Well, there has been a lot of ups and dwns due to the whole time we have been in a custody case because she is moving my son to be with a 40yr old guy she cheated on me with and married 5 months after meeting.. she is 26. Lol

So how do I look at my break up, honestly stick to no contact, it reallys does NOTHING, just keep you and your ex apart, I guess what I was trying to say is only you the idividual can move on " DOING something" won't cause you yourself to move on..

I think I handle this break up like a champ. Didn't call her ever never, anytime I seen her friends never once brought her or the situation up and was always very courgal with them,
I got a lot accomplished this year, had 4 mma fights, finished my fire fighting program, have a couple interviews in the coming year. So things are going well.

North nice guy I couldn't help but read your signature...
Everything will be OK in the end.

If it's not OK, it's not the end."

Im not over my ex completely, ill be the first to admit but a close friend of mine said to me, you have trouble letting go because you know it is not over between us.

This is why I have chosen to change history and stick with the NC

I had to talk to my ex last night about some unfinished business, I think everything is settled now.I handled ii much better this time.Kept it very professional to the point,as Tal says Short polite but unavailable.
How's everyone else doing?

Glad to hear it went well Dare... Can you feel yourself making progress now?

I didn't think I did , then I started reading some of my previous posts here and then I realized I have made a little progress.Hopefully with time it wll get better.
How are you doing Big Bird

I'm doing fine...

Granted I think my NC count now is somewhere over 150 days. The last time we had contact was the end of April and here it is the beginning of October. Progress? Certainly - its amazing to see where you where and where you came from...

Funny thing is I still think about her more than I thought I would, though the thoughts don't get me down and they don't last more than 10 seconds. Its amazing what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it (and your forced :p)

Let me know if you have any questions..

My relationship lasted 9 years so I know its going to take some time before I get over her.but as you said before, this has given me an opportunity to do whatever I want, I don't have to talk to her for an hour before going to bed, opens up that time for me to do whatever I want.

Day fifteen of nc, it's hard but every day I feel a little better

Day 32 of NC. I cracked two days ago and called her, but she pushed my call to voicemail and never called back. Probably for the best. I won't make that mistake again.

She's starting a new life in California, and I'm starting mine out east. It's tough to accept the fact that that part of my life is really over, and I'm never going to have that closeness with that woman ever again. She's the one who threw it away for someone else, so there's not much I can do but accept it. I don't want to say it's getting better every day, but my new life has a little more history every day, so I think less and less about my old one.

I've gone on a few dates with a girl who I get along great and seem really compatible with. I'm definitely not rushing into anything, but she certainly helps take my mind off my ex. Things are improving, I think. This is actually my second time getting over a multi-year relationship where she just up and left, so I know for a fact that it gets better. It's all about endurance.

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.



Take care xxx

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311125]Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all I would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, I don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do I think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.
Your feelings got hurt to did you ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get I just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311445]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

---

I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and I'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.

[QUOTE=NorthernNiceGuy;1311456]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dare81

I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and i'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.

---

I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311445]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck

---

You are welcome Dare, we are all in this together and we'll help whenever you need. I guess sometime I need to be reminded that I am doing the right thing.

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311504]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

---

This sounds a lot better.
But by letting her just drop by your place whenever she wants you are giving her control.Sounds like you are going to be waiting around for her. You are a busy man and have other things to do.

And I don't think you need to tell her that you are gong to China , just tell her you would not be around for a month

This is how I would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311554]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

This is how i would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

---

Well, she knows where I'll be going since we had this trip planned before we brokeup. But you are right Dare, she doesn't need to know where I am going.

Make sure you enjoy yourself in China.:0

I think you should wait until your back and you'll realize you don't want to write her at all anymore. You might not believe me now, but you will when you get back :)

Just for the record, I had those same thoughts early on (like NNG said) and it seems to me like you are trying to convince yourself more than her.. Just leave the letters out of it for now, let the dust settle...

Just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... by the way that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... btw that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.

---

NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said OK. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because I thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on Yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think I will. This is why I think I should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel a lot better emotionally.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said ok. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because i thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think i will. This is why I think i should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel alot better emotionally.

---

Ah I see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

---

I agree with NNG here.you don't have to deal with all the drama, just mail her the stuff (even the clothes).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

---

My ex knows this relationship game very well so when she broke up with me she avoided me like the plague to protect herself. So I don't know where she live and I won't ask why bother. I'll not contact her until I get back from my trip or not even then.


A little off topic here but for people who don't believe in NC, let me tell you a little story. When my first ex broke up with me 6 years ago, I was devastated I did the begging, pleading, try to find out about her with this new guy it hurt so bad the more I know(NNG you can relate to this). She did come back for a bit after she saw me with another girl (she was a friend) but it never worked out and we ended up breaking up again. She just strung you along wish I knew. A few year later she contacted me on Yahoo pretend to be a friend of her. She said she was miserable and wasn't happy with the guy she married. She wish she could have choose me instead lol. Too late.

