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Your not alone my friend... I would get back with my ex in a heartbeat.. of course only after we talk out our issues because if we just jump back into things, it would just happen again. Like you, I just know she still loves me and is enjoying the freedom with her friends right now.. But it will hit her after awhile of NC.. I still have hope
Nearly everybody on here want their ex back myself included... but each situation is different and the people that are further down the line can see more clearly what might happen so they give you the best advice to protect yourself from being hurt. We wear all in your situation but in three months on from where you are and I felt the same way you did at your stage!
I want my ex back so there's two but I'm just being practical and trying to move on
I agree I also want my ex back but there is a catch that u will learn later what is the expense? If it means the same situation I walked away from them no I don't want her back if it means she has changed and is working to improve the things that were lacking I will be more then happy to listen but as allot of people have stated don't be a door mat they didn't meet a door mat. I myself can say I became a door mat when I allowed the relationship to become unbalanced and it was all about her and not us. Be careful!
See, me on the otherhand is the one that needs to change my jealous ways. Which I am taking several steps to do so. So I would actually show her that I mean what I say this time(I have said I would change before, but did for 2 weeks then went back to my old self) If she were to call and say we should work things out,I would say we need to work our problems out before we do anything. That's what love is, working through problems not sweeping them under the rug
I agree totally with what you said relationships are hard to keep together especially if you've been together a long time, you have to work extra hard to keep some spark... but even if your ex doesn't come back, I'm not saying she won't but if she didn't your still a better person than you were in the relationship so you're a better person with or without her for the rest of your life
Exactly. I actually wrote her a long letter last week apologizing to her for how I treated her and to thank her for showing me the error of my ways and basically showing me I need to change or I will end up alone which was true. So I am out to change to better myself. No matter what happens I'm going to be stronger than I was before. And this forum is the best venting area ever.. had I found this site before, I might have saved myself some pain and realizations. Like I could have posted my worries and have them set to rest by you guys
Its been only a day for me so far of no contact. It sucks because I was doing so well but broke the no contact last week and now I'm starting again!Oh well you just got to look forward and move on from the past.. I just know I'll c him around especially when I go back to college. And whenever he sees me around he seems to think I went to that place just to see him!Which is totally not true but that's what he believes for some reason.He is such a jerk I hate him so much right now actually if I never see him again it'll probably be the best thing that's ever happened to me.
If You guys only knew how piss'd I was at the responses I got when I first came to this site you'd be surprised. I wanted to hear things like call him and tell him how you feel, and things like sure he still loves you he'll be back soon. That's what I WANTED to hear.
What I got was the TRUTH plain and simple. I can admit now what I really wanted was for them to sugar coat everything to make me feel better. Well they were RIGHT and he didn't come back. And they were RIGHT when they said if you love someone as much as we think our ex's do they wouldn't have walked away.
All of this BS about I have to many problems and I need to be alone to work them out. When you're in LOVE and I mean Truly in LOVE like I was with my ex, the first thing you do when you have problems in life is reach out to the one you love. The one that makes lifes bull $hit a little bit easier.
Oh and I love this one. I need to find myself so I need to be single. How can being in love keep you from finding yourself?
Well I was never more able to be myself and truly knew exactly the person that I am better then when I was in love. What I'm saying here is, when you are in love and I mean truly in love all the UP's and DOWN'S of life are just that much sweeter when you have the one you love to share it with. So tell me, if you add up all the excuses dumpers use to be out of the relationship DOES THAT SOUND LIKE LOVE TO YOU?
Ok, here's one more for you. Again, maybe it will never work and out she will never call me again. But, if she does (wishful thinking maybe) I know its going to be hard. I'm not going to make it impossible but we will work things out slowly, very slowly and actually solve things. But what do you say if she calls. I mean, what if she ask "how are you?" Its like you want to tell her that you are just wonderful without her but at the same time you want her to know how much you love her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
I think if she's going to call it'll be either because she wants to be friends or she wants to talk about the relationship. I'd say no to friends, personally that would probably be too hard, and you would be letting her have her cake and eat it too. And if she wants to talk about the relationship, take it slow and see where things go, I mean, only if you want too. I just wouldn't initiate anything, answer her questions honestly and try to seem optimistic about your future and what not. Cus she wanted you out of her life, so you should plan your future accordingly. If they really want you back, I think they'll try and make it clear, after all, they were selfish enough to break up with you, so why wouldn't they be selfish about getting you back if that's what they wanted.
As for me, I'm trying not to think about whether she'll call, I'm trying to think about where I want to see myself in the future, I have a lot of college ahead of me and it makes me happy to think of myself all successful. So yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't expect anything, for 1, you'll be surprised if they do call, and if they don't, you won't care.
