I'd say it depends on what you define by balance.

Also, the counselor that I visited barely did anything to me apart from helping me tolerate my family better and just accepting that they'll never change.

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Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?

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Swim tri-weekly and attend Physics in College.

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Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.

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Anyone who can actually be in a part time college and not fail their college classes is a hero in my book. So that's a route I just won't take at all.

I still don't understand what you meant by going after happiness.

When I talk about balance, I mean balancing your needs and wants.

If you want, for instance, to be more social, then you have to be more socially active. If you want to feel that you are contributing to this world, and giving something of yourself, then you have to take advantage of opportunities such as volunteering.

If you are continuously stuck in a cycle of self depreciation, where do you expect to go.

I know nothing of your family history, but if you are still living at home and being supported by your parents, I presume that the counselling helped somewhat?

Physics part time I also presume, is part of an educational plan? Are you taking more than one class, or on your way to a diploma/degree of some sort? What do you want to do with your education.

All I'm saying is, that 'loop' without changes, isn't going to lead you on a path where you will find or experience happiness. The experience you gain, just by living, and learning how to cope with ups and downs, will prepare you for success. From what you have said so far, you don't seem to be particularly motivated. The way you listed a description of yourself in your original post, is self-limiting, and probably only part of the picture.

Do you have goals and dreams?

Who doesn't?

I am taking a Bachelor's degree in Physics, that's what I meant.

As for wanting and trying to be more social, I've actually done just that.

Wanting to be less shy? Actually maintained a long conversation with two girls I haven't had met before. So that was a step forward in my perspective as well as a confidence boost (two pretty attractive girls, even though I had no intention of dating them).

As for my hopes and dreams?

-Bachelor's and Master's degree in Physics.
-Might try to do a PhD in Physics.
-Want a family
-Most important, want to be happy.

These are my hopes and dreams? Common? Perhaps.

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Originally Posted by JK191

These are my hopes and dreams? Common? Perhaps.

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You're lookin' good, JK!

Anyway, for those following. Got an invitation from my sister to attend a college event in another city, think I'm going to take her up on it even if I'm completely tired at the moment.

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Originally Posted by JK191

Anyway, for those following. Got an invitation from my sister to attend a college event in another city, think I'm gonna take her up on it even if I'm completly tired at the moment.

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Yay JK!! I envy you. Sounds like fun!

I did go to that college event even if I regret it now.

While I did have some fun with my sister and her female friends, I did hate her male friends as well as the concert and the whole atmosphere.

Still, I'm going to accept all social invitations anyway. My birthday is coming up though, which means I'll hit my major depression time of the year. :(

(to clarify, my grandfather died on my birthday and I kissed my ex for the first time on my birthday as well, so it kind of is a sad day for me.)

When is your birthday, JK? (Time for some new memories.)

May 7th

Out of the blue this did come up.

Should I delete all contacts from my ex, as well as reminders from her so as to heal better?

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Originally Posted by JK191

Out of the blue this did come up.

Should I delete all contacts from my ex, as well as reminders from her so as to heal better?

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I would. Doesn't that seem to be the rational and reasonable thing to do?

I agree with Wondergirl, time to let go of the past, and hello to the future.

I'm just not that comfortable with destroying every single memory of a relationship that wasn't all bad. This obviously includes pictures, presents, text messages and all that.

Keep the good memories, but learn from the bad things. It's always best to try to learn from all bad relationships, whether it's with family or a romantic relationship. Every person you have contact has good and bad in them, it's up to you what you dwell on (whether it's the good or bad parts.)

So it's my birthday today (not excited about it).

And I bring news of my life to those following in my attempts to better myself and my life!

Went to a friend's party, met a cute chick, had an one night stand, hated it, she apparently loved it.

She won't stop pestering me. I have no interest in her. What do I do about this?

I'm contemplating suicide. That is all.

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Originally Posted by JK191

I'm contemplating suicide. That is all.

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Now what happened?? Please tell me (us).

Meh, family is going chaotic, I'm not over my ex, not doing that good in college.

That's about it really.

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Originally Posted by JK191

Meh, family is going chaotic, I'm not over my ex, not doing that good in college.

That's about it really.

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Can I help somehow? Do some of your homework? Invite your family over for a backyard barbecue? Introduce you to a couple of cute girls?

No point meeting cute girls while I'm not over my ex in my opinion 'eh.

I'm just contemplating, I'm not going to go through with it (I hope anyhow).

Thanks for the support Wondergirl.