First, I want to say, I know this doesn't help, that you have one hell of a problem. In my opinion, I honestly think counseling would be your best bet. When I looked at your situation, there was no immediate quick fix remedy that could be given, I believe someone mentioned that earlier, val I think. The problem with counseling, is that your son might end up resenting you for it, and there are problems going that way. As for being a more "stricter dad", I see that working but not without counseling. You could set in place stricter rules, but let's be honest your son will find a way around them. Shut him out of your house, and he might end up just staying at a friends all night. Or he might seem to agree to your rules, until you slack off, and then he will bring them crumbling down. I do believe you as a person need to get a stricter backbone, but let's face it, you were all alone in raising this child. You couldn't be the one who spoils and the one who enforces, you had to choose and usually it is the one who spoils. At the time you lost your wife, you probably, either consciously or subconsciously, were looking for affection, and treating your kid with less rules, more treats, toys, etc. was the easiest way of attaining that. I personally think you are a good parent just put in an extremely hard situation. Know, however, that you can fix this. As far as my advice goes, I don't believe you need to just place more rules down on him, I think you should go to counseling, develop a stronger sense of self not only for your kid but for yourself, and then you can put rules in place. But he is old enough now, that I think it might be possibly to confront him like an adult. Tell him what you don't want going on and try and work it out. Like I said this is a hard situation, and I am not a professional, and a professional is really all that can help you now. Good luck.
