Ask Me Help Desk - Father that lies

Father that lies

OK here's the thing my stepdad hates when people talk about our family but the thing iz he tells everyone about stuff that me and my sister do that aren't even that bad. But this time he totally told lied about us... it all started when me my sister and my friend were dancing and listening to music on YouTube in my room. Me and my sister were wearing tank tops and some shorts that was only about 2 or 3 inches above the knee and my friend was wearing a spaghetti strap tank top with some regular everyday jeans. We were having a lot of fun so we laughed quite a lot. Since we were making so much noise, my stepdad came upstairs and asked us what we were doing. We said dancing and listening to music. And then he told us to got downstairs because he was going to check the computer. But obviously he didn't find anything bad, so he technically made one up saying that we were watching videos with half-naked people on it. We knew he was lying because the videos only had lyrics on them. So after that passed my friend got in trouble because my stepdad said we were dancing naked in the room while listening to music. And another time, he took a way me and my sisters phone with something that had to do with the computer. Normally he would always tell everybody that our phone was taken away but that time he didn't because all my neighboorhood friends asked me where it was, normally they already know. My stepsisters aunt asked my her dad (my stepdad) why he took away her fone. And he said that he took it because she had a nasty picture on there which wasn't true because that happened a year ago. (the picture was sent to her by her friend, she told her friend not to text her anymore because of the picture) how do I deal with this??

Where is your mother in all of this?

My mom can't do anything about it because he'll just make a fit and pretend like he never lied. If me and my sister told him this it would be worse because he would hit us for no reason and bring up stuff from the past.

Where is your father? If this is as you say it is time to get another adult involved or maybe the authorities if he likes to hit.

Does your mother know the truth? Does she allow him to hit you?

Does he hit your mother also?

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

my mom can't do anything about it because he'll just make a fit and pretend like he never lied. if me and my sister told him this it wud be worse because he would hit us for no reason and bring up stuff from the past.

I think this could be a serious issue that you need to give some more information about.

He hits you?
How often does this happen? Hard enough to leave marks?
Does your mother know he hits you?

When was the last time?

If I were in your situatio I would talk to a teacher or your minister.

How long has he been your stepdad and is your real Dad in your life?

deronette97 disagrees : no, no no.. My mother or my family would never allow that

This question did not warrant a "disagree" response. Please obligate yourself to read the site rules, and terms of service, before you insult someone who is trying to help you.

Um I wasn't insulting, it was meant to show that I was saying no and you can't agree for something when your saying no in the beginning of a sentence, thank you very much

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

um i wasnt insulting, it was meant to show that I was saying no and you can't agree for something when your saying no in the beginning of a sentence, thank you very much

Just tell us this, if the mom or the family doesn't allow him to hit her, why do they let him hit you? Where is your dad?

Well for haitians, the parents can hit there children as long as it doesn't leave a bruise or scar, but a man can certainly not hit a woman.

OK now I am a bit confused. Where do you live? If you are in the USA call the police. I am not familiar with other countries laws but I just don't understand how a man is able to put hands on a young woman for no reason. I think there might be a little more to this situation then you are telling. You need to give us more background on your Stepfather and how this came to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrshodges

OK now I am a bit confused. Where do you live? If you are in the USA call the police. I am not familiar with other countries laws but I just don't understand how a man is able to put hands on a young woman for no reason. i think there might be a little more to this situation then you are telling. You need to give us more background on your Stepfather and how this came to be.

I'm a little confused also. Do you live in Haiti?

No I live in the usa, its just that we still live by the haitian culture so as long as he doesn't leave bruises. But the one problem I have is that he is a pastor and he also has anger issue's, and I think that is the reason he hits us when we tell him that he is wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

no I live in the usa, its just that we still live by the haitian culture so as long as he doesnt leave bruises. but the one problem I have is that he is a pastor and he also has anger issue's, and i think that is the reason he hits us when we tell him that he is wrong.

Here's a little good news.. You are in the USA now. Tell your teacher. The laws here will protect you from him. He's a pastor:eek:

Well I guess I can do that

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

well i guess i can do that

Please do and let us know. He has no right beating you!

KK is right and you should do what she is suggesting.

It is not right for any adult to hit or hurt a child in any way. Parents have the right and obligation to show the kids right from wrong and to punish them when they do wrong. But not by hitting or pushing or screaming at you. This is wrong for any parent to do.

And sometimes parents don't know this because they were not taught it when they were kids so they think it is OK.
These parents need someone to teach them that it is not all right. And this is what happens when parents are found to be abusing children. And hitting or hurting is abuse. They usually also teach at the time, how not to be so angry sometimes. Some people get angry too much and too fast. Most parents don't want to be angry and hit but need to be taught how to control these feelings. There are people who can help them not to be this way. And when they learn these things it usually makes them happier and helps to make everybody around them happier.
This may be a lot for someone as young as you to understand but I am sure you will because you are a very smart young lady.

