Losing it is right..

Sometimes when we're wrapped up in a relatinoship the world kind of passes us by.. After my breakup I didn't have many friends left (cause I ditched them all for my boyfriend) and after that I realized the true meaning of friendship..

Friendships are the most important thing in the world, and I cherish the very few close friends that stuck around.

I learned to NEVER LET A RELATIONSHIP DEFINE ME!!

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Originally Posted by losingit77

Well, its been 5 months since breakup. Wow, has it really only been that long. Can't really talk about NC because there has been some communication every couple of weeks initiated on his part. (I've decided to ignore that from now on. Not out of animosity or anything, just because its pointless to maintain and honestly, i really just don't care anymore).

But yesterday I came to a realization. Aside from feeling awesome lately and more like myself than I've felt in years, I realized yes I lost one relationship. But by losing that one relationship, I've strengthened so many of my other relationships. I've become a better friend, a better daughter, a better aunt, better sister, etc. Sometimes in a romantic relationship, we lose ourselves in that relationship and forget about all the other people around us who love us and need us. We neglect the other things/people in our lives who matter and who will ALWAYS be there for us. Never again. I've strengthened existing relationships and reconnected with old dear friends. I'm happier than I've been in years!

So, I guess the point is. If you've still struggling with your breakup, stop focusing on the ex and the negativity, and put your effort into strengthening and rebuilding the other relationships in your life that you do still have and with the people who are happy to have you in their life. They are out there. It'll make a world of difference.

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Another good idea:

FOCUS THE ANGER WHILE WORKING OUT

That's what I do

Hey guys/girls who saw my recent activity..

Well, I'm done with relationships or finding a new girl(s). I found I was lied to for 3 weeks straight~

hopefully, my friend can visit me and we going drinking...

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Hey guys/girls who saw my recent activity..

Well, I'm done with relationships or finding a new girl(s). I found I was lied to for 3 weeks straight~

hopefully, my friend can visit me and we going drinking...

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*UPDATE*

My friend drove from LA and we hung out a bit in downtown SD. Afterwards, I went to pick up a bike my sister bought for $125 which was pretty cool. Went home and chilled with my friend once again... ended up going on google and searching for strip clubs

Left around 8pm and arrived at a nude strip club.. it was really awesome~ LoL
For the first time, I felt relieved cause I remember how my ex used to restrict me to go to strip clubs or hanging out with girls... even though she's a hypocrite and hung out with her guy-friends.

So, there was a blond stripper wearing glasses who looked at me for a long time =/~ when she came over to get tip, I said "cutie pie~ you look nice =]" and she said "thank you :D"

My friend and I left around 9:30pm cause he had to drive back to LA; when we left, a stripper wanted us to stay but we said we got to go and promised that we'd go back xD~ eventually, we're going back =]

So my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago, which to me was completely out of the blue. It happened 5 days after we went to Europe together for 2.5 weeks. Europe went great, we connected, we laughed, we fought a little bit, but that's just standard when you are backpacking with someone for 2.5 weeks, and its very hot. But really the trip was great, and I thought our relationship was great. I usually have a great read on people, and I just can't believe how blindsided I was. I've been in a couple other serious relationships and we both always knew when the end was coming. This one I thought we were both super happy, we went to Europe and had an excellent time together, and then it comes back and this happens. I think part of the reason it hurts so bad is that I had no idea that this was going to occur, and that it happened after Europe. She even told me that she had a great time, and I told her that I wanted to forget about it because to me it seems like she was faking it during the trip, and she assured me that was not the case, she might have had some doubts but she really hoped she would overcome them, and that things would be back to normal. She said only after she got home and had some serious time to think about us that it became apparent that she wasn't in love anymore. Yeah I got the line that I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love. I just don't get how it happened so fast and I was so blindsided. Everyone I have told that we broke up is shocked (including her parents, according to what she told me) because they said that it seemed like SHE loved me so much. She said that she was deeply in love with me, but things change.

I'm a law student, so I'm busy but a lot of it involves me sitting and reading and thinking, and my mind is continuously wandering to her, and she is a senior in college, so I know she is just going out and having a great time, which I know I shouldn't let it affect me, and it doesn't that much, but it still does.

