If a guy is physically attracted to a girl he will have the emotional desire to get to know her. (Shyness not prevailing) he will initiate some form of contact.

If he then likes her personality he will then be more emotionaly drawn to her, spending time with her, going out with her. Etc etc.

(Ie, He has initial perceived emotional value in appearance, then greater perceived emotional value in her personality. This high value is an attraction needed for love, which is after all a strong emotional connection to another based on high value of attraction and emotional connection). Continuation by positive interest, time and rewarding experiences which increases perceive sub conscious emotional value. (Feelings of love).

MY QUESTIONS ARE :
Is it the same or any different for women ?
If it is the same (shyness prevailing) then why don't women initiate ! Or do they ?

It is often a matter of culture, and nationality. Also social pressures and even culture within economic groups

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rol

Have you ever tried asking one of them out?
Just do it confidently and with humour.

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Having failed a few times does not mean you will always fail.Besides try to check out on your personal short coming and work on your personal image and your worthness

One could overcome by first dealing with your past history if that is part of the cause.Accept that things happened in the past and so they should not affect your future.Purpose to accept yourself because your worthnes,security and love does not depend on the reactions of others towards you but what you believe your maker says about you

Shyness could be as a result of arrested development during growth engagement in activities which are interactive like sports could help to bring out ones confidence especially when one begins score or win in some events

not sure if I understand but since I read your post it would be nice to reply.

I don't think men are the only one who make the first move.
some women make the first move.
some times they are both afraid to make the first move.
As for the whole value idea men some times think there to important and being a 18 year old teen dealing with high school boys I can honestly say the whole value thing comes from witch ever one thinks looks better then the other...

hope you can read some of my posts and answere because we can really relate them and share ideas.


much love

If a guy is a nice bloke, why would a woman not be flattered and complimented by his attention !

If attracted to beautiful woman, which is natural and the first stage of attraction, then liking her personality to move to an emotional / physical connection. But!!

Beautiful women not attracted to man, then what is the way forward ?

Settle with someone not attractive / live alone or face continues rejection ?

What sort of life is that, no future, no prospect of family... No point to continue, nothing to continue for.

Because maybe she feels like you're pursuing her. Maybe she feels like she just wants to be friends and you're pushing it. Maybe she just thinks you're a creeper. Maybe she has a boyfriend and doesn't want to express how flattered she is, or maybe she simply doesn't feel flattered at all. It depends completely on what type of woman you're dealing with, what her situation is, what mood she was in, and probably a million other variables.

A beautiful woman is not attracted to a specific man so she will settle with someone not attractive and live alone to face continuous rejection??

Um, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. If a woman isn't attracted to one man, maybe this just isn't her type of man! She has a whole world of guys out there- and one of them is her soul mate. There are many options out there for a beautiful woman. I don't quite understand why this question is so difficult for you to figure out...

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

If attracted to beautiful woman, which is natural and the first stage of attraction, then liking her personality to move to an emotional / physical connection. But !!!

Beautiful women not attracted to man, then what is the way forward ?

Settle with someone not attractive / live alone or face continues rejection ?

What sort of life is that, no future, no prospect of family.... No point to continue, nothing to continue for.

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Okay, let me see if I got this straight.

You're attracted to a beautiful woman but she isn't attracted to you.

Now you want to know if you should settle for someone not attractive or live alone or keep trying with the woman that isn't attracted to you and face rejection.

If I got it right then here's my advice.

1. Write clearer so that we can understand what you're asking.

2. There are other women out there, a lot of attractive women, but I would suggest being a little less shallow and stop focusing on the outward appearance only.

Are you also saying that if you can't have this one specific woman then your have no future?

A little dramatic, aren't you?

Er, this seems to be a theme through a range of the threads you've started.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-374958.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...en-277329.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...me-178834.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-262115.html

I have to ask - why is beauty SO important? Why do you believe that your life would be less that perfect if you don't have a beautiful woman, and have (heaven forbid) a less attractive woman?

I just don't get why this is SO important to you. I would have thought that kindness, consideration, sense of humor, intelligence and balance (to name a few) would have been far more important qualities in a prospective partner than 'beauty'.

There are so many beautiful people out there - they may not have perfect eyes, noses, or bodies but they are genuine loving human beings. Sadly you're not able to see them because of your blind obsession.

Until you do some deep thinking about yourself and your superficial motivations you will never attract anyone 'beautiful' into your life. The people you meet will only reflect your own superficiality back to you, and you will continue to be unhappy because of your unrealistic expectations.

Is this how you want your life to be?

I forgot to add - as I don't want to keep banging on about this - that when you love someone they are beautiful to you!

I think that my husband is just gorgeous and when I look at him, although he's not Brad Pitt, I think he's the most handsome man in the world.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I forgot to add - as I don't want to keep banging on about this - that when you love someone they are beautiful to you!

I think that my husband is just gorgeous and when I look at him, although he's not Brad Pitt, I think he's the most handsome man in the world.

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Gemini, I feel the same way.

