Is he still considering the therapist next week? Maybe he will respect their opinion. I am glad you have a supportive family. I know that is a blessing. You can go to church without him. Take the children and maybe he will want to join you.

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

this is why I came on this site ... trying to get other's opinions and to show him that I'm [and others little comments] not the only one who thinks this is unnatural and unhealthy. In seeing what many have wrote he laughs and says "these people have no idea who I am" ... no, that is why I'm asking their opinion because you have a good amount of people schmoozed that they could never imagine such stupid behavior on your part. I did say that I think I should go public and ask his people's opinions ... I haven't gotten a response.

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It is so sads , but I know who he is: someone that has insecurties about himself and goes from woman to woman to cover it up, someone that is afraid to be himself for fear of rejection, someone that covers lifes hurts with a bottle. He is a person that has little patience that skims through life with as little effort as possible. He is an addict and will take down and keep down as many people as he possibly can, to make his drowning a$$ not to feel different and not to be alone. Yes, I know him and many that are just like him. That only have a different name. People like him can not schmooze a person like myself, they fear me and my truth, so they laugh and try to cover their fear up that someone knows! Deep down he knows that he has been found out and he knows that you have been told, and he is scared as hell of his little world being turned upside down, by the truth. Inside he is shaking but not with laughter.

I99... she no longer has a my space... but, it was a pretty advanced site with her giving the peace sign and sticking her tongue out (lazy tongue) and another having her head tilted to the side in a seductive manner with the hair fluffed, lot's of peace signs pointing down with the pouty fish lips or both index fingers pointing at you as if she were Charlie's Angel, some of her and her mother or cousins out... the things that were said. Not your average site for a 11-12 year old... I didn't think.

Sad thing for her was she left it on my computer one night and I was able to see all these things on there... nothing too awful, but nothing a 12 yr old should show... some of the chats were not so nice. Her dad yelled at her, but she yelled back claiming innocence. And now, someone has stolen her password and has put all types of nasty comments on there (she and others have said)... who knows what she does now, maybe her sidekick... she doesn't use my computer anymore either... just the one she has at her mothers. Thanks for writing...

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically for those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home; apparently this attorney has written books on these types of personality disorders but also deals with children and complex divorces. I need for someone to be able to see right through this mans charm already. I'm hoping he'll be able to see me sooner than the other appt. on Friday since I really need to get all this taken care of, it's really weighing heavy on my mind now.

Thanks again for helping me understand this situation a little better!!

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home; apparently he's written books on these types of personality disorders. I'm hoping he'll be able to see me sooner than the other appt. on Friday since I really need to get all this taken care of, it's really weighing heavy on my mind now.

Thanks again for helping me understand this situation a little better!!!

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That is fine if that is what you want, but you must remember to take into account why you stayed so long. Review this and get the help for you and your children that is necessary. Much damage has been done and just getting a divorce will not make it all go away. Good luck with your choices:)

Thanks bush... it's sooo involved, I've already swayed a few times from the initial question so I won't get into it,but thanks to you guys, I finally feel confident enough to move forward. I'm really tired of this man belittling my family, friends, and myself in trying to make us feel as if we are all nutz in what we believe...

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

Hi guys, well I've decided I'm contacting an attorney on Monday. I was given a number for a divorce attorney specializing in psychological disorders and specifically those who display "the charm" in public but is completely different at home

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Good for you! It sounds like he's beyond "fixing". It's a life-long habit of character, so the chances of a radical awakening are slim. Protect yourself and your boys and put as much distance between you and him as possible. Be courageous, and I wish you well.

Good Luck to you GOffy, I hope things go well for you and your family. Let us know if we can help in any way.

Thanks a bunch!

All I will say is LEAVE HIM<GET OUT OF THAT RELOINSHIP>Any one with eyes can see that that is pure sick...

It's the elecktra complex. I learned it this year. The daughter tries to be better than the mom and feels sexually attracted to the father, because she is jealous of the mother (you). I heard it happens ages 10-14. Should pass if you spend time with your daughter more. But in this case it sounds a lot more serious and well just different than normal phases. Not sure really.

How have things been Goffy?

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Originally Posted by Lacey5765

How have things been Goffy?

