Anyways, I do not know what I should do.... more problems arise into my life =/

As for ex, we are "friends"....

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Someone tell me I'm nuts....

So my ex's step sister calls me and is wondering if I want to go out to the bar with her and her friends tonight. While she was talking to me, her younger sister yelled in the background: "We miss you bigbird!". That made me think:

1) If she said that, my ex must not be around.
2) If she isn't around, where is she?
3) Is she out having fun? Who's she with? What's she doing?
....
N) etc...etc...etc...

Someone please tell me if that is a rediculous thought process or what? It's what I thought of, but in reality I think I might be nuts...Just give me your honest opinion.

Oh, and for the record, her step sister is just being friendly, as best as I can tell, do you think it would be a bad idea if I were to go? It would be me and my friends iwth her and her friends....

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Before I answer, Biggie, love you to bits, you know that, I wouldn't give you this advice unless I cared, so take it that way and no other, okay?

Why do you want to go out with your ex's sister and her friends, dig deep, is it because you're hoping to run in to the ex, or because you want some info on what she's doing now, or is it just to have a good time? If it's to have a good time, then go for it, but, do not mention the ex, ask no questions, and if she appears, be prepared to leave.

You aren't nuts, but you've been having a hard time dealing with what the ex might be doing now, so are you looking for info? Sweetie, this would be a step back, not forward. Nothing can be gained by this. That's my take on it, and remember, I've been down that road, and actually had a similar experience. I was invited out by my ex's friends, I told myself I was only going to have fun, but I really went hoping he'd show up, he didn't, and all the questions I needed (or felt I needed) answers to, went unanswered. I went home feeling worse than I had in weeks, allot of steps back that night. Don't make the same mistake.

If you are really only going to have fun, then go, but be honest with yourself sweetie, because I don't think that's the only reason.

Remember, love you to bits, only trying to tell you what I feel is going on. I don't want to see you hurt again.

Alty

I think I have finally hit the two month mark for NC.

It feels like it has been forever, more like 6 months. I wish this was going to be another strong supportive post for all of you, but I'm not feeling it. This last week has been one of the tougher weeks in a long time. When I was having a down time at the beginning of the week I was hoping that I would snap out of it in a day or two. Not so.

After this long it blows my mind that I am finding myself hung up on issues like "Will she ever call me again?" and "Why doesn't she love me?". Totally pointless, even stupid, questions at this point. After seeing something she wrote which made it seem as though she was going out of town, I have been a mess. Even when your not looking for it, the bits of info find you :(

Last time I had a down time, it only lasted a day or two and it was great. To be back riding high so quickly really boosted my confidence in how well I was doing. Now that all I think about is her and how much I miss her, I'm really sick of the whole situation.

It's the constant thought that she is with someone else already that hurts me. No proof that its true, and I want to believe what she told me, but I'm finding it hard. This is a topic for another thread however...

Sorry to be long and drawn out, needed to vent.

Come on Bigbird, you're stronger than this! Pull yourself together man!

If, IF she has a new man.. I'd pity him if I was you. He's going to go through the same thing that you're going through in a matter of time not that far away.

If she was worth missing, she wouldn't have dumped you. I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about her if she doesn't care about you. Don't believe a word she says.. ex's talk a lot of crap to us to make us feel better and so they can have a clear conscience.

Stop thinking about the past, look towards the future. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone even better than this girl! Someone that won't dump you, tell you a pile of crap and then gets a new boyfriend in the small space of 2 months!

Harsh, but I hope it gives you the kick up the arse you need to get over this girl.

Hi bigbird. Mate you do not have to be strong for anybody here. I just want to know how you are doing and what you are feeling. The way you help me most is by letting me know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Me I am totally stressed out at the moment and I feel sad and angry and upset and all of that is okay. I know it will pass but I also know it will take time. You will be okay and I am glad you are here.

Hey bird,

Read your post on your thread and now this one so I thought I would respond here. Just understand that this is going to happen from time to time during the break up, and I am sure once you pull out of this funk you are going to be doing even better than before. It's hard not to think of your ex with other guys, but in your case you really don't know what the hell is happening. It could be worse...

My ex went down to see the guys from cuba last night.. (by herself). So that means she spent the night at one of their houses... and they went to the bar so I know she was drunk.

So just remember that you don't know, and that every scenario that your brain makes up is just that... made up!! Not true!!

Your ability to do no contact for 2 months is a great thing that you should be proud of. Sure it may make your mind wander at times.. (sometimes to the point of being miserable) but at least you can tell yourself you don't actually know what's going on.

All I have thought about since last night is that she stayed in some guys bed and things just happened. It sucks... She has also been texting me every night this week... Thursday night She said "goodnight my big tough man xo". Pretty weird thing to get, but then of course I don't get one last night when she is out. I haven't been responding but its pretty obvious she is only thinking of me when there isn't a distraction.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that it could be a lot worse... Ignorance is bliss!! Sort of...

NNG is pretty right. BB - your always going to have tough days mate. Always. 2 months isn't that long at all. You've got massive feelings for this girl, and that pain and hurt doesn't go instantly. The best I way I found to deal with the thoughts of what she is doing and who with is to think like this...

Whoever she is with, it isn't me. That made me smile not cry, as I know she would never find another like me. So I smiled to myself and looked in the mirror, and said JPM you are a top man, and destined for greatness, and this woman clearly has bad taste in men.


Then smile to yourself, that no matter what she is doing BB - the best thing that happened to her is not there. And that my friend is her big bird loss!

