I'm just exhausetd with crying. I thought after four months I'd have somewhat improved emotionally.
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I'm just exhausetd with crying. I thought after four months I'd have somewhat improved emotionally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
It's a rollercoaster but eventually the ride will get slower and slower and eventually will come to stop so will your pain. Broke up with my girlfriend two months ago. She contacted me a week ago asking about her mail and call me a few times and added me on Yahoo I didn't reply or email her back. Suddenly yesterday I had an urge to email her. I wrote an email but after reading it over I end up deleting it because I don't feel she deserve any response from me.
Someday you will feel like crap but in the long run there will be more happy days than crappy days.
On my fourth day of NC now. Yesterday I was completely fine, without a care in the world, today I feel really shot down. It's hard to explain really, I think it's because of the weekend, knowing that she's probably got loads of plans to go out partying and having fun, while I'm sitting here not really feeling up to any of it (and I know I shouldn't be drinking given the offchance I might end up calling her) so it's going to be a calm weekend inside for me. I feel so gutless that things I previously enjoyed doing so much now seem so futile and meaningless, I've practically given up on all my hobbies. I've got a good feeling they'll be coming back some day however, I just wish I could still find the same redemption in them I used to right now, when I need to occupy my mind the most.
At least I'm still working out every day as this makes me feel better about myself, but I can't seem to sit down and get any schoolwork done.
Go out and leave your cell phone at home, or give it to a friend... Sometimes you need to force yourself to do things you used to like to find out you still like doing them...
Well hey everyone. I tried no contact for about 3 weeks she called I answered. Right back in the mess again. I am going to try again. I need some encouragement though. I read somewhere that if you are in a relationship you need to hide then it is a bad relationship and I hide the fact that we went out this weekend. And then she called last night to say she was scared to be in a serious relationship with me and that if I kept contacting her it would change her feelings about me. SHE contacted me I did not contact her, she calls me as much as I call her. Am I crazy or is she. She makes me so confused. I need to just stay away from her. So I rambled but it helps the site has been a God Send.
Thank you for the advice. You're right, if she doesn't respond then she's obviously made her decision, I don't have to tell her anything to have her do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Completely off topic as well but what part of Connecticut are you from? Just wondering since I'm also from Connecticut.
Bristol... you?Quote:
Originally Posted by jumpin0503
Meriden, not too far off hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
*/end thread hi-jacking*
day 21 of NC= She hasn't tried calling me and I have not tried calling. Her birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should call her. I know if I call her I might find things about her that I don't want to know( she might be dating someone else) and it would probably set me back. What do you guys think about this.
I hope everyone else is doing okay
Guys, when you feel down about your breakup go and read the divorce section. Somehow it makes me feel better about my situation. It's nothing compare to what divorce people went through. Below is an interesting story.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...sed-85205.html
Don't call her. You may not even be able to talk to her. She may say I am busy now then what. Keep NC. She broke up with you remember? She got to live with it now. She got to see that it's really like life with out you. You don't owe her anything. I know you care about her but don't do it. If you think deeper you'll realize it. When you have the urge to contact her take a big step back and think. I changed my mind a few time and went back to NC.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.
Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderful feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.
It takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Molecular
I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.
But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!
It's nice to read that, it's what I've been having the hardest time transitioning to and I think a huge hang up in what's keeping me grasping at straws in my mind about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
I realized today that I wasn't being any better than my ex-girlfriend who threw her friend who helped her through our original break up to the side (he's a mutual friend and my old roommate before he changed schools). He comes to visit once every month or two and she gives him 5 minutes of her time to repay him. I don't want to be like that, I can be better than that. I realized I was being too needy on my friends and I need to be there for them as well, the girl I'm closest with that I've known for like 5 years has been having problems with her boyfriend/my roommate and I wouldn't help her with it at all after she was helping me so much. I've made a lot of changes and I'm going to keep making more, I'm going to put my friends at a bigger priority now because they are essentially my life at this point. Something about today/your post/talk with my friend Allyson about all this and how she's doing with her problems just made this click somehow.
