Numb,how are you doing?left us for happier places or are you still fighting?share it with us!
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Numb,how are you doing?left us for happier places or are you still fighting?share it with us!
If you must see her and you want to see her go with an open mind, take what comes your way but don't expect too much she may just be checking up on you, I don't know if I was an expert I wouldn't be single lol!
NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!
Hang in there cali, hang out with your friends, play video games... whatever, keep your mind focused and it'll get easier.
Its always hard at first and it will be really hard, I'm three weeks in, my ex text me a chain text about a week ago but because it wasn't about me and her I ignored it... everyday has been a struggle to stop myself contacting her since but it will pass and I will get better as will you just hang in there!
CaliQuote:
Originally Posted by CaliCool
You are in the early stages and the feelings you have at the moment are perfectly normal. Read the link at the bottom of my signature and don't fall into the trap of doing all these things , it will help you to start healing and also keep your dignity.
Best wishes and remember we are all here when you need to vent.
Im on day 19 now and feeling not entirely happy about things, but am now able to at least reason why certain things occurred and even better not blame myself for everything. We lived together and worked together which made thing awkward but she works elsewhere now (funny how that would have made things easier if the relationship started now instead of then, but it would have drawn out what wasn't a relationship designed to work forever I guess. Sometimes a little pressure on a couple might actively help see what people are really like?).
Unfortunately she is still required to come into my workplace occasionally. I wouldn't mind what people's opinion of the best way to continue NC is in this situation? I can easily change my work hours to suit not having to see her, but to me it makes me feel like I am giving her far too much power over me considering I don't really have any intention of even getting back together with her as much I did love her originally before she broke it off. On the other hand I don't really want to see myself slide back from where I am now after some decent NC.
Hmm :)
Don't beat yourself up over checking your email every 10 minutes, I did it too! You are going through a very crappy period in your life so be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Try and stick with your no contact no matter how strong the urge is. This stage will pass, you might not believe it but trust me it will. Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me because I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliCool
roogirl said: " Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me becuse I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you."
Darn, that's good. I couldn't rate the answer, so, Amen, sister.
I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago because she was cheating on me. Now I still miss her, but I have found another girl who is 20x better, she a lot nicer, kinder and sweeter. The point is, when you get dumped, cheated on... etc, it's just a sign that there is a better guy/girl out there for you, you just have to go out and find him/her.
Wisdom from the mouth of babes. :eek: He is right!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by schwartzyms
Sorry I shouldve did half a quote,new to this thing. Kuuslki,you're in the same situation as I, you start healing and moving on and that's when the Ex contacts you. Now many would say don't reply don't answer,and that's the true way of doing it, but its not easy, what you did,very limited contact is right on the ball. I don't answer his calls,most of the time,I'm hard person to reach anyway. But no I don't want to regress on my healing either. First and foremost,YOU come first, so if you're not ready to talk to her, just 'miss' her calls,wait a day or tw0 and reply with a short,but happy email. There's lots of threads about what to do when they contact you,many of them says make it sweet short and happy, Its noy playing games,its protecting yourself. The message you want to send is "I'm moving on living my fabulous life without you",even if you're not and is actually obsessing about them like I did,its not as bad lately. The heart,in my case, takes a long time to heal so why regress? And you should see someone new even if they work at the same place your ex does. Hey what better ways for them to see that you moved on. Keep up the good work,let me know how it goes,you're not alone in this!Quote:
Originally Posted by kuulski
5 months as of yesterday. I even forgot it was 5 months until today!Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
If I am honest I still miss her, but haven't even come near to contacting her recently. I am starting to think it is forever now. If that is the case, so be it.
I have been out on a few dates recently. I find myself being very fussy! That can only be a good thing as I won't settle for second best. I am out with a lady at the weekend who I have loads in common with, she is very keen and is doing a lot of the chasing. I am keen too and it has promise!
Life goes on!
Mine is just 2 days.. Definately harder than I thought it would be
I have def kept the response and everything short and sweet. When we went NC it was mutual but only because I don't want to be with anybody that doesn't want me or feels I have needs they can't meet me in the middle on. I do wonder about her and miss her still but I do not extend myself on the emails and we haven't spoke or text it has been strictly company emails. I have been keeping myself busy because her B - Day is next month and also valentines don't know if these are the reasons she is reaching out or wha but I have already made plans so I won't see her even if she ask I just want to make sure I am OK first. Even if it ends up we are just friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by vivia12
That's what I want to know. My g/f broke up w/ me a couple days ago because she "wants to be single." And "she doesnt want to be with anybody else b/c she loves me" blah blah. Anyway, what do I do if she comes back, hell I don't know a month or so, and wants to talk about things. What if I want to get back together? How do I act? Tough? I know not to just break down but do I tell her how I feel if its all still there?
Missinghim, You're #1 reason was so you could heal. However, I've got a feeling that #2 is the one you're hoping for... I know it is for me. And I just have a hard time trying to figure out what I would do if she did call and want to "talk." There is no way I would just go running to her. I wouldn't be mean, but stern because she was totally wreckless with my feelings. She said she just want some time so she could go out with friends and stuff because she never could before. But anyway, what would you do if he did call?
