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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

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That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!?

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

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Hey thank's for the tip.I will look into it.Luckily I have a good circle of friends and can go back on the social scene.At the moment I am just taking a "time out" for me.I think after Xmas I will pick up the pieces and move on properly.It helps to know I am in a similar situation to you and we are both doing the right thing.

I'm technically on... day 0.

Broke up last weekend, but she calls me everyday. So I explained to her that talking will only delay the getting over period... and she said that she didn't want to get over me. Strange how girls are...

Anyway, we have the same classes and the same friends, so I maintain contact with her at least once a day... somehow. For example, yest, I realized that she borrowed a book of mine that I needed... so I called her to get the book. See... contact I can't avoid. 2 days ago, our professor paired us up for the same project... contact I can't avoid. HOWEVER! I am keeping it shallow and professional. Only talk about what needs to be talked about. Then I'm out. ZING!

After nearly 4 weeks, I broke NC, as I needed certain things back from her. She's still seems to have the same attitude towards me, but I think I have got through it rather well, as I didn't say anything emotional etc. kept it cool and calm. So not such a bad outcome...

Ha, even asked how she was doing... guess that was a mistake on my part. Got no reply except 'i think we should still wait awhile before we talk'... done with waiting. I give up.

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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

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It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His girlfriend dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!?

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His gf dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!!??

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It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someone's heart.

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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someones heart.

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The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

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High maintenance!! Wow does that ring a bell. My ex was extremley HM.She threw me out of her house on 4 occasions because I didn't agree with her point of view(I live 15 miles from her,had to sleep in my car on 1 occasion,because I had some drinks earlier) On 1 occasion I threw her out of my place(I know,but where did I get the idea from)Anyway she hasn't spoken to me since.I tried the phone calls and even went to her work place,but she said and I quote "It's different,I am a woman,you don't do that to a woman" So my assumption is it's OK for a woman to mistreat a man,but not vice versa.I shouldn't have stooped to her level,but I feel she bit of her nose to spite her face.If she wants me she knows where I am,but like your friend I may meet someone better and lower maintenance.

Its been a week since I last had any contact with my ex and 2 months since she dumped me, she did some classic moves, split out of the blue then contacted me none stop for a week telling me I'm the best boyfriends she's ever had etc... the nothing until she told me to move on. After that she showed up at places she'd know id be clubs etc then made an excuse to see me and then again nothing... so I sinned and got in touch it didn't get me anywhere and the very next day she cried when she saw my sis in a club!

I still want her back.. we had a six year relationship we met at 18 but she's had a lot of older boyfriends etc in the past... no contact is best all around you get on or they come back you can't loose really but then if they do you have to decide what's for the best FOR YOU!!

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)

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Originally Posted by kuulski

You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)

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I really appreciate the support. Thank you very much.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? How often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend... we all feel bad but don't give up! We all here to help if you want it just reach out! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better... no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

5th day NC,one month since he broke up with me,I am going crazy because I'm sure he isn't coming back ever and I won't see him for God knows how long.I really hate good byes.I really wish we could just be friends.for real,JUST friends,just chat on the internet like once a week.it's awful,I can't even wish him happy holidays

NC apart from one occasion we were at the same club - no contact happened. Well nearly 5 months now : ), time flys when your busy.

Can be done, keep at it people.

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? how often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

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Me and her ended in August, and we've kind of been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

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Originally Posted by Maggie83

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend....we all feel bad but dont give up!! we all here to help if you want it just reach out!! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better...no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

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Thanks, it's good to know that someone understands what I'm going through. It just kind of speeds the healing process, in my opinion. I just start to get depressed, and sad when I start playing my guitar because it just automatically makes me think of her. It was a mistake to build my whole life around this girl.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

Me and her ended in august, and we've kinda been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

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If she is still contacting you then you need to tell her that you cannot be in contact anymore. The outcome can only be positive. It may make her focus her mind and see what she has lost, it may not, but you will start to heal over time.

Although getting her back should not be your main aim. NC is about you getting yourself back.