HAHA, thanks, that makes me feel good...Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
So, you got plans Friday night? ;)
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HAHA, thanks, that makes me feel good...Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
So, you got plans Friday night? ;)
Aj,
Are you sure you want that closure, or is it just an excuse to contact her? You're probably right, but I'm fairly sure I used that as a last ditch attempt to talk to her just to hear her voice. No matter how much closure she gives, it probably won't be enough. Remember its like a drug, you'll beg, steal and borrow to get one small fix. Just a thought...
Yeah, "closure" means nothing. I tried getting "closure" about 5 times. It didn't close anything. It just kept all the emotions and the confusion open and around for a little longer. Didn't help one bit. Just delayed the start of the healing process.
Find "closure" within yourself... not them.
Just another point to add...
Every single word, even a simple "Hello", will have you analyzing until you pass out. You'll investigate her attitude when she said it, her intonation, her breathing pattern, whatever else you can possibly think of. None of that is healthy and will all come from your "closure"...
I broke contact again :) Yes people :) But I've managed to stay unhurt,no new hope was born and I was kind of bored.There you have it.
When your kind of bored, come on here and tell us whatever it is you wanted to tell him... we'll make you feel better than he can.
Here's a question for the masses...
It seems that when women break up, they are immediately approached and people let them know that they are interested. It doesn't seem that men have the same luck with this sort of thing... Anyone else notice that?
Is it easier for a women to find someone else to date/hang out with than a man?
More than likely yes, but it may be for the wrong reasons, men sometimes approach women because they have sex on the mind sometimes, and often times will approach women. Men also can sniff out vulnerability in a woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Woman on the other hand are looking for something more than sex most of the time, so they are looking for a future husband material, they pick carefully. Don't get me wrong you have some women who are out looking for the "uncommited relationship" but even still they are picky.
Guys she called and we had the talk. I ask if she loved me, she replied yes. I ask if she wanted to be with me, she replied no. I then slipped up and asked for a second chance, she then replied no. I tried to get her to remember things in the past that we used to do. And then ask for a second chance she said no. I told her that I was sorry for how I treated her , and she said she forgave me, and then said no. I then said so there is nothing with us in the future, she said today I don't see anything because I am fed up with your controlling ways. I then told her I was never controlling that I only wanted to know were she was going and who with because I cared about her and her safety. Never once did I say No you can't go here, or no you can't hand out with this person. I don't see were I am controlling. So anyway we talk for about a good hour, she kept on trying to change the subject but I was not about to let that happen. So I asked should I just quit and we go our separate ways and with no hesitation she said yes. I said OK, she said OK and we hung up. Then 5 minutes later she text me "I still care for you " , I did not reply, the 2 minutes later she text " I guess you dont want to talk to me again" I still did not reply. Finally getting the answer from her has cleared my mind. I was so confused on how she would say I love you and want to be with you, but us always arguing is making me fall out of love with you. I wanted to tell her so bad, " the only reason why we argue is because you dont tell the truth, but i held that back. she never tells me truth about things the first time around, but the second time you ask you get the truth. she always thought that she was a pain in the and that when she came into my life she made my life a living hell. i assured her that hat was not true and that i was put in her life to calm things down, wich i really did. well she just called in tears asking if i was mad, i dont really know why i picked up but something inside said it's the last time. She just asked " aj are you mad at me " I paused for a moment and answer " name, I can't talk to you right now". She sounded so proud and confident when she kept saying no, but now she is in tears? This makes no since, and now I am starting to feel she is in her gaming area, IM DONE. I have put a year of my in her hands and she tossed it because she cat sit through the storm, she just walk away and leaves me there to handle it. Sorry guys I am just venting and trust me there is more to come.
My heart has turned cold towards her, she gave up so easily, and could not give me a change to redeem myself, after the countless times I have giving her the chance " become a better person, and show me she loves me" BULL, I have not felt this mad in a long time, you know why? It's because I don't really get mad at all.But she has awaken a sleeping giant in me, I will not take it out on her or do anything to her. I pissed beyond imagining. The only people I can trust right now is you all.
I cannot even put into words how true (and dangerous) this is. From the dumpee's perspective, any post-breakup communication, even simple one word text messages, are so easy to over analyze because our minds are still hooked on getting reunited.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
I can use myself as an example. When my ex started our "break" last month (which ended with a full breakup on 5/3/08), we made an agreement that she would briefly text me once per evening just to let me know she's home safe because she works in a dangerous area. So, each night for that week I'd get a text ranging from "in bed," "in bed goodnight," or "home." I'd go absolutely INSANE, thinking "why didn't she say goodnight this time? Why just "I'm home" this time? No goodnight? What does that mean? Why so brief? Does she hate sending these texts? What's with the one-word answers?"
