Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.

Hi Jolienoire,

Yes, I would. My situation is a little complicated though, this time I broke up with him, out of fear (if you want to, read my posts it will give you the whole kit and kaboodle). But provided we have both worked on ourselves, and because the love is already there, I would go back with him in a NY minute. I just hope that day comes, and he wants me back...

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Thats a good question. I know I can say that I wouldn't. The sheer amount of people... family and friends that would kill me for doing so would keep me in line. I think I would be too embarrassed to show my face if I did. Easier for me by the way she treated me I think.... I really hope all you guys would do the same.

Well I read your story, and your relationship lacked effort from her. You were doing all the work, and that is never a good thing. So for you it would require a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking..

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

I am so happy for the both of you! I wish you all the best! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

Such an awesome story! I would love to have something like that happen, though I'm not banking on it. I just dig the idea of love truly connecting two people. Amazing and I'm very happy for you! :)

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Jolienoire,

Yes, I would. My situation is a little complicated though, this time I broke up with him, out of fear (if you want to, read my posts it will give you the whole kit and kaboodle). But provided we have both worked on ourselves, and because the love is already there, I would go back with him in a NY minute. I just hope that day comes, and he wants me back...

I did read your story and although you broke up with him, I can understand your reason, He seemed too fickle to begin with, and you wanted to make sure you were going to make the right decision. Totally understandable,however how can he then say he was ready for marriage and so instantaneously dismiss that when you show him a little skeptism? I mean look at his track record.. How could he really have wanted to get married when he just showed that he can't communicate effectively? It was okay to dismiss your feelings prior to that but telling you he was not ready and when you question his motives, he totally disregards your concerns and blame you for the breakup? Honestly in my opinion you didn't ruin anything. He isn't being logical.. and he acted irrationally.

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Originally Posted by dollarman

Such an awesome story! I would love to have something like that happen, though I'm not banking on it. I just dig the idea of love truly connecting two people. Amazing and I'm very happy for you! :)

It really depends on how the relationship was overall, because To be honest my ex-husband would never ever get a second chance.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Well I read your story,, and your relationship lacked effort from her. You were doing all the work, and that is never a good thing. So for you it would require a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking..

Yea your right, I think I would have to take back what I said about hoping the others wouldn't take their ex's back. Forgot that everyone here didn't have an ex like mine... Your story sounds pretty amazing, and I will admit that even though I know I shouldn't ever get back with her, I have thought about a scenario like yours. Can't help but think that.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Yea your right, I think I would have to take back what I said about hoping the others wouldn't take their ex's back. Forgot that everyone here didn't have an ex like mine... Your story sounds pretty amazing, and I will admit that even though I know I shouldn't ever get back with her, I have thought about a scenario like yours. Can't help but think that.

Besides you have nothing to worry about, Your young, attractive, and you express your emotions.. You would have a line out of the door and around the corner. If only you can see your potential.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

I did read your story and although you broke up with him, I can understand your reason, He seemed too fickle to begin with, and you wanted to make sure you were going to make the right decision. Totally understandable,however how can he then say he was ready for marriage and so instantaneously dismiss that when you show him a little skeptism? I mean look at his track record.. How could he really have wanted to get married when he just showed that he can't communicate effectively? It was okay to dismiss your feelings prior to that but telling you he was not ready and when you question his motives, he totally disregards your concerns and blame you for the breakup? Honestly in my opinion you didn't ruin anything. He isn't being logical..and he acted irrationally.

I know, that is true. I mean he did it twice to me, and this time, I got nervous for valid reasons, and he doesn't even let me explain or when I suggested that we still move in and work on things, he says no... But yet, I have taken him back... twice...

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Originally Posted by dollarman

Honestly jolienoire...I'd be willing to work on it. I'm not sure how I'd react if I heard those words, but I'd be willing to work on it. And I would take all that I've learned and see what happened..

In your case your ex wanted to test the waters, or perhaps think the grass is greener on the otherside. WHich I can understand why you feel betrayed, because she should be working it out with someone she loves rather than looking for it else where, By the time you heal from this NC you may not even want her back, In my opinion, I find it as I deal with a lot of people in relationships that people tend to have more bitterness when they are left for someone else and usually when they do come back your trust in the relationship lacks tremendously and at times can end in another bad breakup.

