I sometimes arrange a surprise spa visit for my Ex and he would go Don't do anything without telling me, I'm only going cause you've already paid it. Duh

What a blockhead.

Ok... update - Its about 6 on Sunday now. Day 14 of NC. My ex sent me a txt last night around 9 that said "How ya doing ____." The blank is a little nickname she used to always call me. I didn't respond. But now I have that sense of hope again. What is that anyway... how you doing? I wanted to say, oh fine pal how are you. Ya know? Just like a buddy would send or something. Should I send something back or do you think I should keep NC. Im 99.9% Im not sending anything back its just hard. What do you think?

OK, it's 6:05 PM; don't discuss your relationship on the phone, that is the first thing I would say; if she's calling to ask you to meet her somewhere, OK. So she texts about how are you; don't know, dude; if you are up to it and expect absolutely nothing in return, text her back, 'Great, and you'. But no texting or phoning about your relationship.

I would text her back. I think if you ignore it you just ruin your chances. However, it was good that you waited to text her. Anyway, what I would do in your situation is text her back the following: "I'm doing good, how about you? How's everything going?" (I would avoid the word great).

She may or may not respond. My gut feeling tells me that she won't text you back but I'm hoping I'm wrong. Also, I agree with George that you shouldn't talk about the relationship over the phone or text. If she asks to talk, offer to meet up somewhere, maybe a coffee shop. After you text her please don't sit around waiting for a response. Like I said she may or may not respond, and if she does it might be something friendly like "I'm glad to hear that. I'm doing great." It's hard to say but just take it one step at a time and don't get your hopes up. Remember, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Ok, update - Its day 14 of NC. Last night my ex text me "how ya doin ___" The blank is my little nickname she used to always call me. This sucks because it sets me back even though I didn't answer. I wanted to say "oh great how are you pal." Just like she's my best friend or something. I mean, I do want her back but there is going to have to be more there for that to happen I know that. But, should I sent a text back now or just ignore it all together?

Sorry didn't mean to post that twice haha

Ok my comp messed up and I just got your responses. I thought NC was NC. Im confused. Everybody always was saying not to answer or text back or whatever and now you think it may be a good idea? What if I text Im good back and she says OK good I was just wondering or something stupid like that

Or, what if she says why didn't you text me back last night?

Well I'm not sure what other people's definition of NC are, but for me NC is after the break-up. YOU don't contact the person because it makes things worse. Now when, and if, SHE initiates the contact after the break-up that's when you talk to her, however only if you are emotionally ready to handle what might happen.

Think about it, if you want a chance at a relationship are you really just going to ignore her after she makes the attempt to contact you? More then likely she will respond with something stupid, if she does then at that point you don't text her back and you wait until she tries again (my opinion). If she says why didn't you text me back last night tell her you were busy and you didn't get the text until really late at night (again my opinion).

Look, right now she just might be checking up on you to see how your doing without her, or maybe she's ready to talk about the relationship. It's hard to say. Only way to find out is to text her back, but only do so if you are emotionally capable of handling whatever will happen.

My computer is being retarded I can't see your post until I answer something. So... ignore this haha

I did text her back, I said, "im doing good, how are you?" She sent back "pretty good what have you been doing?" I then said "Just staying busy. And trying to stay warm." And that's where we are now? Have I done the right thing so far?

Then I said "you?"

And where's that at right now?

Then... she sent back "yep, I learned to build a fire. Its pretty." I said "I started to buy some wood the other day but I just decided to crank the heat up to 80." THen I sent another that said "I'm about to head back into town. Keep that fire under control. It was good to hear from you."

That was about 10 min ago haven't heard anything else. SHould I have something about NC because I was trying to move on

MLB33 said: "SHould I have somethign about NC b/c I was trying to move on"? No, you did fine, in my book anyway.

Nope. You played it cool. You told her how you're doing. Then you ended the conversation. You kept it short. Next time she wants to talk, she'll contact again. Good job.

You can exhale now.

I mean, I do want her back but Im trying to do this whole act like I'm fine thing. She said she was "pretty good" don't know Im trying my hardest not to read into that. But if it doesn't work then I for sure don't want to be her friend. Which she said nothing about Im just saying. So... I just wondered if I would have said something about not wanting any contact with her because I was trying to move on if that would have effected her in any way and maybe struck a chord that made her think wow he's reallly moving on.