All these feelings were stirred by simple text messages. It's crazy when you think about it... the desperation, the anxiety we dumpees go through. When my ex called me 3 weeks after the breakup (thankfully she broke contact FIRST, I stuck it out), I was trying to "feel" out her tone of voice, the words she used... just trying to get any inkling of how she feels. Well after one minute of talking we were both comfortable and these feelings disappeared. She made it clear that her decision was still final - which is not exactly music to my ears, but I respect the honesty. Regardless, we spoke for an hour and 15 minutes about the most random things; it was a great conversation like old times. Still though, I couldn't help but wonder to myself "... hmmm, did she sound happy, or was she just going through the motions with me? Why did/didn't she laugh at that comment? What exactly did she mean by [insert any comment]? Does she sound like she's totally over me? Do I sound weak or strong to her?"
About 15 minutes ago, I sent a text to my ex to confirm us hanging out this Sunday to take care of some things (we agreed to this on our post-breakup call, and even on the breakup day). My text was simple: "Hi, just confirming we still good for Sunday?" Her response was "I think that would be fine." Immediately, I begin going nuts, rereading the text over and over as if I'm hoping for the words to rewrite themselves into something warm and lovey-dovey. My mind goes: "You think that would be fine? What's that mean, like you don't really want to do this? And it's just fine? Not like, sounds great! Looking forward to it! Is she just doing this out of pity?" But now, 30 minutes later, I know I'm being irrational and that's all crap. First of all, she already told me she sincerely wants to meet up. These messages are words...not even spoken words, just a freakin text message. What was I expecting? She is downplaying any emotions so I don't get "false hope," I know this because she already said this over the phone. She's always been good and honest like that. One of my favorite qualities about her is that she doesn't play mindgames and is very straight-up and honest.
Anyway, I don't really consider my text to be breaking contact - hear me out first. We already agreed to this on the post-breakup call (which SHE initiated), and I really did need to confirm the date because we are very, very busy with logistics and packing as we are both moving the first week of June. It will be okay when we meet in person. I got this under control: Be strong, be happy, play it cool, crack some jokes, make her feel at ease, avoid anything involving criticism, anger or negativity. Don't appear clingy and weak, but at the same time don't be arrogant and "act" like I'm having the time of my life since the breakup. I know we are both going to be "stepping on eggshells" and avoiding any heavy talk, but I trust us, I trust our 6 1/2 years together of being civil and good to each other. It will be awkward at first, but once we start talking it's all good. I'm sure she will be going into this with similar feelings.
I'll keep you updated.
AJ,
You are making this more dramatic then it needs to be. All the extra drama isn't going to help you one bit, its going to make everything feel worse for you.
Don't try to rationalize or understand what she says or does. We have all heard funny things from our ex's during/soon after the breakup. They are just as confused as you many of the times, and they really don't know how to put their feelings into words.
Try to move on, cut all communication, and get happy being by yourself.
Eraser,
I'm glad that you understand what I was trying to say. Everyone does this, and it really is dangerous. The worst part is, 9/10 times the scenarios we dream up are 1000x worse than reality.
Don't worry guys, I find myself trying to figure out my ex's texts, even now. Only because it's free time and I have friends texting me saying she brings me up in conversation now. Talks about how she will be using the purse I bought her soon, how I got my tattoo at her house, smiles when she does bring up my name.
So yea, trust me... Ex's contacting will always confuse you. Depends on if you can keep the confusion at bay
God, what's going on? Are we on a breaking NC spree? For a second before, I felt like breaking it. Luckily it was just a fleeting moment. Instead, I came on here and read everyone's posts and remembered all the drama and confusion breaking NC would cause so I wised up. Woo, that was close!
Its much better to know nothing than to fabricate ideas from the slightest of info.
Besides, I know he wants me to call him. The last time we spoke I told him I didn't want him to hear from him for a VERY LONG time and his response was "ok, I'll hold out for as long as possible, but you know, i want you to call me whenever you want, i'll always be here for you, call everyday if you need to." Please, I will not give him the satisfaction. The last thing I want him to know is that I'm sitting around still thinking about him. Its best to just DISAPPEAR! If we're having the "what ifs", let them have the "what ifs" too...
Losingit, I wouldn't consider what happened with me as breaking NC, as it has not hurt me at all. I'm still having fun, going out and doing my thing. Had I talked to her and I was hurt my it, or started acting like a b*tch again, that's a different story. I have learned I can be with or without her and still breathe on my own. That's when you know you're okay
Hey Rome - I wasn't meaning you. You're a much longer way in than the rest of us. I meant those of us still in the thick of it who were doing so good, suddenly feeling down suddenly. Maybe its the holiday weekend or something.
Its weird. I guess its just natural but the beginning of the week is usually the hardest. Once it gets to later in the week and the weekend, I'm usually good for quite a while.
Losingit,
You can use my name if you want to ;)
I'm sorry if I pushed everyone over the edge... hopefully my story can help you guys not do it (like it did for losingit) rather than inspire you to do it. That was NOT the intent. I guess it depends on your definition, but I didn't really break NC (on a technicality). Either way, it was bad news and not a good idea. It was snooping for information, even if it was by accident.
Oh, and Rome, sorry I "started acting like a b*tch again" :) Just kidding, I know what you meant, and I hate those psychotic mood swings
Ha ha Bigbird, lol... acting like a b*tch again would have been texting her and sreaming "why can you move on so quickly! and blah blah blah" you did the right thing by coming on here instead of texting her or calling.
... It would be a COLD day in hell :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
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