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Originally Posted by onlineguy

Too many similar questions. Multiple threads merged.

As a guy I am attracted to beautiful women. But I never seem to get any indications of interest or attraction from these women.
All women are beautiful, every last one of them. For different reasons and in different ways. Its up to you to figure it out
I have to pursue them and therefore risk the rejection.
And your point would be what...........??/ No risk, no reward.
This is sooo wrong. By pursuing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them.....
Who told you that? Sounds like BS to me!
This is not what I want. I want an attractive women to want me as much as I want her on equal terms.......
Define attractive? Maybe your the one who is NOT attractive. Ever see it that way? You may look good, but are no good, and frankly, its the same with females. The outside may not match the inside. Thats the risk you take.
How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the pursuit !!!.
Where are you getting the BS from? If they don't like you for who you are, whats the point? Back in the day we could whack 'em over the head with our clubs and drag them home, but the females got together and outlawed clubs.
(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

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For one thing if you expect a female to fall all over you with just a casual hello, forget it.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!! Stop looking for love, guy, or attention, or someone to be attracted to you, and learn to love yourself, and be just yourself, and I guarantee that some one will want to share your fun happy times with you.

Now go tell the guy who has been feeding you that cave man BS, to get lost.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

I read your posts and my first thought is that you're either a teenager or you're stuck in that "game playing" mentality.

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By pursuing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them...

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This one quote says it all.

Why can't you just be you and let them be them? What's with all this game playing?

I am an attractive woman, and I wouldn't date you... EVEN if you pursued me.

(Well, besides the fact that I'm not married--let's play "what if")

I've never even SEEN you, and you come off as someone who doesn't want to be as invested (or MORE invested) in ANY relationship (including friends and family) than the other person is invested in you. By your measurements only, of course.

You're also unwilling to take a risk to get to know me or ask me (as an attractive woman, not me personally) out. If you can't take THAT risk, then how could you take the risk of buying a house, or having a family, or going on vacation to someplace exotic? I mean, you're too afraid to have a woman say "no"! If you can't handle THAT--how do you handle a job interview? What about handling a kid going in for surgery? How about killing bugs in the basement?

So get yourself some confidence and willingness to take risks, first off.

Second, lose the attitude. You say you only want to date attractive women. Well, attractive women only want to date men that bring them something that complements them. For that matter, ALL women want that. So--whether it's intelligence, same interests, a sense of humor, a great way of listening, all of the above or something else entirely--you'd better figure out what you have that they might want. And please don't insult them by thinking it's only looks or money.

That being said--do you take care of yourself? Are you in shape? Do you have a job? A place of your own?

I personally think your problem is that you pursue women you find attractive PHYSICALLY.

Try dating someone that isn't in your normal range of "attractive". Ask out the plump girl you see in the cafeteria instead of focusing on the supermodel who is "attractive".

Oh--and get counseling. You really need to understand that your attitude toward dating is archaic and disturbing.

Maximizing your appearance so that it’s the best it possibly can be. Having the right body, clothes, hygiene, humor, attitude etc gains you an audience / interview with a good looking girl / guy!

But: No matter how well you dress etc you may just not be good looking!

A good looking girl or boy is generally not inclined to initiate or be open to someone they do not know and do not find attractive when looking for a mate.

If they are open to communication without attraction they see the person as likable and like them as a friend and not a mate.

So how does an unattractive person - even with the right clothes, hygiene, humor etc attract the emotional / physical / sexual attraction of a good looking girl / boy?

Its all down to how the people see each other, you often see so say not so attractive girls with really handsome young men, and vice versa, so there's no guarantee of anyone attracting any particular look, its more a case of personality I believe, and no one can foretell who will be attracted to who.

Good Looking or attractive can play a role but its not often you will see 2 exceptionally good looking/attractive people together.

Attracting the opposite sex I don't feel can be predicted, it all boils down to whether 2 people have the spark or attraction factor.

Women are often inclined to find confident self-assured well dressed, men, and yes good dress sense well groomed, and clean, pride in appearance, does definitely work for some women but not all. Good manners and etiquette can also play a role, but as with everything, its all down to whether the spark is there.

Hope this helps

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

Maximizing your appearance so that it’s the best it possibly can be. Having the right body, clothes, hygiene, humor, attitude etc gains you an audience / interview with a good looking girl / guy!

But: No matter how well you dress etc you may just not be good looking!

A good looking girl or boy is generally not inclined to initiate or be open to someone they do not know and do not find attractive when looking for a mate.

If they are open to communication without attraction they see the person as likable and like them as a friend and not a mate.

So how does an unattractive person - even with the right clothes, hygiene, humor etc attract the emotional / physical / sexual attraction of a good looking girl / boy?