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Hi Lacey... Things are different with the daughter and dad... he sat down with her and explained that she is no longer allowed to sleep in his room and that she's a big girl now and shouldn't be afraid to be in her room by herself, as she's claiming. She's a little stand offish to both of us now, but at least the main thing seems under control.

As far as he and I, my attorney has to do discovery work, financial's and so forth, I'm hoping to be able to serve him by late August... would love to do it sooner however there's too much involved. He's trying to make nice and play he's so hurt role but there comes a point where one is just fed up to here with always being yelled at, wrong, the friends and family are all idiots, etc. just all negative stuff so it's time to move forward... After $295 for the counselor, she pretty much stated husband is immature [with other issues] and wants the world to see things his way and either you do... or you don't. I guess I just don't.

Thanks for asking Lacey... hope you and yours are happy and healthy!!

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.

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That is very inappropriate I would put a stop to it that is asking for trouble I would tell him he needs counseling and so does she

As long as it has stopped then G00D!:)

Contact CPS and they will interview the child and your husband.

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.

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Hi again. Curious about child's mother. Why is she with you and her father? Might learn by talking with ex wife. Any sibs? Does your husband use drugs, alcohol etc. Have you found any evidence of abuse while they are in bed, e.g. soiled fabrics, clothing? Wouldn't it be in everyone's best interest to spend a dollar for a pair of era plugs (very comfortable) and get back in the right bed. Best wishes

Well after reading ten pages of this... its went from, "How do I get HIM to see the light....to, "I'VE finally seen the light!" Well, thats all fine and great....but you ARE supposed to be the ADULT here.... so sudden epiphanies aside, what about the 12 yr old GIRL????
WHAT type of role does her life take on once your 'safe, snugly, and secure' OUTSIDE of thee home, eh?
She IS still a child, even tho not your own....I would think you have at the very least, a moral responsibility to ensure she live "safe, snugly and secure" also. What plan of action have you discussed with your atty./outside sources to ensure her well being also?

The situation needs addressed whether you remain in the home. Your impending divorce changes absolutely nothing for which you were first concerned with, remember?

The best of luck to your family and in your future endeavors!

This is not acceptable and he could be risking some serious accusations from people who notice the same things you do. He MUST step up and stop her behavior as a responsible parent. He may not "encourage" this behavior, but by allowing it to happen he is enabling her.
Its likely (hopefully) just a case of a confused girl that is jealous of her step-mother and father's relationship. However, the adults in this situation need to get her counseling. This poor kid isn't going to know this is wrong and how to deal with her feelings unless someone teaches her.

Your husband is very wrong to allow it.

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Originally Posted by goingoofy2

my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.

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There is really something wrong here. Get the kid of the bedroom and if she continues to go into the room with him and he does nothing to cooperate with her staying out, pack your bags and get your little boy out of that environment. It's a no win situation. They are both sick.

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Originally Posted by MishcaParker

:confused: I am so sorry you are currently in this predicament. I know in todays overly sanitised society people tend to jump to conclusions but this does sound very unnatural and unhealthy to me. Whether your husband is aware or not there is a element of sexuality to this relationship, your husband may engage in this seeing only his innocent little girl but it is not innocent, this is harmful. I would recommend you have your husband watch Lolita, which is a true story and demonstrates very clearly how a young girl can manipulate an older man with her sexuality and whilst I am not nieve to sexual abuse nor am I nieve to the ability of us damaged females to use our sexuality to gain love or power, even if it is only in our minds. My concern is why is this girl so damaged already that she behaves in this manner what has or is going on? It is your moral and ethical responsibility to have her see a doctor and investigate this further. Wishing you all the best and my thoughts are with you.

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I believe that she is in a competition with you and I slyly trying to phase you out.. I am a married man with a son and 8 yr old stepdaughter and she competes with her mom in similar ways just not as sexy.. I wouldn't allow it to happen and niether should he! Its her or you, tell him to get a grip on his machismo and that affection from his own daughter doent count in that game. She is supposed to be taught how to conduct herself around men, not how to seduce and flirt with them. He is having a masculinity problem that any court could fix. Swiflty. Get him out of there before he takes all of yourself esteem as well.