This time around I didn't do half of what I did. But I was in the state of shock as usual who isn't? I sort of act a little desperate for the first few weeks but it was my fault, I went out to give her stuff and she call a guy right in front of me. That's very cruel you can imagine the pain I went through.

So my advice is if you got dumped go NC not to get her back but to heal. NC is the hardest thing that you will be faced with. It's the test of your strength, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. And next time when this happen you'll handle it a lot better. And you know what the sweetest revenge is "knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for myself. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by redwee74

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for my self. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

---

I hear you redwee... I shared your problem exactly. I could do no contact no problem on my own but whenever she called or texted I was jimmy on the spot to answer or reply. She would generally call or text when she was having her down moments about the break-up or something stressful was going on in her life. And as soon as she got out of me that I still missed her and she started to feel better, she was gone like the wind. And I continued with this cycle for months. I would go from starting to feel pretty good to feeling crappy instantly after contact. But I can see now that I reciprocated this contact because I was holding on to any sort of hope that she would want to give it another go. Two weeks ago I put my foot down... She had called me very upset because she found out I was seeing someone... Told me I shouldn't be because she wasn't and that we should get together over thanksgiving and I should visit her and maybe reconcile. (she moved after the break-up to do a masters) She disappeared after this little conversation and I decided that was it. I changed my cell number about a week ago and ensured that all her e-mails and IM's were blocked. There really isn't anyway for her to get in contact with me now which means I can really heal in peace.

What she is doing is selfish, its about making her feel better and not about her wanting to get back together with you. It's rough because until you squash that hope you have of getting her back, you are pretty likely to give into her fake advances.

That's kind of long, but I thought it would help to know this isn't unique to you, it happens to the best of us, and we all screwed up just like you.

Keep your wits about you as best you can now, and try to see through her bs.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

"knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

---

Haha, isn't the sweetest revenge a life well lived?? Supposedly anyway.

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.

So think about that redwee... next time you feel like contacting her just remember what came of the last time you broke NC. A heavier heart and a step backwards. It's simply not worth it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.

---

Got my vote.

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought I'd let her know that I'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and I'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Molecular

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

---

Knowing that she date other guys will make you feel worse. Trust me on this. I've been there. It may not hit you right away but in a few days you will start to create all these scenarios that will drive u nuts and make you feel to contact her even more. She's just playing with you to see how you would react to give her an ego boost. Get back to NC and get serious this time. Get a new MSN nick and don't go back to the old one again. That's what I did. I was going to send my ex an email yesterday but I was glad I didn't do it. The more you resist the urge and temptation the stronger you will get day by day. Trust me.

Molecular that's tough, and I have to agree with hung here. Your mind is probably going to go nuts, creating scenarios that are going to drive you crazy. Your going to be tempted to call her, break down, yell, scream, anything to get attention and find out why she is over you so quickly...

The thing is, those are all scenarios. You really don't know anything for sure, and the whole point behind NC is to keep it that way. You don't want to know anything, so the less you put yourself in a situation to find things out, the less there is a chance that you will...

Remember that anything you mind creates is just that -- a creation. Keep yourself busy, and this will past quicker than you expect. Its happened to me, its happened to most of us on here... once you get over it its great to be able to say, well I handled that, I can handle anything... trust m.e

Molecular...

That's a huge B**ch move on her part... Unless she is completely naïve and oblivious she knew that would make you feel bad. And it probably had something to do with how different you were acting during the conversation compared to the last time you talked. She wanted a rise out of you and luckily you kept your cool.

I got to say though, what the hell is she doing on your IM still. Block and delete her, you can't leave yourself open to these sorts of things. I mean everything, phone book, Facebook, e-mails, all IM's.

Like Bird said, your imagination is going to be running wild in the days or weeks to come. Remember though, its all of your own creation and you can't believe what you make up.

This was really mean of her... she broke up with you only weeks ago, she has to of known hearing something like that would make you miserable, and really there is absolutely no point in her asking your permission. This was a direct shot at you. Take it and use it to give you strength, ignore her!!

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning I didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then I got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot I picked up.She asks me the same question again, I said it was okay, then I wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no I should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up, If I had a major accident I doubt I would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do I call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do I just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but I don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dare81

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning i didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then i got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot i picked up.She asks me the same question again, i said it was okay, then i wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no i should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up,,If i had a major accident i doubt i would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do i call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do i just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but i don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

---

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, she's fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.

Thanks for all your help guys! It's very much appreciated. My internet went down last night straight after posting that and it was pretty much killing me not being able to read your replies when I needed them the most, but it's working again now and it's safe to say I feel a lot better.

