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I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.
How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?
This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!
What about the rest of you?
I'm right there with you... we started this whole "break" thing on the 8th. She called everyday for a week since. Then nothing... a couple of days would go by and she would initiate contact again. Now we are on 3 days with NC... it used to be really hard in the beginning but it gets easier with time. I still love her, but I do not like the games she is playing...
I'm on day 16 of NC. The first 2 weeks I was starting to feel pretty good. The past couple of days have been a little rough though... but the last thing I want to do is start the whole cycle over again so I'm not calling... EVER! Haha... no my goal is 55 days (I know it's a random #). And after 55 days I figure I won't want to ever talk to him again anyway.
ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?
Suelle, that's great! I envy you. I hope I can reach day number 16.. actually I wonder what might happen in 16 days!
Night is close and things are getting tough here but still holding.. hope I feel better soon :(
HI
I'm on the 34th day of no contact and somedays are OK but most days are bad I miss him so much still. I don't know if its because I didn't see the breakup coming or what I guess I'm actually still in SHOCK! He doesn't even try to contact me either. I just wish I knew how long its going to take before I feel better.
Keep it up! This is great! You crossed a real long way! You're a tough girl, it's his loss without a doubt.
I guess we all didn't see it coming and it's the schock that's making it real hard to even accept the situation.
I wonder about the same thing too.. I mean, I really want to get back on track and do the things I used to do and I gave hope on having her back.. but I just want to move on, yet all I feel is this "dizziness". Anyone feels this too? I still can't feel like doing anything.
Or maybe because we deeply expect them to call us during the NC period that we can't really get over it 100% ?
Anytime I miss him, I just remind myself that he's not the same person he used to be or the person I thought he was so what's the point in calling him? It will only make things worse... and frankly, he doesn't deserve my time or energy... let them keep guessing forever... they don't know that you're sitting here thinking about them 24 hours a day.. the only way they'll know that is if you call them and tell them... you want to NOT call them so they can start to wonder what the heck you're up to.
I don't know, they all seem to never care to call or anything.. so I guess they don't even wonder about what we're doing nor even wish to know. And when you think of it, it's real hilarious.. I mean, just 2 month ago, before she traveled she used to go crazy to know what I'm doing every hour.. just like she did the whole past 5 years.. but now, she cares not. I guess it was the same with you (?).
He kept calling me for a month after we broke up and I finally just told him to stop and leave me alone. I didn't want to be friends. I told him when and if I want to talk to you, I'll call. After 3 1/2 years and 2 years of living together, you can't just suddenly become friends. So, I decided I had to go cold turkey and just the cut the cord.
I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.
I think I am on like a month and a bit now. Every day I think of her less and less. They don't bother, many of us will never know why the dumpers don't. Probably because the relationship is over? Feelings of guilt, confusion or just don't want to etc... Nc is a sure way of moving on though that's all I know.
I still remember times when I went out for a meal or a summer fête at my first school. As a dumper or dumpee are you likely to forget someone you were intimat with whether a long time or a short time... no!
Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just got to focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.
Thanks Suelle. I think you are so right, I think the dumpers do have regrets but it comes later. I know him very well and he is a deeply emotional person so when it does hit him it's going to HIT HIM HARD!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Drop all those feelings of will they regret it etc... It doesn't matter. We have nothing to push for though whilst the dumper does, their choice is theirs not nessarily ours and they have to live with it, those guilty feelings or being treated badly by their next and maybe one day they will realise.. I actually had it pretty good. By then though were in our own happy lives with no feelings of confusion as we didn't cause it!
I'd love to think the same way, but they don't wonder about us, otherwise they wouldn't be away till now. It seems that there feelings can vanish in 24 hours, at least this is what I noticed regarding my situation with my ex.Quote:
I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.
But Suelle, what I get from your words is you're still hoping during the NC period, which won't make things easier for you.
I'm on my second day now.. like yesterday, so far feeling good, but I wonder how things will be at night.
I'm not sure that this thread is such a good idea.
The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.
At some point you have to stop counting.
No, I'm not hoping he'll come back because I'm getting to the place where I don't want him back. He's not the person I thought he was. It's not my fault. I'm hoping with every single day it'll get easier and easier to forget him and I'll be able to open up to someonelse again...
[QUOTE=Numb]ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?
