Ask Me Help Desk - 12 year old daughter sleeps with Dad

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Originally Posted by MishcaParker

:confused: I am so sorry you are currently in this predicament. I know in todays overly sanitised society people tend to jump to conclusions but this does sound very unnatural and unhealthy to me. Whether your husband is aware or not there is a element of sexuality to this relationship, your husband may engage in this seeing only his innocent little girl but it is not innocent, this is harmful. I would recommend you have your husband watch Lolita, which is a true story and demonstrates very clearly how a young girl can manipulate an older man with her sexuality and whilst I am not nieve to sexual abuse nor am I nieve to the ability of us damaged females to use our sexuality to gain love or power, even if it is only in our minds. My concern is why is this girl so damaged already that she behaves in this manner what has or is going on? It is your moral and ethical responsibility to have her see a doctor and investigate this further. Wishing you all the best and my thoughts are with you.

I believe that she is in a competition with you and I slyly trying to phase you out.. I am a married man with a son and 8 yr old stepdaughter and she competes with her mom in similar ways just not as sexy.. I wouldn't allow it to happen and niether should he! Its her or you, tell him to get a grip on his machismo and that affection from his own daughter doent count in that game. She is supposed to be taught how to conduct herself around men, not how to seduce and flirt with them. He is having a masculinity problem that any court could fix. Swiflty. Get him out of there before he takes all of yourself esteem as well.

I would put like a hidden camera or something in the room one night to actually see what goes on and if something does... show him and your daughter the tape (not the whole thing but just show you have evidence) and if its all your daughter who's doing it you need to have a long talk with her including g her father maybe too, and if it's the father, I would call him a sick bastard (scuse my language) and send his butt to jail... if its both of them do both the things I suggested

By the way, is it his daughter or your daughter... either way id talk with her... id sit down and talk to her about her innapropriat behavior... im twekve and I know how uncomfortable it would be being lectured about something like that but she did put herself into it

Men are funny but you are in a very difficult situation. Let's look at this just from a factual point of view. You are married to him, she is sleeping in the bed with him. Not a very pretty picture for either your marriage or either of your relationsships with this little vixen. You must find time to sit down with him and express your concerns in a calm way. It is NOT Normal for him to be sharing a bed with him. You need to be sleeping in the same room as your husband to demonstrate to both of the children that you and he are married and a united force. She is totally taking over your role in some sick way, maybe issues with her mother (who knows). As for the outfits, not okay. You need to explain that this type of dress is innapropriate for a 12 year old, PERIOD. Try and convince your husband to go to some joint counseling so that he may have an opportunity to hear this from someone objective (not the ex to grind wife). If he does not agree, then go by yourself and keep pushing this. Get him some breathe rite and reclaim your rightful place in the bedroom. This needs to stop NOW!! Good luck!

It seems to me that as long as he is taking this point of not breaking her of it when will he? When she is 18, when she has her first serious boyfriend, when she gets married? Where or when does he plan on drawing the line?
It is obvious you can not discuss it with him like it is a touchy subject so you have to ask yourself why? The only conclusion I can see is HE wants her to. Again WHY? There is no talking to him so you have two basic choices. I would either take a sleeping pill and sleep with him and be more of a wife to 'crowd' her out of the bed or I would get a divorce.
It doesn't sound like you have a marriage and she is trying to compete with you in some way. Many young girls nowadays often do have boyfriends and are having babies by the age of 12 so I don't think her part is a total innocence and naiveness. Many young teens now want to be treated like they are 21 in EVERY way.

One of my best friends is divorced and he has a daughter that is very much attached to him... but she is 3. His daughter does sleep in the same bed as him on occasion... but so does his son. I can tell you one thing though, if his daughter started pawing at him... he would be really freaked out. It concerns me greatly that your hub doesn't feel disgusted at all about this situation. It seems that he thinks the only way to give his daughter love and stability is by sharing a bed with her. That is SO wrong.
Also, the signs that the daughter is displaying is one of sexual abuse. Someone, somewhere, sometime has abused this girl sexually. When children are abused, they think that the only way they are validated as people is if they are exhibiting their sexuality. They have the idea that all that people want out of them is sex. That is why she is dressing and saying the things she does. The fact that your husband gets angry when you try to talk to him about this really concerns me too. If he was truly interested in the wellfare of his child, he would want your input. Why is he so angry about discussing the child? Does he perceive you as threatening? Does he perceive you as jealous? Hang in there and God bless!

Goinggoofy - are you still there? I think I have some answers for you (I've been there before), but are you still reading posts? Are you still with your husband?

Beenthere... the last time she was on this site was July 15 2007.

If your husband is snoring that loudly you should take him to have a sleep apnea test. Then he can use a c-pap, and he won't be able to cuddle up with his daughter as easily. It is very odd and I would not allow it

When you decided to start sleeping in a different room due to his snooring; was it his idea or your? If it was yours was he supportive of it? I think that is odd. I know if my husband (who snores like crazy!) knew I wanted to sleep in a different room he would be upset. As a child my friends father always wanted me to sleep in the same bed with him. He gave me a lot of attention and I started to do things to make him think of me as an adult. Soon, he crossed the line. I took myself out of the situation, but I wouldn't be looking so much at his daughter as I would be looking at your husband. Your husband is an adult and should know better. Kids look up to them and will act in the way they think will get their attention. If I were you, I would walk in, in the middle of the night, or set up a video camera. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your husband is doing something he is not suppose to be doing!