Nope. You did just fine.

Don't read too much into PRETTY GOOD. You're fine.

If you want to move on, use NC. If you are wanting to take her temperature, then you are still in the game, so to speak. I think I wouldn't concentrate so much about what is in her mind. Take control of yours and figure out how to 'smoke her out'.

You're going to have to elaborate on that a little george. What do I do if I do want to get her back?

I'm so freakin confused... she just sent back "well-ok. I'll talk to you later." What do I do?? I want to tell her that I was doing so good until I got her text. Should I?

Leave it alone. It's done. Conversation over. Wait until next time. Until then, just know that you did just fine.

MLB33, you wrote: " She said she was "pretty good" dont know Im trying my hardest not to read into that. But if it doesnt work then I for sure dont want to be her friend." You mentioned 'read into that', and that is what I am referring to when I say not to worry about what she is thinking; you are more concerned about her actions, I should think. That is why I believe it is so important to get away from the phone, email, and texts; and see her up front, in person, body language and all. Some girls, like guys, will say anything.

MLB: I think you handled things very well. You were mature, calm, and lighthearted in your messages. As far as I'm concerned you did everything right. Now just go on with your life and wait till she contacts you again.

Also, it was a good thing that you didn't tell her you "were doing good before she sent you that text" or anything along those lines. Frankly, if you had done that it would have been rude and immature.

Just take it easy man and look at the positives: (1) SHE contacted YOU, which means that SHE was thinking of YOU, and thus means that NC worked in your favor; (2) Even though you waited a day to text her she responded in a very short time which again more then likely means you were on her mind.

Now this doesn't mean she will come running back to you and the relationship will work out. Nobody knows what will happen from this point forward. You just need to take it step-by-step and see where things go.

I may have messed up. I told her after she said that, that we I thought it would be best if we just didn't talk because I was trying to move on. She said OK I see how you feel and she understands good luck with whatever. So I sent back that I loved her (whoops) and said I didn't want to be that guy that's always there and asked how she felt. She said the way she did 2 weeks ago. That I would never be that guy and she always will love me but feels the same way she did 2 weeks ago and it just wasn't working. So I sent that I was going to be blount, if she wanted to talk we could and if she doesn't I love her too much to just hang onto this false hope. And then that's its been 2 weeks since we have talked at all and that she still feels the same way. And I wish we could have communicated better.

Got nothing back

MLB: Unfortunately there is no rulebook when it comes to these things so whether you messed up is hard to say. Would I have done things differently, yes I would have left the conversation alone after you had initially ended it. Does that mean following my advice would have had her running back to you asking for a second chance, definitely not. In fact, maybe she would have never contacted you again because she was happy to see that you were doing "good." Nobody knows, so don't beat yourself up because whether you messed up or not is subjective and irrelevant.

Now what you need to do is play with this new set of cards that you've been dealt. She told you that she still feels the same after 2 weeks and that "it wasn't working." MLB, take those words at face value and let this girl go. She clearly doesn't want a relationship with you. Will that change in the future? Maybe, but for now the answer is no.

At this point this is what I would do in your position. Basically I would just go back to NC until she responded to that last text of yours. You were blunt, told her if she wanted to talk you could but otherwise you weren't going to hang onto false hope. In other words you gave her a choice and you have to wait for her to decide. Until she does (if she ever responds) please begin the healing process and begin moving on with your life.

Just got an e-mail from the Ex basically saying "it's been awhile since we talked, just seeing how you were doing and that she hopes we can be friends but doesn't want to give me the impression it will become anything more than that." This was after she saw me with another girl that was holding onto me. Any idea on what I should do?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just got an e-mail from the Ex basically saying "it's been awhile since we talked, just seeing how you were doing and that she hopes we can be friends but doesn't want to give me the impression it will become anything more than that." This was after she saw me with another girl that was holding onto me. Any idea on what I should do?

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If you don't want to be friends tell her that and continue with NC.

The jealousy is rearing its head now that she has seen you are moving on!