This'll be my last semester in college... I want all those feelings I had with her be all gone... today and tommmmooroooow I'd be thinking nothing but myself... ei! Ist that being selfish?tell me...
Like I've said, alive but not living...
*smiles*
No it's not being selfish at all. As a matter of fact, thinking of yourself is the very least you can do, especially while you go through this horrible phase. We all need to be our own best friend, and other people will be more than happy to come along and help you through.Quote:
Originally Posted by OverDozed
I have reached day 41 of no contact. Even though I feel like some days I take 3 steps back and 1 forward, over the past couple of days something has awakened inside of me - I'm free! No more bullying, no more walking on eggshells, no more control, no more yelling, no more humiliating 'jokes' in front of his friends at my expense, no more manipulation, no more emotional blackmail - all gone!
I feel like I've been let out of a cage. Suddenly I'm starting to remember all the reasons I turned my back on this relationship in the first place. You forget so easily during your phase of heartbreak, and idealise them, put them on a pedestal, and yearn for something so badly that it doesn't even enter your mind that this person was very bad for you.
There is light at the other end of the tunnel, my fellow no-contacters. Keep going, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it is so very liberating all at the same time.
I think there are a lot of people similar to me on this site, I've seen so many threads from people that are at my stage of a break up... it doesn't matter how long you went out it still hurts.
Reading the posts I think a lot of people are at the stage where they, know they should let it go but are scared to say, that's it this person is out of my life for good... no matter what happens.
n/c is extremely hard... what you can't have you want i.e you know you can't call so you have to fight the urge! I suppose it's a bit like that with regards to our ex's
I agree Maggie... I'm at the point where I know I need to let go, and I am starting too, it is very hard. So far it's been 2 weeks with no myspace page stalking and 8 days of NC... It's a long road but I feel as though I am getting better and better. Night time doesn't really affect me anymore too much, but the mornings are still very hard for some reason.
I mean I said it but I can't do it... ive fought with myself all day not to contact her, again, same as yesterday... all id like is to see her face and hear her voice, its madness, she'll probably tell me where to go or not answer!
Im dissapointed I feel like this but I do there's no denying it! Three months and here I am same boat!
And here I was thinking that after that amount of time things would get easier... I'm doing everything I possibly can to kill time and not think about her and have the urge. I have a wonderful girl that likes me a lot she says, but I can't seem to give the attention she deserves. I really feel its unfair that we are left here trying to pick up the pieces while they are out there happy and fine...
When you get lost and wandering around, you need to recall the hotlinks on tananiman's signature, or ash123 principles of breaking up. By definition, the dumper is holding the power because she loved you less. Once again, the dumper loves the dumpee less.
Ehh.. I don't know about loved me less as much as couldn't deal with my jealousy anymore. That was the reason we broke up, it wasn't because of any other reason than me driving her away with the constant jealousy fights and accusing of stupid things.
Romefalls19: We have to be able to differentiate between the reason and the excuse.
That really is the reason though lol... I was really bad with my jealousy, like beyond out of control. I basically placed her into a little box to the point where she didn't want to live her life inside that box. I wish it was an excuse, then I wouldn't be doing all the therapy, classes and book reading to better myself in that aspect. It really hits home once a therapist tells you that you have a huge jealousy and insecurity problem. She didn't want to end it, but felt as though she had to, so that she couldbe happy again. She was unhappy with how I treated her, and this was coming from one of her friends telling me that. After we had already broken up. It wasn't an excuse to break up, she's not out with other guys(as much as people on here disagree) she is out with her girlfriends, which is something I did not like her doing while we were together.
My ex has just added me on Facebook, despite me deleting her a couple of weeks after we split up and her even admitting herself I can't be friends it's a bit of a dilemma
Five weeks of not speaking directly, she's since turned up at my train station which was out of her way
Haha, maggie. I just replied to your post on the other topic and here I see you again.
Just calculated it's been 4 full week since I've seen the ex. 5 weeks since the break up.
I have yet to have any contact with her whatsoever... except for the e-mail she wrote me 2 weeks ago explaining why we broke up. Didn't write back.
I see her for the first time this week as school starts.
I will not be a jerk, but I will not be friendly either. Simply polite. Civil. Short. Wish me luck.
I wish you all of the luck in the world my friend, do you want her back or are you past that? Just trying to get as much opinion as possible spoke to a few friends as well
Well, I'm not really sure what's going on. Our breakup... was very out of the blue. No fights. Nothing going wrong. Just... happened. She wanted freedom to hang out with her friends without feeling guilty she wasn't hanging out with me... that was her reason. Seriously.
Then I hear that some dude's been hanging out with her a lot (3 days after we break up a 3 year relationship)... spending the night at her place... but she denies that (not just to me, but to all her friends as well). So I have no idea what's going on with that either.
