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Hey maggie, You said a few posts ago that your g/f has "gone fishing" a few times... calling Im guessin. Anyway, do you want her back? This is the part I want to know... when that happens, IF you want to try and make it work, how do you express that to them without sounding mean or like a doormat? At what point do you pick up the phone and talk.
MLB... I see your posts all the time and you're always asking the same thing, "what do i do/say if she calls"... I think you're just posting it over and over again waiting for a specific answer. Try to think of what to do when she doesn't call, if she's going to call, I doubt it will be for awhile... so long that you'll most likely not care whether she calls. I wanted my ex to call me so bad for like the first month. Stop worrying about her calling and move on. I've heard that answer so many times and I hated it every time, but it's the best answer you're going to get... forget her. Jiser's signature says it all... its my new favorite quote ever. Psh, women.
BTW, if you're wondering if she misses you... I'm sure she does, a lot... that is, if your time with her was spent wisely. My 2yrs with my ex were amazing... I know she loved every minute of it like I did, so if she doesn't miss me, she has got to be crazy... or she's got another man to take her mind off me, but eventually she'll miss me. And yours will miss you too, if she's not already. Give it time... if you still want her when she calls in say... maybe 4 or 5 months... then its up to you.
Well, you're right. But I still want to know haha. I just wonder. I mean, maybe she won't call its surprised the hell out of me so far that she hasn't... which is killing me but, maybe she won't ever. I realize that. I just want to know what to say if she does and nobody will answer it. I know I posted it a lot. Sorry for being so repetitive.
You just added something else while I was responding. I think, pretty sure, that she's hanging out with a guy. I don't know him at all but he was a coworker she talked about a lot. So I'm sure her mind is occupied with him for the time being. But it will wear off eventually and she will have to think about me. She's just the type of girl that really is sweet. Cares about everything. So it has surprised me she hadn't even called to just check on me or something that's just how she is. So... therefore, she's prob with him, BUT, at some point, at night, or when she's alone, she'll think...
It's all right MLB. I'm wondering what's going on with my ex too. After the breakup, she was a wreck for about 2 weeks... and I was fine. But now, after a month, it seems like the tables have been turned. I can't go roughly 2 hours without thinking about her... all the while she's having a great time (or so it seems). She's out with her friends, hanging out with this new guy, etc.
Some will say that she's doing all that to distract herself... but who knows? We live within 2 miles of each other... go to the same school... and yet... nothing. I'm surprised she hasn't called me either. Oh well. Que sera sera.
p.s. - my ex did check on me (sorta) by asking my best friend how I'm doing. I'm not sure if she actually wanted to know or if she did this to get on my best friend's good side by at least faking that she wanted to know. Who knows?
She lives about 20 seconds from me in another apt. haha. I refuse to drive by there. One because I dotn want her to know I am and two, I don't want to see her with another guy. You kidna described our relationship... she smothered me at first then I smothered her. Its amazing how we did almost an exact 180. Anyway, its day 10 of NC and day 10 since our breakup. This is just not a lot of fun.
Yeah, I know my ex is with someone too, but I've realized that she's very immature and confused... and when the newness of that relationship fades away, which it always does... She'll realize she'll have to work at it, and I doubt she'll want to. She didn't want to keep going with me, and I things were really great between us... But enough about her, I still think about her and stuff, but I finally went on a date the other night, and it went really well. I'm trying my hardest not to compare her to my ex, and so far I'm doing a lot better. Maybe its just the newness and hope of my new relationship, but I def. still think about my ex. And she emailed me the other day saying that she really did enjoy our relationship and that she misses me, but she said she just doesn't feel the same right now, she said she wasn't sure about the future, and neither am I, because the break-up came out of nowhere, so who knows what else could happen. Its really like a wake up call on how uncertain everything is... I ended up planning so much around her without realizing it, now I do, and my plans have changed so there the best for me. So yeah guys, who knows what could happen down the road. If its meant to be, its meant to be. In the mean time, I'm going to keep busy, flirt with them hoes, whatever makes me feel good.