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Originally Posted by starlite1

I know, that is true. I mean he did it twice to me, and this time, I got nervous for valid reasons, and he doesn't even let me explain or when I suggested that we still move in and work on things, he says no...But yet, I have taken him back...twice...

Yes, irrational, he is contradicting, and really not seeing the whole picture. Your reasons were valid especially with someone who is fickle like he was. But sometimes people think when you take them back you erase or must forget about the past and start anew. Which we should do but its hard, and Heck we are all human, Its like getting burned once accident, getting burned twice, negligence getting burned three times you asked for it..

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

In your case your ex wanted to test the waters, or perhaps think the grass is greener on the otherside. WHich I can understand why you feel betrayed, because she should be working it out with someone she loves rather than looking for it else where, By the time you heal from this NC you may not even want her back,, In my opinion, I find it as I deal with a lot of ppl in relationships that people tend to have more bitterness when they are left for someone else and usually when they do come back your trust in the relationship lacks tremendously and at times can end in another bad breakup.

Spot on. Thank you for your answer, and I hear all of your points loud and clear. It was very tough for me to hear her say she wanted to date other people... very tough. But if you love them let them go, because if it does work out I don't want it to be a fluke.. let me stop because I seem to have that wishful thinking welling up. Thank you though.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Besides you have nothing to worry about, Your young, attractive, and you express your emotions.. You would have a line out of the door and around the corner. If only you can see your potential.

jolienoire,

I think you just made my day, I really took that to heart and I am going to do my best to not sell myself short. Really, thank you, that simple post made me feel a world of better. I really respect the advice you give, guess that's why you're an expert :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

Im glad to hear that, that is awsome.

This is just weird but my ex somehow still has me on msn, I thought I had blocked and deleted her turns out I only deleted her.

Anyway she starts talking to me, I reply with very short one word answers then she asks me If we could try again would you want too.

I was surprised at this and wanted to say yes but I played it cool and said I honestly don't know, she then asked would I think about it, I said I would.

Then she starts saying how she's missed me and talking like this reminds her of the old days and that's what made her fall for me.

Now I'm confused, is she being serious, could we really go back after the damage that has been done. So many questions in my head, I honestly don't know what to do.

Make her work for it.

... really... work for it.

I'm only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday I sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasn't been online to read them.. its really tearing me apart.

Well guys, here I am again... I am such a mess... I really want to call him and apologize for everything... I wish I could know if he would ever reconsider getting back with me... My God I miss him... I'm sorry

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Originally Posted by Wiggy22

im only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday i sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasnt been online to read them..its really tearing me apart.

Hi Wiggy,
I know what you are going through. Not to worry, I'm sure she will respond once she sees them. Are you keeping yourself busy though? That is key, try and keep as busy as you can. I'm glad to see that you came back here though. That is a good thing :)

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Originally Posted by Wiggy22

im only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday i sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasnt been online to read them..its really tearing me apart.

Stop texting, stay of her whatever page, and do something with yourself, that doesn't include desperate humiliation.

Wiggy, trust me and everyone else when we say that keeping no contact is for the best.

I had to break it today and call her dad (if you want to count that) Hes the only damn one of the lot up there that will actually talk to me because he's a respectable man. Like I said in my thread, he's coming fathers day weekend (next saturday) to come get HER crap out of my house. How messed up is that?

Now I just need to figure out what I want to "not make it into the box" to make up for packing all her crap up.

-Sik

Starlite, you'll be OK! Tomorrow is a new day with a chance for new oportunities!

Tonight was awsome I went to club europe and had a blast, almost ever girl was on me, ( the guys did not like that at all). I feel a lot better now that I told her we can't be friends, and also went to the club and had girls all over me, it makes you feel like you haven't really lost anything, ( well for me). I love you guys, you guys are awsome. Without you guys I would be lost , and sitting at home thinking of ways to get my ex back, ex#1 begging. Hang in there guys, get out there, have fun. Most of us on here with problems are young, live life. You partner made the mistake of hurting you, and losing you, they will figure it out later in life, and regret losing you. Hopefully you will be moved on by then if not, you will be a totally different person, ready for whatever they bring to the table. Remember I love you guys. Ok it 5 in the morning and I am tired. PEACE OUT.

