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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantbelieveit
I am not totally out of the wood yet though. I still think about her in my sleep and still feel sad for a bit when I think about it. But all the urge to find out and call her is not there anymore and I can pretty much go and do things without thinking of her in the picture. I am sure over time this will go away as well.
Phew, my NC calendar starts today. It's been a week or so since we broke up and it's really about time that I realize that talking to her won't do me any good at all.
The last week has been one hell of an emotional rollercoast for me. After me and my girlfriend had been together for five years, she had been having doubts about the relationship the last two months without telling me, so when it felt for me like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about it that was the hardest part for me to overcome. The fact that she's already over me, looking for somebody else and is "relieved" that it's all over hurts a lot.
I keep looking back at all the women I've met in my life and trying to see if I could like any of them as much as I could like her. Every woman I see I measure up toward her and in sadness realize aren't as good as she was. Is this normal? I think I'm just deadly afraid of being alone.
The funny thing is, when me and my girlfriend were still together I was constantly having doubts about the relationship, given the fact that me and my girlfriend had been together since we were 15 and none of us had been in any other relationships before, I was constantly doubting whether or not I had the strength to be with her for the rest of my life, yet now that it's over there's nothing I want more. Now I've contacted her a couple of times the last week and each time it's only made the pain worse. I'd like to think that at some time down the road me and her could at least be friends again. After sharing so much together she wasn't only my girlfriend but the best friend I've ever had, I don't want to lose all of it. I'm hoping that once I get over her I shouldn't have any troubles talking to her on a casual level, or is this also a bad idea? I don't know.
Anyway I hope I can keep NC going at least until I'm completely over her, or I've found someone else, if that should happen. I'm trying to fill my days with activities like learning to play the guitar, and working out, but I'm still in the early stages of my education and whenever I sit down to get some mental work down all these thoughts keep flashing through my brain and it's really hard to get schoolwork done. Anyway, day 1, hope I can make it through.
You will feel much better later, as its quite an adjustment, mentally, emotionally, and yes physically, when we lose a long term partner.
Its life changing, and all the fears, and broken dreams, will have you thinking in many directions. That's normal after a break up.
We all have been through this same thing, but I think you have a good plan to get you through it. You will be stronger, more aware of who you are, and better able to deal with yourself, in a positive way.
Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or click on the link in my signature, for some good suggestions for your siuations. Hang in there, your among people who will support you through this.
Taliman and eveyone else that helped me get through my time of crisis. I just wanted to come back and say thanks to you all. I have been doing great. For the past months or so, about a month or so, I felt the emotional cable that was tying me to me ex cut... FOR GOOD!! I just woke up and it was as if I was a new person!! since then I have not had any down days or anything like that. I guess for me I moved on faster because I started to date someone right the way... at first it was not serious, but then it became kind of serious.. . and at that time my ex totally flipped... she contacted me like crazy begging and apologizing etc... considering that she really went from being the sweetest girl to a complete cold heart gal... so to all of you out there who are in the beginning of this BU bull, it gets better. Before you know it you will be far back to being yourself and it will be just awesome to get yourself back... it's funny how life works... really guys... that day when I woke and felt that load fell off, that next day my ex contacted me and send me at least 7 text messages and then called. And she has been calling and texting ever since. I have talked to her a few times since and she wants to come visit, and she wants me to visit etc... I have to say it felt good to rub it in her face... oh yeah... she couldn't believe how fast I moved on... " did you really get over me that fast she asks times and times again"... and I was like you betcha I did... hehehe... but it's all good... so just hang in there guys... things get better, I grew not only has a person, but also I know what I want in a mate in the future... so thank you thank you to all of you who have helped me during my downtime . I just wanted to come back and pay my dues to all of you... you have helped so much... I can never be grateful enough...
It rain so hard today. For some reason I missed her so much today. I went on to my Yahoo messenger this morning this is the old nick I haven't used for a while. She message me "if there is any important mail please message me, thanks, have a good day".
