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I have a friend who has 4 year old triplets, one boy and two girls. She just moved them out of cribs, but now has them sharing one bed. I don't feel like it is right. What are the legalities and moral issues involved? Let's not forget to mention she puts them to bed at 6 and gets them up at 7 am, locking them in the room or that the room has no light and is painted dark blue.
Locking them in the room for 13 hours is wrong. Why is she doing that? Are you sure you have your facts straight?
Painting the walls blue is not immoral or illegal.
Having them all sleep together seems like a judgement call. Plenty of kids through out history have had to share beds at much older ages than this. Was that bad? I doubt it. I'm guessing having them sleep together is harmless.
But if it's really true that they are all locked up in a dark room for a long period, that's neglect.
It sounds like your friend needs some help taking care of these three kids. Is she married? Does she have family?
How old are the triplets?
No there is no immoral issue having 4 year old children sharing the same bed, people who are poor have to make do with the best they can.
I may have a issue of them locked in a room for so long but I am sure there is more to this story
If she is putting them to bed that early it sounds like maybe she doesn't want to be bothered with them and wants free time to herself at night. What is she doing when they go to bed? Why does she say she puts them to bed so early? Locking them in the room is not good and she could probably get in trouble for that especially if she is leaving the house at all.
How would they go to the bathroom?
Putting 4 year olds to bed at 6 and getting up at 7 is not a crime. Many children of this age need this much sleep, particularly while in a growth spurt.
My question is... Have you visually seen her lock them in the room or is this something she told you that she does?
I agree with J-9, maybe the mother was using the phrase "locked up" to just mean they are put to bed and not allowed to get back up. My kids had a very firm bedtime.
All right, here I go. I babysit sometimes and she has a potty seat in the room, and a child proof handle on the door. She told me she locks them in because they wake up early, sometimes 5 am and she doesn't want to get up that early, so she put the lock on the door so she can sleep until 7 am.
The room is painted midnight blue and the windows have blackout curtains so they sleep a long time, she told me this. My kids also have a strict bed time. They sleep for about 12 hours a night.
Sometimes at night I have babysat for her and I hear the kids up until 9 pm, but she says leave them there. I feel like she is neglecting the kids, They are locked in from 5:30 or 6 pm until 7 am every day. She has told me that most of it is that she wants time without them.
To me, this situation is unacceptable.
First because she is not responding to them for such a long time. If you want to have that many kids, you have to take care of them, and when they are little, that means the night shift. Period.
Second, she is not teaching them to stay in the room because she said to. What's she going to do when they are old enough to take the door off the hinges, climb out the window, or start a fire in there (about age 7 or 8)? Discipline has to be based on some agreement between parent and child. It's a negotiation of power and she's teaching them that whoever has all the power wins. Okay for now, but not long term.
Third, it's a safety issue. If there were a fire, an earthquake or some other crisis, and she could not get to them, they would be locked in there. I don't think children should ever be locked up. I lock my cats up at night and feel guilty about it. But they are cats, not my children.
At some point, she made a series of decisions that resulted in her having triplets. She is not able to shoulder the full burden of consequences. She is either quite selfish, or has no sense of the long term results of her actions, or she is at the end of her rope and this is her way of coping. Either way, she needs help from someone. Can she afford child care or are you babysitting for free because she can't? Is there anyone else who can help? Where is the father?
I feel there is something really wrong here. I think you should have a word with someone official. What do other members of her family think about it? I think someone should be told and right away. Three kids locked up in a dark room all night is WRONG!!
A few years ago now a neighbour of mine shut her twins in their room. They somehow got a hold of some matches and burned to death.
I feel really sick about this post.
Please someone do something!!
This is my issue. I babysit for free because she can't afford one. She really sees nothing wrong with locking them in their room, the father is a police officer and I am not sure where he stands on the issue. She did just get a job, just to pay of a nursery school for the kids, hopefully that will help. Who would I contact as far as an official? I don't want her to know I turned her in, but I feel like it is just wrong!
You call and ask Children's Protective Services
And do not leave your name. BUT if you have discussed this with her before or you are one of the only ones she knows knows about this it most likely will not be hard for her to figure out that you did it.
You could call them and ask hypothetically what they have to say about a situation where the three are locked in the bedroom in the dark from 6 pm to 7am
This whole situation is uncomfortable for me as well as those who are reading the post. I am one of her few friends, and she will know it is me, I am sure of it. So, I am thinking about speaking to her about it, I have said something in the past and she kind of blew me off, saying your don't know you don't have triplets. I don't have triplets but I still think it is wrong to lock kids in their room. I have put mine in time out in their rooms before but never with them locked into it, and usually with the door open.
How do you confront someone? I guess this is what is bothering me, I just can't seem to speak to her because it is on my mind, all the time.It is like little alarm bells are going off in my head, and I feel helpless.
If you are her friend you need to find a way to get through to her that this is wrong.
What would you rather have on your conscience, an upset friend or the potential physical and emotional damage that can be done to those children?
If you can't tell her of your concerns, than ask someone else to just check out the situation. Next time she asks you to baby sit take a friend along with you and see what they make of the situation.
I have been thinking about this whole thing a lot, I am going to talk to her next week, I agree, the children are at risk for either physical harm or psychological damage.
Thank all of you for being a sounding board for me.
I just want to summarize here. When you talk to her, forget the same bed, forget the color of the room and the blackout curtains. None of those are an issue.
The ONLY issue here is confining the kids in the room and neglecting their needs. If you throw extraneous issues at her, you may lose her. Focus on what is really abuse.