I would put like a hidden camera or something in the room one night to actually see what goes on and if something does... show him and your daughter the tape (not the whole thing but just show you have evidence) and if its all your daughter who's doing it you need to have a long talk with her including g her father maybe too, and if it's the father, I would call him a sick bastard (scuse my language) and send his butt to jail... if its both of them do both the things I suggested

By the way, is it his daughter or your daughter... either way id talk with her... id sit down and talk to her about her innapropriat behavior... im twekve and I know how uncomfortable it would be being lectured about something like that but she did put herself into it

Men are funny but you are in a very difficult situation. Let's look at this just from a factual point of view. You are married to him, she is sleeping in the bed with him. Not a very pretty picture for either your marriage or either of your relationsships with this little vixen. You must find time to sit down with him and express your concerns in a calm way. It is NOT Normal for him to be sharing a bed with him. You need to be sleeping in the same room as your husband to demonstrate to both of the children that you and he are married and a united force. She is totally taking over your role in some sick way, maybe issues with her mother (who knows). As for the outfits, not okay. You need to explain that this type of dress is innapropriate for a 12 year old, PERIOD. Try and convince your husband to go to some joint counseling so that he may have an opportunity to hear this from someone objective (not the ex to grind wife). If he does not agree, then go by yourself and keep pushing this. Get him some breathe rite and reclaim your rightful place in the bedroom. This needs to stop NOW!! Good luck!

It seems to me that as long as he is taking this point of not breaking her of it when will he? When she is 18, when she has her first serious boyfriend, when she gets married? Where or when does he plan on drawing the line?
It is obvious you can not discuss it with him like it is a touchy subject so you have to ask yourself why? The only conclusion I can see is HE wants her to. Again WHY? There is no talking to him so you have two basic choices. I would either take a sleeping pill and sleep with him and be more of a wife to 'crowd' her out of the bed or I would get a divorce.
It doesn't sound like you have a marriage and she is trying to compete with you in some way. Many young girls nowadays often do have boyfriends and are having babies by the age of 12 so I don't think her part is a total innocence and naiveness. Many young teens now want to be treated like they are 21 in EVERY way.

One of my best friends is divorced and he has a daughter that is very much attached to him... but she is 3. His daughter does sleep in the same bed as him on occasion... but so does his son. I can tell you one thing though, if his daughter started pawing at him... he would be really freaked out. It concerns me greatly that your hub doesn't feel disgusted at all about this situation. It seems that he thinks the only way to give his daughter love and stability is by sharing a bed with her. That is SO wrong.
Also, the signs that the daughter is displaying is one of sexual abuse. Someone, somewhere, sometime has abused this girl sexually. When children are abused, they think that the only way they are validated as people is if they are exhibiting their sexuality. They have the idea that all that people want out of them is sex. That is why she is dressing and saying the things she does. The fact that your husband gets angry when you try to talk to him about this really concerns me too. If he was truly interested in the wellfare of his child, he would want your input. Why is he so angry about discussing the child? Does he perceive you as threatening? Does he perceive you as jealous? Hang in there and God bless!

Goinggoofy - are you still there? I think I have some answers for you (I've been there before), but are you still reading posts? Are you still with your husband?

Beenthere... the last time she was on this site was July 15 2007.

Thanks Bushg.

If your husband is snoring that loudly you should take him to have a sleep apnea test. Then he can use a c-pap, and he won't be able to cuddle up with his daughter as easily. It is very odd and I would not allow it

When you decided to start sleeping in a different room due to his snooring; was it his idea or your? If it was yours was he supportive of it? I think that is odd. I know if my husband (who snores like crazy!) knew I wanted to sleep in a different room he would be upset. As a child my friends father always wanted me to sleep in the same bed with him. He gave me a lot of attention and I started to do things to make him think of me as an adult. Soon, he crossed the line. I took myself out of the situation, but I wouldn't be looking so much at his daughter as I would be looking at your husband. Your husband is an adult and should know better. Kids look up to them and will act in the way they think will get their attention. If I were you, I would walk in, in the middle of the night, or set up a video camera. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your husband is doing something he is not suppose to be doing!