Hi everyone,

Okay, it was my suggestion to start a different post so that we can stop second guessing ourselves on the "Is my boyfriend cheap" post, so I guess I'm stuck following up on it. I'm going to try and be as specific about this as I can, but since this is not based on an actual situation we can all feel free to post what we want and exactly how we feel. Here goes;

Should a couple living together (not married) pay 50/50 of the bills and other expenses if one of the people makes a substantially larger income than the other?

If any of you think something should be added to this please feel free, and remember, this is not an actual situation that I require help with, if you want to know why this post was started see "Is my boyfriend cheap" to clarify.

Hope I did okay.

Andrea:)

I agree. I see so many posts where people go off on tangents assuming what the poster
Or even the replies meant and 70 replies later the OP hasn't checked back and they are still arguing over a moot point and then one two or three people will point out points that show the replies don't answer some specific points and they are ignored and continue with the same
Premises. I think after a couple people make points and it is turned into a tangent it should be turned into another question on the forum board to be continued...

(P.S. I think you had the most accurate reply on that ?)

NoHelp- Good to see you and thanks for the boost of confidence, lets see if this post goes anywhere, my posts tend to go unanswered, just not interesting enough I guess.

For those out there that don't know my position, I actually do have an answer to my own post. I believe that a couple that lives together should each give up a percentage of their paycheck toward the bills etc. which in most cases will not be 50/50. If you are in a relationship and living together you should both work toward the goal of securing you home and future. I believe it was SandDaddy (if I'm wrong I apologize) that stated on the other post that each person should put aside 40% of their pay towards bills etc. I think this is the fairest approach.

I'm looking forward to hearing everyone else's opinion. And remember, feel free to go off on a tangent, no worries here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

NoHelp- Good to see you and thanks for the boost of confidence, lets see if this post goes anywhere, my posts tend to go unanswered, just not interesting enough I guess.

For those out there that don't know my position, I actually do have an answer to my own post. I believe that a couple that lives together should each give up a percentage of their paycheck toward the the bills etc., which in most cases will not be 50/50. If you are in a relationship and living together you should both work toward the goal of securing you home and future. I believe it was SandDaddy (if I'm wrong I apologize) that stated on the other post that each person should put aside 40% of their pay towards bills etc. I think this is the fairest approach.

---

I know what you mean.

I said that I think the guy is looking at her as a business investment. She pays some of the bills so that he can save that amount that he would have been spending if she wasn't there.
She said after she pays her share and her bills she also ends up paying the groceries that they never agreed for her to be responsible for. She is left with $50. And he probably has his hand out for 1 or 2 more hundred dollars of hers but will not be considerate to her needs and wants.
If he wasn't looking at her as money in his pocket business arrangement it would be like you said they budget a percentage toward bills and help each other out.

I say that they should put up a certain percent of their income towards the bills. Nothing can ever be 50/50 as far as I am concerned. In every aspect of a relationship there is always going to be a little give or take.
I say if someone is so crass as to expect their partner that makes a lot less than the other to come up with the exactly 50 percent, this is not the right person to be falling for. Someone probably needs to move on.

NOhelp4u it was me that made that suggestion. Whether your incomes are equal or not, combined or separate, that's just good money management to set aside a percentage of your income to pay bills.

In this case, these two are in a relationship, the incomes are not equal nor are they combined. Based on the good money management philosophy, he will end up paying more. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would pay more, it's that simple.

If this was a roommate situation, which it's not... Then we would have a different ball game.

Spread the rep to you Bushg

Exactly nothing can be 50/50 but it wouldn't be a question if they were both looking out for each others interests as a real couple that is why I figure he is looking at it as a business arrangement. Sure he can spend $55, on a car but he shouldn't be policing her with his hand out if she wants to spend $200. Of her money for something.
Sometimes guys like that are trying to keep you poor so that if you want to leave you feel stuck because you don't have enough saved up to leave.