We are doing the NC, since it occurred except for two times to arrange a pick up of stuff, both times she picked up the stuff I was not at the house, so there was very little interaction. But its just a bad situation how someone could be totally head over heals, and then nothing, when there wasn't any sort of event or controversy that lead to the downfall. Any thoughts?

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Originally Posted by lawschool101

So my gf of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago, which to me was completely out of the blue. It happened 5 days after we went to Europe together for 2.5 weeks. Europe went great, we connected, we laughed, we fought a little bit, but thats just standard when you are backpacking with someone for 2.5 weeks, and its very hot. But really the trip was great, and I thought our relationship was great. I usually have a great read on people, and I just can't believe how blindsided I was. I've been in a couple other serious relationships and we both always knew when the end was coming. This one I thought we were both super happy, we went to Europe and had an excellent time together, and then it comes back and this happens. I think part of the reason it hurts so bad is that I had no idea that this was going to occur, and that it happened after Europe. She even told me that she had a great time, and I told her that I wanted to forget about it because to me it seems like she was faking it during the trip, and she assured me that was not the case, she might have had some doubts but she really hoped she would overcome them, and that things would be back to normal. She said only after she got home and had some serious time to think about us that it became apparent that she wasn't in love anymore. Yeah I got the line that I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love. I just dont get how it happened so fast and I was so blindsided. Everyone I have told that we broke up is shocked (including her parents, according to what she told me) because they said that it seemed like SHE loved me so much. She said that she was deeply in love with me, but things change.

I'm a law student, so I'm busy but a lot of it involves me sitting and reading and thinking, and my mind is continuously wandering to her, and she is a senior in college, so I know she is just going out and having a great time, which I know I shouldn't let it affect me, and it doesnt that much, but it still does.

We are doing the NC, since it occured except for two times to arrange a pick up of stuff, both times she picked up the stuff I was not at the house, so there was very little interaction. But its just a bad situation how someone could be totally head over heals, and then nothing, when there wasnt any sort of event or controversy that lead to the downfall. Any thoughts?

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Hey lawschool101,

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. I've seen it happen way too many times. I doubt she wasn't in love with you or has stopped loving you, but people are constantly changing.

... I know that doesn't make it any easier to comprehend how her feelings could change like that. :T

Take time to process your feelings. Try to get involved in busy work so that your mind won't wander off to her. Take on some hobbies, surround yourself with friends, exercise, read a book, etc. Also, don't contact her. Allow distance to speak for itself.

And look at it this way. She did you an enormous favor. I mean, would you want to be with someone who isn't in love with you anymore? You'll get through this. If you need to vent some more, come here.

Best,
J

After a breakup, or during, you will hear a lot of things that make you wonder and you will second guess a lot of things that she has said to you. Its best to try and not think about what she said and did in recent times. It will have you upset and wondering about what else wasn't true. After you can get over the fact that it has happened, it is a waste of time to think about these things.

Try not to worry about how she felt on the trip and how she has been thinking lately - just look to the future and try to do what you need to do you feel better...

Yeah I understand that people change. Throughout most of the relationship it seemed apparent that she loved me more, partially because I didn't want to totally let my guard down, but as our relationship progressed I fell deeper and deeper into love with her (as I feel like what happens in a good relationship, the love should continuously grow) and I thought she was falling deeper into love with me. Which she wasn't. I sent her an email just saying that she forgot something small at my house, and she e-mailed me back very nicely and used exclamation marks which just makes her seem like she's so happy in life, and things couldn't be better. I almost just want to e-mail her and ask if she is genuinely happier, or if she's feeling some transitional pain. Obviously I'm feeling a lot of pain, but for her to break up and then be totally happy is painful to me. I would almost rather just know one way or the other because if she's happy then I know I need to move on, and if she's not happy, it will make me feel better that I'm not the only one who is upset, and it will help me move on.

