Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar

Hi everyone,

I'm a newbie to the forum so I hope that everyone can understand that I am in a new world of learning curves right now.

I would like to start by saying that I have read a lot of the posts here and admire and respect the words of wisdom and experience that I have read, may receive, and could possibly give someday.

I am thinking that it is time that I begin nc. I am hoping to go until June 15th or 5 weeks if I fail the first time around. I was thinking that in order for me to look out for #1, that this is a must.

I am learning that I need to take time time to reflect on my past relationship, what went wrong, and what I have learned from it so that I don't make the same mistakes in the future. I would like to have hope of a reconciliation, however, I have to believe and expect that it is not likely to happen. Even if it did, unless I learn t from my failure in the relationship, it would just fail again and to be honest, I really don't want to go though these feelings again.

I have a quick question before I enter the world of nc. Until the end of the month, we share an apartment where some of my things still are (I already kicked myself out). We have discussed that I can come and get them anytime I wish as I still have a key. She is okay with me being there when she is not and I would prefer that. This is simply to avoid the to the meaningless conversations that we may have. Also, I don't want to give her the pleasure of seeing me or knowing that I am getting past how she treated me (yes as much as I love her and care for her, there is some anger towards the fact that she ended it). I figured that since she ended it, that she will have to live with her decision on what she gave up (if she still cares). I know that I have to go there at least 2 or 3 times to take care of everything. Do these stops count as breaking nc?

Okay, I'm sorry, that was actually a long winded question but I'd be grateful for any thoughts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by movinrightalong

She is okay with me being there when she is not and I would prefer that.

thoughts.

I think this is the way to go.

Don't worry about what constitutes breaking NC. That really doesn't matter. To be honest, at times NC isn't so black and white. If you want to get technical, if your going when she isn't there, then no, your not breaking NC. I agree with friend4u that you should go when she isn't there.

On a separate note, you sound to be very intelligent and have a very good grasp on what is going on. Know that it isn't going to be easy, but if I had to guess, I'd say you will handle it very well. Keep that head level and if you ever feel like slipping up, you know where to come first :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by losingit77

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me..IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.

losingit,

Do me a favor next time you get a call/message/picture from him. Read this 3x okay?

(Dont worry, we forgive you:))

Argh losingit.. after all the praise you got!! :P
No matter we're all carrying the mantle for you - you'll catch up soon.
Anyone got an educated guess for who's next in line to break NC?
I got a few ideas ;0

Losingit... this is the first piece of advice I've given on this board as I've been a taker up until now. Have you heard the song "leave right now" by Will Young? If not YouTube it... it has served me as inspiration when I've been in your situation. I always use music to get me through things... I don't know if it will work for you but give it a go

It's not going to be me nickshehe! I'm on day... goodness knows.. she contacted me to ask her why I wrecked her bedroom, don't know if I'd count that as breaking N/C. But I've lost count and getting better and better.

Still think about her every day though.. and for some reason, seem to come on here even when I'm not thinking about her!

Not really having any problems myself, just waking up in the morning... but as soon as I get out of bed, I'm totally fine... its crazy, the power of starting the day!

Dazt welcome to my world! When I first started coming here, it was strictly for advice. Now I am here everyday, giving out advice the best I can and I don't have any problems with my ex or anything of that nature. This site is like crack, but with a better side effect

Well, I crashed and burned. See my new post "When I lose it, I really lose it". : ) I'll be fine though. Nothing NC can't fix.

Ever since my last post on my thread, I have gone completely NC. I hung out with my close friend and he really put things into perspective for me. He told me that if you were that amazing to her and she could do this to you, would you really want her back. It made so much sense to me. I realized that I didn't want her part of my life anymore. He also said that when things go wrong with her new bf/rebound lover (they hooked up after two days) she may try coming after you.
It's getting better and better each day. Whenever I think of her, I come on here and it helps me to realize that she messed up and it gets easier.

I keep telling myself that it's not a matter of luck but just a matter of time before I'm finally over her

Well I was on day 3 of NC after breaking it on Friday and he called twice today. I didn't answer but started getting my hopes up that this was him realising he'd made a terrible mistake. But just got a text asking for my bank details because he has the money he owes me. I feel completely deflated again. Why couldn't he have just text in the first place?

Yea that was like my ex texting me last night out of the blue and asking if I was OK. Spent all of this morning confused and thinking maybe there was a chance but thankfully I wised up after midday.

But why do they text or call afterwards?