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Our perception of self is how 'attractive' we are to others.Insecurities,little quirks while talking,mannerisms,body styles,hair and eye color,teeth,smile,there are so many different things, you can't possibly make a Ken doll out of Jaba the Hut.. but you CAN make an acceptable Han Solo from almost any mold.(in personality)

Attraction is considered by some to come from pheromones,I can attest to this to a degree.I have been out with some interesting women in the past who others in my peer group would have run from just as to see them(they see what they want to see)I have been out with others who most anyone would feel lucky to be with(again,seen as others want to see them)

What made one different than the other?MY PERSPECTIVE.

There is more than just one 'type' for you in this world, there are way too many 'types' to single out just one.You can't dress to impress when one might be looking for the biker type.Can't dress down for the grease monkey/garage type when someone is looking for the bread maker.(or bread WINNER)

There is one on here I hope see's this thread and put's his input in(I'm sure he will,, um kp!! )

Wonderful post.

Looks mean almost nothing in finding the right job, dressing properly for it, The main thing is attitude and the way you present yourself, ( body lanuage4 is a big key)

I am and have been fat, with a bad eye and a limp almost my entire life. It has not slowed me down from major jobs ever.

It is only if you think you are not good looking. I see a handsome person when "I" look in the mirror, because I am happy with myself.

That is the key, be happy with who you are.

Looks don't mean anything. It's all about attitude.

Look at Danny De Vito, Donald Trump, Billy Joel.

Act like a loser and you'll be a loser.

Confidence is a really attractive trait. Arrogance isn't.

I've met men that on the outside are gorgeous, but, if they're not intelligent, confident (not arrogant), easygoing, funny, kind, then I lose interest.

The most attractive quality, in my opinion, is confidence in who you are. You don't have to be gorgeous to be attractive. Beauty really is just skin deep.

Why can't you just be yourself, and be a good human, and attract other good humans? Why is it you seem to only what is considered a beautiful looking person? That's a matter of opinion, as God didn't make ugly humans, humans make themselves ugly.

I think your question should be how you can be confident within your own skin, and have dignity, and respect for yourself, as you are.

Trying to be something that you aren't is as ugly as it gets, without being down right evil.

You have self esteem problems to address, did you know that? You don't need a fancy suit, just a better attitude.

When a guy likes a girl he shows indications of interest!

It is reasonable to assume that if she finds him physically attractive then she will either initiate with indications of interest or positively respond to his.

However women will act like they are not interested or act closed off... This gives a guy a clear **** off, not interested in you impression.

Only to find that in actual fact she did like him?


Why do women do this?

I would venture to say that if a woman gives you the "not interested signal", she is not interested.
If a woman does otherwise, she is playing childish games. Not all woman do this.
Are you asking a question about a specific woman?
Or is this a different take on one of the many questions you have already asked?

I kind of see where you are coming from. Ordinarily, in my experience, girls are more skeptical of guys because we have the stigma of being... "guys." Thus everything negative that is normally associated with our being guys is generalized to the entire population.

So most often what I do, if they show no interest in me, is reciprocate the feeling. I feel it a waste of my time to try to get a girl who doesn't act remotely interested in me.

I think it might be some ingrained relics of bygone times when girls always played hard to get and never made advances at Males.
JMO

Girl I tried to get off with did not like me in that way. Now adds me on social network... Friend’s zone!. Nooooooo

How to avoid being placed in the friend zone without seeming petty...
It’s letting them know you’re interested and like them but you’re not going to be a friend! Although you would be open to being the best of friends.
Fecking annoys me, that women do this!!

Any suggestions thoughts on this ?

It's inevitable whether a girl puts you in her friends zone.

What you can do is ask her out on a few dates. If she's interested enough to give you a shot, she will go. If she doesn't, then nor matter what you try, it won't change her mind, so why force the issue?

She can be a friend, but find someone else who may be interested in you.

Maybe I'm confused about the question.

You are always going to find attractive women around you who might not see you in that light. Its just the truth.

So... is she wrong for not cutting complete contact? For thinking you might be mature enough to be able to accept that you will be attracted to some girls who just don't see you that way?

If you don't have the balls to do no contact, don't blame her for keeping you at arms length, but still around.

If its too annoying... fine. Walk. Own it.

You like her more than she likes you. Happens all the time.

Yes, its maddening and frustrating. Been there. More than once.

But really... at this point, she doesn't control how close you are or are not... you do.

Yeah... she does control who is in her bed. But that's a given.

You can choose to hang around or to just turn your head cause she is too tempting.

Every ex before my last... I just had to walk. Just easier to cut those ties hard now and rebuild later if it seems right. Have a fantastic relationship with one ex now... but I had to get the hell out of her face and not think about her and NOT be her girlfriend.

Now... the last ex... not that simple. We have a kid together, so, like it or not, I see her more than id like.

Still... I have control over the contact with her. I spend time with him. Not her. I'm cordial. Friendly enough. But I'm not vested in making her day great or helping her through most mundane irritations. Leave that to the friends who don't have a stronger drive for something she doesn't want.

So... I get where you are. I'm just not going to give you a pass for blaming women for this.

