Over the last year, my son has become increasingly defiant and disrespectful towards me. In Sept of 2008 his father and my estranged husband committed suicide. We had 3 children together. My oldest is 15 and I also have a 9 yr old and a 6 yr old. I have them in grief counseling and the younger 2 seem to be moving through the stages of grief. However, my oldest has turned on me in a dramatic way. He uses my grief and weakness to his advantage. He is verbally abusive towards me and his siblings constantly. He is failing 10th grade and refuses to put forth even the slightest bit of effort. No amount of encouragement or punishment phases him. He has run away from home 3 times in the past year. I found weed in his room and called the police for that and every time he has run away. He has been to court and is enrolled in a counseling and drug treatment program. His last court date was last week and he failed a random drug screening. The judge sentenced him to house incarceration. Last month he became physically abusive. He grabbed me by my neck and pushed me around. I called the police and they politely told me to beat his a** and physically force him to do what he's told. They scolded me for not being a more forceful mother. I asked them how long they thought I would be able to push around a 15 yr old that is already taller and larger than me. No answer was given. I have contacted everyone in the juvenile justice system in my area for help. Last night, he became irate and spit at me while cursing me and his brother. I contacted the "probation" lady in charge of him to ask her for help. I feel he needs to be removed from our home, if only for a day or so. She informed me that until he physically injures me or his siblings seriously they can't take him out of the house. I don't want to get rid of my child, and I am not looking for a quick fix or someone to take over my obligation as his Mother. I just need help. I don't want to wait until he has done serious harm to us or himself. By then it will be to late to intervene. There are no resources for parents like me. The court system locks him in the house. The court coordinator in charge of him and the drug program tells me to call the police, the police tell me to beat him. What can I do?