She must have got this nick from her friend since I never gave this nick to her since I was talking to her friend a few weeks back. Most of her mail are banking statements which she checked them online anyway.
Is she trying to make contact with me? I am not ready to talk to her because I know if I talk to her I'll be back to square one again or I'll say something that will upset her and it will affect my healing. I am planning to take a long trip for a month to another country in two weeks time. Already booked the tickets.
I am planning to talk to her when I get back regarding the mails or any other matter. What do you guys think? I want to tell her to change your address and all that but I don't see the point. I'll just ignore it for now.
Good answer!Quote:
I'll just ignore it for now.
Ignore it... When you get back from your trip in six weeks, you will feel entirely different.
Day eight feels like crap but no way I'm msgn her she knows mynumber etc. Stays strong.
I sure wish I could go on a trip like that. Hopefully I can plan something in November. Trips are great for clearing the mind. When you come back you'll have a new outlook I'm sure. Good to ignore it... square 1 is no fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
Stay strong :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Fredj88
Ugh I feel so anxious this morning... day 9 I believe, maybe 8, I don't really remember. But I saw her last night as I walked in the parking garage. She was with him and their whole new group, I felt so anxious and she didn't try to say hi she just sped up and walked away with him. It hurt so much, she was even wearing his hoodie... I really just want to break down, I feel like nothing is ever going to change sometimes when I have to see her this often randomly...
It will pass. Nobody said this would be easy. Look at what your going to do today, and get busy.
My ex added me on Yahoo today. The request come up for me to add her but I don't know if I should. It's about the mails again. She tell me to message her if it's important mail. I already told her that I'll let her know if there is mail a month back but why she keep reminding me? Should I add her or not? This is an old nick that I haven't use for a month. Every time she message me it give me false hope. I hope after my trip I'll feel better.
You have the options:Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
1. Throw her mail away
2. Tell her to change the address on her mail
She tell me to throw away all her mails but there is this divorce document that she's waiting for. Her ex husband is supposed to send it to her and it has been six months now. I don't know why she can't ask him to sent it to her new address. Anyway I don't want to message her back. I want to get over her first and when I am ready I'll talk. I don't know when I'll be ready which sux. I try to keep myself busy but there are time that you are alone. Being alone the enemy. I can resist the urge not to message her or add her for now. I hope I can control myself and keep NC. In two weeks I'll be gone for the whole month so I guess "out of site out of mind"Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
Day19 of nc= Today was pretty bad, probably cause I was not keeping myself busy.This sucks.
Hope everyone else is hanging in there.
Good luck
Blocked hr on msn, I feel so anxious so giddy, I don't know what to do, it sucks because she was my only friend really, I just can't call up people I spoke to 3 years ago hey remember me.
So Alone, day 9 of NC :(
Day 24 of NC. It's been rough--I didn't cut her off right after she dumped me; she wanted to stay friends. Only after I found out she cheated on me and left me for another guy did I stop contacting her. We had plans to move away together, so I was jobless, having an awful summer waiting for her to come home from her summer job in the Bahamas so we could go start a new life together. So now I've had to start from scratch (I'm in my mid-20s)--I've moved to the east coast; she moved out to the west. Two and a half year relationship, the possibility of marriage, and it's all gone so quickly.
I've been on the east coast for two and half weeks now. I have a very promising job interview next week with an employer that will pay me more than I was making before. I joined a dodgeball league to get out and meet people. I went on one date last week that didn't go great, but I went on one on Monday that went very well and we have another date on Sunday.
So hang in there. Keep yourself moving. It's tough (hey, at least not everyone has to go on job interviews while getting over this!), but every day is a little more progress. I don't think I'm at the point where I wouldn't answer the phone if she calls (she told me she'd call before the election), but I'm hoping to get there. I'm slowly feeling like myself again.
