Recently we have seen many younger posters take exception to the blunt language or criticism of some of the answers to there post. My question is should we as experts be able to tell it like it is or down tone our opinions to accommodate their sensibilities?

My opinion is that whatever answers we give should reflect not only our opinion but how we feel about the behavior that led to the question in as straightforward and honest way. Sugar coating bad behavior will only lead to minimizing their action and do no good.
Many of the post are from youngsters who some times have no clue how their actions affect others and I feel need the TOUGH LOVE that must be provided to open eyes and make them think about more than themselves. They need to know that not everyone agrees with their actions!

How do you guys feel?

Tal, I totally 100% agree with you!
I know exactly what it means, as I've had that sort of attitude with a certain younger poster on here.

I think in some instances we should maybe accommodate their sensibilties depending on the topic they are asking about, however on the other hand I believe we should tell it like its is.

So I'm with you Tal ;)

If everything is done within the guidelines of this website then we can be sure everything is OK. After all, we are just guests here and have to stay within the parameters set by the web owners. I read the guidelines and they are very clear so there shouldn't be any misunderstandings for anyone who understands basic English.

So yes, they should be corrected if wrong but it has to be done in a manner that doesn't break the rules governing this site. It's not easy sometimes since emotions become involved. But I think it's to the benefit of everyone involved that we try since that's what makes this site special in contrast to all the other junk sites where threads are chock full of personal insults, irrelevancies, continuous heckling and jeckling, and moderation is a mockery since it is virtually no-existent.

BTW
The real problem is that some younger posters are impervious to respectful requests to stop deviating threads or to stop heckling, jeckling, and being otherwise pestiferous. Maybe they can't help themselves--so it isn't always maliciously done. Or else they might think this site is like the hundreds of others where pandemonium is ignored or encouraged. When that happens the ignore option might be the only way to shut out the noise for those older ones who are sensitive to that sort of thing.

I like the old Al-Anon axiom -- say what you mean and mean what you say but don't say it mean. To be effective, it is important to not alienate someone too much, of course. I enjoy how we all tend to play variations of "tag team" and it will often turn out that if they can't hear something from one person, they may from the next? LOL Ever notice that?

Sometimes people in trouble want the help to like, um, you know, fix it FOR them without there being any actual work on their part? My answers might make those folks uncomfortable. Oh well. Shrugs. :p

There are those too who take offense to truth (which is often the case with dysfunctional people) and well, their outbursts tend to only make it more clear how accurately that particular truth made a bullseye. I learned as a part of my job how not to be engaged by those kinds of outbursts -- but face to face is much easier to manage too, by the way.

If by chance I am annoyed here by a poster, I must either excuse myself or if its bad enough, report the post as inappropriate. I would not want to return the fire -- now that WOULD be bad. :eek:

I think we all risk taking some measure of crapola here when we tell it like we see it. If the asker is disrespectful, we all seem to tut tut that sort of thing well enough. Don't come a-asking iffen you feel a need to be editting da answers, I say! :D

Thanks Krs, I do try to be nice... most times

Thanks for being the voice of reason, hope I can remember that next time I hear crap!

Far too many people in this world (both young and old) want to absolve themselves of responsibility through a "magic bullet" solution.

It doesn't matter how deep a hole they've dug themselves into (financial, emotional... ) they want a quick fix that takes it all away. They abhor the idea that they are responsible and have to work hard towards improving themselves and their situation.

In these kinds of questions, my goal is to get the OP to make the connection:

What they have done is a reflection of who they are, and there is no "magic bullet" for changing who you are when you haven't accepted responibility for your predicament!

From a single post, it can be hard to gauge, but when the OP returns with a defensive reaction, it's like Val says:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

... their outbursts tend to only make it more clear how accurately that particular truth made a bullseye.

---

While I put myself up for criticism by saying this... I will anyway as I do believe it.

There seems to be a deterioration of our society in terms of the beliefs and attitudes that we convey to others, social norms, and acceptable discipline of children.

I am sick of all the "sugar coating" and "toning down". America needs to quit being a puss and take the truth and learn from it.

We (as a societal whole) have become way too politically correct. We are so worried about hurting someone's feelings or coming across as disrespectful that our ability to function as a society in a competent fashion has been compromised.

This affects all areas of our lives and it continues to get worse.

We have to walk on glass to make sure we don't get in trouble. People are all to eager to sue, pull a race card, or claim some other frivolous junk. What has made us change to this?

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating blatant disrespect or intentional rude behavior but some things have seriously gone too far.