I also sent that email because its been a week since the break up and since our last contact so I wanted to just open the line of communication to see if a week changed her mind (I didn't say anything about us, all I said was I have this of yours, but I wanted to see if she was going to say I'll come up and pick it up, or say anything that would signal that she felt how I felt). It didn't which is good for me to know. I would still take her back if she just said the word, but I know that's not going to happen, nor should it, the relationship will only work in the future if we both change, grow, and then come together, everything is easier said then done. I think it has gotten worse since when it first occurred.

What you mentioned about the exclamation points already makes me think that you are reading too much into things and might get hung up on them. I don't blame you, I've done the same thing and so have many other people, but it really is bad for you to be reading into things and living based on assumptions and conclusions.

You need to remember than anything you thinking your head, is just that - thoughts. There is no basis to them and there is no reason to change the way you are living or thinking based on things which may not be true...

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

What you mentioned about the exclamation points already makes me think that you are reading to much into things and might get hung up on them. I don't blame you, I've done the same thing and so have many other people, but it really is bad for you to be reading into things and living based on assumptions and conclusions.

You need to remember than anything you thinkin your head, is just that - thoughts. There is no basis to them and there is no reason to change the way you are living or thinking based on things which may not be true....

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Second person whose done the same...

So I want to e-mail her just asking if she has figured out what happened. When we broke up it was "I don't know why and I can't explain it, there is just a feeling inside of me that won't go away that says I don't love you anymore". To me that was a very unsatisfying way to end it after 2.5 great years, and considering it came from no where. I know the whole NC thing, but I feel like I need some closure before I can start to heal. I know there is nothing that I can do, I'm just trying to get a little closure.

Thanks for everything, this is a very helpful board

Another note from my experience...

You might not ever get an answer as to why. I never did, and I gave up looking.

Is it fair? No
Does it hurt? Hell yea
Is there anything you can do about it? Probably not...

Sometimes its best just to accept what happened, don't ask why and try to move on. I know that's hard to do, it takes a lot of mental conditioning to just accept that something has happened, but there are times in life when these things happen... and you have no other option but moving on and leaving all the questions and confusion behind...

I did something very hard today but I am proud of myself. My ex said he wanted to make his previous neglect of me right (regarding a miscarriage I had) and be there for me, and be a really good friend.-in my opinion he has failed miserably. I'm in and out of hospital and he's never once offered to come and see me, or do something to take my mind off things.Most of the time when I tell him I've been he doesn't even ask if I'm OK or what it was for. Today was the last straw-I offered to help him with something, he blew me off yesterday and said today, blew me off again because he said it wasn't necessary any more. So I told him coming round to keep me company is probably too much effort for him-he agreed!! I've had enough, it hurts, but I know the support I want is not going to come from him, and keeping in contact will just continue to hurt me knowing how much he just DOESN'T CARE. I.AM.DONE.

NC-DAY1

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Another note from my experience...

You might not ever get an answer as to why. I never did, and I gave up looking.

Is it fair? No
Does it hurt? Hell yea
Is there anything you can do about it? Probably not....

Sometimes its best just to accept what happened, don't ask why and try to move on. I know thats hard to do, it takes a lot of mental conditioning to just accept that something has happened, but there are times in life when these things happen... and you have no other option but moving on and leaving all the questions and confusion behind...

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Same here! My ex refuses to tell me the truth =/

But, I got a list of girls who like me :)
Many are younger, or acutally... all of them xD

I took time and used it wisely.. forgot the ex~ made her image as an enemy in my head

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Originally Posted by Boristheblade

I did something very hard today but I am proud of myself. My ex said he wanted to make his previous neglect of me right (regarding a miscarriage I had) and be there for me, and be a really good friend.-in my opinion he has failed miserably. I'm in and out of hospital and he's never once offered to come and see me, or do something to take my mind off things.Most of the time when I tell him I've been he doesn't even ask if I'm ok or what it was for. Today was the last straw-I offered to help him with something, he blew me off yesterday and said today, blew me off again because he said it wasnt neccessary any more. So i told him coming round to keep me company is probably too much effort for him-he agreed!!! I've had enough, it hurts, but I know the support I want is not going to come from him, and keeping in contact will just continue to hurt me knowing how much he just DOESN'T CARE. I.AM.DONE.