I'm sorry for your loss... some girls are hoes =/Quote:
Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
I met a guy, who is 25, not married, and has 3 kids... I told him my story about my situation.
He said "boy, you got some time and right now, that girl who left you for another guy ain't yours. In the long run, when you catch a girls eyes, go up to her and tell her "hey! You look good! You mine!" and start getting down"
First day of my new agreement actually being put into effect with my ex-girlfriend that we'll base our schedules around not seeing each other, even though I knew she wouldn't come to breakfast this morning I was a little anxious but not nearly as much as usual.
I'm working now in the same building that she goes to for her club that she's a treasurer in after her class usually today since she has to log a certain amount of hours in the office and I have to walk by it as I work, but I saw she wasn't there meaning she skipped her class this morning AGAIN, likely because of her new boyfriend doing stupid things like staying up too late with him or whatever else. Still hurts to see someone I care about so much not realize she's slowly digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole it seems, especially with her school work. I hate to see her do this because it's been getting progressively worse and worse it seems, this is like the 3rd or 4th class she's missed in the last 2-3 weeks now. She also told me on Tuesday she was trying to lose weight by just skipping meals entirely, I told her it isn't healthy to do and she's just going to gain it all back and she just snapped on me, even after she told me she was the only one here she would be open with and go off on about how stressed she is because she's closest to me and her family. =( I hate seeing her go down hill like this, but I seriously can't tell if it's just me blowing up small situations because I care about her so much or if she seriously is going down hill.
Still fighting the usual urges to not talk to her, posting to vent...
Keep at it Jumping...
Most of us have heard things, or seen things, that make you believe that your ex isn't anything like he/she used to be. Its tough to deal with, but what usually helps me is looking back at myself and realizing I'm not the same either - Change yourself for the better...
You have to realize she's screwing with HER class, not you.Quote:
Originally Posted by jumpin0503
When you're learning something and your ex is screwing around, you have the opportunity more than your ex. I was told by my ex that I'm a failure and I'll depend on my parents forever cause they are professional doctors (both of my parents are doctors with 30+ years of experience).
Guess what?
I got a job to gain experience in working publicly.
I am attending nursing class in which I will be state licensed nurse when I pass the exam.
I will return to 4-year university and pursue my psychology degree; then apply for med school.
Thanks for your words of support. I honestly never saw it coming--she was the last person in the world I ever thought would cheat on me. Until about half-way through her trip, she was telling me how much she loved me, how all she wanted was to come home to me, and that she was looking forward to going through life with me and I'd never have to worry about anything again. Right before she left, she brought up the idea of marriage, which we'd never talked seriously about before. Then half-way through her trip, she meets some guy and apparently falls head-over heals for him. She dumps me when she comes home, LIES about the reasons, and I then find out she's telling this guy she's in love with him and that her heart belongs to him--this literally WEEKS after she was telling me how she wanted to go through life with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to. Part of me still believes that given the circumstances of her new relationship, there's no way it'll work out and she'll eventually realize her mistake. But her coming back would probably put me in a worse situation than I'm in without her around. I could never trust her again.
The only thing that's prevented me from cracking today is this site. Thanks guys--I'm staying strong. 25 days down--my next goal is getting through all of October.
Oh boy... what a hoe =/Quote:
Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
I feel so bad for you D:
Seriously, this girl is equivalent of a prostitute.
Keep going, man. Personally I can't even begin to comprehend the pain you must be feeling. I'm feeling like hell and me and my girlfriend left on good terms, even though for me it did feel like it came out of the blue. In a way I wish I had never experienced this pain, as have probably you, but at least personally I've learnt a lot about myself through this. I don't think it's a particularly common thing to feel so gutted and cheated on by someone that you trust, but don't let it get you down in a bad way.Quote:
Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
At least for me, the old saying: "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" actually turned out to be right. You've made it a long way so far, and I think you're right that your girlfriends relationship will end rather badly for her at some point or the other, but you really shouldn't be thinking about what you would do if she came back to you know. It pains me to say that no matter how happy the two of you were together, she's shown an insurmountable flaw in her personality that will stick with her for the rest of her life, and for the people who've experienced this flaw firsthand, she's never to be trusted. You've made it 25 days, this is very impressive, set yourself a few goals and make yourself realize that you're A LOT better than her and if that new guy wants to spend time with a cheater, that's his problem, not yours.