Yea, she's making it seem like she's fine with me moving on and that she is too. I mean I did spend 2 and a half years with this woman so to completely exile her out of my life wouldn't be the best option. I might have to try this friends thing, but tow the line so I don't get trapped into the dreaded "Friends zone" I feel as though NC would further drive a wedge between us because part of me does wish things would work out for me. And being her first boyfriend I do not believe she has so many games on her mind, not to mention the fact that talking to her is the only way I will be able to show her I have changed with my jealousy

In case anyone has not seen this, or may wonder where it is:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Romefalls19: She was pretty straightforward in her e-mail, which I think is respectful. At the same time though, if you're right that she sent you this e-mail right after she saw you with another girl then my question is "Why?" She could have sent it any other time but this event sparked it. Could it be that she got scared and wants to be friends with you so she can keep tabs on you?

It's hard to say what her motive is. Maybe she really just wants to be friends. If that's the case then you need to decide if you're fine with just a friendship. However, if you want to be friends with her as a means of getting back with her then I would advise against it because I don't think it will work.

Who knows though, if you feel capable of staying out of the "friends zone" then just maybe things will work out. But in all honesty, it'll be a very difficult balancing act. Proceed with caution.

Yea, I am going to always proceed with caution ha ha. I have been friends with an ex before and it ended up working out after awhile. Because if I continue NC with her, she won't ever see that I have changed with my jealousy, which is the whole reason we broke up with to begin with. Even if we don't get back together, oh well, I'd rather have her in my life as that then nothing at all.

Romefalls19: You sound very sincere when you say you'd rather have her as a friend in your life then "nothing at all." So with that said, I think being friends with her will be just fine. My only advice would be treat the whole situation as if you just met, so don't go out of your way to spend time with her. Stay busy, be mysterious, and those few moments you are with her make sure she laughs and has a lot of fun. Nobody knows what will happen between you two, but whether it once again becomes a romantic relationship or simply ends up as a good friendship, it sounds like a win-win situation for you.

Yea, I mean we shared 2 and a half years and I'm at the point in my life where she means too much to me to simply toss aside that. I'm not going to go out of my way to talk to her or anything. But like you said the fews I do see her I'll make some jokes and bring up the past.. Like things we did together, not as a couple, but just like "hey remember on the cruise when you got so burnt and such" like stupid little things. Yea, it will be a win-win situation for me. I actually think I found the true meaning of love, being able to be happy for someone if they are happy, even if it isn't with you.

Romefalls19: I'm glad to hear that. I hope everything works out in your favor. Keep us up-to-date because I'd like to see how things go between the both of you.

I've been doing well for myself. 4 months of NC and I don't even care about her anymore. Deleted her from my buddy list, phone, myspace, etc. After 4 solid months of no talking, no contact, she friend request me on MySpace. When I asked her, she replied with "idk.. i'm sick of hacking other ppl's myspaces to see ur profile i guess. so that's a no..?"
What is she trying to do? And what should I do about her?
Thanks guys, my mind goes blank when I think of what to do.

Of course I'll keep you guys up to date. I'm going to be needing advice about what possible things she means when we are talking... Do I bring up the new girl or not?

Spartan24018: Think about what she said: "Im sick of hacking other ppl's myspaces to see ur profile i guess." It sounds to me that she is trying to either keep tabs on you or wants to get back into your life somehow (maybe both). Question is what do YOU want to do? Do you want at least have a friendship with this person, or do you just want to go your separate ways and forget about her forever?

Romefalls19: I would definitely not bring up the new girl. In fact I would advise that both of you stay away from talking about each others personal/romantic lives because it will only breed jealousy, resentment, and problems. If she asks you about this new girl just tell her she's just a friend. When you see her with a new guy don't bring it up and when she tells you about him just tell her "Hey I want to be a part of your life, but right now I'm just not ready to hear about these other guys. Is it okay if we change the subject?"

Eventually in a few months when the friendship is on firm ground then it will be okay to talk about those things. But ask yourself, at this point are you really ready to talk to her about new relationships in each other's lives? Personally, where I'm at right now I just couldn't handle hearing from my ex-girlfriend that she met some other guy. So I would prefer to keep those things private. But it depends on how you feel.