Its simple. You like her more. You are more vested. Its your place to step back... cause she can't make you step back mentally. Only you can.

Friends zone is cool, just don't linger hoping for more that's all. Some of my best times were with a friend, of a friend. Having read, and responded to your break up post, and your dating questions, I know you try to hard, and expect too much, too soon, and take rejection personally.

Stop trying to date, and make friends, and have fun, and let the romance take care of itself. The best place to meet females is through friends, and activities that you enjoy. And shed the shallow "hunting for a fine fox attitude" and just be yourself, and impress them with what you got naturally, and talk to them, NOT player rap with lines, they hear all the time.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Lots of females who are down to earth and fun, don't always have the super model outsides. You have to look closer, and deeper. Its about enjoy, and not about romance, or POSSESSION.

Friends are sometimes better to have.

OP last I heard guys also do the same often its not all effing girls. Or Fecking girls .

Be honest and tell her you don't want on Facebook. Tell her the truth. Ask her to take you off her friends list.

All threads about this have been merged




What is the best way to gain attention / attraction of a beautiful woman.

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

What is the best way to gain attention / attraction of a beautiful woman.

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Hello guy:

Make 'em laugh.

excon

Have millions of dollars, or be a pro sports player

Paradoxically, not trying to attract them can often be very powerful, trust me.

Very attractive women get a lot of male attention. By not trying to impress her, you find come across as impressive. I hope that helps.

Oh, and not being smelly and having nice teeth. And women like shoes, get over it. ;)

I would say, dress well, have confidence, but not cockiness, have a decent job, have a clean cut and stay clean.

However, keep in mind that every woman has different tastes. So if you appeal to one woman, it doesn't mean you will appeal to another.

Regret is a nightmare... Choices you make roads you take... Realising you took the wrong road, or that the other did not care for you as much as they claimed to, is very, very hard to live with. I am there now.

Hi onlineguy, we all have to deal with this particular issue in life, we can't escape it, that's how we learn how to make the right choices in life. Too bad we have to wait till we are older to learn it though.

Been there done that.

Tick

You HAVE to look at it from the correct angle.

One can not change the past... they can only influence the future.

Thus dwelling on "what was" or "what might have been", is a waste of time because what's done is done... you should instead look at "what can be", and "how can I take this and make more of it."

I know the question you are asking. I have asked it myself many times. There is no answer. I can only offer suggestions. It is difficult to have your heart destroyed by your own actions or another person's. If it is your own actions, do not run from your mistake. Accept it. Remember it. If you don't, then you will repeat it when the next situation comes. If it is someone else who has harmed your emotions, stop thinking of what you could have done to prevent it. You couldn't. As a reverend, most people expect me to quote "Divine Planning" or "God's Will", but it's bullsh*t. Yes, I said it. The simple thing is that your choices, and the choices of others, are what got you where you are, and it can not be undone. Your future is not preset, your choices make it what it will be. That in mind, the past being unchangeable, the present being what's important and the future having endless possibilities, you should accept what's happened and never forget it. If someone hurt you, be happy they hurt you now, rather than later, when it could have hurt more. If you accept the fact that things can and probably will always be worse, you will learn to move on with your past through the present to enjoy the misery of the future. You can quit life, but if you do, you'll miss out on all the enjoyable misery that paves the road to happiness.

Regret, is a nightmare, because it's usually followed by guilt, remorse, and all the 'what if's', had different decisions been made at the time.

I'm not sure what you are saying in your post onlineguy. Do you regret being involved with this person, because they were not who they said they were, or turned out to be a person you didn't know?

I think you need a lot more time to heal from the disappointment of your break up, and to learn how to cope with your own feelings of loss, and rejection, so you can move beyond it and be more positive as you do. The last thing you need is to have regret turn to self pity, and you do nothing good for yourself, with family friends or activities, to support you, and show you that life moves ahead, and so should you. Right now you are dwelling too much over what was, instead of looking forward to the next adventure.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Right now you are dwelling to much over what was, instead of looking forward to the next adventure.

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Oh, yes that next adventure was always the best one ! And then, the next one was better and so on and so on... until you find the ultimate and then it is absolutely wonderful.. have kids though, that is the absolute.. :)

It always seems that unattractive women will initiate a connection with me, but attractive women are closed off from my connection interest in them... I can't figure this out, Am I not that attractive or has looks got nothing to do with it and it's the approach that's wrong ?

Surly women should also initiate if they find a guy attractive or at least give off some signs !

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

It always seems that unattractive women will initiate a connection with me, but attractive women are closed off

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Hello o:

Then go with what you've got. From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

excon

Looks should have nothing to do with it, what should matter is how you like them

Stop looking for attractive women who fancy you and will make the first move. What's up with that kind of thinking?

Look for people and things that are fun. You will be much happier, and much more attractive.

Looks got nothing to do with it at all.

If you don't have the good looks to catch their eye, where the feck do you proceed from there ?

By having a great personality and a good sense of humour.

By respecting others and yourself.