BB, even the best of us have days where we are unable to cope with. Today too I've been feeling a bit down. My ex's whole birthday thing has hit me hard. I put it into perspective and I realized that by not wishing on her birthday, it was a way for her to finally leave me alone and say goodbye for good. I feel that now is when everything starts because the rope has finally been cut and we're now walking two different paths.

This is what I wanted and even with all the advice I give, the pain is still there. I know it will get easier as time is a healer. I guess the main thing that bothers me is her boyfriend and if it was any other guy but that weasel who's been hitting on her for the past year then things would be a bit different.
I really hope karma comes into effect...

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Originally Posted by DazT

Come on Bigbird, you're stronger than this! Pull yourself together man!!

If, IF she has a new man.. I'd pity him if I was you. He's going to go through the exact same thing that you're going through in a matter of time not that far away.

If she was worth missing, she wouldn't have dumped you. I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about her if she doesn't care about you. Don't believe a word she says.. ex's talk a lot of crap to us to make us feel better and so they can have a clear conscience.

Stop thinking about the past, look towards the future. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone even better than this girl! Someone that won't dump you, tell you a pile of crap and then gets a new boyfriend in the small space of 2 months!

Harsh, but I hope it gives you the kick up the arse you need to get over this girl.

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Very True, I'm going to print this response and put guy instead of or he instead of her because I believe this is very much similar to my situation,this reply hits in right on the spot.
BigB,I'm going on 4 months,and I still think that way,but it does get better,try to read positive books, when you get a chance,Bible for starters,somehow it feels great to know that there is someone,a higher supreme being in charge,even if you're not religious,it helps a lot and also Law of attraction books,there's tons out there.
I read something that says, what you focus on you will attract,so you're focusing on your ex not cotnacting you,the same with me-and that's what you're getting more of,
I don't want you to hold out and wait but if you learn to let go and sone day say,I won't worry about this,its all for the best,not only will a weight be lifted off,you'll feel a little better. Hope it helps

Vivia I like that. Law of attraction books sounds like a good idea to me. I will have to check those out.

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Originally Posted by vivia12

Very True, i'm going to print this response and put guy instead of or he instead of her b/c i believe this is very much similar to my situation,this reply hits in right on the spot.
BigB,i'm going on 4 months,and i still think that way,but it does get better,try to read positive books, when you get a chance,Bible for starters,somehow it feels great to know that there is someone,a higher supreme being in charge,even if youre not religious,it helps alot and also Law of attraction books,theres tons out there.
I read something that says, what you focus on you will attract,so youre focusing on your ex not cotnacting you,the same with me-and thats what youre getting more of,
i dont want you to hold out and wait but if you learn to let go and sone day say,i wont worry about this,its all for the best,not only will a weight be lifted off,you'll feel alittle better. Hope it helps

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Kind of sounds like that movie/book the secret... is it? I liked that one, pretty uplifting.

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1... down. Lolol.

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Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1...down. lolol.

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Before you know it it will be day 30, and then day 60. Better times are ahead!

I don't know even know what day of NC I'm on... guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Just as long as I'm sticking to it until better things come along in my life, like a beautiful woman who is kind and caring, can easily have fun just hanging out not having to actually be doing anything, you know lol something like that ;)

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

idk even know what day of NC im on...guess it doesnt really matter anymore. just as long as im sticking to it until better things come along in my life, like a beautiful woman who is kind and caring, can easily have fun just hanging out not having to actually be doing anything, you know lol something like that ;)

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Haha I was just saying that to my friend the other day. I need to find a cool chill girl... Do we have to get drunk and go to the bar every weekend??

NNG, I was having this same conversation a few days ago with a buddy of mine. But likewise, even though we're still on NC the wounds are still there no matter how much we tell ourselves that we're close to being fully healed. Today, however, things have taken a turn for the better. This weekend in general has brought me a lot of ups. Hang in there guys

How's the rest of y'all doing?

WOW,

I wanted to say thanks to all you guys. The support you guys give is unbelievable. I am feeling a little better today, and much better than the mornings now that it is early evening. The mornings are what suck the most - that's for sure.

I have saved those responses with the intention of reading them next time I am feeling down. I hate to say it, but being a little angry lately helps me to get over this. I thought I was past anger and bitterness, but for now, whatever works. Instead of saying "why did she throw me away" I can say "Too bad for her she threw me away."

Thanks again guys/gals,

I needed that.

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Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1...down. lolol.

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Good Luck!
Stay strong... and whenever you feel like contacting your ex, come here so that we can convince you otherwise :).
You can do this, and we are here to support you!
Good Luck again!

Hey guys just thought I would give an update.

Me and my ex met up tonight, we got talking. We talked for hours without realising it and ended up making love, it was just like old times.

Anyhoo afterwards we are cuddling and we start talking about why it ended. We talk some more and then she looks at me and says we should try again. I have to tell you, as soon as she said that I burst into tears, I couldn't help it lol.

So as of right now, we are a couple again, only we are taking it very slow and we are only going to meet up a few nights a week to see how we go.

I advise NC to anyone but sometimes these things happen. Its still early days but the sheer fact she wants to try is great.

I'm so happy at the minute, thanks guys and ill be here for you.

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO, congrats bro. Hopefully you take things slow and can work on the issues at hand first before you guys continue in developing your NEW relationship. Yes, that's what it is, don't treat it like the old one, start fresh be the person she fell in love with and make sure that she is also the girl that you fell in love with. Take it slow but enjoy any minute.

If you're having any problems, let us know, we're always here to help