Keep on trucking, man!
Day 2 for me.. since both the breakup & me doing NC :(
I'm setting myself up bad here because we broke up a few months ago and on the 3rd day he called and wanted to meet up and we got back together. I have a pretty good feeling tomorrow I won't hear from him and it is going to suck even more than today did :(
I keep hoping he'll come back to me.. all he said was that he needs some time on his own to figure out what he wanted (we were long distance).. I know that's a line, but he was crying when he said it at least..
Get used to that my friend... Even months later, we still get urges. Maybe not to call or go drive by their house, but urges to know what is going on, wondering if they still think about us, if they are happy... In time, you learn to control your thoughts and deal with these things...Quote:
Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
I am sure once he finds a new girl he'll be so busy that he'll forget the old one.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
I agree, that's why I can't help but want someone to come along.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
I am personally exactly like that. I know that I'll never fully get over my girlfriend until I find someone else. Until then every recent memory I have of physical contact and intimacy is going to be of her, it'll be impossible to get off my mind.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
At the same time, I'm only interested in long term relationships and I want to make sure I find someone I really really like before I move on. Ugh, it all seems so impossible at times!
Just be careful that your not looking for a replacement or a rebound. They don't tend to end well and you'll end up back to square 1 when it falls apart... There is a certain amount of healing that needs to take place before you jump into another relationship...
No doubt though, they can be a great distraction.
This is entirely unrelated, but I thought I would share - I went through a TERRIBLE breakup in high school with a guy I dated for a year cause I was an idiot. Anyway so THREE MONTHS of NC later he sent me an email out of nowhere apologizing and begging & pleading for me back and everything I had wanted to hear.. except of course I was so over it I never even responded. Instead, I printed out the email and framed it in my locker. Every day I would look at it and laugh. It was like my prize for doing NC and surviving :) inspiration people! You can do it.
Just posted this on one of my other questions... about a girl I had started to see... Anyway I though it might be good to update a few of you that have helped me out on my situation and look for any words of wisdom you have. Thanks guys.
"uggghhh... Well unfortunately it didn't work out. Don't ask me why, because even her friends can't figure it out.... She was very excited about everything right from the first date. Her friends would come to me and tell me how interested and into me she was... literally 2 days after hearing about one of these talks from her friends she tell me out of no where (on msn of all places) that she just wants to be friends.... We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its really not the end of the world and I know that. The only brutal side effect from all this is that I am now really missing my ex... And I hate it.
Furthermore.... While I was somewhat dating this girl i got a call from my ex... I was feeling so good with breakup recovery that I didn't even recognize the number and picked up. Well she was very upset.... one of her guy "friends" had hit on this girl I was seeing and told him she was seeing somebody... He then asked who and she actually dropped my name... Well of course he noticed my name and ran to my ex with this information. My ex told me how much she misses me and how shes not seeing anyone and doesn't want me to either, and that she wants to get together when she is home for thanksgiving (in Canada its the weekend after next) and wants me to come visit her.... to maybe possibly reconcile. Well I told her I was going to continue going on with what I was doing much to her dismay. The next day I then started to get texts like crazy asking me not to date, and that we are going to see each other and talk and gave me xo's and called me by my pet name. I let it go and didn't hear from her the next two days (last weekend)... she was going to toronto with a large group of friends. Anyways long story short after the weekend I heard from her through texts about how much fun she had and I could tell that she was no longer as upset and excited to re-kindle things. Not that I want to but it made me very angry, it was obvious that she was being extremely selfish... and I can't believe she had the nerve to actually say to me "don't date anyone" after she wanted the breakup 5 months ago. The simple explanation is that she hasn't found someone else "happiness" and doesn't want me to before her. I kept my anger to myself on this and decided to ignore her. But i realized something... I am not over her even after 5 months (was a 4 year relationship however)... I couldn't believe the impact she still had on me when she contacted me... i felt very depressed (almost like the first month of the breakup) and also noticed a pattern. I would ask for no contact and get it for 3 week stretches, but as soon as she would get upset she would come crying to me to make her feel better and to reassure her confidence that I still have feelings for her. And then when she would get it she would back off when she felt better leaving me sad and lonely after I had been doing really good.
