Ask Me Help Desk - Should spanking a child be illegal?

Well its nice to see that the talanman over hear contridicated himself. He goes from saying a pat on the butt to 4 pages later all he ever did was a pat on the hand. Now YOUR creditability is shot. Trying to sugar coat or to be a nice guy now? My parents never hit. My Navy seal buddy's parents never hit and I've never had to hit my son.
You're right momma to three... When it comes time to discipline then I go with what I feel at the time usually turn it into a laugh or something then move on to something else with always an explanation and a ear full of conversation. Dpends on every circumstance. Not only do I not have to hit but our bond as father and son is getting stronger and it seems to me like although he feels comfortable with me and would like to test the authority a level of respect and comraduree is being established. Spur of the moment. You stay on it. Don't get mad at me talanman because your a@# came home from work and felt like a man so you grabbed the remote.
Contrary to what you are saying, I am just killing my head trying to find a way to separate "a hit" of some sort and an "emotion" of some sort. I am trying to picture a man replacing his emotions for his child with something nonemotional in order to subjectivley strike the other but for a good cause without a moment to spare. Completely contradictory. You contradicated yourself twice big tallyman. That's your new name "big tallyman."

Not subjectively, I meant to say objectively

So, why don't you toddler hitters give us non child hitters an example of when it would be appropriate to strike a toddler "only on the butt and four pages later only on the hand," besides changing the television while you are watching it someone said or breaking free from your hawk eye and running near the street?

Jason--my problem with you stems from your lack of respect for others.

I don't really care HOW people raise their kids, as long as they put their kids first in their lives, and mould them into good people.

My problem with the entire discussion stems from the fact that people who don't spank want to force THEIR parenting techniques on those who DO spank.

I think that parents that use different punishments for different offenses do the best, actually. And kids SHOULD have a fear of their parents. Not a fear of physical hurt, but a fear that they will disappoint their parents, and a fear of punishment, whatever the punishment may be.

My stance is based ENTIRELY upon the fact that making spanking illegal is as bad as deciding who can and can not have kids. Really, in the end, all it will do is take kids away from a whole bunch of bewildered parents who are doing the best they can, put them in the foster care system, and further overload our courts with parents trying to get their kids back.

How in the WORLD does that help a kid?

I've never spanked my daughter, she's learning right now and its part of growing up to make mistakes. To add any sort of violence to her life and call it a "lesson" would reflect a great deal of stupidity and just bad parenting. I could and have thought of a 100 ways of disciplining my daughter and have her recognize the wrong she has done. I would never hit an employee of mine for doing something stupid or rude or wrong or that they should have known better, I would get an assault charge brought against me. I personally would like for it to be illegal to spank children.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasondbel

So, why dont you toddler hitters give us non child hitters an example of when it would be appropriate to strike a toddler "only on the butt and four pages later only on the hand," besides changing the television while you are watching it someone said or breaking free from your hawk eye and running near the street?

When a toddler is "helping" me cook and reaches for the hot stove for the third time after being told "no! That's HOT!", moved to a chair and told to "help" from there and STILL thinks they have to touch it---I think that warrants a slap on the hand, yes.

When a slightly older child is tormenting a pet by pulling on its ears and tail, and hurting it (thank goodness for patient pets!), and the child has been told not to do it because it hurts the animal, and the animal could bite them. Then the child is warned (the second time) that if you have to tell them again, they will get a spanking, because what they are doing HURTS, and unless they want to feel hurt too, then they should not do it.

I've NEVER spanked a child (or slapped their hand) without at least 2 warnings, one warning which contains the words "If you do that again, I am going to spank you/swat your hand". I always try to reason and explain first. I've also only ever spanked a child when they were doing something that could hurt themselves or someone else. I feel that a swat from me is less than the real hurt of touching a stove, or getting bit by an animal, or falling down the stairs, or whatever. If they're just doing something annoying (like tormenting their siblings by copycatting or something) I find something more appropriate, though generally there isn't a "punishment" there--I just redirect their attention to something more constructive--like helping make dinner, or dusting the furniture, or playing with their OWN things in their room.

I don't automatically jump to a spanking! Far from it! It is, however, an effective punishment when used for the right reasons.

My son (at age 10) was grounded for throwing snowballs at the highway. He wanted to go outside to sled ride with the neighbor kids but I told him he was grounded. He then replied can "Id rather have a whippin"... so he could go outside.

Does that sound like a kid who is emotionaly scarred... lol (mind you he's only been swatted a few times when he was younger)

Quote:

Originally Posted by hossbonnam

My son (at age 10) was grounded for throwing snowballs at the highway. He wanted to go outside to sled ride with the neighbor kids but i told him he was grounded. He then replied can "Id rather have a whippin" ....so he could go outside.

Does that sound like a kid who is emotionaly scarred...lol (mind you hes only been swatted a few times when he was younger)

Sounds to me like a child who wants the easy way out rather than actually taking responsibility for his misbehavior.