This is the issue with most people. They do NC... but they don't get on with their lives with the hope that their ex will call them back. I say... screw with the ex's feelings. You got your own life now. They're doing their own thing. If they call back, let them call back. Don't even think about that right now. ASSUME that they won't call back and just move on with your life. Two things will happen:
1. they will call back. If that's what you wanted... good. Then take it from there.
2. they won't call back. Then fine... you're already moving on.
I'm with samesame and ConfusedandLost. I truly love this girl. We have just been apart for a few days but NC. I don't want to say "screw her" is my thing. And yeah, I'll admit, even with NC, I wish every minute she will call. I know, well it sounds stupid, so I guess I think this girl really loves me. I mean, it sounds stupid, but I really think she does. I broke up with her about a year ago for this same reason of feeling like I had to explain every time I went out with my friends. And... I called her and she said she didn't want to see me and it scared the hell out of me. I guess I thought she would always be there and I'm hoping that happens with her. Part of me thinks it will but the other half is saying, if it doesn't you're going to have to move on. I guess what Im asking is... listening to the post, everybody is trying to get over their bf/gf with NC. What if I don't want to get over her (pathetic I know)? Do I contact her or let her come back to me like I did her? If that's what is meant to be
3rd day and I am finding myself not having that uncontrollable urge to text.. It does get better, because you start to realize "If they don't care enough to call me, why should I care enough to call them" I even don't feel like signing on my myspace page. Tomorrow will be the test considering I work with her.. but come on guys, we can do this
Sorry about those 3 "answers" I left. I'm new to this thing so you know. Its my 2nd day of NC, 3rd of us being broken up. This has helped reading all of this, thank God its not just me. I really like the win-win situation with NC. However, if she does call (it seems a lot of people on here hope they will) and I don't answer then does that tell her I'm not interested? I mean, she is going to have to bend over backwards for me if this is ever going to work again so I know that much. I guess Im asking if I should show any interest whatsoever because I don't want her to feel like she made a mistake and then think I'm mad and give up. But I guess she wouldn't give up if she really wanted it to work. And umm... she lives on the other side of the apt complex. Ok, enough being pathetic for now, going to work out.
My whole outlook on the situation is... If she calls, let it ring out and then call her back awhile after... I'm not quite sure how long I'm going to let her wait, but I'm hoping for at least a day.. Make her sweat as long as possible.. Now if she calls once and you let it ring out and then calls again later.. pick it up.. It might be important
For those new to NC, it amazes me how you can be dumped, and still think she will come back, and are so willing to wait, and care more for her feelings, than your own. Its always so interesting as we heal, and move on, we can look back, and really see how unhealthy we are when we get here, and how we have completely changed our attitudes. Good Luck!
Ok, sorry I feel retarded and selfish to keep talking but another question. I was driving to the place where I work out and the tanning bed that my g/f goes to is right next to it. I saw her car there then saw her walking to the front door as I was driving by in the parking lot. I looked at her and she kind of slowed down and waived. I just turned my head back around and went on to park and didn't look back. This is so freakin hard. I know Im just suppose to move on I KNOW. But Im just not there yet. And, I don't want to burn any bridges if she does realize she needs me. I WILL NOT go pour my heart out though or even contact her. Did I do the right thing?
I was going well for a while there, but this week I feel like I've taken 10 steps back and one forward. I'm making so much progress, and all I want to do is tell him! And when I realise he's gone, it just smacks me in the face one more time. I have to work out how I'm going to break this self-torturous cycle. I say the prayer 'god grant me the serenity... and so on' to talk myself into letting go, I tell myself to stop being stupid, he's not coming back, and just to let go, so far it has been ineffective. I think this no contact is working more against me and more in his favour! It's making me miss him 10 times more than he's probably ever going to miss me. At the same time, this method of self torture is truly the only way to heal. It's been hell, but I still haven't crumbled and made any contact.
I know the feeling Roo. She kind of gave me the "I still love you and dont wanna be w/anybody else thing." But this is killing me. I'm not stupid, as dumb as I may sound for wanting to hang on. But I do want to hang on. I want her back. And I'm throwing the idea of calling her and just saying, "if its over its over but i need to know for sure." Then I'll prob get the "I can't say for sure" response and then really feel dumb for letting her know this is killing me.
Yeah, its tough as those fresh, intense emotions have our thinking coo-coo-lala, at times, but it will pass for a while, just try to stay on the path of NC.
This is my 4th month of NC thing...
I feel alive but not living... hehehehehe!
In some ways I fell dead but not departed...