Haha thanks, here's another question. You prob hate me but... just ignore me I guess I don't know. I'm still in the optimistic phase forgive me. Im sure she expected me to call and I haven't at all. Now, Im worried about that she'll think that even if she has made a mistake she won't call because I haven't seemingly made an effort to get her back. I swear on my life I understand the NC thing, that's why Im doing it. But is it possible to overdo it?
If she really wants to come back she will , she chose to leave so she has to make the move to come back. Doesn't happen too often though MLBQuote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
Maybe. I think a lot of people break nc thinking that they're overdoing it.
This is my opinion on it. In the relationship, I'm always the chaser. I call more. I make more plans. I do this. I do that.. . somehow, I got dumped. If you call... two things can happen:
1. she'll say yes. You guys will go back to how things were. You'll be the giver. Her the taker.
2. she'll say no. you're back to square 1. sucks to be you.
I decided... why must I always be the mouse? Let her chase me... if she wants me enough, she can at least try to open some sort of communication. Will I ignore the first couple of times? Absolutely.
It's a game. It's a power game.
Comments on this post
ISneezeFunny agrees: very true. a lot of people get mad because NC didn't work like they wanted it to. don't expect it to get the ex back. that only happens like, 10% of the time.
Thanks Sneeze , however 10%... I don't think the figures would be that encouraging to be honest.
So you're telling me there's a chance!! Don't get all worked up I'm just kidding haha.
But really, I do understand what you are saying. I do understand the whole thing I just didn't know if I could "overdo" it. Like if she calls, I don't answer, got that part. Then, maybe she gets discouraged and doesn't call again... Now I know what you're going to say, "if she really wants you she will call again." I agree. Totally. I just didn't know if it was possible for her to call a couple times or send a message or something and me not reply... even if its "i miss you" and then her think I don't want her and just move on. Which may be best for us if she's not willing to try any harder then that. God I hate this
MLB33 writes: "God I hate this". Well, think about it: no one is in this situation because they just want to be.
Look MLB I know exactly what your going through , it sucks and its not easy. Your just over analysing everything at the moment and you have lots of questions. That's fine , that's why this site is so good cause you can just come here and vent and all of us "know it alls" can keep telling you to stop... LOL. Don't forget you are still in the very early stages.Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
Ok anyway why don't we go with this , If she tries to contact you the first time you just ignore it. Then you come back here and tell us what she said and we can take it from there. Result: She will then know your not hanging on like a little puppy and might just start to miss you a bit.
If she doesn't and I'm sorry but this is the more likely scenario then you will have moved on and not spent all your time worrying about her and what to say if she does try to contact. What do you think?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
I would just like to say that this is absolutely brilliant. This is exactly how I have felt after my girl of 4 years dumped me a little over 4 months ago, and my breakup was a freakin' emotional roller coaster. I mean, she dumped me and fed me all of the "I need to be single so I can find myself" crap. I wanted her back and she pulled away, then I acted like I didn't want her and was done with it, so so she started chasing after me and said she wanted to work on "us." I tried for a bit, got paranoid that she was lying and looked through her phone texts. I found out that she was hooking up with some other guy. I confronted her and she freaked because she knew she was busted. Things where tense for a bit, but when I finally got to a point where I told her that I don't care what happened between us and was willing to start over, and that I love her and want to be with her, she had already started hooking up with someone else and basically just shut me out of her life.
But, even throughout the whole thing, I never stopped thinking that I loved her, and being with her made me a better person. It really did, in many ways. However, it couldn't have been the same for her. She couldn't have loved me as much as I did her, because if she really loved me and knew she was a better person while she was with me, she simply wouldn't have left. She just wouldn't have. Neither would have any one else's ex on this site. Plus, all the reasons she fed me did not sound like love, but rather like half truths, as if she was hiding something from me. And she was - she was hiding that she was not in love with me anymore, and hiding that she wanted to #uck someone else.