Great post AJ, that made me smile!

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

starlite, you'll be ok! tomorrow is a new day with a chance for new oportunities!

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. That's a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.

I just wish I can know what he is thinking; if he would ever take me back again... :( I feel so badly for what I did... I feel like buying a plane ticket, flying to Georgia, taking him into my arms, looking into his eyes, and asking him to forgive me, and to please let us work this out together... I didn't really mean what I said..

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. Thats a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.

I just wish I can know what he is thinking; if he would ever take me back again....:( I feel so badly for what I did...I feel like buying a plane ticket, flying to georgia, taking him into my arms, looking into his eyes, and asking him to forgive me, and to please let us work this out together...I didn't really mean what I said..

Same here except my ex lives in FL...

Hi HJ,

From a man's point of view, do you think I still have a chance of him forgiving me, letting me back in, reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. Thats a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.

What about the nails (hands and feet)? That could be therapeutic.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.

If my ex came back to me I don't know what I would do. My friends/family would really give it to me because of what she did to me. I know people can fall out of love but the way she handled the situation and her immature behavior would throw me off. I would have to warn her that I wouldn't put up with her selfish, ego filled, emotionally manipulated behavior. She will have to stop treating me like I was second best to her and stop 'winning' thr fights

Plus I think the major reason I woulldnt take her back is because she is immature. You don't want to be with someone who has no consideration of your feelings and just looks satsify her needs. She is very insecure even though I'm the one that should have been (considering that she was a model). I wouldn't take her back now because I promised my friend I would make a deision after 1 year ii she were to come back. So if she really loved me she would have to wait

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi HJ,

From a man's point of view, do you think I still have a chance of him forgiving me, letting me back in, reconciling?

The only reconciling he will do is if he gets what he wants, and you do what he says. I care a lot, and want you happy, but you really need to get the stars from your eyes, and move forward. Stop speculating on him and deal with what YOU want.

Im with you TAL!!

Not feeling so good today!. as a matter of fact I cried.. haven't done it in some time.. but I feel like crying today... I hate mornings... omg what's wrong with me?. I want to erase him from my mind completely.. like if he never existed!. this is hard!

Hang in there damage, if you need to talk to somebody, you can talk to me. or text me. Your doing great, your just going up a hump right now. I am here for you!

Just remember, you'll be stronger than ever when you're done with all this crap. Hang in there and rough it out like a grizzled mountaineer stuck in the wilderness with a machete and a can of baked beans.

-Sik

THX...
How you doing BTW?

All right what's going on here...

You guys can look back maybe 10 pages or so on this thread for my story but basically I told my ex a little over a week ago that we should go NC. A couple days ago I basically got suckered into her giving me a ride home from campus (my car is broke). We ended up hanging out a little and whatever.

Now today I get a text from her. It was nothing important, just about how she met someone that knew me yesterday at a party. I figured she knew, despite her driving me home the other day, that nothing changed and I still don't want to talk to her at this point

How should I handle this? I don't want to just blatantly ignore her by not texting back so I figure I'll let her squirm a little (she hates when people don't text back), and answer her later.

Reply with a short answer if you're going to reply at all.

Give her no time of day.

Damaged: I'm doing okay, I've posted updates both here and in my thread... things are coming to closure and I'm feeling better than ever now. You get what you deserve and she's getting exactly that right about now for completely using me. (her myspace mood is irritated, lol)

-Sik

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Originally Posted by hav0k

How should I handle this? I don't want to just blatantly ignore her by not texting back so I figure I'll let her squirm a little (she hates when people don't text back), and answer her later.

Havok,

The problem is, your not letting her squirm. Its quite the opposite. Your sitting there, squirming, because you don't know what to do. I think its best that you don't respond. As long as you keep this line of communication open, she will continue to use it. If you look back and see the line of actions that have occurred, you will see that she is trying to keep a line of communication open with you. As long as that exists, so will thoughts of her in your mind.

Day 9. Looking forward to 30. How's everyone doing today??

I ended up texting her back and we talk for a little then she wants to hang out AGAIN (what is she thinking?). So I told her straight up... if she wants to get back with me we can talk but we can't do this hanging out friends crap right now.