I'm really sorry to hear this. I am a 15 year old so maybe I can help. I didn't like my dad so much for a while because we were so unalike. I would ignore him a lot etc etc.

You say your son is depressed?? He is also angry... maybe he made some bad decisions like smoking pot or losing his virginity. Chances are: its not your fault. Have you ever tried saying to him: "i still love you"?? You might even want to say "i still love you even if you hate me." If you never tell your kid that you love them; they think you hate them... I know trust me. Don't annoy him however by saying this; I don't know if he gets angry when you try to speak to him or not...

Perhaps you should think about asking your son to move back in with you. Perhaps he feels abandoned and could use your company.

Well I'm 16 year old male and all I can say is

WHAT EVER you do do NOT even mention therapy. That will just piss him off. Sounds like he hasn't had much love. I mean he lives with his dad right? And like you said his dad lets him do anything... This is all wrong and it shouldn't be happening. You have to get him to move in with you somehow and whatever it takes. A lot of my friends lives have been screwed up because there parents just don't give a ****. But you on the other hand sound like a very caring parent. You see my mom and dad love me very much and I'm aware of this. Im a very emotional person and that is because my parents have taught me that it is OK to cry,etc. I think the only people your son has been looking up to is probably his friends. You say your son gets into a lot of trouble and has been arrested 3 times.. Looks like he is hanging out with the wrong crowd..

Get your kid back and even if it's a slow process you have to show him you love him. Don't be strict but don't be too soft. And sometimes being a friend with him might be better then a parent at first.

I know I have crappy grammar,and I'm just going on and on but the point I'm trying to make is get him away from his father before it is too late.

I think you should think back, was there any mojor trama or accident in the family because maybe he is just depressed. If not it could possibly be drugs, but don't follow your son around even more acting all suspisous and stuff because that will just make him hate you more with or with out drigs. Talk to some of his usual friends, see if they have noticed a change in him at all. If they haven't maybe it isn't that bad after all. Talk to his friends parents see if they have seen such a dramatic change in their son as you have. If they have then the likely answer is that its drugs, because if your son has friends it is most likely he is getting high with them not by himself. Hope I helped

Im from the other side of therapy.I believe in tuff love.I have 3 children whom I love. They respect me,but there is also fear. I don't believe this to be bad.When I was growing up I was with a tuff group,but there was always that little voice in the back of my Our minds saying that Dad will kill you if you do this or that. Now we seem to be in the age of... you get in trouble and your or Xbox will be taken from you for a week.Remember if you don't descipline your child someone else WILL, and I doubt this person will LOVE your child as You do. Now you are not the primary parent you say and your ex is not doing his JOB properly. He is doing a great injustice to You and Your child. By taking the abusive words of your child you enable him to do it again.There has to be consequences to his actions. It isn't fair that we have to choose to be friends or parents. If we are parents in the beginning we will have them as friends soon enough when they grow up.:) Let him know that you love him and that you will be there when he is ready. Send him a t-shirt that reads: I'M ABUSIVE TO THE WOMAN THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME... that'll rattle his cage... lol good luck and keep us posted.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Wow, now I can understand why you've not responded back to us in a while.

Glad that things are looking good for you and your son's future. I really hope that all goes well.

Please also take into consideration that a few hours of counseling would do you and your husband a lot of good. When something goes wrong in a family, some members tend to look for 'blame' in themselves, and this also needs to be worked at. There is actually no real blame to place on any one individual, it could also be circumstances and outside influence. But, I'm certain that you are already aware of these possibilities if you've checked the program that the clinic has to offer and know what you can look forward to.

Again, good luck, and please keep us posted.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifI think it is super that you all have a 'second chance'. Not all families are that lucky.

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I just wanted to give a quick update on my son and his incredible accomplishments! He is doing fantastic, excelling in his academics again, corresponds quite frequently with me with only good and positive things to say, has graduated two two seminars and is just doing extraordinarily well! I am very please to say that I am PROUD of my son today and of all of his accomplishments.

If you need help or you know someone who does, parent or teen, please visit the link I have listed below. You will see my story along with some of the best and most informative information that I was able to find while searching for help!