I guess it is good that she called at first... but now I have found that it is just torturing myself. It makes me want to get back to way it was. She needs time away from "us" regular contact like that just complicated things even more. She would say hi and talk about our days etc... I was kind of weird since we were making more contact after the break than did prior to it. She would tell me how much she misses me and she loves me... well than why are we on a break?
It's been 5 months since my ex cut the cord and 7 weeks of no contact (after a 4 year relationship). Things have gotten better for me since, but only in the sense that it's easier to go on with my life and do my day to day things without being completely paralyzed in thoughts. But then again today is a hard day for me and I should be working now, so, I'm still not completely healthy. Anyway, I still miss her and love her dearly and those feelings of confusion and shock are still there. There is also that hope that she will call, and the hurt that she hasn't... not even a little text message to say "hey, hope ur not dead." I know I should move on and it's all I can do, and I am doing it. But I can't help shake the feeling that I will always love this girl and want to be with her. It's not like it was when she first broke up, that desperate "I need her in my life" reaction to being rejected... it's more of a genuine at peace feeling... I don't know if this makes sense or anyone can relate. I know most here just get to the point were they say screw them (the ex), and maybe (hopefully), I will get there too someday.
Anyway, I know everyone's situation is different so not everyone will feel the same or go through the same process. The only thing that's similar for all of us is that there's nothing you can do, so keep taking it day by day. Eventually, something's got to give... whether you find someone else, wake up one morning and realize you don't care anymore, or the ex comes back one day.
In the meantime good luck to everyone, know you're not the only one going through this and keep everyone posted if you can.
So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!
Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.Quote:
The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.
At some point you have to stop counting.
Suelle, this is great news!! I'm so happy for you :) Your post did just give me an extra boost of determination!
[QUOTE=Numb]Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.
I agree with you Numb, things are still fresh and very painful and I think keeping track of our N/C and talking about our ex's is part of the grieving process. Like I've said before in one of my threads. THIS IS LIKE A DEATH AND I AM GRIEVING!!
WOW Suelle, I would freak out if he called me, I don't think he ever will but if he did I don't think I would be as strong as you are. In fact I know I wouldn't be. That's what I hope for really. I want him back and I can't lie about itQuote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Don't ever answer. My first question if ever my ex did: Why are you calling me? I have moved on I suggest you do to. I don't do friends with ex's. I have friends already, your not one of them. Bye
I'm not that strong. It's killing me not calling him back but I know he won't have anything to say that I want to hear and I don't want to then talk to him, hang up, and then half to start all over at square one. And honestly, the more and more I think about it... I don't know that I necessarily miss him anymore. I think I just miss having someone in my life, not necessarily him. And why should I settle for someone who was so unsure about us that he let me go. I guess I'm having a pretty good today thankfully. Next week I might get down again but you know, the healing process is a roller coaster.
Jiser - Exactly. Why would I want to be friends with an ex? I don't want a constant reminder of pain and rejection. Unless of course the breakup was completely mutual. But if it wasn't comoletely mutual, beings friends always winds up with someone getting hurt over and over again.
I can't imagine not missing him. I don't know if you've read any of my posts on here but we had a great relationship. We literally laughed and had fun everyday. We had respect for each other. We didn't fight. We did special things for each other everyday, maybe one day he would make me dinner so I would rub his back in return or visa versa. We went fishing almost every weekend, or camping, We went grocery shopping together and genuinly loved being together and this lasted for 7 years. He even made me dinner and made love to me the day before he left. I WANT THAT BACK!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Yes, I know how you feel. We had sex the morning we broke up. Then that day, we went to the zoo and had fun all day. And then that night, it was just like BAM.. we had a fight and that was it. But you have to remember, if it was such a perfect relationship for both of you, then he wouldn't be gone. I think sometimes we are so blinded by love that we don't see everything that's going on. We were best friends, so I don't understand it either how someone can suddenly just say "well, that's it, i'm done". Sometimes people just need to be left alone to sort out their feelings.
And remember, you will get that back! It won't necessarily be with the same person but whether its with another person or your ex, you want that back with someone who is SURE that they want to be with you forever... not just for now. No conniving or manipulating can make that happen.