Do I want her back? no... not really. I'm doing fine being single. But like many, I am nostalgic. I can't go a day without thinking of something we did in the past... something fun.. like that trip we took to Hawaii... or that time we went ice skating. Small things like that.
Do I miss her? Absolutely. But I know what needs to be done. There's only 4 months of school left. Then we graduate. No point in starting something else.
I don't want my heart to rule my head, so I'm taking some time to think about it, I don't want to make any snap decisions... I do want her back, seven years is a long time to be together.
I was alson dumped out of the blue I hadn't seen her for two days and she said we weren't progressing in the relationship no fight no crying no fall outs. Since then I know nothing of her life and her of mine she's been fishing before and I ignored it, I've also told her I can't be friends... so what does she want, I don't know
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie83
Uuhhk... feelings over thoughts... no... thoughts over feelings...
Am confused... :confused:
This is 4th month of NC thing... dunno n if am proggrrressinggggggg...
*smiles*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie83
Uuhhk... feelings over thoughts... no... thoughts over feelings...
Am confused... :confused:
This is 4th month of NC thing... dunno and if am proggrrressinggggggg...
I think I am, but a part of me says am not...
:confused:
*smiles*
I know how both of you guys feel. I know I shouldn't want her back, but I do. I know I can say no, but do I want too... It's a hard reality this thing called love. I think I'm going to sue Hollywood for their false advertisement of fairy tale endings. You know the one where the guy gets the girl and they live on happily...
Chin up my friend, a lot of people here are in the same boat at the moment. It's a confusing time for us all and our rational thoughts sometime go out of the window. Stick at it, look at me yesterday and the day before I nearly broke no contact... but I didn't now my ex has added me on Facebook another problem.
Stick with it and you'll heal... we all will, there's no such thing as fairytail that's why so many relationships fail, high expectations with little effort put into it!
Exactly... I think it would be comforting to know that they are hurting a little over this.. Just so you know you're not at this alone.. I guess fate works both ways
That's awesome, can you please explain that to my ex for me ? ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie83
Just cracked day 30, I no longer feel the need to try and make contact at all, just a mix of resentment and sadness I guess. It's funny how your feelings change over time.
Believe me I can't figure out mine never mind anybody else's!
Just stick at it... im no expert like tman and George but just bear in mind every situation is different and never make snap decisions when your hurt... whenever I've done it I've regretted it i.e breaking n/c!
If they want you, they'll come to you and if they don't (most likely I'm afraid) you'll heal doing n/c
Its been a week of no contact. But I saw him last night!Argh I feel so bitter towards him about everything that happened.. He said hi to me and didn't want to be rude so I said hi as well. But apart from that I ignored him the whole night and he kept staring at me all the time, got his friend to come and ask me some dumb question (soo immature, he's in his twenties) and was wearing this t-shirt I bought for him. What is up with that.. Probably reading too much into it but I just wish he would stop messing with my head and leave me a lone!
Be strong you've only just begun to heal, it's a very confusing time, I don't know why or how you split but from experience you both are desperate for each other like withdrawals that or they were mean/cheated and you just hate their guts... he was worried that you were there, I bet you spolit his night too look at it that way!
Worried about what though? was probably confused as to why I didn't talk to him because I usually do.. He was such a jerk the whole time we were together and has the nerve to end things and expects me to be nice to him as if nothing happened!I don't think so.He said he doesn't have any feelings anymore so he should just act that way and stop sending me all these mixed messages, says one thing does another. I mean is it just me reading too much into it? Or can anyone else see this happening as well? Feel like I'm going crazy lol
Worried that he's been to harsh, you'll meet someone better, you'll meet someone before he does, there's a few!
We all get mixed messages that why were all on her trying to help each other figure them out... its never an easy time the first few weeks are hard, very hard but use you anger as a way to push yourself to get better, don't do it to spite him just, when you think you can't do this think about him and push yourself
Thanks so much for your support. I've already met so many guys and been on a few dates but I still can't seem to get this idiot out of my head!No matter how good looking/nice etc the other guy is its still not him! Hate that feeling! In all honesty if he wanted me back I probably would get back together with him. Not at first but eventually.. But doesn't look like its going to happen so I'll keep going with no contact hopefully I'll be over it soon..
Just keep going, see how things pan out, tomorrow you could meet a guy that may blow you away!
Keep trying to heal, no contact all tof the way! It's the comfort of somebody you miss not him... well maybe him a little but that will pass I assure you!
Its been a month of NC. Last time was me accidentally sending an email I was writing just to write. She responded and basically just wanted me to pay for things she said I owed her, she responded by texting me from her new boyfriends phone. Blah.
1 month give or take.
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