I have to say, there are people that I've met that are drop dead gorgeous, but the longer you know them the uglier they become, because their souls are rotten.

Then there are people that aren't much to look at but when you get to know them they shine like the brightest star in the sky. They are truly beautiful, because of who they are on the inside.

It's sad that there are people who only concentrate on outward beauty and don't give people a chance to show the beauty they have inside.

Closed, does no one ever look at dates

Honest Truth...

Honest truth... why would you want to be with someone who is so concerned about only one area of the relationship. It's not that it's not important. But there's so many other things that are more important. Like communication. Trust. If it's really a good relationship with trust and communication, anything physical tends to be less important

I have never understood guys being concerned about their size. I see ads on TV to increase the length, surgeries, pills, and for what.

Going out on a limb here and going to say that in my humble opinion, size on a man is about as significant as how many pepperoni slices are on your pizza.

OP, are you talking about height or the size of a certain body part?

I'm not even sure what the question IS. Could you be a little more clear?

I THINK they are asking if either men's genital size and/or height is really that important to women. Maybe? :)

I'm a fairly short and slim guy but I find many women don't mind. I made up for it by working out a lot so I went from scrawny to being built like a lightweight boxer. I'll never be big and I've accepted it. It's just like a bald man who doesn't try to hide it instead of doing a comb over or wearing a piece. Women like men who like themselves.

You already asked this. And with 91 posts you should know better than to repeat a question rather than add to your previous post.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ml#post2110117

Guess he was asking about height

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Originally Posted by justcurious55

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ml#post2110117

guess he was asking about height

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There goes our fun.

I still think we need more details then this.

Well I always though he was talking about height not the size of his member.. just shows how boring I am!

Anyway, to the OP, how short are you talking about? Jockey short? Napoleon Bonaparte short? Danny De Vito short?

I need to have a sense of this before I can answer, but the last 2 guys I mentioned have been very successful in their own ways.

I suggest it's about your energy, not about your height. Hell, even Mini Me was going out with a fashion model wasn't he?

Women, generally speaking, won't respect a man who doesn't respect himself. (we all know that deep down none of us much respect ourselves, it's something most of us need to work on.) It also depends on the woman... I'm engaged to a 6'1'' Marine, my twin sister is dating a 5'11'' emo kid... It's all about personal opinion- no one is quite the same.

Girls / Guys I just don’t get this? Need clarity of thought here.

As a guy, if I am physically attracted to a woman I have an emotional desire to connect with her, an emotional desire to show indications of interest that I like her. (Talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with her, want to spend time with her, put myself in a position where she will be etc).

(Excluding the effects of shyness on this process).

However if I don’t find the girl physically attractive but like her personality then I see the girl as a friend, like spending time with her but I don’t look to connect with her. (No emotional desire / attraction). I will therefore enjoy her company but won't look to single her out to talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with just her or want to spend time with just her.

What is puzzling me is female responses??

I would have thought exactly the same applies to females as well as males! But this does not appear to be the case?

The dilemma I am finding is that woman I find attractive don’t show signs of emotional interest or IOI but the women who I don’t find attractive do show these signs.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I am not found as physically attractive as the women I am attracted to. But the women who I am not attracted to find me attractive.

Since I don’t feel unattractive or any less attractive than the women I find attractive, this leaves me troubled by a seemingly negative response from attractive women, frustrated by this and angry because I don’t feel this way inside. (If that makes sense!).

Leaving me with a choice of being single (lonely), or having to have a relationship with someone who I am not attracted to. (I could not fake a full relationship).

Am I reading this all wrong, is my perception of how women view attraction right or wrong? I am very mixed up on this and could do with some honest clarity…………

Hello Onlineguy,

I don't think that it's right or wrong... I think it's nothing. As a woman, I will tell you that I have dated men that are very attractive and some that if I were to walk down the street and see them, I wouldn't look twice. I am the type of person that I need personality... Some of the very good looking men that I have dated have been rude and obnoxious, not to mention dumb! Some of the men I wasn't that attracted to were very witty, funny, compassionate, and intellegent. I am only giving you my take on this situation. Other peple might have a much different take on this. Also, to me anyway, some people try to use their looks to their advantage, so they might feel as if they want you to pursue them, not the other way around. They could be afraid of rejection. This doesn't mean that attractive women aren't attracted to you...

Let me ask you, do you try to pursue these "attractive" women?

I think your learning the lesson about the best way to be attractive to females. As a friendly guy not looking for anything.

Your probably more honest, open, and engaging when you don't have the high expectations of winning, or getting something from her. More confident too, since its easier being yourself, and not trying to impress her!

Attraction is going to depend on the woman. I am not, by ANY means, attracted to the artsy, hardcore punk rocker men that my twin sister is attracted to- and we share DNA.

It is a false statement to say that all women you find attractive are not attracted to you... Have you ever met ALL women? Don't narrow yourself down. Instead of feeling like you have the two options of being lonely or faking a relationship, you could always be patient and wait for a woman who you are attracted to, and who is attracted to you to come along. Also, I agree with Talaniman.