Zoo... One word... GUILT! They feel guilty on what they did, not regretting it but guilty. They want to remain some type of contact because it's easier on them. DO NOT make it easier on them

How do you know there isn't a chance in your case?

I know exactly now why they call/text. Read my other posts. For them to cope with the breakup, its easier to keep us somewhat in their lives. They don't have to miss us as much cause they know we're only a phone call away and are too eager to eventually break and respond. Don't fall for it. If they dumped you, make sure they feel like they got dumped too.

Day 1 of reinstated NC! : (

Quote:

Originally Posted by AshleyStar

How do you know there isn't a chance in your case?

This is going to sound weird but here goes...

I know I don't have a chance because even if she did want me back I honestly don't think I could. Too much has happened and she did kiss another guy while we where together so the trust would be gone, in fact id just be waiting around for her to end it again.

My heart is telling me I want her back and my head is telling me she's not worth it, its time to start listening to my head for once lol

"They call it a break up, because it's broken" Relationships end, they aren't all fairy tales. Usually when someone ends a relationship that tells you their isn't a chance. She has told him it's over, a few times, which would lead me along with a few others that it is indeed over.

It's not a movie, this isn't Hollywood where the girl will show up at his door, admit she made a mistake and they will live happily ever after! The quicker you get these false ideas out of your head the faster you will realize how the world works. Man up, or female up and get out there, show your ex's that they were a PART of your life Not the WHOLE thing.

If this came off mean or hurtful to anyone, I apologize but trust me you will thank me one day

I am still figuring out what to do. My ex told me that she loved me and just needed to work onherself. Even told me that she'd find me once she got better, make me break up with who I was with so we could be together again. That was 9weeks ago and have been NC for 6. Still confused.

I'm on NC day #10 after a 6 1/2 year relationship... I am the dumpee... never saw it coming, nor did any of our friends or family. We were known as "America's couple" and "Romeo & Juliet" by people we knew.

Man this NC is TOUGH. We haven't contacted each other in any form since the break up. So much has happened, although it's only been a little over a week. For example, I just got a new apartment to move into (ironically it's like 5 minutes from her house, nice area and price; I'm NOT stalking her). My first impulse would be to call her and tell her the big news, but I can't... my fingers ache to call her but I know that would be bad.

We were so intimate and in love for 5 1/2 solid years. We even played around with naming our kids and how many we wanted. Apparently it's just been the past 6 or so months that her feelings have dwindled. She said she can't continue to grow with me and she doesn't want the baggage of any relationship so she can focus on her competitive career. She even gave me the I love you so much and only want good things for your future, but I don't know if I'm "in love" with you anymore. She said she's finally trying to be brave and accept these feelings she is having rather than repress them out of her head. She doesn't want to be stuck in a relationship that is only kept around out of convenience and to avoid the pain of ending 7+ years with someone. It was bold and honorable on her end, but INSANELY painful for me. Although I'm certain she is in better shape than me, she is not a happy camper either right now; she was crying her eyes out along with me while breaking up. It was a very amicable break up. No hate or anger. Just confusion and tears, lots of tears from both of us.

I can't believe it actually happened. It came so suddenly. There was no foreshadowing whatsoever. I'm in utter shock. I'm still in the "I can't live without her" stage where it feels like my entire world has collapsed and I'll never be able to smile again. I feel like I can never be so intimate or spirtually "connected" with anyone else. She dominates my every thought... happy memories haunt me every hour of every day because we have 6 1/2 years worth of memories.

I'd do anything for one last "snuggle" in bed, even if just for 5 minutes... god I miss having her in my life.

We were 18 and 17 when we met 6 1/2 years ago, so we've been through a lot of major life changes together (high school, college, discovering our careers, adult identities etc.), it's is so hard to let it all go.

The thing with my NC is, we both agreed to meet post-breakup when we feel "okay" to talk because she really wanted to visit my mother's grave with me (it's a long story, but trust me when I say she sincerely wants to do this, no headgames). This is something that for some reason got put off for many years and is very important to both of us. She has words to say to her gravesite. I'm confident that within a few months we should be strong enough to meet on "business only" terms and close the final chapter of our 6 1/2 journey... we were both each others first big love and we have made our marks on each other. Even though we are broken up, we have been instrumental in shaping who we are today, for better, I guess.

I long for her to come running back. I have dreams that she calls me and says "baby, forgive me...Now I truly realize what we had and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you" but I know these exist only in dreams 99% of the time. But I still believe it, which is painful. A friend of mine was broken up with after 8 years, but they got back together 6 months later and are now happily married.