Grown people can injure kids very badly , not even meaning to because they are so much bigger and stronger than kids and this is one reason parents should never hit or hurt.

You be brave (like you already are and I think you are great for doing it)
And talk to a teacher or family member you trust , someone like that.

And please keep posting. We all care about you and want to do all we can to help.

I really enjoy talking (or writing) to you and hope to do so soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

KK is right and you should do what she is suggesting.

It is not right for any adult to hit or hurt a child in any way. Parents have the right and obligation to show the kids right from wrong and to punish them when they do wrong. But not by hitting or pushing or screaming at you. This is wrong for any parent to do.

And sometimes parents don't know this because they were not taught it when they were kids so they think it is ok.
These parents need someone to teach them that it is not alright. And this is what happens when parents are found to be abusing children. And hitting or hurting is abuse. They usually also teach at the time, how not to be so angry sometimes. Some people get angry too much and too fast. Most parents don't want to be angry and hit but need to be taught how to control these feelings. There are people who can help them not to be this way. And when they learn these things it usually makes them happier and helps to make everybody around them happier.
This may be a lot for someone as young as you to understand but I am sure you will because you are a very smart young lady.

Grown people can injure kids very badly , not even meaning to because they are so much bigger and stronger than kids and this is one reason parents should never hit or hurt.

You be brave (like you already are and I think you are great for doing it)
and talk to a teacher or family member you trust , someone like that.

And please keep posting. We all care about you and want to do all we can to help.

I really enjoy talking (or writing) to you and hope to do so soon.

This is true. We all care about you. What happened to your real Dad?
I'm really sorry you have to live with an abusive step father. There are people who will help. There are agencys who specialize in helping children.
Do not be afraid to tell someone at school or someone whom you trust.
You keep posting here ,OK?:)

OK I will. My real father passed away when I was about 4 years old

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

ok I will. My real father passed away wen I was about 4 years old

So sorry

Sweetie.. you should do what everyone is asking you to do. No one has the right to put their hands on you.. for ANY reason. This obviously bothers you, you wouldn't be telling us if it didn't. There are laws here in the United States protecting you from that kind of abuse regardless on your families cultural beliefs. It bothers me that not only does he hit you but has an anger problem on top of it. That means he cant contol his anger.. and that's troublesome. Please talk to someone you can trust. And keep us updated.

Please tell someone about your stepfather. You do not need to be beaten by a man who is supposed to protect you.

Your mother needs to understand she is no longer in Haiti anymore and stand up for you and your siblings.

American Law does not take too kindly to someone who abuses their children. Tell someone and they will help you be safe. A teacher, a minister or the next time he beats you call 911 and tell them what's going on.

Be safe young lady.

Here is something you should remember that I hope helps you.
If your stepfather is hitting you or anyone else , you can call 911 and just leave phone alone. Don't hang up just drop it. The people who can help you might be able to hear what is happening, but even if they can't , they will know where you are and that you need help and they will come right over and stop any bad things that are happening.

Remember you don't have say anything if it is the kind of phone that are in houses. If it is a cell phone you should talk if you can. Give the address FIRST. Then answer the questions if you can.

You are doing a great job here. I know grown ups that can't do what you are doing. I'm proud of you.

Write back as often as you can. OK?

I want you to know I am not talking down to you. I use the childish wording an such so that younger people can read it.

By the composition of your writing I know you are quite intelligent and mature.
It is grammatically correct, spell checked, and composed at a level beyond many adults. I am impressed.

I just want to make sure you realize that I know I am dealing with an intelligent young lady and not a child.

I should have posted this sooner and apologize for not doing so.

The concern for you is genuine and I actually worry some when we don't hear from you as quick as I would like to.

Be safe and calmed in the knowledge that this can and I pray to God , will be over soon. Keep being strong.

Sincerely,
Paul (my real name)

Thanks you guys, you've really helped me. I'll do so if it happens again.
Again, thank you sooo much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deronette97

Thanks you guys, you've really helped me. I'll do so if it happens again.
Again, thank you sooo much.

We're here.. okay... you can reach us... Bless you:)

Just what Kitkat says... please stay in contact with us, whenever you can and let us know how your doing. Please take care hon!

I personally don't think the hitting is so important as the misrepresentation. Hitting is at present politically incorrect, but not so harmful as the mental stuff.

Yes, you do need to get another adult involved, but I can't suggest who it might be. Whom do you know that you could confide in? Do you know any friendly social worker?

This isn't going to help, but I have to say how glad I am that this kind of thing didn't happen in my childhood.

Deronette you have friends here.. You call the Police if it happens again.

No stepfather should beat a child. No father should beat a child.

This girl I worry about. I would love to get an update.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

This girl I worry about. I would love to get an update.

I hope she comes back. She needs help.