You know what you hit the nail on the head. The other things bother me but the lock is what really scares me. I have been trying to look up articles that support my opinion and I have found quite a few, but I will wait to bring those up to her until she won't listen. Hopefully she will see my point.
Yes the locking the kids in the room bothered me too. I have a daughter who is 8 and I can't never image knocking her in room. I told the lock off her door so she couldn't lock me out.
These kids are young and at the age where they need to be supervised. I think she puts them to bed to early who knows if they're sleeping. I think she does that as a way to not deal with them. What hapoens if one of them have to use the bathroom. What does she do in the evening time?
A long time ago she read a book called, "Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Child" And when they were younger it suggested longer sleeping periods. She has not changed the sleep schedule since they were small. I spoke to one of her neighbors about this the yesterday and she said she is now getting them up around 6 am, because the blinds are raised at that time. But still being locked in for 12 hours with a potty chair in the dark does sound like child abuse, if they are sleeping the whole time or not! It is the locking them in.
I don't even shut my children s bedroom doors, they are always wide open, they freak if the door is even shut I can't imagine trapping them in their bedrooms with a lock they can't open. Again thank you everyone who is helping me sort out what to say to her, because it needs to be said.
It can be a form of it. Can you take being lock in a dark room with a potty for 12 hours? I know I can't and I don't think 3 4 years old should neither. Is the lock on the outside of the door or on the inside?
Does she have any issues?
The lock is on the inside of the door. One of those ones you have to have large hands to press and then turn to be able to open the door. I have friends who use these to keep kids out of rooms, but this is the first one I have seen to keep them in their room.
The lock was added after she took them out of cribs. She told me they get up through out the night and wonder through the house and she thinks it is dangerous, so she locked them in. I think she is just too overwhelmed by them to deal, but if that is the case she needs help.
I couldn't take being locked into any room for 12 hours, if I was asleep or not, I don't even sleep well if my bedroom door is closed. I can't imagine what it is doing to these poor kids.
Someone who I thought was my friend, who now isn't is raising her children in a manner I feel is abusive. She locks them into their bedroom which all 3 share, 2 girls one boy. Every night from 5:30 pm to aprox. 7 am. She has a potty chair in the room in case they need to "go". There is a space heater in the room, or was last winter. To top it off the three share a bed, not by choice but because she says. The children are 4 years old. She also refuses to socialize them, she put them in pre-school for a few months, then removed them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hannapowers
My concern is that you posted about this and reading your friend's blog at some length beginning in November and nothing appears to have changed. The posts should be combined for easier understanding of the situation.
If they are being abused you report them to CPS before they are injured - or worse. They will investigate.
I see no other way to handle this. You certainly can't keep turning your head and closing your eyes to the situation.
Perhaps the mother would listen to a third party or family member but I wouldn't chance it.
>Threads Merged<
Please keep the same issue to ONE thread for ease.
Not sure if they are in danger, just concerned. I forgot about the earlier posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hannapowers
You said some time ago that she's abusive and you stated it as a fact. You cannot close your eyes to this if you believe the children are in danger.
Someone has to protect them and you are concerned enough to post several times. I think you must do something.
Close this question please, there is no easy answer, and I keep wavering about it. This is my personal issue and I am not sure I should have posted anything.
Actually, this is not your personal issue. This is your friend's issue.
I do not see anything wrong whatsoever with 4-year-olds sharing a bed, and I'm not sure why you do. They're brother & sisters who are toddlers; if they were 13, I would take offense to this.
I'm also beginning to question your story. First, it was "she puts them to bed at 6pm." Now, it's "she puts them to bed at 5:30pm." Then you add the bits about there being a potty chair and a space heater in the room. Why didn't you post the entire story, rather than making multiple threads with varying information in them?
The lock is a bit excessive but you already pointed out that the children have a habit of wandering around at night. Would you rather have them safe in their room, or let them wander into the living room and pull the TV on themselves while you're sleeping?
Personally, I think you're taking far too much offense at things that aren't a big deal; you're blowing things out of proportion and making it seem worse than it is. You even wrote in another thread that you "never really liked her":
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/person...me-309282.html
If it bothers you that much, call CPS about the lock. There's not much else that they're going to see wrong.
I got it, I need to mind my own business, this last batch of responses has made me not want to use this site anymore, I feel like you are attacking me. I give up, she has a right to parent her children how she sees fit. I was a new user when I first posted the question and didn't know how much info to put into the post. I am leaving this site now. If you can somehow delete me that would be great! I will not report her to CPS, I wish her children success in life and I hope they never get hurt. I hope to never use this site again.
Nobody told you to mind your own business, and nobody attacked you. I'm sorry if you felt that way, but that was never anyone's intention.Quote:
Originally Posted by hannapowers
The bottom line here is that you're claiming abuse. This is a very serious allegation to make against anyone, and it certainly doesn't paint your point of view in a nice light when you post things like "I never liked her anyway."
If you have actual proof that these children are being mistreated, then you have an obligation to call CPS immediately. However, things like the children sharing a bed are not abuse in any way, shape or form. Just because you choose not to do the same doesn't make her parenting skills wrong; that was my point.
In a previous response to this incident I was also concerned about locking the kids in a room. This was the only point that was worrisome. It still is. You were advised to report this abuse. That you didn't and continue to worry about them doesn't shed good light on you. That's why the criticism (not attacks).
If you decide not to use this site in the future that your loss, not ours.
Cute, you post this after you created the 2Mothers ID. If you truly planned on not using this site, why create another ID? Doing so seriously calls your veractiy and this whole story into question.Quote:
Originally Posted by hannapowers
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