6 months past already.
I'm back now.
Not long.
|
6 months past already.
I'm back now.
Not long.
Hey guys and gals been a while, but my nc don't work to well because of myself but some light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. This weekend had a date with a promising young lady. After the date ex contact, she must have radar or keep some sort of tabs on me but anyway she said come over so of course I did, nothing happened just talking but I was the reason. The milk was there if I wanted it. I noticed how everything she was talking about was her and how ever thing was everyone else's fault. I really became disgusted with her. I left after about a hour or two and felt really bad about even going to see her. But this is the first time I have seen her in a real light since the breakup and I believe that I may have passed the hump. Fingers crossed, any opinions about this would help. I just noticed how selfish she is and what a truly awful person she can be. Her life is sad and she is sad, I almost feel pity for her. Well God Bless and Good Luck to everyone.
I'm about to be on 3 dayz... I know its short. But it feels like hell. Because I told her how and I wanted to be with her. If you read my posts ull understand more. But yea 3 days. I just want an answer from her
She's going to be on your mind a lot longer than 3 days, man. 12 weeks for me and I still think about her every day. Just have to let it go and move on. Nothing else you can go. It sucks to feel powerless over the situation, but the only thing you can go now is improve yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyVandeyar
I agree with Big Crew, its been about 12 weeks for me too,and I still think about her everyday.It has though gotten a lot better.Keep at it.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Been 28 weeks and I still think about her everyday. Most of the pain is gone but every now and then it can hurt. You never really get over the person until your heart moves on... because until then all you have to associate with a relationship and loving someone is the heartache you suffered. It gets leaps and bound better though, I promise you that. I am definitely my old self again!
I was in a small relationship with a friend whom left me because her mom does not approve of us dating. Well, she started talking to another guy and hooked up with him.
Instead of waiting for action, I deleted her of myspace, her moms' phone number, and her messages.
I don't know why, but every time you post advice (which is typically great advice, btw), I'm reminded of the movie Swingers. Don't ask me why. Any guy who has been through, or is going through a breakup, needs to watch that movie.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Yeah I know it gets better but nc makes it go faster. I am getting better slowly but still have contact every now and then. I am doing it to myself and learning the hard way. It boils down to this, if they felt the way we do about them, our ex's would be with us. Good Luck and God Bless.
Since I used this thread a lot in my breakup, I figure its only fair to contribute back.
I suppose my NC technically ended last night. My ex messaged me condolences about a death in my family, and I ended up talking to her for a while. This was about 7-8 months of no contact at all.
One heck of a weird feeling. We talked for about an hour and a half, caught up on what's been going on, and left it on a nice note. She told me that she was sure we'd talk again, and I said sure.
After thoughts: Thought about her more than normal today, but nothing negative. Didn't really miss her so much as just thought about us more than I had in the past. Im functioning just as well as I have been, and I'm not worried about the conversation. More of a "I wonder if/when she'll contact me again".
So did I fail? Who knows. After the NC that I had, in the last month or so, I finally felt like I was totally over it. Thought about her a lot, but never in a bad way. Never had down moments, nothing I heard about her would get to me, and anything that did bug me, did so for a second or two.
I wasn't my old self again, but I was a new self. I was finally content being single again.
Any thoughts from anyone who's been there - had contact after such a long time?
I don't know Bigbird. NC ended for me a couple of days ago as well, think it had been going for 3 or 4 months, I'm not entirely sure.
My ex contacted me and needed help because her internet had shut down completely in the apartment she's living in. At first I was really hesitant and didn't want to go help her, mostly because when she broke up with me she kind of lost that privilege to ask for my help.
Either way she lives literally five minutes down the street and I didn't want to be a total bumhole so I agreed to go over there and help try to fix it, particularly since we're in the middle of our exam periods and being left without internet then can be frustrating to say the least. Furthermore I didn't really feel like I had any emotional attachment to her any longer. Ever since we broke up I've been keeping myself so busy and changed so much I've become terrified of changing back into the person I was back then, pushing everything aside for another human being.
Anyway a part of me really wanted to see her face again, not because I actually wanted to, but because I needed to see how I reacted to it. I hadn't seen or heard from her ever since we had broken up and with the two of us living so close to each other I was terrified that one day I'd run into her and have a complete breakdown again.
So yeah, I went over there to help fix it. Appearantly there had been like four people over before me trying to get it done and none of them could, so it was appearant she was rather desperate at the time (which wasn't much of a shocker, my ex was always very proud and I found it odd that she'd ask for my help). It was a little bit odd. We kind of spoke together like nothing had ever happened (and like those five years hadn't happened either), I fixed the internet, then I just left.