Best thing you can do for yourself when you wind up as the dumpee is basically just not talk to them anymore as soon as possible. I know, I know. It sounds like backward @$$ advice, because when you are in the middle of all this @#!t your heart is telling you that you still love your ex, and so therefore some part of them must still love you, and so you should keep talking to them so that you don't come across as not caring about them anymore. And you know what? You are probably right. Your ex will probably have some part of him or her that will always love you (depending on if you had a great relationship with your ex). But you HAVE to remember that just because they might always LOVE you DOES NOT mean they are IN LOVE with you or want to be with you at this moment. It doesn't matter if it was your actions that brought them to dump you, or theirs, or even if the relationship was mutually destructive. Point is, you would have stuck around and tried to work through the problems, but instead THEY dumped YOU. And then the next thought would be - "well why should I want to waste any more time on someone who isn't willing to stick around and work through problems in the relationship?" Exactly - you shouldn't. You're only getting older by the day. So, you should move on and not talk to them anymore if you can. If they, by some random chance, come to the conclusion that they made a huge mistake and want you bad enough - they'll find a way. If they had the strength to dump you, then they will have the strength to claw their way back into your life.
Also, how awesome would it be if you had all of this knowledge and willpower the moment your ex said "I want a break" or whatever they said to you. First of all, you would be over them by now, instead of days/weeks/months later still looking for nonexistent answers on this website about how to fix the problem. Second of all (and way less important of all - don't use this as an excuse to keep hoping), the chances would be greater that they would come running back to you if you just disappeared out of their life right after they uttered those words. That's when it would hit the hardest I think, because the longer you wait the greater chance they'll go bang someone else.
Saw the ex on the train and chatted, got to work and there was a text ''nice to see you today, sorry things didn't work out between us I hope we can eventually be friends''
I replied Sorry but no, that's not going to happen, please don't contact me again unless you change your mind about us
I'm not easing her guilt about us by being her puppy, this is the third time I've had to tell her I can't do the friendship thing... will she ever learn, I don't go asking her back every few weeks!
I don't think I would have texted anything back... "please dont contact me again unless you change your mind about us" insists that you're still interested, and lets her know she could come back any time she wanted too.
I suppose so, but its better than her pushing the friend thing every few weeks... it also implies that I'm trying to move on, if I couldn't move on id be her friend.
I had to end the confusion. Now she knows, I don't think she wants me back ever so it doesn't really matter, as long as she got the message not to contact me
Yea, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that NC is for me to heal, and that my ex isn't going to call and cry for me to take her back. It's a harsh reality that is hitting me. I still wish she would call, but I know it's not going to happen. So I'm just going to continue with NC and just hope the pain goes away quickly. As weird as it sounds, I wish she would get another guy this way I could write her off, but then again I don't want her to get another guy. I know it's strange but hey, what else can I do
It gets a lot better, give yourself a couple weeks... Sure you'll still think about her, but not as much as you think you will, or as much as you do now. Make plans that benefit you and nobody else, when you think about where you'll be in the future, it should really make you happy. Doesn't matter if you're with someone or not... being single isn't that bad as far as I'm concerned now. @ Romefalls... my ex has a new guy, it doesn't make it easier at all, especially because she's an idiot and thinks she's in love with him after like 3 weeks... but yeah, kind of woke me up on how immature she is because she can't tell love and infatuation apart. NC works wonders, heed my advice and don't ever try and go snooping... I did it, more pain and confusion, and I felt bad about doing it. Just hang in there, things do get better, I know.
Yea, I don't try snooping anymore. I did when the break up first happened but it only gave me more heartache to see she was already requesting all these guys on myspace. So now I don't snoop and could careless. She looks at my myspace a lot and tries to get friends to talk to me asking how I am. This was her decision, if she wants to call she can make the call because I'm not. This time I'm thinking of myself and my well being
Unfortunately, my ex did one up. She sort of snoops... asks my friends how I'm doing and such. However, she e-mailed me to say that she's sorry and her last line is...
I hope we can be friends. I'll leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me.
