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-   -   Adult Daughter has turned cold (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=342953)

  • Apr 18, 2009, 12:00 AM
    SadMom2nite
    Adult Daughter has turned cold
    My 32 year old daughter has gone from my best friend to a cold stranger like a turn of a coin. We've shared in so many things over the last few years, enjoyed each other's company. She has given me 3 beautiful grandchildren. She doesn't like my new husband. That's one thing. But, recently, her and I were out of town for a cat show. She shows cats and I go with her for support. She gets frustrated at times, so I noticed this and was going to go sit down and get out of her way. She yelled at me across the floor, "Mom, NO!" -- thinking I was going to talk to the judge. I motioned to her that I was going to sit down. She then went off on me, yelling, telling me to get out of her life, in front of my grandchildren, friends, and everyone else. I know you are thinking there has to be more, but there isn't. Up until this, we were so close and talked everyday. I ended up being left 1000 miles from home and had to take a cab 100 miles to the nearest airport. She still won't apologize, but wants to just move on and not discuss this. I can't stop thinking about this, crying all the time, etc. At one point, when I asked her for the keys to her car to get my suitcase, she threw them at my face. This is so uncharacteristic of her usual behavior. As she won't discuss this and just wants to "chat" as usual when I have talked to her since then (which has been only once in 3 weeks), I don't know how we can resolve this. This isn't something that I can just forget and move on like it never happened. I wrote her an email tonight and tried to express how sad I was that this has happened between us. She wrote back a cold 2 word answer in response. Help? Thoughts?
  • Apr 18, 2009, 06:53 AM
    Jake2008
    She has really hurt you. For such an abrupt change, in front of people, was really uncalled for. That she couldn't control herself, and act like an adult, has me wondering what's going on with her.

    We always take the worst out on those we love, because we know they aren't going to abandon us, no matter what. She must have something bottled up inside for her to explode the way she did. Even more so because she left you stranded, and didn't care what happened to you, or how you were going to get home.

    Although this was aimed at you, and you took the full brunt of it, there is something in her life that is going terribly wrong. Maybe it is not so much you, you just happened to be a safe outlet.

    Getting over the hurt and knowing it isn't going to happen again will happen only when you know what caused it.

    Your email to her was a good idea to express how you were affected by her actions. But maybe it is time to look for other clues to explain her behaviour. Maybe she is having marriage problems, maybe an affair, serious trouble with finances etc.

    Your relationship with her is strong, despite that incident, but be careful not to push her away. She may have more going on than you realize.
  • Apr 18, 2009, 10:15 AM
    SadMom2nite

    Thank you, Jake2008. What you've said is exactly right. My daughter is going through several things right now and I know that. I agree with everything you said and know I was a handy, safe outlet that day. I'm just having a problem letting go of the hurt... I wish I could be a better person and get over it for both of our sakes.
  • Apr 18, 2009, 12:02 PM
    Jake2008
    I would have a hard time getting over it too, an apology would make it much easier. Let's hope that in time, she will.

    You're a good person, don't beat yourself up over this. I would bet she's not going to let this rift last too long.

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