I have also found this to be true in my own personal experiences. One of my best guy friends would be a perfect mate, if we found each other attractive. We don't; therefore, we are best of friends.

Why is it that you're attracted to people who aren't attracted to you? Well, that's life. That's they way it goes sometimes. I know that I've been attracted to people that I shouldn't be attracted to... and that turns out horribly bad.

I just think that in your case, you just haven't found that "one" that is right for you. Does that even make sense? I mean, that "one" that is The One will be attracted to you physically and intellectually.

To say that "all" women that are not attracted to you are your type is being stereotypical - and I know that's not what you meant. You just haven't found her yet.

For most women, they prefer more on <a href="http://mysexystories.com/blog/2010/02/19/whats-more-important-looks-or-personality">personality</a> because women are more sensitive than men. You can see that on society. There are many women who go for older guys.

For most women, they prefer more on personality because women are more sensitive than men. You can see that on society. There are many women who go for older guys.

Women take looks as the appetizer to settle the hunger but take personality as the entrée to fulfill the need of sustenance and to get their nutrition...

Too many similar questions. Multiple threads merged.

As a guy I am attracted to beautifull women. But I never seem to get any indications of interest or attraction from these women.

I have to pursue them and therefore risk the rejection.

This is sooo wrong. By persueing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them...

This is not what I want. I want an attractive women to want me as much as I want her on equal terms...

How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the pursuit!!

(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

I've looked at a few of your other threads,most relate to how to get the attention or gain emotional higher ground as you put it.

The one thing that seems to be lacking is self confidence and lots of self esteem.

A women you don't know or hardly know does not put you on lower ground,you do!

If you go into situation where you think she has the upper hand your already physic'd out.

Why are you putting any emotional weight on a 1st,2nd or even 3d encounter,there's no need,your not attacted,your only getting to know them.

Start your dates off slowly and slowly get to know the women,before you attach any romantic emotion to her.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

ive looked at a few of your other threads,most relate to how to get the attention or gain emotional higher ground as you put it.

the one thing that seems to be lacking is self confidence and lots of self esteem.

a women you dont know or hardly know does not put you on lower ground,you do!.

if you go into situation where you think she has the upper hand your already physic'd out.

why are you putting any emotional weight on a 1st,2nd or even 3d encounter,theres no need,your not attacted,your only getting to know them.

start your dates off slowly and slowly get to know the women,before you attach any romantic emotion to her.

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I was just looking over his threads too and came to the same conclusions.

I am wondering if you are setting yourself up to fail because of self-esteem issues. You pick the female most likely to ignore you and then get surprised when she does. You ignore as being unworthy the ones who would probably have a great time with you and give you the attention you want.

What exactly do you want? Perhaps you should take a step back and think about the answer to that question.

Don't even think about winning exes back. They are exes for a reason.

I think women may pick up on your attitude towards them. If a woman sees you and thinks she may like you, would you pay attention to her or do you only have certain woman you want paying attention to you? If that is the case, how do you ever get to know a woman and allow her to get to know you?
If you are attracted to a woman, is it just physical? Have you ever just liked a woman because you think she is nice and you'd like to get to know her?

Emotional level has nothing to do with it. If you like someone you like them, it does not mean you are beneath them or they you.
Relax, get to know a woman get over this funky attitude equating attraction with emotional level. You can meet someone get to know them and then later find you are both attracted to each other, but the key is getting to know each other. Stop looking for a woman to just fall head over heels for you at first meeting.

I'm with Cat1864. What is it that you want from a women?

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Originally Posted by onlineguy

How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the persuit !!!.

(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

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Pursue them? Sounds like you are chasing them. Exes are exes for a reason.

Stop acting so desperate when you are around them. No woman enjoys having a guy suffocate her with attention.

Listen to all these ladies who posted above me. (I agree with all of you but evidently I gots to spread the love).

If you pursue women just because they are attractive, it's about your ego not about them.

They know this. They won't ever want you.

In relationships it isn't a control issue,as I think you are expressing.

Who makes the 'move' and who play's coy? this is the game played in juvenile relationships(and yes,sometimes in seemingly adult ones also)the attraction has to be there for anything to happen, stop trying so hard to 'get that girl'.

If there is to be any chemistry it isn't going to be there because you WANT it to be,it has to flow from within(deep 60's and 70's stuff here:p ),You can make all the overtures you want,but if there is to be a connection(one that will last beyond the first night together),there has to be chemistry between the two of you.

Who doesn't like attractive people?(and WHO is to say WHO is attractive and who isn't, it's very subjective.)

There are too many similar threads, so all the common threads have been merged together.

Harshness warning

As the others have pointed out, the bottom line is that you lack confidence and self-esteem in yourself.

Before you blame girls or others for not accepting you, looking in the mirror first.

An attractive quality to have is confidence, but not cockiness. Some people mix up confidence with being jerky too. You can start with reading some self-help books: The Guide to Self-Help Books – Recommended Self-Help Books - Self-Help Book Reviews

When you look in the mirror and you feel happy with yourself, then you'll be in a better position to find happiness elsewhere.