For me it was a massive relief anyway to know that I could talk to her and see her without being sad at all. I kind of felt like I actually had moved on, more so than I had thought myself.
Of course I still think about her and I'm not in a place where I would want to have a girlfriend again just yet, but I kind of felt like I got confirmation that I didn't want her back either. All in all it was good, but I felt like it was kind of a gamble. Going over there I had absolutely no idea how I would handle the situation, I'm just glad that this time, I could walk away with a little dignity. (Needless to say the last time we spoke, which was when she broke up with me, I was a pathetic mess).
Sounds like you handled it well Molecular. You seem to be fine, so that's a plus. Granted, I didn't see her in person, just talked online, but it was still nice. We didn't act like nothing happened either, it was a little odd at first, but I'm generally pretty good and making people feel comfortable, so it wasn't awkward after the first few minutes. Just... more... surreal I guess...
I have talked to my ex a couple of times on the phone too in the last couple of months .it was all business.After I talked to her I though about her a lot for a couple of days before the feeling subsided.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Glad to hear that everyone is doing well. It've been over 4 months since me and my ex broke up and over 3 months of nc. I am sleeping better at night. I don't wake up in the middle of the night anymore. I still think about her but not constantly like before. When I think about her I still feel sad and pain but just for a short moment. I can't wait till that recovery date.
Biggie:
I responded to the other thread, but I'll do it again here.
I don't think you've "failed." I feel that "breaking NC" is more along the lines of you wanting to talk to her because you just want to hear her voice, you miss her, etc. I don't think talking to your ex is a HORRIBLE idea, but I do believe that you should tread that line carefully.
I say this, because the holidays are coming up, and for some reason, girls love seeking boyfriends around this time (I suppose it's because they don't want to spend it alone). Instead of finding a new guy, they go back to what they know, what they're comfortable with, and what they find security in.
Example:
My ex just got "back" with her new "ex" (the guy after me)
I have also been dating 3 - 4 girls simultaneously (nothing serious... ), and THREE of them got back with their exes last week. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
6-7 months...
4 months no contact
STILL SINGLE ;_____;
Why do guys have this idea "if your girl leaves you, sleep with others to get it over with or get a new one the next day?"
Yeh... it's been almost a year since I had sex too D:
I might die from Darwin's theory "Survival of the Fittest" ;___;
I think that's a thing that varies from person to person Hjpan. Personally I've not been with anyone else since me and my ex broke it off.
Quite frankly, although I'm done being sad about it, I'm just not ready to move on. And personally I'd feel awful if I just "used" another woman for some slight sense of recovery. Granted it would give some probably much needed self-esteem telling me that I can meet and have relations with other women without my ex, because quite frankly after relationships as long as the ones most of us here are coming out of, that could sometimes be a much needed thing, but at the end of the day I'm proud of the way I handled my problems and moved on.
But I think it all varies from person to person how you want to take those steps to get over your last significant other, just letting you know you're not the only one who's not taking that approhach ;-;.
Have not heard from my ex.Thank God for that.Dont need that drama in my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Hope everyone else is doing okay.
Happy eid .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molecular
I understand the concept....
I also don't really want to "use" another woman... an one night stand...
The problem you're facing hj, may be that you're just not going out enough? Are you actually ready to move on?
I mean, I never "used" any girls to get over my ex (that's a lie... I lied. I used many... many women to get over my ex... and I DO feel bad about it... sorta).
Granted, now, if I have a one night stand (or one that lasts two/three weeks until she brings up the "what are we" talk), I don't use that to get over my ex... that's just simply all for me.
Four months after a breakup, especially your breakup (I've read your posts from the beginning), may not be long enough... probably at around 6 months or so, you'll feel ready to go out and have a little fun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Well... we've broken up for almost 7 months... last time I talked to her was about 4 months ago...
I just feel so.... "manhood-less"....
For Christmas, I have no one to go to... my friends are with their girls, family, and friends... many turned into alcoholics, sexaholics, and drug addicts. My parents work overseas and my relatives don't celebrate Christmas.... I am pretty much alone
I hear you man, Hjpan. Personally I'm working on christmas eve, alone that is (work part time at a gas station). Kind of sad, it's going to feel lonely.
Now on the topic of ex-girlfriends (and appearantly so, crazy ones) I just had to share this:
First to summarize a bit: My ex has contacted me several times in the past since we broke up. Each time it's always been with the intention of saying something that would hurt me to see how I reacted to it, and each time I've held my ground, shrugged it off, and not cared much about it.