Reading your post helped a lot, thank you. I think I focused too much on trying to find another girl, and hearing that you can be happy single too (I mean I know I could, but for some reason something with your post just clicked) is motivational. I do get to do whatever I want now, and even though I knew all this before I can do things I never got to before when I was with my girlfriend, like go out clubbing with friends and such. I can go over to my friends dorm and party now, I get to go out more, I'm not just sitting around with my girlfriend watching TV and whatever else. I can do all the things I never got to really do before because I was in a relationship right when I got into college, now I can explore the single life of college and hopefully it will be as much fun as I'm hoping.
I know I'll still have some hard times ahead of me, but this site really does keep giving me motivation to continue over and over again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molecular
I know how you feel. I've been living with my ex for 1 1/2 years and when she was gone it was the worse feeling in the world but I took advice from this site and keep myself as busy as possible and I workout whenever I get the chance (natural antidepressant) and make me look good and prepare me for the next relationship.
I realize in life you win some and you lose some and sometime you got to accept your loss and move on and not hold onto it.
This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my apartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault as well, I mean for letting her do so).
I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), I'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it altogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.
I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days I've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's got to count for something, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molecular
It's a roller coaster.Somedays you will feel fine other days you won't, and remember this you can't convince anyone to be with you , and even if you could you would not want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Good luck
Me and my ex have this cell phone plan. Her name is on it, we split the bill. When she broke up with she asked me what we were going to do about this, and I asked her to give me some time and I will just switch over my number.Its been 22 days since we broke up and I think its time for me to get off her cell phone plan,For me to do that I would have to call her. I really don't want o to call her.
I was wondering should I let this go for now and maybe wait till she contacts me or should I contact her.
I am lost.
Any help would be much appreciated
Dare,Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
I was in a similar situation. My ex and I was on a family phone plan which I paid for. She wanted to pay me every month when we broke up but I cancelled the phone. Cost me $400 but I had to do it. It was a tough decision to make since I won't be able to get in touch with her after that. It's better to cut off everything completely. That's the only way you can go NC otherwise there'll always be an excuse to contact her and delay the healing process. Also this allow the ex to see what life is like without you.
If you don't want to call her txt her. My ex wasn't too happy when I cancelled the phone but hey she decided to leave me so she got to live with that decision. A month later though, she contacted me with her new cell number asking about her mail which doesn't mean much. I got the new number but I didn't have the urge to call her but I am still curious to know what she is up to however. I am sure eventually I don't care anymore what she does.
Thanks Hungtoronto. I don't think its going to cost her anything because the contract with the phone company has expired.I guess I will just write an email but it will come off as a bit childish don't you think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
I don't think it's childish. What if you are busy and you cannot call her? Or what if you call her and mess up? You are too worry about what she think. I know you care about your ex. Don't we all? At this point I don't think it matter anymore. You got to do what you have to do for yourself and not her. I know it's hard. If you don't think you are ready for it then wait a few months and then call her.
Hey Bud, I'm real glad you're feeling better today... and when you do hit a low just think about how you felt when you wrote that. It's interesting for myself to read posts like this and see the similarities in the way we all think when going through this. That should also act as a bit of encouragement as it shows you're not alone with how you feel... and that you can see people who were in your position pull through stronger and better off. I posted this a while ago but I thought I would show it to you as it has actually really helped me out. I wrote out just a short empowering paragraph on our break-up.. something I can read whenever I have a down moment that can remind me why I should be feeling good. I have saved it to my drafts folder in my e-mail and look at it every now and then. I have decided I will delete it the day I am completely and truly over it... and I don't think it's that far off... It's kind of cheesy but hey, whatever works for you...Quote:
Originally Posted by Molecular
"I will not let her or the sadness created from her define who I am and how I feel. I do not need her, I am a strong, independent, good person who deserves someone who will love me unconditionally. I don’t know why I ever put her on this pedestal, she is not my life and will never define my life or what i can be. I will be ok on my own. I have family and friends that love me and soon enough she will become no more than a memory to me."