Thanks for all of the support!

http://springvalley.parentshelpingteens.com

I too have a 12 year old son that decided he could do what he wanted, used our credit cards online and then accused someone in the home of abuse when the child abuses himself. He admitted to the counselr he was seeing that he made the bruises on his legs because he had to do homework. But still Children's Services had to investigate and thinks we did something wrong when the child is abusive to everyone around him. This includes family friends and school staff. He is now living with his father in Tennesse in a trailer and they are living on welfare. His father refuses to work because he has other kids he owes child support for. It isn't you at all. I miss my son and he wants nothing to do with me. No phone calls and no visitation. We live several states away and I work full time. Makes me sad, but nthing I can do. :(

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Originally Posted by ACaseofCrazies

My 15 y.o. son is not speaking to me again. This has been going on since mid December of '05. He tells me he hates me and that as far as he is concerned, he hopes that he never sees me again. He hates me with every bone in his body. Calls me names like c***, idiot, etc.

I am trying to understand why my son speaks to me the way he does and has no respect for me at all. He seems to actually enjoy hurting me and watching me suffer.

Why is he able to so easily detach himself from his me? Months and months have gone by; no communication from him whatsoever. I truly thought that I was a good mom, not perfect but one who loved her son with all of her heart and soul. I have searched deep inside to try to figure out what I have done to deserve this from my own son, but have come up empty.

He is depressed and angry. He lives with his father who allows him to do whatever he wants, when he wants. Much easier to be a friend to our son than a parent. He has gone from all A's in school to all F's, he has been expelled from school and has been arrested 3 times. All of this in just a few short months. He has been spiraling downhill for a couple of years now, but most especially over the last 6 months.

Any thoughts or suggestions? I miss him so, but need to find some peace for my own well being.

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To ACaseofCrazies:

Wow! This sounds like I wrote it myself. I'm going through the same situation with my 15 yo son, who recently moved in with his dad and his new wife. His behavior the past few months changed dramatically, and essentially he wants nothing to do with me. Like you, I thought I was a good mother. Not perfect, but put both careers and life on hold to raise my son, not to only have him shut me out. I'm so hurt as well, and don't know how to handle it. My heart literally broke today! But I am somewhat relieved to know that I'm not alone.

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Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

You may wish to attend Famlies Anonymous meetings for support.

You can find a local meeting via thier website at: Families Anonymous, Twelve Step program and self help support groups.

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If I was her son, This would make me even Angryer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ACaseofCrazies

My 15 y.o. son is not speaking to me again. This has been going on since mid December of '05. He tells me he hates me and that as far as he is concerned, he hopes that he never sees me again. He hates me with every bone in his body. Calls me names like c***, idiot, etc.

I am trying to understand why my son speaks to me the way he does and has no respect for me at all. He seems to actually enjoy hurting me and watching me suffer.

Why is he able to so easily detach himself from his me? Months and months have gone by; no communication from him whatsoever. I truly thought that I was a good mom, not perfect but one who loved her son with all of her heart and soul. I have searched deep inside to try to figure out what I have done to deserve this from my own son, but have come up empty.

He is depressed and angry. He lives with his father who allows him to do whatever he wants, when he wants. Much easier to be a friend to our son than a parent. He has gone from all A's in school to all F's, he has been expelled from school and has been arrested 3 times. All of this in just a few short months. He has been spiraling downhill for a couple of years now, but most especially over the last 6 months.

Any thoughts or suggestions? I miss him so, but need to find some peace for my own well being.

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OMG Im currently going threw the same thing. Im so upset have been crying for a week now. Its tearing my heart out and I don't know what else to do I'm at a complete lost. Please contact me @ [email protected] Iwould love to talk to you and compare and just talk it would nice to talk to someone who's going threw the same thing maybe we can help each other thanks Vicky

Sorry, I misread the date as 2009.
Didn't realize this was over, but can't delete this post...

I say you need hard love this sounds kind of wired by taking advice from a 12 year old but that's what I know

Uh uoh did the same thing

Raising children in this day and age is a waste of time. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year for many year, and you give the best years of your life, lose of fortune in money in raising them, and lost income, probably sacrifice your career for them.. and all you want is a happy home.. BUT the commie state and the sicko American society poisons kids from the time they go to school... so you cannot be a good parent because the commie state and sicko American TV & music society perverts all your values and activitely encourages rebellion against parents. So when you make a stand for what is right as your duty.. the kids hate you for it..

In this 21st century, and from the late 1960's when the Commie United Nations started making governments and schools destroy our values assisted by sicko American TV shows and music, with their war on the family and good traditional values.. our children end up with that poison and hate good parents..

My advise DON'T HAVE CHILDREN