... ball in my court eh? Two can play at that game.
Yep, you got to stay away from the grapevine because it will cause more heartache - however, the grapevine in a weird way is what gave me the strength to stop trying to figure out what went wrong and just give it up for loss. I my case my ex acted like she wanted to get back together for about a month. I tried and wanted to work at it, but she suddenly stopped talking to me after Christmas. I would have thought it was kind of weird and wondered why, but through my own means I found out that she was interested in someone else and sleeping with him already (and the words were straight from her mouth). And that was 2 days after Christmas. After that I simply quit talking to her, and she made no effort to contact me either. That went on for about 10 days, then she called me. We talked for about 10 minutes about random, pointless things, and then I decided I had enough and got off the phone. She never brought up that she was seeing someone else, and so she still doesn't know I know about it.
Bad thing about the grapevine though, is that it makes you want to contact your ex, and then you end up breaking NC and have to start over. After my ex called, I didn't talk to her again for about a week, and then I sent her a text (one of my friends egged me on to do it because she thinks I was too cold to my ex when she was trying to get me back, and insisted that my ex might be thinking I didn't want her back, when I did) so I texted. She responded and we sent a couple of messages back and forth. I sent the last one and she never responded. The next day I decided to give her a call and she didn't answer or ever return my call. OOPS. That was a day ago, and now I'm back to square one, but it at least reaffirmed my conclusion that she is simply not interested in me any longer and has moved on wth someone else. The lesson - spying on your ex and trying to find things out about them is only going to make things worse and make it harder to move on, but in some cases it's information you need to know so that you can get so pissed off that you have the strength to move on. Crappy thing about all this stuff though is just how fast it can happen. I mean, in the space of about a month my ex just totally pulled a 180 and stopped wanting to get back with me, and instead went with someone else. Makes me realize that she was just keeping me on the back burner until she found someone else...
What I also hate is that it's like, OK for her to contact me because she dumped me, but it's not OK for me to contact her because then I come across as weak and needy, and just push her away even more. Lame.
What I can't understand is why my ex added me on Facebook when she did the dumping and said no when I asked her back, she's asked me to be friends and I said no for the third time today... if she doesn't want me, or anything to do with me then why snoop at all?
Yea... how about this one guys... My ex's friend who wants to be mutual during all this.. IMs me because her and her boyfriend had broken up and I am friends with both of them. And she just happens to tell me that my ex(brianna) doesn't have feelings for anyone else, and she just hangs out with friends. What the deuce! This makes it so much harder to do NC
I think what is happening is these girls are all talking with each other, sharing their war stories, and what idiots their bf's are, and how they are being victimized. They are playing a deceitful game and the guys are yo-yo's. Females who want to be with you do not flirt with 'poor me' lines and roles. In other words, they are toying with you, and NC means NC. Just my opinion, fellows.
I agree 100%
I can't stop my ex from getting in touch. This is the third time I've told her I won't be friends but she just won't stop
I asked her back in December she sadi no so I said don't bother me I won't bother you, next thing a chain text at new year, Tuesday adds me on Facebook, today see her on the train (can do nothing about that) and she texts me, I hope eventually we can be friends... so I said no please don't contact me. I can't make it any plainer than that. What's her problem?
Yea, I told my ex I can't do friends. I can't see myself listening to her talking about a new guy or having all my feelings get brought back up. It's just not in the cards, I mean I wish her well, but can't be friends
I still find myself snooping too. It'll stop one day no doubt. I had to ask my ex why she left me and then a month later is secretly seeing one of my so-called mates, n then getting together. Her response was "i dont know. we just got talking." I had to ask how could you do that to me? And she didn't know what to say. I asked if she still loved me or had feelings for me but as you'll probably guess, I was left dissapointed and upset.
Hey that's life.
What can you do?
Yeah, it basically just sucks, but I guess we all just got to pick up the pieces and move on - as hard and impossible as that feels like. Only thing you can find any peace in is that, one day, it's bound to happen to them as well. I'm not really a huge believer in karma or anything, but I do believe what comes around goes around, and things happen for a reason.