*sobs*
I'm only close to 1 month in and feel the same Overdozed. Yesterday after talking to one of my female friends @ work I've decided to be a bit pro-active about certain things and force myself to feel a bit more alive. My flatmate and I are moving (she used to live with me and I think a change in scenery will help) and I'm changing jobs (I used to work with her too heh) and I figure if I can force myself to be in more foreign situations then it might help facilitate the moving on with my life phase I hope to be in soon :)
Very good plan lunchbox, My ex and I lived together for many years so everything I now have we accumulated together (furniture, t.v.'s dishes) EVERYTHING. It's rough living in the same place with all the remiders. If I had money I'd ditch that place and all the crap and move someplace else. To bad that's not going to happen anytime soon. I think you have the right idea though... Good for you!!Quote:
Originally Posted by lunchboxau
This is now my 4th day of NC... I don't look at her myspace but she looks at mine, but the biggest thing is... Last night I was outside talking to one of my friends and this car drove past 4 times, really slow and stopping to see who I was talking too.. SUV filled with girls all giggling and someone ducking in the backseat... Maybe it's wishful thinking, but everyone I tell it too say all signs point to my ex.. Condering my boy goes out with one of her friends and it was a "girls night out" last night..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Hi Suelle, I thinkit s ridiculous how they love to ease their conscience with the friends game,how can they really expect us to follow along to all their rules. No I don't want you but wew'll be friends? No,not if they are dating someone else,in my case. I had to finally let him know I'm not ready to talk to him or just be friends. Its better to look after you,they are obviously not.
You can't be friends, my ex wanted that and I said no then she got really upset... at the moment we seem to be playing this cat and mouse game, she texts me I don't respond for a while then I text her and she doesn't respond! Its madness
Its like when they say soon I might feel different.. I had that talk, a few months I was told... what do they expect you to just sit around or be their friend until they meet someone else or get bored!
I agree Maggie. Its been 3 days of NC for me and its not easy. It sucks. I really do believe she loves me and maybe its true that a girl might just truly need time away to see if we are the right ones. I hope so anyway. But at the same time... can she really love me and break it off with me? She told me I could call or email her. Oh thanks! What an honor.
I don't know what to do anymore, one min I feel like I don't want her the next I'm desperate for her... its horrible!
Ive lost all self respect for myself for wanting/still loving someone that has put me through all of the stuff she has!
I don't even know what she wants anymore... I wished it was me but I think that may be delusion, she's messed with my head when she could have just left and let me be.. but no she has to text every now and again despite me asking her not to bother me and I won't bother her!
So here's an update on my situation. I went out with this girl for 2 years, she dumped me beginning of December saying that she couldn't handle the distance (she goes away to school, I was going to go to the same one) and she wasn't sure if she ever loved me at all. So I tried the "just friends" thing for a week, and I realized it wasn't going to happen, so I told her that I just couldn't be friends. So NC it was, had a few hiccups, but then she wanted to see me the 5th before she went back, so she came over and we talked about stuff, and she kept telling me that she really does want it to work out between us and stuff, then it started to get awkward so she asked me what I got for xmas so I pulled out this cool book I got, so as we were going through it, she kept getting a little closer and a little closer, and then she kissed me, so I kissed her back and then we started making out for a little bit, then she started crying saying that she was a slut, I felt bad so I cheered her up (im that guy who always knows what to say) and then she left, I was happy and she was happy, but it gave me hope... Then I did something kind of stupid and went on her Facebook, because I know her password, and I found a message she wrote to the guy she's known for 10 days who she apparently "loves" now. While I was reading it, it was just so stupid and made me realize what an idiot she is, and that she really knows nothing about love and doesn't have a rational thought in her head, on top of that she told him that she was only with me out of pity, she honestly thought that I "needed" her to be happy, I don't have her now and I'm pretty happy, anyway, its just unbelievable that every time she would say that I make her so happy or that she loved me, that in the back of her mind she was thinking, "this ought to give the poor guy a little more confidence" What kind of whore does that! So yeah, I'm kind of glad I read that, because now ill stop kidding myself that she'll come back and really start to move on, and knowing what kind of person she really is, is helping out a lot. You'd think after 2 years you'd know everything about them right? Psh... women...
Psh women is right. Similar situation. 3 years. We broke up. She got sick and ended up in the hospital. You checked her fbook. I checked her phone. Found messages from the kid I was suspicious about pre-breakup. Found 30 something messages from within 3 days... "i still like you"... "let's go eat"... "where are you, why aren't you here"... "can i come over"... etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
End of story.
Yea, I'm sorry to here that pal... Sounds like you had a big heart breaker on your hands. It sucked with my ex because we both did and still do love each deeply and whole heartedly but she just couldn't take the pain I was weighing her down with and I understand. It was a very somber sight, neither one of us had a good christmas(she told me this) and both of us cried a lot when we saw each other on the day after we broke up. She really didn't want to do it but knew she had to. I understand that now, but doesn't stop the fact that I love her unconditionally and wish her back every day.. But who knows what the future holds.. keep your head up bro
ISNEEZEFUNNY... Yea I know that, the kid my ex is friends with now is a total loser. He works full-time where I work part time.. He counts tils for the front end cashiers. I'm and IT Admin, college educated, work 2 jobs. I'm in great shape, working out even more to show her what she lost. Hate can be a positive emotion when it forces you to better yourself
I just wanted to say that I'm glad somebody else on here does want to get back with her. B/c I feel the same way... been broke up a week and NC. I know she loves me. Sounds stupid I know but I just know. And every time I say something about it on here somebody tells me how I just need to move no and forget it. Which may be the case but nevertheless Im just glad to hear that Im not the only one
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