The funny thing about this is that I actually wrote it two months before our actual split... kind of goes to show the emotional turmoil she had put me through prior to the breakup... and it also acts as a reminder of why I am better off...
Maybe that will work for you too. Keep on keeping on Molecular
I have to agree with that. After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier. Being single allowed me to do that and that's great...Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
So true... I think I got into a rut. Wasn't doing nothing but wasn't doing a whole lot to better and improve myself... Let that be a lesson though for our next relationships. Never lose sight of yourself, and never put your dreams and ambitions on the back burner, because if you do you're only hurting yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
I agree with Big Bird.This is so true.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
The thing that I have realized with the first few months of a breakup is you have to keep yourself really busy.Whenever I have a moment to just sit down and relax I start thinking about my ex.
Dare,
Over the next few months your going to learn so much about yourself, and about life in general, its unbelievable. The things you learn you can accomplish, the changes you can make are nuts. Its actually a pretty exciting thing to look back and see..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
Find an interest?
For me, I'm looking at 90s cars that are good for drifting...
Why?
Because I want to learn how to drift, tune up cars, and have fun driving around in a nice car.
Unlike modified cars with lambo doors/hoods/trunks or big stereo system...
Look for something you like
Hey well broke no contact by answering her calls. We went out last weekend. Then she calls me this weekend and says I call her too much. WHAT. That she is afraid she is leading me on. She is. Then everything is my fault and all that jazz. God, why do I fall for the crazy ones? I am too old to do that!
I know how you feel, My ex played the same games with me for a year and a half and believe me it was not worth it. Either you can keep on playing these games with her, you will eventually tire yourself out and waste a couple of years of your life, or start the NC thing right now. You might muck it up the first few times but keep at itQuote:
Originally Posted by redwee74
All the best my friend
Thanks Dare. I know it is a game but it is so hard to get through my head, I know better but I will not let her keep beating me. I will come out of this the better person.
One day at a timeQuote:
Originally Posted by redwee74
I am such a dumba--. She called today I picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then I basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was I thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe I did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
Now, you just scared her more off =/
You know what? Who cares about the family plan? Go to your local phone store and say "hey, I'd like to cancel the plan and I'd like a new plan for myself only."
Dare,Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
You are emotionally unstable right now. Talking to her will either push her away further, upset her and at the same time lose your dignity. Cut all your business deal with her quickly and go back to NC. I suggest next time don't pick up the phone. If it's something important then I am sure she'll leave you a message. No need to talk to her and ask how she's doing.
Dare,
You are not retarded you are thinking with your heart and most of the time that is the right thing to do. Hard to go wrong when you follow your heart, but in our situations we must follow our heads. These women are not good for us right now. They have begun a new life that does not include us. We must let them have it and keep our heads high. There are billions of women out there and one of them for each of us. I like to think it was their loss. Keep moving forward and the best of luck.
Been exactly a month of NC for me today. Still struggling and taking things day by day. I try not to think about her at all, but she still pops into my mind all the time. I know it just takes time. I still break out in a little tearing action. Not nearly as much as I used to, probably just once a week now, and only for 15sec-1min total.
It's getting better, but it's easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it ever.
Keep going man! You're well on your way!Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Personally today it's been exactly one week of NC for me now. I've had my ups and downs, some days better than others. The last couple of days have been pretty decent except I keep checking her Facebook to see if anythings changed.
As long as her Facebook remains unchanged I'm at ease, but the second I see any added pictures, plans for her to attend events or comments on other peoples walls like: "Hey thanks for last friday we had a really good time : )" I die a little inside, to think she's so careless and happy only weeks after ending a five year long relationship.
Then again I think to myself, if she's able to be this detached so fast after so long, she's not the kind of woman I'd like to wager to spend the rest of my life with.
No contact going on a year and 3 months.
Just curious... How do you feel now towards your break-up/ex?Quote:
Originally Posted by crushedovernover
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