NC-DAY1

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I am sorry to hear. I don't know why people do what they do. But I sincerely believe that at the end of the day, you are better off without him. I know it hurts when someone who you like doesn't care about you. The hardest part of all this is that you cannot control who he is and how he is. And I think if you can simply let it go, you will probably feel relieved. Life is too short to let one person control your emotions. It is unhealthy. The best thing is to stay happy. Please take care of yourself first before you take care of someone else.

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Originally Posted by lawschool101

So I want to e-mail her just asking if she has figured out what happened. When we broke up it was "I don't know why and I can't explain it, there is just a feeling inside of me that won't go away that says I don't love you anymore". To me that was a very unsatisfying way to end it after 2.5 great years, and considering it came from no where. I know the whole NC thing, but I feel like I need some closure before I can start to heal. I know there is nothing that I can do, I'm just trying to get a little closure.

Thanks for everything, this is a very helpful board

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I know how you feel, and I really beg you to not contact her. Your school is the most important thing right now. Seriously, you are in law school. You shouldn't let a girl affect your life. You don't have time for that, do you? Trust me, if it was meant to be, it will come back to you. If not, you need to let go of things that you have no control over. If she suddently felt a change of heart, it just happened. So let it be. You cannot change it. For example, you cannot change the color of the sky, right?

I really beg you to take care of yourself first. Make yourself happy. To do that, you need to just forget and move on. Get your confidence back, dude!!

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Originally Posted by losingit77

Well, its been 5 months since breakup. Wow, has it really only been that long. Can't really talk about NC because there has been some communication every couple of weeks initiated on his part. (I've decided to ignore that from now on. Not out of animosity or anything, just because its pointless to maintain and honestly, i really just don't care anymore).

But yesterday I came to a realization. Aside from feeling awesome lately and more like myself than I've felt in years, I realized yes I lost one relationship. But by losing that one relationship, I've strengthened so many of my other relationships. I've become a better friend, a better daughter, a better aunt, better sister, etc. Sometimes in a romantic relationship, we lose ourselves in that relationship and forget about all the other people around us who love us and need us. We neglect the other things/people in our lives who matter and who will ALWAYS be there for us. Never again. I've strengthened existing relationships and reconnected with old dear friends. I'm happier than I've been in years!

So, I guess the point is. If you've still struggling with your breakup, stop focusing on the ex and the negativity, and put your effort into strengthening and rebuilding the other relationships in your life that you do still have and with the people who are happy to have you in their life. They are out there. It'll make a world of difference.

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Ditto... it does feel awesome. This is my 7th week or 49 days of NC!! It's awesome! I didn't feel this way when I was with him. What a relief!

I've been feeling really depressed lately. Since me and sam separated I feel different and slightly emptier than I ever have before. I realize I have an amazing life and I'm really blessed but I'm not as happy as I know I could be. I feel as though I'm happy as happy as this town can possibly make me and I feel like if I do move on I can find that extra happiness I'm longing for... it really feels bad

Yeh I know what you mean andrew, at the minute I'm surrounded by a lot of friends, I'm always busy and my career has really taken an upturn, not to mention the odd other woman but when I'm alone (eg before bed or in the morning) there's this horrible feeling of emptiness inside. Things were great, but since meeting my ex a couple of weeks back its brought all the feelings up again. It's a real tribute to nc contact really.

A while back, a mate of mine who recently split up from a 5yr relationship jokingly said to me (about relationships) "if the fruit's gone bad, throw it in the bin". It sounds dumb but the weird thing is that its true, you can't magicly make it fresh and tasty again, so the only thing to do is to bin it. Its true with relationships as well I think; if its gone past the point of no return, throw it away. Granted, this metaphor is flawed because not all relationships "go bad", but for all those that want "closure" there is nothing you can do about it, move on. Its hard to take at first but there's always... ahem... I hate to say this... plenty more fish in the sea. If they want to make it work they can come crawling back to you.

Thank you wallawalla, I know you're right :( What really adds insult to injury though is- he can't be bothered to see me-yet, he stays at his ex girlfriend's house 24.7-the one he was still in love with going out with me, the one he cheated on me with. VERY HURTFUL :(