Yeah Sandi I think you, me, altenweg and nadia999 were all saying that. You did put it in those words though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Should a couple living together (not married) pay 50/50 of the bills and other expenses if one of the people makes a substantially larger income than the other?

---

My wife makes more than I do so we divide the bills based on percentage of income i.e. if she makes 60% of the total household income then she pays 60% of the bills. It still leaves more for her to save for her hard work. We came into our marriage as independent individuals and that's how we are still set up although we share a mortgage account. Seems to work well for us, even after the appearance of two great kids.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

My wife makes more than I do so we divide the bills based on percentage of income i.e. if she makes 60% of the total household income then she pays 60% of the bills. It still leaves more for her to save for her hard work. We came into our marriage as independant individuals and that's how we are still set up although we share a mortgage account. Seems to work well for us, even after the appearance of two great kids.

---

Exactly what I mean and have been trying to say.:)

Anyone post a problem we should answer to help this individual, but still a lot of people could be in the same mess so not sticking to OP is not off the subject, this is very interesting topic if we are able to change these callous individuals on how to fair share, lots of marriages (straight or gay) might be saved.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nadia999

Anyone post a problem we should answer to help this individual, but still a lot of people could be in the same mess so not sticking to OP is not off the subject, this is very interesting topic if we are able to change these callous individuals on how to fair share, lots of marriages (straight or gay) might be saved.

---

True but why should the OP have to sort through to find applicable replies because 80% of them were off subject.

Most relationships are built on resolving issues to the benefit of both. This should have been worked out before hand, with facts and figures, but was not. That is a fact that throws everything amiss, since we cannot know all the circumstances of why they got to this arrangement. No female I know would agree to those terms. I sure the heck wouldn't. She either expected more, and isn't getting it, or has just found out something she needs to dicuss with her partner(?) but can't. No communication, no relationship, that's just my opinion. Obviously there was and still isn't any communication, and a real lack of a willingness to work it out either.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

True but why should the OP have to sort through to find applicable replies because 80% of them were off subject.

---

I agree, and I was one of the 80%, that's why I started this post.

Hopefully all of us can respect each other and listen to what each other has to say. I for one love this site because I never know what's going to happen when I state my opinion. Let's try to keep all feedback positive so that we don't end up with the same problem we had before. Oh, NoHelp, this was not directed at you I just quoted you for the first sentence of my post, the rest was directed at everyone, including myself.

I think you were the % that had the right answer.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I think you were the % that had the right answer.

---

:) Thanks for saying that I really appreciate it. I do, however, know that I ruffled a few feathers out there, I'm glad you weren't one of them. I still stand behind my opinions, I just wish I hadn't been so harsh with some of the other people who posted theirs.:o

I know what you mean but they still don't seem to get that the guy wants her to live on $50. A month and he is most likely spending at least a couple hundred of her money above the agreement. I still stick to everything I said too!

Bottom line really to this problem is that there obviously was and is a huge communication breakdown with this couple. You can side with the OP on this or side with her man. It comes down to what SHE can try to do to make it better. If he's a jerk for making her live on $50 a month, then we are calling it like it is, As I said it before, for her benefit, peace of mind what have you, she needs to sit down and talk to him, maybe they can come to a compromize, maybe not. If she feels slighted by his unwavering decision and feels that he is being unfair then those feelings are valid. She either excepts it, in hopes she can learn to live with it, excepts it and lives unhappily or REALIZES, "hey he's a jerk, this isn't fair", and leave. That's my opinion and I'm a going to stick to it;)

So far I think the replies on this post hit it right on.

Part of the problem was the op didn't give a lot of details, or came back to answer any questions, or clear up any confusion, so what usually happens is a lot of assumptions on our part, which may, or may not be facts. The only fact we can gleam from her was she is not happy, and they don't communicate, especially in the matter of finances.

Hi Altenweg,

Admittedly, I did not read the post in which you refer. But this topic you present is very interesting one.

I think all of you nailed it. COMMUNICATION prior to any type of commitment being made (living together or marriage or any joint partnership).

I think it is what works best for the two individuals as a partnership.