When I was in grade school I cannot tell you how many times the principal swatted me with a very large wooden paddle. Close to 50 times for sure, maybe more. I hated it. I was always look upon as the bad kid in school during those years, contantly being disruptive and having failing grades.

Im not sure that those swatts were effective however I do remember the humility of having to get them sometimes in front of the class. It probably benifited the others students more by having to watch it.

Since then during high school I went on to have a drug free, crime free life. Also I excelled in art and science and even made it to the Nationl Honor Society.

Now if I thought my son was getting swatted in his school I would raise hell. Its not the schools place to keep my kid in line. That's my job.

My lack of respect stems from the idiots on this sight that when had initially posted my opinion some jerk had to give me a red mark against my name because he thought spanking is very appropriate. So if everyone is titled to their own opinion on how to raise their children how I voiced mine but yet I now have a negative rating? So since I am now labeled for my opinion you people are going to hear me at all costs.
If my child constantly reaches for the hot stove, I pick him up, explain to him how hot it is, move the pot over and guide his hand close to the heat as to not burn him so he can feel with his senses. He now says hot hot every time he is near. No pain no violence just patience, caring.
You people that hit have no good reasons you should hit for those few yrs of your kids life. You are making stuff up to justify your violent attempts to control a child by using violent means.
What you people fail to realize is just because they are from your sperm and egg does not mean they are a possession. They are now human beings with the same rights and everyone else here in america. They need to be taught. They are in this world for the first time. Everything to them is new. They are curious and want to explore so you hit them?
I am talking about hitting toddlers. School age kids do not need to be hit either. If they are acting up doing seriously wrong behaviors put their butts in a juvenile facility for a short period. There is never a need to hit someone unless you all both agree to put on the boxing gloves and go toe to toe.

Here in Lousyana as we call it,if a parent even raises a hand to the child,the child calls the cops and the parents go to jail for abuse... I think the children need to know who the boss is... not the police and the courts,they have bigger fish to fry

As a birthparent, Jason, the LAST thing I think of a child as, is as a possession.

Great--I'm violent and raging because I slapped a kid's hand instead of holding the hand close to the fire and saying "hot".

Did you help the dog bite him gently, too?

Violence happens in nature, Jason. Sorry, but it does. I don't believe in teaching a kid in ways that they never EVER get hurt, because being an adult means knowing how to deal with hurt--of all sorts.

What it comes down to, AGAIN, is that you raise your kids differently than I do. You still haven't given me a good reason why it should be illegal, either, just as I haven't given YOU a good reason why anyone should ever hit their kids.

You say kids aren't property, and that if you can't hit another adult, you shouldn't be able to hit a child.

I say kids are not property, but they ARE a responsibility, and that other forms of punishment are not allowed to be given to other adults, either--at least, not without a trial, and a judge, and an arrest, and all that jazz.

Want to have to have kids get punished 10 months down the road from when they committed their crime, and we'll just set up a child's court system, with police parents can call to "arrest" their children when they do something wrong, a judge and jury who can hear the facts, lawyers who specialize in child punishment, a jury of their peers, and laws pertaining to who can be punished and how, based on precedent.

Eventually EVERYONE will know that being an hour late for curfew is going to be grounded for 2 weeks, because that's what the LAW says about it.

The good news is you can't get any more reddies because this post has been moved, the bad news is your still talking crap.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sanjay Persad

Do you think that spanking a child should be illegal?

I might not be saying anything new here as I have read many of the answers here on this topic,but I would like to add my two cents too.

For those who have said that parents are irresponsible and make the kids pay for their mistakes in regard to childproofing the home etc.One must bear in mind that not all of us can afford to have our home childproofed with all the gadgets available.And not all parents who childproof their home are good parents.

And I know for a fact that not all parents are being careless when their kid runs out onto the street or go near a hot stove. Sometimes kids have a knack for getting into the most scariest situations.
I have a nephew who has a habit of getting himself hurt in the most odd places,bumps on the head mostly as he cannot be still in one place even for a minute and he is just a year plus some months old.His mom talks to him,scolds him and even threatens to take away his things,he will say sorry,but the next instant he will bump his head or hand somewhere( after all he is just a year old).

My mom-in-law thinks that he does it because he is not punished with a spanking.She is a mother of 5(the second youngest being a set of twins and the youngest being just a year younger than the twins).I can imagine how hard it must have been raising them all and I can understand her having to spank them on occasion.They are all grown up and married (some with kids).I do not see anything violent in them,in fact I see them more tolerating of their kids(when they get into mischief) than I am who was never punished with a spanking. I would say I am more strict when it comes to wanting to discipline my child (not that I spank but whenever my kid does something wrong I will not laugh or make them see I find it funny,I would rather she know that I am not pleased with what she did with a frown or even taking away some of her previleges like playtime, I have swatted my daughter's hand a few times but never spanked (hopefully I won't have to... ).

Not all kids are easy to discipline with time-outs and explanations or light punishments.Each child is different and some need more than time-outs to make them see their wrongdoing( no hitting please... ).It might seem harsh to me that someone is spanking their child,but I might not have seen what led to it. Don't judge parents by the one time you see them with their children.