Well I took some proactive measures, she was already deleted and blocked from facebook and msn... I have now blocked all of her email addresses from all mine and even changed my cell number this morning. I am starting to feel stupid that after 5 months I am now having to change my phone number, and am even kind of embarrassed by it... But now I really know that I won't hear from her again... There is relief and piece of mind in that... however I am left feeling very sad again. I know the feeling won't last that long this time, just sucks that after feeling so good for such a long I have hit a rut again.... Guess its part of the journey.
I know that's a lot, just felt like venting it though.... Maybe something better suited for the NC Calender.... Oh well"
You kept strong!Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Outstanding :D!
5 months and my ex hasn't said a word. Found out she likes someone else and probably going out with the new guy already.
I told myself "screw that hoe~ I'll study my @ss off for nursing course so I get State License Certification of Nursing and go back to university so I get my degree in psychology. Hopefully, move onto med school... finish up.. and start racking up big money."
What most countries need now is doctors, nurses, or any sort of people in specialized medical field.
NNG...
As you know I too am 5 months on from a 4 year breakup. I know exactly how your feeling when you talk about the feelings about her and how they can come up and still bother you. Don't feel stupid about it, its normal.
Now I haven't dated anyone, so I don't have that same situation under my belt, and we haven't had contact since we broke up, but I have often thought about how I would react to seeing her or having to talk to her and at times I think I would be fine, and other times I think it would bug me like hell...
Just hang in there, like you have for the last 5 months, and you'll be fine. Its normal...
I did it... the infamous drunk dial, broke no contact... but she never answered, I texted and called her last night. I was ridiculous last night I usually never get that drunk (I have a really high tolerance, I'm usually feeling fine after about 6-7 shots despite how small I am, about 140 pounds but a real heavy weight drinker for some reason, guess its my family genetics or something? Haha) but I didn't compensate for how little I've been eating as of late (started being able to eat again finally, but it's not full meals yet still). I'm at work now, I feel like an idiot for doing it, I even deleted her out of my phone entirely last night (I knew what I did was stupid but I was too drunk to care if what I was doing was stupid) and I don't have her number memorized so there's literally 0 ways for me to contact her now. I miss talking with her as a friend, but I know this is what I have to do. I'm hoping she doesn't respond this morning, she might, but she never responded to the text messages either throughout the night so maybe she won't, it seems she really hates me now like I thought if she doesn't respond, even after feeding me all this crap of wanting to be best friends still. I wish I didn't delete her number last night, just to leave another message to NOT respond to me, but I literally have no way to contact her now, do you think I should ask a friend for her number just to text her real fast and tell her to NOT answer those messages and we'll talk whenever we do? (Read the whole post before responding to this, you'll see why I feel I should do this because we have the same group of friends, will see each other a lot pretty often, etc, believe me this isn't a thing to get my own hopes up on trying to get back with her, you'll see I just want to be friends later on because we have the same friends and I know it's too soon for that still though).
