how many of you truly know what the consequences of not having sex are? Well, I have personally witnessed it and I can tell you that those who are adult-aged (that's 22 and over) get more bizarre as they age. If you ever meet a 30+ year old virgin you will understand. Until then, do not tell people that it's the norm for people to be 27 year old virgins especially when the large majority of the population lose their virginities by the end of university/college and some much earlier than that.

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Wow... more "stranger and stranger"... that makes a lot of sense since most people I see that are "STRANGE" are the ones with 6 kids at the age of 24 or have had 20 or plus partners already and have to be in a relationship every minute of their life to feel like they are worth something. Believe me I am toally for relationships with the right person and having sex whenever you are ready BUT to say that if you don't have sex by a certain age you are weird and wierder just does not make sense. I think if that is all someone thinks about everyday and worries about it-yes that could make them appear or act strange-but if someone is happy in their life and not worried about it-WHO CARES!

Hello, I just found this site and reading this I am not so worried anymore that I am the only one with this problem. I am 30 years old and I have never had a boyfriend in my life. It's like whenever some guy is interested in me I sabotage it somehow. I have kissed and made out with guys in my past I really don't have problems with that but somehow I don't want anything serious, it's really weird and I am a bit embarrassed whenever people ask me about my relationships I prefer to make up ex boyfriends so they won't think something is wrong with me.
I think I have never been in love with anyone before, I have had a few crushes and I do like a guy from work but I guess I like him so much because I know I can't have him. He is married with 2 children, so I am safe with him.
I am quite outgoing and I keep lots of friends but I don't go out so often anymore, I go out more while I am working.
I am a flight attendant, so I am hardly home anyway.

Thing is I have had a sad childhood, my alcoholic dad used to beat up my mom, they are divorced now, I left my country at age 18 to live far far away from home and well I got drugged and sexually abused by some guy I didn't even know who my ex best friend from university asked to have sex with me because I was already 19 and very old for being a virgin she said. I stopped being her friend of course after what she did to me.

I really don't know I mean I am not really unhappy being single but I can't stand the fact that maybe something is not right in my head I mean I should be wanting a boyfriend shouldn't I?
Besides I hate it when my family and friends are talking about me like I am a freak or something.

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Originally Posted by flightattendant

Hello, I just found this site and reading this I am not so worried anymore that I am the only one with this problem. I am 30 years old and I have never had a boyfriend in my life. It's like whenever some guy is interested in me I sabotage it somehow. I have kissed and made out with guys in my past I really don't have problems with that but somehow I don't want anything serious, it's really weird and I am a bit embarrassed whenever ppl ask me about my relationships I prefer to make up ex boyfriends so they won't think something is wrong with me.
I think I have never been in love with anyone before, I have had a few crushes and I do like a guy from work but I guess I like him so much because I know I can't have him. He is married with 2 children, so I am safe with him.
I am quite outgoing and I keep lots of friends but I don't go out so often anymore, I go out more while I am working.
I am a flight attendant, so I am hardly home anyways.

Thing is I have had a sad childhood, my alcoholic dad used to beat up my mom, they are divorced now, I left my country at age 18 to live far far away from home and well I got drugged and sexually abused by some guy I didn't even know who my ex best friend from university asked to have sex with me because I was already 19 and very old for being a virgin she said. I stopped being her friend of course after what she did to me.

I really don't know I mean I am not really unhappy being single but I can't stand the fact that maybe something is not right in my head I mean I should be wanting a boyfriend shouldn't I?
Besides I hate it when my family and friends are talking about me like I am a freak or something.

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Well for starters, you are NOT a freak! I'm so sorry that you had a so-called friend that would put you in that situation, and you were right to get rid of her. With friends like that, you don't need enemies! I can't believe that a "friend" would do that to you! That is DATE RAPE! It was NOT your fault! Anyone who drugs you in order to have sex with you, is raping you, and your ex-friend is guilty of being an accessory, and should have been reported and charged, along with the college boy! That is wrong, and does NOT define you! Do not let it define you!

Also, growing up in such an abusive home, where alcohol and so much dysfuntion was a part of your life, it is no wonder you are confused and feeling the way you do. You do not need to feel ashamed by not having a boyfriend, or previous boyfriends! In fact you should hold your head up, and tell people you are proud to be waiting for the right man to come into your life! You don't need to make any excuses for that! In fact, I feel the complete opposite! You should be applauded for not settling for Mr. Saturday Night!

I believe you may have some trust issues, and rightly so. I think you need to work on YOU, so you can learn how to love yourself first. When you love yourself and show that you will NOT put up with anyone that tries to take that away from you, it shows! You will find that people will be attracted to that quality in you!

I wish you the very best of luck, and don't feel like you are any less of a person just because you don't have any ex's in your past. That is something to be more proud of, than to be embarrassed of. Don't let family or others make you feel this way! :)

May I suggest that you start your own thread, and then you will likely get more input. We don't want to piggyback on someone else's thread. I know you are new, so just pick a topic, probably under "relationships" and then that thread is all yours! :)

Thanks so much for your words starbuck8 they mean a lot to me, I know I have some trust problems.
On the one hand I feel sometimes I am not worth of anyone's love but on the other hand I love myself too much to get into a bad relationship, like every time I go out to a night club and I meet any men my age or younger they want to get me into bed.

OK I will follow your advise and I will start a new thread because this one is already old. Thanks again!!

I realize that the author posted this awhile ago but I just felt compelled to contribute because I was just discussing this with my close friends on New Years. I had a mini breakdown about the whole ordeal because at 22 I have never had a boyfriend or dated.

My most closest guy friend ended up having very deep feelings for me. I honestly did not feel the same way about him but he was my closest friend and in my common sense told me to give him a shot... but I'm too logical and our inexperience, close family ties and long distance were too much of a burden in my mind to consider a relationship.

I've tried my best to get out there and find things that are important for ME. I volunteer, I'm involved in numerous clubs and go out and enjoy my singledom but at the same time it's hard to believe that the only thing that has crossed my path is a person provinces away who is more family to me than a romantic prospect.

I know many of the experts have suggested to let life go its natural way, but its hard to resist that tiny voice thinking about possibly meeting someone at a new venue or event... but maybe that's a sign that I haven't allowed myself to stay open to experiences...

In any case I just thought I would share that it's natural to feel lonely even when everything else in life is going well... I guess the best thing we single gals can do is to make sure we don't put up defenses before giving it a chance... I plan on using my friends as my gauge and sometimes my prod to push myself to have an open mind about different experiences and people :)

To begin with do you feel like no one will like you like your pressured in your mind to stay away from them . Some youths relentlessy put themselves down.there convinced that no one likes them and that they have nothing worthwhile to add to a conversation.is that the way you feel about yourself. If so a negative self-image will only widen the chasm that separates you from your peers. Ask yourself what are my strengths? Think of some talents or positive qualities you poses and list them.no doubt you have flaws and it is good to be aware of these.but you also have so much to offer.regonizeing your assets will give you the confidence you need to break free from negative thinking.
I as a adult go through some of these negative thinking also and am afraid at times of what people will think of me.. It is hard thing to deal with just keep your strength and always think positive.. :)

Three years ago

I read the other daay about someone that was 20 and never had a boyfriend but being 30 is something else
Waat is wrong with you if someone wants to meet you don't turn them down that's just weird you moan that you isn't never had one but then you tell them that you isn't interested raah mann that isn't normal :L

I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend | Is It Normal? | http://isitnormal.com

Her is a website about a 20 year old that has not had a boyfriend uu might want to share your problems together :L awww bless your poor little cotton socks