My husband and I lived together prior to marriage (sorry Mom and Dad :) ). And in truth, we just pulled our money together and lumped all the bills together. Through our entire relationship up to current marriage, who made more changed from time to time. We actually didn't keep track of who made more, we were just concerned and working towards paying the bills that did come in.

That's what works for us. There are several different ways a couple can approach this and each way has the potential of working, as long as it is discussed and agreed to ahead of time. Like what all of you were saying.

Great Question!!

It does happen occasionally that a question is posted, people answer in different ways, and the discussion takes on a life of its own, without the OP as a participant. More often, one or two answers are posted, the OP never responds and the thread dies. In either case the OP is gone, and we never know whether they got an answer that they felt was helpful.

I guess I don't see the harm in discussions that go on without them. I see them as kind of like snowflakes that start on a speck of dust and grow from there. Of course, if the discussion veers off into territory that is completely unrelated to the question title, I suppose it makes sense to start a new thread with a more informative label.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Should a couple living together (not married) pay 50/50 of the bills and other expenses if one of the people makes a substantially larger income than the other?

---

Hello Alt:

It's not as simple as that.

It's like asking on the real estate board whether you should enter into a lease or should you just rent month to month. Huh? Who could answer a question like that? It has no context. Different contextual circumstances demands different answers. As asked, it can't be answered.

For example, in your scenerio, their intentions as a couple and as individuals need to be examined over the long term. Their familial intentions need to be looked at over the long term. Their health and ages needs to be considered, as well as their net worth, and their long term financial plan (if any).

I suggest that without any context such as the above, the answers are useless.

Now, I do agree that lots of people make those decisions without any such context, too. Most times, they'll suffer the consequences.

So, I can't give you an answer that makes sense.

excon

For those who didn't see the original ?

I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out because he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

The disagreement is that we here so far say he is wanting more than the original agreement and not taking her needs and wants into consideration. I say he is treating her like a business arrangement.

The others seem to think she is expecting more than her share and should stick to the agreement.

But she seems to be giving over the agreement and they do not see that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

For those who didn't see the original ?

I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

The disagreement is that we here so far say he is wanting more than the original agreement and not taking her needs and wants into consideration. I say he is treating her like a business arrangement.

The others seem to think she is expecting more than her share and should stick to the agreement.

But she seems to be giving over the agreement and they do not see that.

---

GUYS, omg... LOL! WE are all seeing things differently.. its fine. We have all said either he's being unfair or she's being greedy.. its not going to change eachothers minds. Whether you say it ounce or twentytimes.. What happened to the friendship bracelets and the "kumbyah"... or agree to disagree? Sorry I may have been called a peacemaker in the past.;)

Yeah like I just said on the post because they are still going on about it...
Until she comes back and answers what she means by him always having his hand out '
And explains how much she spends over the amount agreed on we are all taking stabs in the dark but I still have a feeling she is putting more into him than 1/3 or 1/2.
I do not think it is a case of her being a gold digger latte laper like some others have said.

your absolutely right. The MAIN componet is that this girl has yet to return and voice on where this discussion has gone or the advice presented. For all we know she's reading these posts and laughing at us.(lol) :) And we are all taking a stab in the dark without more information. But honestly... I feel this was a really good debate and thought provoking. Really makes you think about what you value in a relationship.. whats fair and not fair. So kudos to everyone on here for giving this thread a mind of its own... in a good way;)

Personally I think this discussion is definitely going better than the last one, at least knowone is name calling (yet:p )

Everyone who has posted here has made very valid points. I think that we have to forget about the original OP because, like I said before, she obviously doesn't care about our opinions otherwise she would have contributed to the conversation and provided us with more info on which to base our opinions.

I am still holding on to my opinion (with every ounce of energy I have left:) ) I also value all of yours. I think the main problem with a question like this is that we all base our opinions on our own experiences which are all very different. If we can keep this in mind while reading others opinions we should all do fine.

I think all of us are in agreement and looking at it the same way.
Just different approaches.