She stopped by last night to visit my friend/old roommate that left the school Brian but I wasn't there, but since I was drunk (normally when I drink I'm not that bad, but because I didn't compensate for not eating much I became much more intoxicated than usual, thus why I did what I did, even when I'm drunk with friends I can usually control myself, even in this sort of situation I've already done it multiple times so far) I got really emotional that she came during a time I didn't get to see or talk to her since I was letting a few friends in at our dorms front desk. I remember texting her telling her I was pissed off that she would just leave one of her own best friends hanging, he comes up to visit once a month at most, maybe every 2 months, he helps her through the break up when I originally broke up with her, he comes up to visit and she completely leaves him out to dry. This isn't even about me anymore, it's about my friends, even he was pretty pissed that she wouldn't even give him more than a few minutes to say hi after all he did for her.
Maybe this is for the better? I don't know... I feel insanely stupid for doing what I did... if she does call back I know I need to respond and apologize for the drunk dials and angry texts and make sure we are both on the same page, so we have the possibility of being friends in the future. Then go back to NC because I don't want to cut off all ties of ever being friends because we likely will be friends in the future, I just know it's too soon for that, not yet. We both know if we don't talk forever it will be awkward having the same group of friends even if she ditched our "group" for the most part at this point, and it's going to be ridiculously awkward having the same group of friends once she comes back to our group eventually, whenever that is, maybe a few months maybe next year, it's something I have to do even though I wish I could not to answer and just let it pass because I know it would likely be better if I didn't talk to her, if I didn't have to see her in the future as well I would do that, I would continue the NC completely, but this isn't a normal situation...
Anyway, I know she'll end up crawling back to our group once their group falls apart, it's bound to honestly if you ask me, they have a group of "friends" that are in 3 relationships with each other, as soon as one relationship falls apart they are all affected and all won't be able to hang out with their only "friends" anymore. Its extremely likely to happen at some point, I just don't know when, but I really don't care. Do you guys feel the same way, that a group of friends that are ALL in relationships with each other are bound to have problems later on if one relationship falls apart, or is that just me? I need other peoples opinions on this.
I'm troubled, because if I don't answer her if she does happen to respond I'm likely cutting off any chances of being friends in the future too, so I want to and I know now obviously that I'm sober I can tell her exactly how I feel and tell her essentially exactly what I wrote here, I just don't know, I'm conflicted because of how stupid I feel still for doing it. I've accepted the fact that I won't have her back, like seriously accepted, I'm working on moving on with my life still despite all that I've said, I know my reality and I know I'll be better for this in the end.
I still feel idiotic for doing what I did though... I realize now in the morning what I did was stupid, I just don't know what to do from here. I guess I need to continue moving on and take it as a learning experience? I guess maybe I know that at least I can accept being friends with her in the future just not yet, I guess I need to look at it in that perspective. I can't let myself get down over this for long, I know my life needs to move on... am I really getting there guys honestly? I hope I'm moving on I hope I'm showing signs of wanting to move on/am moving on...
Sorry for the essay guys, I know I could have condensed this a lot but this is the first place I get to talk about what I'm feeling because I work at 6:30 in the morning on fridays and obviously none of my friends would be awake when I get up for work at 6 am ever, especially after a night of drinking, so this is the first place I've gotten to talk about how I feel.
I feel awful, it's like it's only hit me TODAY how bad my ex has trated me and how much it's affected me. All this time I thought I was healing, only to find out today, the real grieving is yet to come! :(
Jumping...
I'm glad you got all that off your chest - hope you feel better now. You deleted her number so you can't contact her - that's a good first step. Now, about trying to contact to her through friends or any of that crap just to let her know that you were drunk/not to respond/etc... Forget it. That's just your mind looking for an alternative way to contact her since you removed the only contact method you had...
People make mistakes, accept what happened and forgive yourself for it - then move on with NC...
All of the healing you did was healing, but the entire process is a rollercoaster - anyone here will tell you that. Before you know it you will be feeling just like you were before, trust me.. Its always up-down-up-downQuote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
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