Many of you know these things to be true... (although not practiced in all places)

In our public schools, my children cannot participate in the Christmas play or go on Christmas vacation. It is the winter play and winter break.

The kids are not allowed to have halloween parties.

They do not participate in Feb. 14th activities because of St. Valentine. OOOh, heard this one yet? A kindergarten boy was charged with sexual harassment for giving a kiss to a girl on Valentine's Day during the exchange of cards. Go figure. Such innocence - destroyed.

No such thing as Easter break. Spring break.

When I was in Iraq, we were not allowed to display the American flag INSIDE THE TENTS. Wouldn't want to offend a local Iraqi, who for God only knows what reason, might be in my tent.

People are even trying to eliminate the word God from the pledge! Good grief! We are so wrapped up in trying to please the minority of the people that we are screwing up the majority.

We live in the "Land of the Free". People are free to choose their religious beliefs. That being said, we are a country that was founded in the Christian faith. If you are of a different faith and chose to come to the "Land of the Free" - great! I will be your friend but don't be offended because I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me. Just sit quietly and be respectful as I would be respectful of your beliefs in your country. I will gladly eat dinner at your house but as you perform some tradition prior to eating, I might not participate but I will not be rude or disrespectful in the meantime.

I could say more but I will end this with a joke that I find humor value in but is in some ways all too true.

Santa Claus is on trial for sexual harassment. He is asked up to the witness stand. The prosecutor approaches Santa and asks...
"Did you or did you not look at my client from across the mall and not once but three times call her a ho?"

What are we doing to ourselves here?

I know I am not eloquent with my words here as this not exactly written to publish or backed by extensive research or anything it is just some feelings I have that this post sparked.

Am I alone on this? Am I wrong to think that the majority of our country is of some christian background?

Sorry to wander off topic a bit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Recently we have seen many younger posters take exception to the blunt language or criticism of some of the answers to there post.

How do you guys feel?

---

When you say young posters, are you referring to age or post count?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shunned

When you say young posters, are you referring to age or post count?

---

Both, It really is hard to tell someone's age unless they tell you:confused:

I must stand up and applaud!! This is absoultley perfectly true!

Yes, but most of the time it is easy to tell the person's age just by how they react to our answers.

I am sorry, tact is not a virtue we all have. When it comes to telling the truth, short of blatent, cheap shots, just tell it like it is. I am politically incorrect and I am quite happy being such. All of this politically correct nonsense is bull crap! The people that wish to destroy the moral standing of this country use it as a shield. Besides, what is wrong with pissing people off? As for the sensitive people that are being harmed by the hard cold truth or just by someone else's freedom of speech or demeanor, as George Carlin said, if you don't like what is on the radio, turn it off. It really is that simple.

As far as some of these "young" posters, with some of the retarded crap I've heard from them I would rather just give them a spankin! There is nothing you can tell them that will help. The school of life will teach them or kill them.

Now that I have upset some one, and I am sure I have, let me just say... tough! :mad:

LOL

You did not upset me! I agree 100%!

Magprob, I have to disagree with some of what you've said. Tact is not a virtue. Tact is politeness. Acting tactfully is a sign of respect towards another human being and I think that other human beings are entitled to respect until they show themselves to be unworthy of that respect.

What is wrong with pissing people off? It is disrespectful. If they don't deserve respect then go for it. But if they haven't done anything to make them unworthy of respect, then pissing them off is just malicious.

I agree. Good explanation

Excellent! I agree 100%

I think, as some have already said, there is a time to be blunt and sharp and a time to be sensitive to the younger posters question (or anyone's for that matter). The problem is sometimes there is not enough info given and the question may have been asked in a way that deserves to be blunt. There are times when I have seen one of you guys be harsh with a younger poster then come to find out they had another thread they gave this whole other perspective. Without seeing people face to face it is hard to know the posters (question or answer) intentions. For the sake of not rambling on, I will leave it at that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LisaB4657

Magprob, I have to disagree with some of what you've said. Tact is not a virtue. Tact is politeness. Acting tactfully is a sign of respect towards another human being and I think that other human beings are entitled to respect until they show themselves to be unworthy of that respect.

What is wrong with pissing people off? It is disrespectful. If they don't deserve respect then go for it. But if they haven't done anything to make them unworthy of respect, then pissing them off is just malicious.

---

Hitler pissed off the Jews because he thought they were worthy of his disrespect.

You are so right, more info is needed sometimes

I've read some good thoughtful opinions thus far and I would like to add that I try to reserve tough love for the ones who seem to have some sort of attitude or come off disrespectful from the start. I also realize I'm far from perfect but I try to be fair. Sometimes I fall short, but if you bring a bad attitude that's what you'll get.