Then she stopped bothering me, a few months pass, and last week she started talking to me on msn again.
Why I haven't blocked her until now I'll never know, guess I'm an idiot. Anyway she starts talking about how it feels so odd and wrong that she doesn't have to get me a preasent for christmas this year etc, and I say that this is the first christmas in five years where I'm actually not stressing about christmas preasents (hers was the only one I really devoted time to, and each year I was majorly stressed out because I was bit of a perfectionist when it came to her preasents).
Not thinking much more of it we continue talking rather casually when she suddenly sais, and get this, it's rather hilarious: "If I start dating someone else, do you want me to tell you about it? So you don't have to hear it from someone else?".
At this time I was raging pretty hard, I mean jesus it's been what, 3-4 months? Is she still expecting that I sit at home all day long sulking over losing her, who's to say I'm not dating anyone else by this time? I very well could have. I think this was the most egosentric question anyone has ever asked me. I wanted to flip out right then and there and ask her just exactly how stuck up she was but instead I just said: "huh? It's not like I care, anymore". At which point she just got mad and started tossing crap at me and I basically just stopped replying.
So yesterday I wake up and I've gotten a text message from her. It goes something like this: "I've been thinking about calling you almost every single day the last week, but I managed to prevent myself from doing so. I've had the worst week imaginable, but it's getting better now...I hope you're doing well and good luck with your last remaining exams".
I took a lot of time pondering this text message.A part of me was telling me not to reply, but I wanted to see where this was going, so I just casually asked (and taking no note of the whole "I've been wanting to call you almost every day"-thing, because quite frankly, I couldn't care less) and I asked what exactly made this week so bad. And get this, she starts spewing the usual: "this and that course I got very bad grades" "We almost got thrown out of our appartment again" and "I'm about to have my last exam today and I will probably fail it blabla" and in the middle of it all she sais, and get this: "I also had to break up with some guy yesterday, not that we were really dating but yeah, long story".
WHAT? She's putting this up on the list of reasons she's had a bad week and wanted to call me? What the hell is wrong with this woman.
Again, I almost flipped, it's been months since we broke up and she's still coming after me trying to make me feel bad. You'd think when she broke up with me she'd just leave me the heck alone, but no, what is this? I'm seriously raging so hard right now I can't explain it with words.
The whole thing is just so sad. I spent five years with this woman and I had nothing but respect for her. In fact, much of the reason why I loved her so much was because she was always too mature for petty crap like this, and she just seemed to be above it all. Looking back on the five years we spent together and I never knew this is how she was really like? Scares the crap out of me. Right now she's acting like the most childish and egosentric person I've ever met. For the last few hours I've been trying really really hard to not to text her back a bunch of cursewords, profanities and whatnot, but I figured I wouldn't even dignify that last message with an answer.
Now I'm not saying I'm sad or anything, I'm just angry and rather confused at how someone can stoop to this level. I'm almost feeling harassed here, I think this is the fourth time she's come after me trying to make me feel bad. I thought I reserved the right to be the jackass, after all, I'm the one who got dumped (lol).
I guess in a way I'm rather content that after all the crap I've let her throw at me, I've just shrugged it off casually, and I guess at some level it's eating up inside of her. Why this is I have no idea, but I feel pretty good about the whole thing at the end of the day. I'm doing better than ever, I don't think I've ever been as independent and secure about myself as I've been the last months after me and my ex broke it off, whereas things have obviously not gone as well for her.
Jebus, this turned out to be longer than expected, thanks for listening anyway if you actually bothered reading it all. Feels like a load off my chest.
Well it's a good thing you summarized that Molecular ;)
I have come to learn over the past 8 months that love really is blind and that more often than not your ex did act this way while you were with them. You were just blind to see the real them because of your feelings for them. Like you, I still can't believe my ex acts the way she does... it feels like I totally don't know her anymore, but when I talk to friends about it they tell me, "NNG, she was always like that"
It's quite obvious that your blowing her off has gotten to her and that all these comments she throws a you are to get a reaction... and its just eating away at her that you haven't freaked out yet. How she could think you would give a rat's a$$ about some guy she had to end something with is beyond me... and then to further say that it's a long story as if to make you want to fish for more information.
So you got to do yourself a favor, ignore her now. What's the point in continuing this contact, an obvious pattern has developed and she is not going to stop as long as you keep allowing her to talk to you. Block and delete her on msn, Facebook and whatever else.
Ha ha you should know better by now mole!!
I see that Molecular :P~
I just feel so.... obsolete, lonely, friend-less etc.
