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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Eleven! My son is nine, do I really have to worry that he could be having sex in two years?

I'm buying a padlock for his bedroom, heck I'll get two, one for my daughter as well.

This scares the cr*p out of me.

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You want to be scared... I have read (in Ladies Home Journal, if I recall correctly) about two 12 year olds who ran an after-school business where they would hire out friends of theirs to go to kids at the school's parties and perform oral sex. And no one (the kids who performing the oral sex, the kids hiring them out, or the kids receiving the services) thought that there was anything odd or bad about this. "It's not like we're really having sex" seemed to be the common opinion. They really didn't get why the cops were getting involved and everyone was so upset about it.

And if you want to be really scared... kids are having sex at the age of nine. So worry about it now, not in two years!

And some final thoughts about kids dating:

If you are going to allow your kids to date, you probably should sit down with them and ask what they expect the dating to accomplish. Why are they dating? Hopefully, at 13, 14, 15 they are not looking for a partner to get married to. But if they aren't looking for a spouse, why are they dating? Do they just want company to go to the movies? Are they trying to learn how the opposite sex thinks? Learn that, and then you can figure out whether they are mature enough to date, and what sort of dating is appropriate. Group dates at the movies, yes. Going steady at 13, no. And so on.

Even though my son is 9 years old, he still thinks that girls are "icky". I have had the talk with him, and I'm continuing to keep the lines of communication open between us. It's just scary as heck that 9 year old are performing any kind of sexual activity whatsoever. Where can I get a padlock and a chastity belt?

When should teens date? Depends on the teen, the parent and the situation. Kids need to talk to their parents, a lot.

Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon. Woman became able to bear children around the age of 17 too. (I was told these things) Does that mean that we are affected by electricity? Sure, in more ways than one. Now, humans are reaching sexual maturity at younger and younger ages. They have access to the internet and education that would probably be restricted if both of their parents were not working.

Perhaps kids are mentally maturing faster too. Have any studies been done on that?

Women in the South, where there is more sunlight seem to reach maturity sooner than women in the North. I don't know how true that is. When I spent a summer in Egypt, my breasts were amazing (for me) C cups. They returned to their normal triple A couple of weeks after I returned to the cold, cloudy and rain-soaked place where I usually live.

Our ozone layer is being depleted. Maybe kids are getting more UV radiation and that is affecting their early sexual maturity?

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

When should teens date? Depends on the teen, the parent and the situation. Kids need to talk to their parents, a lot.

Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon. Woman became able to bear children around the age of 17 too. (I was told these things) Does that mean that we are affected by electricity? Sure, in more ways than one. Now, humans are reaching sexual maturity at younger and younger ages. They have access to the internet and education that would probably be restricted if both of their parents were not working.

Perhaps kids are mentally maturing faster too. Have any studies been done on that?

Women in the South, where there is more sunlight seem to reach maturity sooner than women in the North. I don't know how true that is. When I spent a summer in Egypt, my breasts were amazing (for me) C cups. They returned to their normal triple A a couple of weeks after I returned to the cold, cloudy and rain-soaked place where I usually live.

Our ozone layer is being depleted. Maybe kids are getting more UV radiation and that is affecting their early sexual maturity?

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How is that possible? I need to go to Egypt and soon!

Ummm, 30. Just kidding.

30 actually sound good to me at this point. The cabin in the woods with no neighbors for miles is looking better every day.

... yeah, that's when the kid starts talking to his "friends" and start doing things his "friends" told him to do...

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Originally Posted by froggy7

And some final thoughts about kids dating:

If you are going to allow your kids to date, you probably should sit down with them and ask what they expect the dating to accomplish. Why are they dating? Hopefully, at 13, 14, 15 they are not looking for a partner to get married to. But if they aren't looking for a spouse, why are they dating? Do they just want company to go to the movies? Are they trying to learn how the opposite sex thinks? Learn that, and then you can figure out whether they are mature enough to date, and what sort of dating is appropriate. Group dates at the movies, yes. Going steady at 13, no. And so on.

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The trouble is, most kids don't have much of an idea of what they're looking for. For them, it's the beginning of a whole lot of feelings that they don't know how to deal with. Half the drama of the dating world is just practice to help maintain more functional relationships in older life.
As I said before, if you raise your kids with a strict sense of morals, and set in reasonable restrictions like curfews, your kids won't get much of an opportunity to experiment with their sexual sides. You can't always mistrust your kids. It's showing now faith in them, and also no faith in your ability as a parent.
The majority of teens just want to get used to the idea of partners, so while it's reasonable to restrict your kids, refusing to let teens date is just going to cause a lot of frustration.