Very good point Suelle. I later found out he was being intensly pursued by a girl he works with. Not that that's any excuse but she somehow made him question our relationship. Funny thing is he was constantly asking me if I knew how rare what we have together is, and I always said yes I do its very rare.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Yes, people always think the grass is greener. You just got to let him see for himself. Especially, when you're together for so long and I think you were together for most of his 20s, right? (Same thing for me.) He suddenly says, wait, is this it? How can I be sure this is the best girl for me? I'm pretty sure based on my discussions with me ex, that that's what his problem was. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 26, so I had a substantial amount of more dating experience than he had. So, the day of the fight he basically said to me "if we stay together any longer, we're going to have to get married and I'm not ready to dedicate myself to one person yet....you're the best gf ever, I just wished we had met 5 years later than we did"... so there's really no response to that I can give him... other than to just disappear from his life... and pray 20 years from now, he looks back and says, "wow, i shouldn't have let that one go"...
And missinghim2much, who knows, maybe you and I will find the grass is greener. : )
Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc
Haha... my guy is 25 too now. Exactly, set it free. You know, my aunt once told me that woman settle down when they meet the right person, and men settle down when it's the right time. Timing really is everything. I think I'm staying away from the younger boys for now.
Yes, and that's why not contacting him is the best thing to do in the situation.
I've never heard that before but it makes so much sense. It seems that's exactly what happen he was the right person but it wasn't the right time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
But, I firmly believe, there's not just one right person for each of us... if that was the case, we'd all be screwed cause how we ever find them in this huge world. You just have to find the combination of right person/right time.
I so want to be where you are Suelle. I want to think there's someone else out there for me and be strong enough to reject him if he came back. But I'm not there. I know at this point of my recovery I would be a pitiful weakling and take him back if he wanted me to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
I was crying every day for 6 weeks after we broke up... I was crying in the car, at work, in the shower, in bed, it never ended. What was harder was that he was still calling so that made it even harder because I had to act like I was totally fine. This I think is about the 9th week, and I started feeling a lot better. The mornings are usually the hardest, but it really is getting A LOT better. I was where you were. I thought, "how can I go on...i'll never feel the same way about anyone..blahblah"... This site has actually really helped with everything and just hanging out with my friends as much as possible and stuff like that makes it a lot better. And staying away from the grapevine makes SUCH a big difference. You'll have good days and then you'll have bad days but slowly... really slowly it'll get a little better each day.
I'm not really sure of this. My ex was 16 when we got together and now she's 22... if she's doing this to "experience" things it would be real stupid.. cause I wonder what is left for her to experience regarding "guys"? And whatever she wanted to experience I directly made it available for her (earthly/life matters). So if going out dating guys for short time is "experience", I'll say the girl is nothing but a B**** quiet openly. And same applies for a guy... So to put it in another way.. they want FUN and childish stuff.. and they aren't simply ready for any commitment, they just didn't mature enough to even realise a thing.Quote:
Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc
Look at it this way.. they left us suddenly and it wasn't a mutual break up nor because of something SO BAD one did to the other! So to leave someone after spending so many years with is just cause the person got bored, want to mess around, wants to feel free and simply because he/she no longer feels a thing for the other partner or simply an act of immaturity. For whatever reason it is, this person got to feel some regret one day in the future and stick to it.. cause there is no turning back.
Just my opinion though.. as for me, I think after 3 sleepless nights, I finally got myself on track and feel nothing anymore. I got cheated on and dumped, so I really see it way too stupid to even THINK about it! I don't care anymore and I feel real good since yesterday.. and going on a date soon too :)
Aaghhh!! So, my phone rings this morning and I don't recognize the # and I answer it... and it's my ex!! He tricked me! He knew I wouldn't answer if I saw it was him. So we shoot the breeze and he tells me how everythings not good with him.. blah blah blah... and I act like everything is fine and great with me.. and then he just keeps chitchatting about stuff and finally I'm like... ok, I got to go. And he's like OK, I'll talk to you later. Why did this have to happen?! What does he want from me?? I don't know what to do now. I was seriously doing so good! At least I know now it seems I'm doing a lot better than he is!
ARRGH! More great news from you Suelle... well seems like you started hesitating.. I can't blame you.. so, want him back?
I don't know. I was doing so good and hadn't cried in weeks and now of course, the second I get of the phone with him I'm crying again! At least I played it entirely cool to his face. I don't want him back if the only reason he's coming back is because his life sucks and he has no one else. I only would take him back (and slowly at that) if he really showed that he had made a HUGE mistake and that I was the one he wanted to be with forever. But honestly, I've started healing and moving on and I can't take this anymore. It's like either sh*t or get off the pot, you know?
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