That being said I would also like to tell you about something I remember from my childhood.We had a neighbour who used to beat his daughter a lot.Not with his bare hands,but he used to pick up anything he can get his hands on,one day he even picked up a log of wood that was lying nearby and was about to hit his daughter (who must have been 10-12 not sure as I was very young 7 or 8 then).Fortunately my dad stepped in and took him away for a talk,since then we never saw him hit her,but he used to verbally abuse her just the same.
Sorry to say that there wasn't a system then to help her in my community.She is grown up and married with kids.I don't see her often,but I am sure she has scars that run deep and I am sure she will be all for making spanking illegal.

Making something illegal has a lot of consequences as many have pointed out.

I think a system should be in place to check on families now and then to see if the children are healthy and well disciplined rather than checking to see if the parents are spanking or not. I think more should be done to help out the suffering kids who are ignored or lost amidst the chaos of wrongful arrests or adopted by abusers or taken from one foster home to another because they were taken away from their parents and run through the social system.

I am sure it must be easier to check on kids than having to check on parents,as abused kids will always have signs of abuse either in their behaviour or in their performance in school or in some other way that would assist the system remove them from abusive parents.

As someone else pointed out, in today's age it is hard for two working parents to nurture their children as it once was with one parent working.Should we add to the already failing system by arresting parents for spanking their children, and sending the kids off to some strangers who for all we know might be worse than the parents who just spank?

As I said before it is parental choice how they discipline their kids,but if the legal system and child protection were doing their job right,most kids who were being abused will be safe because the monitoring will be good enough to spot the abused and save them.

Good Luck to all the parents who are trying to help their kids be the best they can! :)

Well news to all of you... My son was outside playing throwing rocks and hit a little girl in the mouth and made her bleed after I repeatedly said no. I spanked him and made him go to his room where he fell asleep crying. I felt really bad for that girl because today was her 4 yr old birthday. No creative punishment came to mind except a spanking. So, within a day, I change my opinion maybe spanking might be necessary.

I think asking the question, "Should spanking your child be illegal?" should be illegal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasondbel

Well news to all of you...My son was outside playing throwing rocks and hit a little girl in the mouth and made her bleed after i repeatedly said no. I spanked him and made him go to his room where he fell asleep crying. I felt really bad for that girl because today was her 4 yr old birthday. No creative punishment came to mind except a spanking. So, within a day, i change my opinion maybe spanking might be necessary.

I commend you, as I think it takes a heckuva guy to post what you did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasondbel

My lack of respect stems from the idiots on this sight that when had initially posted my opinion some jerk had to give me a red mark against my name because he thought spanking is very appropiate. So if everyone is titled to their own opinion on how to raise their children how i voiced mine but yet i now have a negative rating? So since i am now labeled for my opinion you people are going to hear me at all costs.
If my child constantly reaches for the hot stove, i pick him up, explain to him how hot it is, move the pot over and and guide his hand close to the heat as to not burn him so he can feel with his senses. He now says hot hot every time he is near. No pain no violence just patience, caring.
You people that hit have no good reasons why you should hit for those few yrs of your kids life. Yall are making stuff up to justify your violent attempts to control a child by using violent means.
What you people fail to realize is just because they are from your sperm and egg does not mean they are a possession. They are now human beings with the same rights and everyone else here in america. They need to be taught. They are in this world for the first time. Everything to them is new. They are curious and want to explore so you hit them?
I am talking about hitting toddlers. School age kids do not need to be hit either. If they are acting up doing seriously wrong behaviors put their butts in a juvenile facility for a short period of time. There is never a need to hit someone unless you all both agree to put on the boxing gloves and go toe to toe.

I agree with this statment:

"Yall are making stuff up to justify your violent attempts to control a child by using violent means."

I am guilty of this, and its purely because of lack of patients. I may not practice hitting my kids but I do yell with such a violent mouth it almost scares me sometimes. However wrong it may or may not be its not illegal and I don't think it ever should be. If it was I wouldn't have any kids at the risk they may cost me fines or jailtime over something they could have potentially provoked.

Not so sure about this statement though:

"What you people fail to realize is just because they are from your sperm and egg does not mean they are a possession."

Kids may not be a possession but they are a responsibility, a piece of clay to be moulded. The are the product of their parents DNA. The are the product of their parents psychology as well. (I will show my kids anything I know that may help them in there journey) They will never be a product of another parents philosophy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasondbel

Well news to all of you...My son was outside playing throwing rocks and hit a little girl in the mouth and made her bleed after i repeatedly said no. I spanked him and made him go to his room where he fell asleep crying. I felt really bad for that girl because today was her 4 yr old birthday. No creative punishment came to mind except a spanking. So, within a day, i change my opinion maybe spanking might be necessary.

Jason, you learned today, that as a parent, you never know what is going to happen next. Thank you for coming back and posting this.

No I do not think that spanking your child should be against the law. I think that kids are lacking discipline these days. I think that there is a line between spanking and beating.. A child needs to know who the boss is.. There are to many parents leting there children rule the roost at home.. And I see this everyday at work.