With my ex - she only had one boyfriend before me, who she dumped when she got tired of him. Then she dumped me when she got tired of me I guess. Well sooner or later someone will get tired of her @$$ and do the same thing, and then she'll be the one to feel the way we all feel right now. Hopefully by then I'll have found someone new who appreciates me better.
It really bugs me though that it seems like after dumping me, her life is great. She didn't have to move, still has her same job and all of her friends, and a new guy just fell into her lap like that. I, on the other hand, got dumped, had to move out, had to change my job location, and had to start over with a new group of friends. I can't for the life of me find a single girl that I like anywhere either. Found at least 3 girls I'm interested in, but then I find out they have boyfriends - ugh. So yeah, I'm pretty much about as low as I can go right now, while she seems to be on Cloud 9. It's all good though, my luck is bound to turn around sooner or later - as will hers.
Got a question for you. To make a long story short we were in an argument... I don't know, 6 or so months ago. And when we were making up I told that our relationship wasn't like we were trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. She just smile said yeah and gave me a hug.
So here's what Im thinking. Maybe next week I don't even know if I'm going to or not but anyway, I was going to get some sort of wooden square peg and hammer it into a round hole that would be cut out of another piece of wood. I mean, just like a samll 2x4 with a hole cut in it and a square peg put through the hole. I hope you're getting what Im saying. I was just going to leave it on her porch. Going back and forth whether I should just leave that or a little note that said something like "It fits, just took a little work" or "Look, it will fit, and now that it does fit its even harder to get out then the ones that are in the right spots." I don't know I might not do anything at all. What do you think? It will be 14 days of NC on Sunday and also 14 days since she broke up with me. Haven't talked to her since that day.
Please give me an opinion and not just... thats stupid it will set you back. I mean, if that's what you think then that's what you think I just want to know
Mlb... that's stupid and it will set you back. There.
You're doing everything you can to get through to this girl... so technically, you're not really doing nc. Really.
Nc means... nc. Really. Leaving stuff on her porch... what is that going to do?
1. she has no clue what the hell it is... and trashes it.
2. she figures it out (maybe) and then what? It's not like she's going to say OH, HE'S SO RIGHT! ALL IT TAKES IS WORK!! I DO WANT HIM BACK!
... not going to happen buddy. You want her to realize she made a mistake. We all do. But... it'll only happen when SHE thinks of it.
Haha hell buddy. I didn't say I was going to I just said I thought about it. And you know, the hardest thing about this is that like you said "im doing all I can do." I know it and you know it, all I can do is nothing. I've not called her one time had any form of contact since she gave me the space line. I think I'm doing pretty freakin good here. I just don't feel like Im trying. I KNOW ITS FOR MYSELF. I KNOW
Ya know, some relationships do work out. And I know you know that. But it seems that almost none ever come back to say something worked out on here. And the absolute only option you give anybody is NC. Granted, it may be the best one, but nonetheless. Is it the only one out there? I mean, why is trying to get through to her so terribly wrong. I know what you mean by "setting me back" but... geez, is there no other way
Actually, I'm sure some people's stories work out... it's just that once they work out... they don't need the forum anymore. So they're gone.
MLB33: it's because you are hurting and need to get better. You've gone too far and gotten out of balance. That's just my opinion, though. If you are wanting to get walked all over and ground to bits, then NC ain't for you; you may need to start calling her up and texting and begging and just leave your personal worth and dignity in the closet. It sort of gets to whether you've hit bottom. Just my opinion.
Sorry, I don't buy this; if it happened they would be back, believe me.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Finally, thanks george. Don't worry thought, Im not going to run back and beg or anything of that nature. I don't even know if Im going to contact her. I understand the set them free thing... I just don't feel like Im doing anything to help the situation. Maybe its over, yeah who knows. But sitting here, not literally, but doing nothing I should say, may not be the answer either that's all I was saying
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