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon.

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I think you might have misunderstood something somewhere. Periods used to be referred to as moon cycles, moon's blood etc. But that is because the length of a woman's cycle is approximately 28 days, the same length of time as a moon's turn, NOT because the bleeding always came on the same day for all women!

Eek, here I go, jump in feet first.

I am an only child, my parents tried for 8 years to have me. When I finally arrived they were naturally very protective, I was their only child, they weren't taking any chances.

They talked to me about sex, the importance of waiting, I had a curfew and they were both very active in my life. They taught me morals, I loved and respected both of them, they always knew were I was going and when I'd be home. That didn't stop me from experimenting with sex.

I won't say how old I was when I lost my virginity because I still really want to send a message out to the teens having sex right now. I will say that I was young. I will also say that I always, always had safe sex. Just because you have great parents doesn't mean that you will wait, I didn't and I can't say it enough, my parents were the best.

Well, since alty's sharing her story... I might as well...

I am a 22 year old asian college student.

Coming from a traditional asian family, my parents never talked to me about sex, nor did they ever want to broach the topic. My mom, to this day, wants to believe that I have yet to hold hands with a girl... and will marry the first girl I date. Sorry mom.

However, like alty's parents, they taught me strict morals, and we still have a great relationship... one of the closest parent-son relationships I've ever seen. I won't say when I lost my v-card as well... but yeah. I experimented.

Thanks Sneezy.

Bottom line, kids will do what kids will do, good home, bad home, it doesn't matter.

I think that our main concern is to teach safe sex, that's the most important thing. Also talk about abstinence and hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears.

I agree with Altenweg. I think the only thing we really can do is educate them in safe practices and diseases and trust them to make the right decisions.

When is it appropriate to talk to them? My daughter is 7 and I look at her as very innocent, and think at times it is to early.

But then, there are kids in her 1st grade class that know way too much about sex and always feel like sharing.

I think I had a couple more years...

Here is a story,

My friend has a daughter the same age as mine (her's is in 2nd grade - same school)
While her daughter's class was at music one day, they had some free time. Her daughter was sitting on the lap of a little boy. When class was over, the boy informed my friends daughter that they just had sex.
Her daughter came home, told my friend and wanted answers.
She was a little shocked and at a loss for words, what does she say? I mean, we all know they DIDN'T have sex - but how do you explain this to such a young child.

Another child in her class tells her that his parents make out every night, that they think he doesn't know, but he does.

Shouldn't they still "hate" boys? My daughter has come home and told me there are boys on the playground that tried to kiss her, my advice is to punch 'em. :)

I know you have to talk to your kids and I try - but what age is appropriate? How do you explain this to a 7 year old with out scaring her for life? I guess I imagined talking to my 11 or 12 year old about this, when her brain could process what I was telling her.
I want her to be informed, but can she handle the birds and bees right now?

I am liking the chastity belt idea more and more...

At 6-8 I would simply explain that this is part of the adult world. That it's a complex topic that she will understand better as she gets older and that you will explain in more detail at that point. But at her age it is inappropriate for anyone to be talking to her about it (except you) and is way inappropriate if anyone tries to touch her in certain places. Starting at 9-10, I would further explain adult relationships in terms of caring for and loving someone. How, when you find someone that you care deeply for, it becomes appropriate to share things that should be kept private until then.

After 10, you start discussing the physical process and deal with protection.

At least that's my opinion for what its worth.

Scott - I agree. Another good rule of thumb, if they ask then it's time to tell. At the age of 7 they don't need the full blown version, but the toned down one. "Mommy has an egg, Daddy has seeds etc. etc."

The most important thing is to talk to your kids, let them know that they can come to you with any questions, no matter what. If you start now then they won't be embarrassed to talk to you when they are 13, 14 and so on.

At least that's what I'm doing.

And make sure if they ask, you understand what they are asking. You don't want to go through the birds and bees only to find you child wants to know whether he came from Cleveland or Cincinnati. :D

Scott - Not fair, I was drinking coffee, it came out of my nose.:p

Yes, I have found that I often elaborate too much, when all my son really wanted to know was something simple. That's when he looks at me and says, "Mommy, really, I wanted the short version, not the book."

At least he's informed, and he's talking to me, I hope that continues.