I think you're right that she came on msn just to feed her ego and that I was acting so well made her a bit angry because she was expecting me to be as beat down and pathetic as I was last time, which is why she gave me the low-shot.

It's something that I, in all honesty would never expect of her, but if this is how she feels like she needs to treat me after five years of meaningfull relationship than so be it, I lost so much respect for her and although that hurts, it feels better than idolizing her as I was previously. Completely doing NC is very hard for me. She lives right down the street and we attend the same university, so we run into each other every now and then.
I don't have her on my contact list but I forgot to block her before I deleted her so she can still contact me when she wants to, and in all honesty this doesn't bother me that much.

What she said yesterday really hurt, but I'm glad she said it on msn so that I could say what I knew I should say instead of what I wanted to say. Had I bumped into her on uni and she'd have asked the same question then I don't think I'd have been able to keep my cool, and I would've given her what she wanted. It also feels kind of relieving that I was the one able to maintain NC, whereas she couldn't. This obviously means there's still things she needs from me, be it an ego boost or just some validation, I'm not going to give it to her, ever.

Anyway thanks again lads! Going to give the "blocking her on msn" thing another chance, but in all honesty I'd rather have her contacting me on msn than talking to me face to face when we bump into each other, I know I can say and do what I should without having to suffer the consequences of social interaction.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, shes fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.

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Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though I don't have the urge to call her, every time she calls I pick up.

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Originally Posted by Dare81

Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though i dont have the urge to call her, everytime she calls i pick up.

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Be busy and unavailable, and polite.

Day 17 of NC, she has msge dme twice once on Yahoo once and msn, the first was hey how are you doing I waited 5 minutes then signed off. Then she messaged me a few days later on Yahoo I did the same thing waited 5 minutes and signed off. I know it was probably rude to do etc. but just saying one word and she would have had me talking for like a hour etc.

Plus I learnt my lesson, before when I first started NC, she msged me I was so giddy and happy and then she asked me how can you tell if a guy is interested in you. She broke up with me then school started and literally the first guy she started to talk to she gets butterflies and has the nerve to lell me after she broke my heart. That was the last stone thrown at me I took, and I initiated full NC. I changed my MSN pw to some crap I don't even remember so I won't get tempted to sign in again. I'm honestly thinking of cancelling my phone paying the 400 just so she can't call me.

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Originally Posted by Molecular

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

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MAN, I could have wrote this. My ex dumped me, goes back to school the same day she meets this new guy and has butterflies for him, I felt the same way you did when she told me, how can you be so in love with me then dump me and literally the first guy you meet after you dump me you have th enerve to tell me we have the favorite color and all that crap


Girls eh

I was hoping you guys were wrong but I think you may be right. My mind has started making scenarios. As previously what annoys me the most is the loss of respect for my girlfriend. A part of me is feeling like what we had for the last five years was all based on lies. I loved this woman because I thought this wasn't her thing, you know, to just randomly start seeing other men just 2 weeks after a 5 year relationship. A part of me is now frightened because I have this feeling that if she's not that kind of woman, then none of them exist. Albeit I'm sure they do, I just don't feel that now.

I just don't understand, you know. I'd love to just be able to understand. Looking back at all our best memories and the way we felt then, what we had on a mental level, all feels like lies and it's making me sick to my stomach. Right now I'm just hoping I'll see her with some other guy already so I can get over with it instead of hanging on to the slightles cling of hope that she's just trying to mess with my head and isn't really interested in moving on so fast, yet I'm sure she is.

As always trying to keep myself as busy as possible, which isn't really a problem. Nights and mornings are the worst. For the last couple of weeks I've been sleeping on my couch because it's so easy to just watch TV until I fall asleep. Thinking of going into my bedroom and sleeping there tonight, I guess I should just try to normalize everything as much as possible back to the way it was before. As long as I'm doing some things different in a negative manner it'll only keep reminding me why I'm doing it, which again will make me think of her, which just isn't healthy for me.

Waking up is still so hard, though. Generally the first 60 seconds after I start waking up I've forgotten all about everything and a part of me thinks about her like nothing's ever happened, and then I realize we're no longer together, and I can't help but wonder if she's just now waking up as well, only next to some random douchebag. Apart from nights and mornings however things are going pretty smooth. Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.

Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.[/QUOTE]

Trust me on this.You are not going to feel any better if and when you find out that she is going out with someone else.

By waiting for the last bump on the road you are giving her control over your emotions.
NC gives you back that control.

I know its hard right now,but it wll get better.

Getting up and going to sleep are still the hardest things to do for me so I adjusted my routine.Maybe working out before you go to sleep and going for a jog I nthe morning might get your mind off things

Goodluck

For some reason, lately I have been thinking about my ex a whole lot. I don't know if its because I broke NC about a week ago or its just a phase. It feels almost as bad as the first week.