You are definitely not alone on this!

Ditto... :)

When someone posts a question, they are doing it to get answers, different views and advice. Correct? I say give the best advice and comments you feel they need to hear. Not everyone is going to have the same view, that is why different opinions are important. If they do not agree with the answers, well, that is their problem, they asked. If they lay out their problem in hopes
Of getting all to agree with them, that defeats the purpose of the post. When they ask for an opinion, they need to be ready to hear the good and the bad or else they'll never grow or change a thing in their lives.
I read a couple of post that were pretty juvenile and it was getting pretty petty. I will give my advice which may or may not be the best, it is only my opinion. If they get angry, that is for them to deal with.
It is true, sometimes it is hard to understand what they are saying, like parts of the story are left out.
I have read some really good advice from some of the "oldsters" and the "youngsters" could learn a lot from you, but some of them live with their ears (or eyes in this case) closed. You all have so much compassion for the young ones that listen and I can tell you really care and I just know it helps them so much. There are a lot of youngs kids out there today that are good and just need someone to help guide them and show them that they care. I think you are all great.

Good comment

Good advice.

You have this one right on

A certainly agree

Right on!!

If I may double dip here.. . I know there are circumstances where one is tempted to address two parts of the problems posted here --- the problem and the crappy value system that is made evident by the poster. However, trying to jam my value system on them will simply not work. It wouldn't with me either. We all inherit our value system from our families. Mine was so dysfunctional I had to totally rework mine and it is born out of what works (mindful that it must work for everyone too). I can imagine the ones who post here with the crappy value system may be somewhat similar to me in that regard. Soooooo, I try to work their crappy value system into the original problem in my answer, and hopefully diplomatically. I make the effort of diplomacy not so much because they deserve it as much as I do. That and it probably won't work otherwise. This does not stop me from telling the truth.

As far as disrespect, I learned it is a powerful thing not to hand it back when I encounter it... what I do reflects on me, not them and what they do reflects on them, not me.

I have seen answers here where people post what they think the asker wants to hear; then the asker say thank you and goes away with the same problem they had when they came in here. I agree with the previous posters who believe in telling the asker what they truly believe to be the issue (usually that they are the problem) at hand in a respectful way. If the asker is overly sensitive in their response then you know that a) you have indeed hit a nerve and b) they came in here wanting to hear that nothing at all is wrong with them.

Nods, love the new look too Karma, that one is really you!

I agree too, and also love your new hair and looks hehehe

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

If I may double dip here . . . I know there are circumstances where one is tempted to address two parts of the problems posted here --- the problem and the crappy value system that is made evident by the poster. However, trying to jam my value system on them will simply not work. It wouldn't with me either. We all inherit our value system from our families. Mine was so dysfunctional I had to totally rework mine and it is born out of what works (mindful that it must work for everyone too). I can imagine the ones who post here with the crappy value system may be somewhat similar to me in that regard. Soooooo, I try to work their crappy value system into the original problem in my answer, and hopefully diplomatically. I make the effort of diplomacy not so much because they deserve it as much as I do. That and it probably won't work otherwise. This does not stop me from telling the truth.

As far as disrespect, I learned it is a powerful thing not to hand it back when I encounter it.... what I do reflects on me, not them and what they do reflects on them, not me.

---

Have to spread it around... Val, you are always diplomatic, such an asset to the post.

I'm part irish.

I'm sort of blonde.

I'm a guy.

One means I'm blunt.

One means I get to kill bugs and lift heavy things.

One explains why my wife says "youre pretty" when I do something dumb.

Put them together and its like a deoxyribose nucleic acid formula for... well... as a fortune cookie once told me "you are obstinant and always wrong"... that was the rudest fortune cookie ever.

I think things should not get venenous here... but I don't mind at all if someone says my posts are complete bunk. Might be true. I think we should be able to strongly disagree from time to time, as long as the discussion is reasonable to the topic, and be able to walk away at the end of the day. My nature is to probably kick in a few doors when I disagree and see who's still standing and talking to me when its over. Oh well.

Mkay. I gotto go move the second half of 26 tons of concrete dust now. I'm not kidding. Stupid patio project.

I absolutely with out a doubt agree with you 110%, I could not have said it better if I was a Harvard graduate, which unfortunately I am not (O:

Are you equating me to Hitler or just heckling and jeckling off subjuct again?

Ecactly, I have seen so many "experts" give a sugar coated light answer that really did not get to the heart of the problem. What is the use?

We are not here to mete out punishment.