All my friends will be having a great time partying, getting drunk, banging hot chicks etc. I would probably sit in my room by myself with a small cup cake, celebrating my 20th b-day.
I've started thinking deeply about enlisting in the military. I dropped out of university after finishing one year, currently going for nursing degree (planning to finish in 6 months), and stayy by myself. I have seen a lot of cute girls but I feel like they are not my type =/
How are you guys doing? I am into four months of NC and I can't seem to get her out of my system. All my friends went on vacation too and I am alone. Where do you meet girls these days? What would be the best place to meet girls?
Well at four months I would say that't too be expected. I wouldn't get to concerned with meeting women right now... it will happen. I find the best way is through friends and activities... like organized sports or volunteering. Does your school have an intramural program? You'd be amazed at all the free activities and clubs offered by schools and communities... especially toronto! Get involved and force yourself to sign up for something, if anything you will make some new friends, and there is nothing wrong with that. It will come, don't dwell on it!
NNG, is right, girls are every where all over the place. Maybe focusing on the things you like to do, and the activities you enjoy most, would be a better thing to do, since you don't seem to be able to see all these females running around, in vast abundance..!Quote:
Where do you meet girls these days
Dontcha hate it, when that happens??
Watch it,. here comes one now!!
I am planning to call up few recruiter offices and discuss enlisting. I just feel so.... alone~
I am 34 now and it's hard to meet women when you work 5 days a week. I broke up for 5 months now. You don't think it's good to date women yet? You are right about finding women. Sometime they'll just pop up unexpectedly.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
So true that it hurts.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Take this for example. Last weekend, I went out with a friend who was celebrating her 21st birthday. At the bar, was a group of 11 girls. I decided to go see what the commotion was, and found out it was a bachelorette party, and were looking for some guys to go clubbing with.
So, I mixed my group with theirs, and it ended up a pretty good night.
I also got hit on by the taco bell drive through lady. She asked, "omg, what is that cologne you're wearing? I love it!" My response, "...14 hour shift."
... girls. Are. Everywhere.
Update on my "nc" situation... I put quotes because it's been so long I really don't need to "nc" it anymore.
My ex has stopped calling/texting/the works... at least for now. I have had about 2 months of peace and quiet... sorta.
The ex previous to my most recent ex recently called to see if I wanted to have dinner with her. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years, so I figure, what the hey. I had a great time. Looks like she turned her entire life around, went back to school, got a job, etc. I was impressed. That was all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
It's strange how the world works. It's seem that when we don't want the ex back they want us in their life but as soon as we take them back they run. ISneeze, let assume that you would take her back you think it would workout?
I think the trick is just having to balls to approach women in social situations...
The thing I have gathered from talking to girlfriends is that they are just as interested as I am, its just a matter of going out and getting it.
Of course take it slow, we don't all grow as big as sneezy, approacing 11 girls in a bar might not be for everyone haha...
But really, what do you have to lose.
Approaching women is my problem. Some people just have that gift. If I can think like that then I would have tons of women right now lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
UNDERAGED girls are everywhere at my workplace ;_____;
And you wonder why nobody takes you seriously...Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
what does that have to do with me not being taken seriously...?Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
I got to say, I didn't used to have "balls" to approach random girls. I was the shy timid kid in the classroom. Once in high school, a girl asked me to homecoming, and I told her I had an appointment but I'd call her to let her know.
... never called. Freaked. Out.
I think I "grew" balls after the breakup. I started working out, eating right, lost about 30 lbs, got decent clothes, and just... stopped... caring about anything. First time at a club, my friend and I were... quite sloshed, and we started hitting on random girls. By random, I mean... any female that moved.
I ended up getting rejected... every... single... time. By at least 50 girls. Then I realized, hey, this is nothing. You get rejected, you move on.
To answer hungtoronto, my most recent ex and I would never work out. Mainly because, although she understood me the most, she also hurt me the most. The other exes... sure, they lied, etc. but from her, I never expected it. That's a lesson in life.
The ex before the most recent ex... I could see it working. Plus, she's ridiculously hot. It always helps.
Also, there's a book called The Game. It's from that show "the pickup artist"
Amazon.com: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists: Neil Strauss: Books
My friends, all swore by this book. I mean, I had a few classmates who carried this thing around like a bible. It is 450 pages of "how to get a girl"... so, I decided to check it out.
About... 300 pages of it... is "APPROACH THE GIRL" and the next 100 pages is "WHAT TO SAY TO THE GIRL" and the last 50 pages is "SHE REJECTED YOU? GET OVER IT. APPROACH NEXT GIRL"
... ridiculous.
I am buying the book( need to grow some balls)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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