I completely understand what you're going through. I'm having the same problem with my family. My little brother (who is only 14) has been arrested 4 times now. He was on probation for a year and just got off. He smokes pot too. My mom has given up on him and told him that she wished she hadn't brought him into the world (that is NEVER a good thing to say) My dad refuses to punish him because he works full time and insists that there is no way to monitor his behavior so there's no point in punishing him. If by chance my parents tell him no he throws a fit because he thinks he runs the family, which besides my sister and I he does. I've had to step in and be the parent from time to time and he'll listen to me, he's not a bad kid he's just undisciplined and misguided. All kids need a different parenting style he just needs someone to man up to him and take control. Your son sounds like he needs a little more love and a little less harshness. Although once they get to the point of your son and my brother a family meeting needs to take place to set guidelines and rules and remind the kids that you are the parent and what you say goes. And absolutely no yelling! Yelling will just make the problem worse.

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Originally Posted by Ithinkmydadhatesme

Okay so I know alot about this subject as u probaly know from my name!!!!!LOL!
My dad is really like u no.....hes probaly worse.
You say in your post u have another son with some type of disabilty,so im just thinking he probaly needs alot of attenion.
I could be wrong but maybe your son needs some to.
I mean I always do things for my dads atteniton.
His job means as much as your other son!!!
Just try showing your love a bit more!!
please tell me if I healped!!!!
Klye Santana

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The son I am speaking about is the one with Bipolar Disorder. He does need a lot of attention and has gotten it. We have cared about him more than anything. Even so, that my other son in college has over the years has not gotten as much attention. As of now my 24 yr old trashed my house last Sun. night and I was scared. The cops took him away and he went to jail which is what I have been trying to prevent. He is out now. I feel bad but also don't want him here. He needs psychological help and then a rehab desperately.

I do love my son and thank you for the advice about showing love a bit more.

Ok well I am all those children I have been to jail I had children at a young age my mother kicked me out at the age of 14 I have done drugs and my schooling sufferd because of it!!

My advise is please don't give up on your child even though he is acting like an he still needs you some kids ask in nice ways others ask in very loud and abusive ways... there is something probbly bugging him that he will not tell you or the counciler... my counciler gave up on me that's how bad I was.

Even now at 26 I still drive my parents crazy I still do things that my parents go what the hell are you doing are you crazy? So just hang in there and hope things get better.

Thank you Connie for your response. Nice to hear from the other side of the fence. I won't ever give up on my son. I just know now he, maybe, needs to hit bottom because we have always been there to pick up the pieces. I prob. Could have kicked him out at 17 or so but didn't & hung in there. He needs to be back on meds and stop with the pot. Even if he realizes the above, he needs to get on his own. Am always here and sometimes that's not good. Needs to get the chance to do things on his own and be responsible. I realize what you are saying about some kids asking nicely for help and some loudly or in abusive ways. Thanks for your input. I do think there's a lot bugging him. He was so on track a while ago & stopped meds and is just so different.

Take care.

Yha he really needs to hit bottom before he sees what you are trying to do for him and what others see him as but be right there for him or he could feel like you left him and get worse when he has hit bottom let him know why you left him for a bit and let him see himself for what he is at that point. Iknow it did wonders for me and now I am off all my meds and doing really well.

My cousins were like your son. Eventually the oldest moved out and then started takeing the youngest to Akedo (donno if I spelled that right) anyway with the disiplin he learned there and the bond that they formed his temper cooled down. But I must say if you don't find some way might would be better for him to go somewhere else. The younger one eventually moved in with my mother across the street then he never acted as he did at his house, but my mom was a lot strickter on him and also he respected her more.

You sound Connie, like you have it together. What you say makes sense about letting him know why he has to be on his own & him getting worse because of the feeling we didn't want him but I think my son knows how much we all love him. I know when he was about 16 and starting to get out of control he went to live with his Dad and got worse there actually. I thought he would be able to control him more. Didn't work. In 6 months he was back here and worse.
Am concerned now because no one has heard from him since he called from Detention Ctr. He stayed there 5 days and was released on Sat. Don't know if he's in a hospital or what. This never happened. Just hope God takes care of everything.

Zyi - WIll have to find out what Akedo (sp?) is. My son needs a lot of discipline. Self discipline. He has a temper. Also needs to be on his meds. Thanks.

Akido is a marshal arts training. It teaches desipline and also chaneling fealings, from what my cousin told me. He really enjoyed it and seamed to be happyer. I donno if it will help your son but if it does it would be awsome.
Good Luck!

Ps: here is a link that might get you started into figure out what it is.
The Martial Arts Institute - AKIDO

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Originally Posted by kt1205

its your son. you can't just give up and throw him out of your house. you do love him right? he just has some problems that need to be changed. i suggest you get him to go to counciling. have you tried talking to him about all of this?

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Oh stfu.
I'm 20 years old, living with my family while I finish my associates, and let me tell you buddy talking does not work. How dare you question whether we love our family. I love my brother but I can't take it anymore. My mother can't take it anymore. She spent a YEAR crying. She would get up and go into the garage to cry because she didn't want anyone to know. But we all knew. And my brother just sat there smug because she became too broken to stand up to him.
We tried councling. He had them all snowballed, until he would snap, and finally expose his true colors. Within a week we had permission from a judge to sign his rat away in a hospital. We didn't because we love him. Wish we had though, then the things that have happened never would have.
Our family life has become nothing but walking on eggshells so we don't set him off, and even when he's gone we feel pain. None of us know what to do, except wait till he can be kicked out.
You know nothing.

If a doctor was willing to sign him into a hospital for treatment, then obviously he had, or still has problems.

This is a very old thread, can you update on what has happened in the meanwhile?